But she would die to save her child, so that made her valuable to this mission.
Swallowing down her urge to start begging, she waited for him to actually tell her she was off the team. Hoping she could convince him with sheer determination and stubbornness.
He couldn’t leave her behind.
How would she survive, waiting to hear the outcome of the mission? How could she sit back waiting to find out what happened when Dane and Kenzie were both in danger, and she wasn’t there to help?
She couldn’t.
“I’m sorry,” he said and pressed his lips together. At least he didn’t look happy about it. She waited for the next part. The part where he said, “I’m sorry, but you’re staying behind.”
Except, he didn’t say that. And now he was just standing there in front of her…seemingly waiting for something.
She blinked, and kept her mouth shut.
He let out a breath, and finally spoke. “I’m sorry I was a jerk and wasn’t patient when I was teaching you to shoot. You obviously just needed the right teacher, or teachers. I apologize for acting like an ass.”
Wow.
She couldn’t remember Brandon ever apologizing. For anything. Even when it was clear he was in the wrong. Such as the time he’d used their rent money to buy a mountain bike. He’d stood by the decision even when she had to call his parents and ask for a loan.
Dane’s apology itself was enough to make her mouth fall open in shock, but it was more a matter of what she didn’t hear him say that surprised her the most.
“I still get to go with you?” she asked.
“Yeah. I mean, unless you’ve changed your mind,” he added hopefully.
She gave a small smile. “I didn’t change my mind. I want to be there.” She couldn’t help it—she held her hands in front of her with her fingers threaded together. She was officially begging. And she didn’t care. “Please.”
He looked resigned. “We need everybody we can get. So, yeah, you’re in.”
“Do you think I’m good enough?”
It wasn’t until she’d asked the question that she realized the meaning went deeper than just being able to shoot.
These people had gone through thorough training to be able to handle any possible situation. She’d cut hair. Not exactly life and death. Unless you count the time Macy gave Mrs. Benchoff bangs by accident.
He held up the target and pointed to the cluster of holes in the paper.
“This is better than Justin shoots.” He’d kind of whispered, as if he didn’t want the other man to hear from inside.
She laughed and he leaned down to kiss her.
“You have a sexy laugh,” he said with another kiss. “I hope when this is over and our kids are safe, I’ll get to hear it more often.”
The smile fell from her lips in a new kind of shock.
He was making plans for what happened after the mission? Plans that involved the two of them together and laughing?
She didn’t know how to process that. For the last eight months, her whole life had been consumed with doing whatever needed to be done to get her daughter back. There had been no plans for the future. Even if she’d taken the time to come up with plans, she didn’t think they would have included a man. Especially not a sexy deputy marshal.
After her horrible marriage with Brandon, she didn’t think she’d ever want another man in her life. But now that the thought had been planted, it was growing.
She’d seen Dane at his worst. Filled with hate and panic while puking at the side of the road. He’d wanted to kill her, and she’d hit him and helped abduct him. After all that, the common problems people lived through seemed like cake.
Lena looked down at the gun in her hand and shuddered. She thought of Sam and Angel, and how well they fit into this life of danger. If Lena was able to save Kenzie, she didn’t want that for her daughter.
As much as she liked Dane, she wasn’t sure what kind of future they could have.
She must have taken too long to think it through, though, because Dane sighed and said, “Why don’t you show me how well you shoot now? I’d like to see you in action.”
“Oh. Sure.”
She followed him to the range, feeling as though she’d missed the opportunity of a lifetime.
Chapter Sixty-Three
Stupid Garrett. He was to blame for this. He’d mentioned love, and Dane had started thinking about it. While he still didn’t think he was in love with Lena, he had to admit, he wouldn’t mind seeing her again when this was all said and done.
It would be nice to see how well they fit when they could just be together without all the stress and panic about the safety of their children. When they could just sit back and relax for a little while, when the only stress was the normal day-to-day kind that normal people dealt with.
It was obvious by her reaction she was not on board with that idea.
She’d looked at him as if he’d suggested they run off and get married that second.
Whatever. He’d be too busy, anyway. He was always too busy. He made sure of it. He didn’t need time to deal with things like relationships and romance.
He’d had that once, and he’d been forced to walk away. Deep down, he knew why he wouldn’t ever try to have that again. He hadn’t been enough for Caroline. He’d loved her and thought she’d loved him. But when push came to shove, she’d chosen money and things over him.
They’d gotten married way too young, and for no reason other than he’d wanted her to have his name and to make sure she wouldn’t leave him. It had been stupid. But generally speaking, twenty-year-old guys weren’t the sharpest tools in the shed. They were just plain tools.
He thought being married meant an unlimited supply of sex, cuddling, and sending each other sexy texts during classes. But it had also meant student loans, disagreements, and resentments. Three years later they’d had Tobey, which had realigned their expectations all over again.
Dane had been busy building his career and she’d been busy making them the perfect family. Or at least making sure they looked like the perfect family from the outside.
Inside, it was a lot of snipping at one another. They didn’t have a lot of all-out fights. It would have taken more energy than either of them had to work up to that much emotion. It hadn’t felt worth it to fight.
There had been a lot of silence. Sometimes he hadn’t even remembered why they weren’t speaking to one another. He thought maybe she’d lost track, too. They still slept in the same bed, but only because it was so large they never had to touch.
In the end, they had been nothing more than strangers, sharing a home and a baby.
Looking back, maybe it hadn’t been love. Maybe it had been two kids trying to pretend they were grownups.
Dane’s mother had died when he was ten and his father—the professor—had always been too busy to make them seem like a family. Dane had thought he had it all when he got married and landed a good job. When Tobey came along and they moved into a big house on a cul-de-sac, he’d thought his dreams of being a family had finally come true.
But it had all been pretend. A cardboard cutout of a real life.
He’d thought that was how it was for everyone. But then he’d seen the way Angel and Colton were. Not to mention Garrett and Samantha. They would do anything for their spouse. Even give up their old lives to be with the other person. Being in love wasn’t just words. They’d proven it.
Caroline hadn’t been willing to give up anything for Dane. Not the big house, not the fancy cars, and not the membership to the country club that they rarely even used. She hadn’t even taken a moment to think it over.
It had been a quick and simple no. And just like that, he’d been forced to make the biggest decision of his life.
Alone.
At least Lena hadn’t ever pretended. She was always real.
At the moment, she was concentrating on her target so intently her tongue was sticking out a little.
Just as she lined up her first shot, he reached out and clapped his hands right by her ear. She jerked and missed the target.
“Why the hell did you do that? You made me miss!”
She was cute when she was angry. Not that he wanted to push her very far. She did have a gun, and let’s face it, his track record with women shooting him was pretty bad.
“When we go into the complex,” he said, “it won’t be as serene as a shooting range in the trees. It could be loud. There could be distractions. There could be people shooting back at you.”
He swallowed down the worry from his last statement. He didn’t want to think about that. It wasn’t something he ever thought about going into a mission. Everyone knew the dangers. They didn’t need to dwell on them.
Unfortunately, she didn’t have the luxury of letting things go unsaid.
“You need to be able to find your focus and keep it no matter what is going on around you,” he explained.
“How do I do that?” She appeared to honestly want to know, so he did his best to answer.
He pursed his lips. “It’s different for everyone. Justin murmurs to himself. I asked him once what he was saying, and he told me it was the list of things he needed to handle. Like take out this person, cover the other person, move out of the way. That kind of thing.”
“How do you do it?” she asked.
He shrugged and glanced away, not really sure how to explain his tactic. But he knew he couldn’t hold back even the smallest piece of information if it might help her.
“I put myself in a bubble.” That was the best way to describe it.
Her brows came together in confusion.
“It’s imaginary, of course. But I’m in my bubble, and nothing can get to me inside it.”
“This bubble is bulletproof?” She twisted her mouth as she considered. She didn’t laugh or even smirk. She was obviously taking this seriously.
He wanted to lean down and kiss those lips until they relaxed into the softness he’d been missing since they walked into the lodge that morning. But he didn’t. He didn’t want to distract her. Not in that way, at least.
“Yes,” he said. “Metaphorically speaking, the bubble is impenetrable.”
“I see.” She nodded and raised the gun. “Okay. Try it again.”
He spent the next ten minutes making noises and trying to pull her focus away from the target while she ignored him and concentrated.
She hit her mark every time.
“Very good,” he praised her with a big smile.
She smiled back. “I was in my bubble.”
“Do you think I could come into the bubble for a minute?” He moved closer and bent his head, his lips hovered an inch from hers.
“Yeah, come on in. It’s bulletproof, not kiss-proof.”
Her arms wound around his neck, and when he moved his hands around her waist to pull her closer, he encountered the gun in the back of her pants.
“God, that is sexy,” he said with a groan.
“I don’t get it.”
“Let’s go back to our cabin, and I’ll try to explain.”
Chapter Sixty-Four
Lena knew what this was. Or what she hoped it still was.
A distraction. Something to keep them from dwelling on the bad things that could happen. A few moments to think about something good instead of all the terrible scenarios and possibilities that played in her mind when she didn’t have something else to think about.
Dane was giving her something else to think about.
Once he’d declared her a good shot and fit for duty, he took her hand and led her back to their cabin, where he proceeded to watch as she pulled the gun from the back of her jeans and set it next to his on the side table by the sofa.
Maybe it was some kind of deputy marshal fetish or something, but it was clear that the action turned him on. And okay, when he picked up her gun and checked to make sure it was unloaded, she could maybe see the appeal of watching a shirtless man pull back the slide on a pistol.
When he was satisfied there wouldn’t be a misfire, he put the gun down and focused on her. He walked up and pulled her shirt right over her head in one swift motion. Before she could let out a gasp of surprise, he had tugged her bra to the side enough to latch onto one of her nipples.
She moaned and put her hands on his shoulders for support. The sensation had her feeling off balance. He reached for her pants and had them off in no time. He only released her breast to move to the other one.
She fumbled off her shoes and ended up falling onto the bed. He watched her through heavy-lidded eyes as he undid his pants slowly and prowled across the bed toward her.
She almost didn’t recognize the nervous giggle that came out of her. She hadn’t heard herself do that in a very long time. But there was no other way to respond to his predatory look.
She feigned an escape. A shriek of pleasant surprise was the next sound she made as he grabbed her ankle and pulled her toward him. The truth was, she definitely didn’t want to get away.
When he fell over her, he was smiling.
“I caught you. You’re mine now.”
The words melted into her heart. She wanted to be his. As much as she wanted him to be hers. But for now, they both belonged to two little people who were depending on them.
She smiled up at him. He’d hinted at a future together after the mission. A chance to have him when she was no longer worried sick over her daughter.
She didn’t know if it was possible. She wanted a normal, safe life for herself and Kenzie. But this man risked his life daily.
For now, she would enjoy this.
And enjoy it, she did.
Twice.
Chapter Sixty-Five
Dane might not be cut out for love, but whatever this was—this intense chemistry he had with Lena—he’d take as much as he could get. He’d never been with anyone like her. She was a true partner in his bed. Moving with him, matching him with her desire. Each time they were together was a new, unexpected adventure.
He’d needed a distraction from the tension of the mission. He’d wanted a connection with someone. He’d gotten more than he’d bargained for with Lena.
“When was the last time you had sex?” he asked as they caught their breath.
She grinned. “Three minutes ago.”
Such a smartass.
“When was the last time you’ve had sex with someone other than me?” he corrected.
She gave him an unreadable look. “I don’t think I ever had sex before you.”
He chuckled. She’d given birth, so he knew that wasn’t true. “Immaculate conception?”
“Suppressed memories.”
“The last time was with your ex?”
Damn. He should have backed off. Her jokes were an obvious attempt to brush off the subject. But Dane wanted to know if this was special, or if she responded this way to every man she’d been with. Why it mattered, he didn’t know…and he didn’t want to think too hard about an answer.
“Yeah, it was with my ex,” she said quietly. “But it wasn’t like this. It wasn’t even in the same category as this. It was like mowing the grass or doing the dishes compared to this.”
God, that made him feel good.
“A simple, ‘Dane you’re the best I’ve ever had’ would have sufficed,” he teased, and she slapped him playfully in the arm.
Her cheeks had turned pink, so he pulled her close so he could look her in the eye.
“It’s different for me, too,” he said honestly. “I just wanted to make sure you felt the same way.”
She nodded but didn’t say anything for a long time. He’d almost dozed off when she finally said, “Do you think it’s because we both need each other so much? To get through this?” Her voice was quiet, as if she wasn’t sure she wanted to be heard.
He thought it over. “Maybe?”
Was that what this was? Normal sex, ramped up by tension and desperation? It was certainly easier to deal with
that interpretation than the alternative supplied by Garrett.
Dane grasped onto it, happy to have an explanation that didn’t hinge on love. “You might be right. Thank you for helping me get through this.”
“You, too. I wouldn’t have made it this far without you.”
But they still had a long way to go.
Chapter Sixty-Six
Lena could feel the heat in her cheeks as she and Dane walked into the lodge late for dinner. She’d suggested they stay in bed and make a meal of the crackers and a broken-up toaster pastry she’d found in her bag, but Dane said he needed sustenance.
The couples gathered around the table had knowing grins on their faces but were too polite to say anything.
Justin, however, didn’t have an issue with being overly polite. “You two look like you’ve worked up an appetite.”
To Justin’s left, Garrett knocked him in the back of the head, and to his right, Angel gave him a shove in the arm.
“What? It’s pretty obvious they’ve been at it all afternoon.”
Oh God. Lena wanted to be swallowed up by the ground.
“We should have just eaten the Pop Tart,” Dane said by her ear with a chuckle. “Your face is so red. It makes me want to drag you back to bed.”
“Not helping.” She glared at him as she took her seat, but he only grinned wider.
“You’re just jealous,” Colton said.
“Nah.” Justin wrinkled up his nose. “I like the sex part fine. But I don’t do the happy part anymore.” He waved a finger in their direction as if they were freaks.
“It’s good to focus on something other than the mission,” Angel said as she scooped up the fussing baby and smiled into his face until he quieted.
Whatever smile Lena may have had on her face fell away, and the familiar mask of fear and guilt took its place. As humiliated as she would have been under normal circumstances, it made it worse to know they probably thought she was a bad parent. What kind of mother spent the afternoon in bed having sex when her child was in danger?
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