by Kaye Blue
I’d thought sex would be a path to avoid the emotion that I wasn’t prepared for, but maybe I had been mistaken. My desire was enough to shake me to the core, make me toss away all reason.
Did I have the strength to leave it at that?
I kept my gaze on his, his own desire—and his patience—clear.
I told myself I could, wasn’t sure that I believed it, but also knew that there was no way I could leave, not now, not when he was so close. The strength of my need for him should have been a warning, but I chose not to heed it.
I would deal with the consequences tomorrow when Ivan was gone. For now, I would take what was in front of me. Not words of affection, not an explanation for years-old hurt.
No, at the most fundamental level, what was here in front of me was the most desirable man I’d ever seen, one I craved with every fiber of my being.
And that would be enough.
I stretched up, thrilling at the difference in our heights, and brushed my lips against the corner of his mouth.
That bare acquiescence was enough for him.
He took over, kissed me deep and hard in the way that always left me breathless.
Even though he had only kissed me hours ago, I still froze, then sighed, the power of my reaction throwing me off-kilter.
Ivan had kissed me a thousand times, but I’d never gotten used to my reaction to him, never understood how he seemed to know my body so well.
I wouldn’t be able to figure it out now, so I didn’t even try.
Instead, I let myself feel.
The strength in his shoulders.
The warmth of his skin under my palms.
Breathed deep to inhale the scent that was so uniquely him.
All of the sensations were familiar yet new, the mixed sensations of discovery and homecoming sending my blood spiking even higher.
I wanted to touch every part of him, have him touch every part of me, all at once. I tried to do just that but froze when he broke the kiss and covered my hands with his.
His hair was mussed, falling over his forehead in an effortlessly sexy way. His eyes were on mine, the dark brown liquid with desire but also filled with a calm I wanted to mimic.
How could I not be frantic when I wanted so much yet had so little time?
It was nearly impossible, but looking into his eyes stilled me, centered me, in a way that was both comforting and terrifying.
I exhaled, and before I’d completed the breath, he kissed me again, moving his mouth and tongue over mine with expert finesse.
At the same time, he began to unbutton my blouse again, the brush of his fingers against my newly bared skin making me squirm.
I reached for him, brushed my hands down his hard pecs, if only for the momentary distraction.
The rough brush of his chest hair against my palms sent a delicious shiver through my body, so I repeated the motion again, then again, before I leaned forward and swiped my tongue across his flat nipple.
I licked at him again and then moved my hands down his stomach, copying the way he had touched me.
When he moved his hands down over my stomach, I stilled, breathed out a pout when he skipped my core and kept moving his hands down my legs.
I couldn’t stop the little smile that crossed my lips when I cupped his hardness in my palm and gave a squeeze for good measure.
“Still a tease,” I whispered, my voice deep, throaty with desire.
“Still impatient,” he retorted, his voice equally thick with desire.
“So, don’t make me wait.”
He had started to work his hands up my thighs, getting tantalizingly close to the place I wanted him to touch most, but he stopped.
I glared up at him, and he smiled down at me.
“I think I will,” he said, the look on his face promising sensual torture that I dreaded and looked forward to in equal parts.
I started to protest but stopped, knowing that the more I said, the longer it would take him to give me what I wanted. And besides, I wasn’t a passive participant.
I could tease him as much as he teased me, or damn sure try.
I gave his cock another squeeze, applying just a little less pressure than I knew he liked.
He breathed out hard and rocked his hips against my hand.
I smiled, but the victory was short-lived.
In a blink, he’d regained control and started stroking two fingers against the seat of my panties, coming so close but never quite touching my clit.
I’d been wet since he’d taken off his shirt, but at the contact, my sex got even slicker, my walls clenching around emptiness that he wouldn’t fill until he was good and ready.
I sighed out a breath of relief when he put his hand into my underwear. He still didn’t touch my clit, but the skin-to-skin contact was beyond description, something I knew he thought too because his cock got even harder.
The need to touch him was almost overwhelming, so much so that my hands shook as I unbuckled his pants. After I managed to free him, I stilled, stared down at his cock, remembering how his length and girth stretched me so deliciously.
His cock was one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen.
I had nothing to compare it to, but that didn’t matter. He was perfection, and at least in this moment, he was all mine.
I stroked his length, working my hand from root to tip and back again.
I barely noticed when he removed his hand and quickly rid me of my skirt and panties, and then did the same with my bra and shirt. I probably should have been embarrassed or at least shy. The years had come with their fair share of pounds, and even though I’d never been a ravishing beauty, I wasn’t as fit now as I had been then.
But I wasn’t embarrassed.
My mind was consumed with him, touching him, feeling the strength of him in my palm, imagining how he would fill me.
I froze when he pushed one, then two fingers inside me, my pussy opening to him, eager for whatever he would give.
“You’re wet for me, aren’t you?” he whispered against my ear, his warm breath sending an erotic thrill down my spine.
“Yes,” I hissed when he brushed his thumb across my clit, the ghost of a touch only reminding me that I wanted so much more and would soon have it.
“Only me.”
I was so lost in passion, I barely heard him, didn’t respond.
“Tru.”
His voice sliced through the air, and I opened eyes I didn’t realize I’d closed.
I met a gaze that was so fiery with passion and possessiveness, I thought I might come on the spot.
“Only me,” he repeated.
I knew what he was asking, didn’t want to admit the truth of it, but could deny it no more than I could deny my next breath.
“Only you, Ivan.”
I’d said his name with no conscious thought, but saying it felt right, felt true.
Some emotion flickered through his gaze but was gone before I could examine it. But then he smiled, the expression reminding me of how he’d been before but showing how much he’d grown up.
He moved like lightning, taking his hands from between my legs and then crushing me against him in a hug that was as fast as it was intense.
And then, again showing strength and gracefulness that awed me, he lifted me in his arms, stepped out of his pants, and headed toward my bedroom.
I vaguely wondered how he’d known where it was but then didn’t wonder at all, not when he lay me on the bed and followed, his strong body pressing me into the mattress.
I never wanted the moment to pass, the feeling of being underneath him, cocooned by his strength and warmth, one that I loved more than I could put words to.
“Tru,” he whispered as he nudged my opening with his cock.
I widened my thighs, and he moved closer, the length of his cock the only space between our bodies.
He pushed, feeding the first inch of his cock into my hungry pussy. I tightened my arms around his shoulders,
pulling him closer to me as he went deeper, deeper, until he was fully seated.
“Tru.”
Hearing my name in his voice, feeling him in my arms, inside my body once again, sent me flying, and I rode the wave, the intensity of my climax as Ivan thrust into me whispering my name all the while unlike anything I had ever experienced.
He grabbed my face, and I opened my eyes, again meeting his gaze. My entire body was alive with sensation, and my heart did a funny little flip when my eyes locked with his.
He didn’t look away, not when I kissed his lips gently and tightened my walls around his hardness, not when he emptied himself inside me, his hot seed splashing against my womb, triggering another orgasm.
I held him through it all, didn’t break his gaze, as we reached the highest heights and then came down from them.
I don’t know how long we stayed like that, staring at each other, his semihard cock pulsing inside me, aftershocks of my climax crashing through me.
It was me who broke the silence.
“You need to leave.”
Seven
Ivan
I’d heard her, but I wanted to deny the words.
Part of me couldn’t believe she’d said them, that she had the capacity to say them when I was still inside her, both of us having just experienced the most intense climaxes of our lives.
Still, while I hated the words, I couldn’t help but respect her for having said them.
Nor could I deny their truth.
But I made no move to leave.
I knew that I should; the logical part of me wanted to.
But my heart, the thing that I had thought long dead, the thing that only she could reach, refused.
She kept her eyes on mine, didn’t look away, nor did I.
Instead, I studied her expression, not sure what I was looking for but knowing I would recognize it when I saw it.
She blinked, and then I did.
It passed in a flash, but that flash was more than enough.
Anger I could have accepted.
Affection was more than I dared hope for.
But that reserve, the clear and unmistakable way that she held herself aloof was what finally made me move.
Just moments earlier she had been so open, so free, but that aloofness reminded me that those moments had been fleeting, not an illusion but not permanent either.
And as much as I might wish it otherwise, I was who I was, the years had passed, and those moments, no matter how special, couldn’t bridge that gap.
With force of will, I broke contact, a cold stealing over my body as I finally pulled out of her, instantly missing her warmth, a heavy weight of sadness settling over me now that I knew she was well and truly gone.
I got up without looking back, though I was intensely aware of her.
I listened as she rummaged in her drawers and purposely kept my eyes away as she left the room.
When she was gone, I looked back at the bed, again felt regret that the life we could have had was gone.
But I couldn’t dwell on that. As intense as things were with her, there were other issues to consider.
Like the fact that someone was trying to kill me.
If nothing else, that would give me some distraction from what was going on with Tru.
And while not ideal, I wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
Someone was after me, and when I found them, I would take great pleasure in showing them what a grave mistake they had made.
But first, I’d say that good-bye that I had missed all those years ago.
I dressed then waited for her in the living room.
When she emerged, she was a vision in jeans and a T-shirt, her skin dewy, her hair pulled back.
Again, I felt myself falling, tried to fight it but couldn’t.
I would always feel that pull toward her, would always love her, but that didn’t change reality.
“Thanks for patching me up,” I said.
“You’re welcome.”
Her arms were hanging loosely at her sides, but I could see the tension that radiated through her body.
“I wish things could have been different.”
“Me too.”
She stood awkwardly for moment then crossed the living room to stand in front of me.
Then she lifted her hand, extended it toward me.
I took it and then shook.
“It was nice to meet you, Ivan. Take care yourself.”
There was emotion in her words. I could hear it, could practically feel it, but I tried to ignore it.
“You do the same. And be happy.”
Speaking those words was like cutting my own throat, but I needed to say them, and she needed to hear them. I wanted her to be happy, live the life she had always wanted, have the family she’d always wanted, even if it wasn’t with me.
“I’ll try.”
“You will do it,” I said, my voice rough, my conviction clear.
She smiled, her eyes softening, some of the defensiveness fading away.
“Still so freaking bossy.”
“It comes with the territory.”
She smiled, shook her head, and I again marveled at her.
What other woman could laugh at a joke about her ex, the criminal? But then, Tru wasn’t like most women.
I reached into my pocket and grabbed my cell phone. “I need to make a call, but then—”
I froze and dropped my hand to my side.
Tru looked at me, her expression quizzical, but I barely paid her any attention.
I it heard again—a soft click—and then her apartment plunged into darkness.
Tru
One moment, I had been bullshitting my way through a goodbye, pretending like I wasn’t going to fall apart the instant he left.
The next, my apartment was completely dark, and Ivan was on full alert.
I wasn’t sure what was going on, but something was up.
Even with the lights off, the apartment shouldn’t have been this dark.
But it was, pitch-black, and I soon realized why.
The streetlights, even the traffic that seemed pass nonstop, was gone.
The effect was eerie, and my heart started to race, panic on the verge of setting in.
I flinched but managed to stay silent when something—Ivan, I realized—grabbed my hand.
He pulled me close, started to whisper in my ear.
“Someone’s coming.”
If anything, his voice was calmer than I had ever heard it, something that told me how serious this was.
My heart rate kicked up a notch, but I tried to swallow that down, keep the panic at bay. It wouldn’t help, and I wouldn’t be a hindrance to him.
If I was, it would probably do us both in.
“Fire escape,” I whispered.
“No. We can’t go down. They will have someone waiting on us.”
My mind was racing, and then I remembered.
“Next door. It’s vacant. The units used to be connected, so there’s a door. It’s locked, but maybe—”
I didn’t finish.
Ivan wrapped his fingers around mine and then began to move toward my bedroom, his direction unwavering, even though I knew he couldn’t see anything.
We reached the bedroom with relative ease, and I was grateful that I had conquered my old habit of being messy. There been a time when the floor would have would have been strewn with this or that, which would have made our path that much more difficult.
But in my mind’s eye, I could see the empty floor, see the easy path.
He pushed the bedroom door closed and then whispered in my ear again.
“Where is it?”
I tightened my fingers around his and slowly went to the closet, which was opposite the bed.
I had put a small dresser in front of the adjoining door. The landlord had reassured me, and even shown me the lock on either side, but having the dresser there had always made me feel better.
“
We have to move this,” I whispered, lifting Ivan’s hand to the dresser so that he could feel.
“I got it,” he whispered.
The darkness was so intense, it made the silence feel that much more acute.
I couldn’t shake the sense that our time was running out.
The lights had been off for a minute, maybe a minute and a half, and I knew whoever was responsible for that wouldn’t give Ivan time to respond.
I listened as he moved the dresser, barely making a sound, each little thud and thump making my heart speed a little bit more.
“I feel the lock. It’s gonna make a lot of noise. Draw attention. So be ready to move,” he said.
I nodded, though he couldn’t see me.
Still, I listened as he shoved against the door, my mind conjuring the image of him with his shoulder pointed toward it, listened as he pushed, then pushed again, my excitement rising as the wood splintered.
He shoved once, twice, a third time, and then whispered to me, “In three.”
I counted down in my head, three, two, one…
The sound of splintering wood was like an explosion.
When I heard it, I waited a breath and then spring into action, extending my arm out, relief filling me when his hand found mine.
He pulled me through the door, and I didn’t slow down, not even when my jeans snagged on the splintered wood.
“Which way?” he whispered, his voice still calm but the urgency impossible to miss.
“This place has the mirror image layout of mine. But the fire escape is on the opposite side of the apartment.”
“We go there.”
He kept his fingers tight on mine, practically dragging me along as we moved through the empty apartment.
For some reason, it felt lighter here, at least light enough that I could see in front of me, catch a glimpse of his belt, his watch.
I realized that the streetlights on the side of the building had been left intact.
Smart, less likely to draw attention.
Not like I knew anything about that.
All I knew was that it was imperative that we get out of this building, and I was going to do whatever it took to make that happen.
He had spotted the fire escape, and we went to it quickly.
I looked back when I heard what sounded like more wood splintering, but Ivan pulled my fingers.
