My leg hasn’t stopped bouncing since the thought of Lila leaving without a word crossed my mind. It’s keeping my teammates on edge and their performance is suffering because of it. We’re down by two and it’s the top of the fifth. We have time to catch up, but I need to chill the fuck out
“Take a walk, Graham. You’re starting to piss me off,” Coach mutters to me and I listen. I head right back into the locker room and dig into my bag for my phone. I fire off a text to Lila and stare at the screen, willing the little gray bubble to pop up to indicate she’s typing. Of course, life isn’t that easy.
An eternity passes before I give up. I take a whiz before heading back out to the bench, hoping, by some miracle, it’ll help temper the anxiety coursing through me.
When I return to the dugout, my teammates hoot and holler, and clearly I missed something.
“You better get out there.” One of our outfielders, Brett Tolbert, claps me on my uninjured shoulder and shoves me toward the steps leading up and out of the dugout.
I glance around, unsure what I’m supposed to be doing or seeing. My eyes catch the jumbotron, where a gorgeous blonde haired girl in a red Sox shirt is holding a sign over her head. The poster reads ‘Kiss Cam’ and underneath is a blown up picture in a heart of me and her kissing from a few games back. She’s waving the sign back and forth and jumping, obviously trying to gain attention, both from the camera…and from me.
Using context clues from the camera, I scan the stadium until I find her. She’s hard to miss with her sign and I can’t help but chuckle as I jog over to where my crazy girl is in the stands. “Lila,” I call, cupping my hands around my mouth to amplify my voice. She couldn’t see me coming thanks to the sign blocking her view. Lowering the poster, a dazzling smile lights up her face and she jogs down a few rows to meet me.
“What are you doing, you goof?” I ask, a dorky smile plastered on my lips.
“I’m all in. You and me, everything, the whole nine yards—or, err, I guess the whole home run? Grand slam? I don’t know what baseball term would exactly fit in this instance, but the point is, I’m done being scared and I’m done running. Even when I go back to school, I want you, Hollis. I’m not giving up on us and I’m sorry for doubting you and I’m sorry to do this here when you’re obviously busy and now I’m holding up the game, but I must say, it’s kind of an honor to be able to halt an entire baseball game and, anyway. I love you.”
“Come here,” I reach my arm up and pull her head toward me. The crowd cheers as I kiss her and I get lost in the moment.
“Graham.” My coach’s voice seeps into my distracted brain and pulls me back to reality.
“I gotta go,” I tell her on a laugh.
“I’ll be here.” She smiles and for the first time since we got together, I actually believe her.
TWENTY-TWO
Lila
A month has passed since I saw or spoke to my brother. I never thought we’d be those siblings, the ones who fight and turn on one another. I thought we were different than the clichés. It’s disappointing to know we’re not. On the flip side, the past month with Hollis has been incredible. I couldn’t be happier and it’s starting to freak me out. Now I’m one of those people who smile all the time, who hum under their breath, and sometimes I catch myself practically skipping around the apartment. Talk about weird. Lock me up and throw away the key. Scientists will want to do testing on me. I should have my straightjacket fitting any day now.
Hollis thinks it’s cute. He claims this is normal behavior for happy people in healthy relationships, but what does he know? I mean, his parents have only been happily married for thirty years. Talk to me when they hit fifty, am I right?
Either way, I’m rolling with the crazy. Sometimes, you just gotta do what feels good.
And let me tell you, doing Hollis feels damn good.
Things have been easy…almost too easy and my brain wants to succumb to the paranoia and stir up all the worst case scenarios and analyze their possibilities until my face looks like a freaking Smurf, but I’m not letting my anxiety win. I can’t keep letting it control me.
Look at my parents. Sure, they’re the equivalent of Ellis Grey and Bart Bass and, like the Grinch, they’re as cuddly as a pair of cacti, yet for them, it works. They’ve been in a successful marriage too and I probably would’ve never bet they’d make it last. If they can have an unfaltering relationship, then so can I.
They’d probably hate knowing I’m using their marriage as a stepping stone to solidify my relationship, one they don’t even approve of, but screw them. They turned my own brother to the dark side. On their list of indiscretions, this one hurts the most. Mark it down as another thing I’m keeping compartmentalized and not thinking about for the next few days.
“You almost ready to go? We’re gonna be late.”
I imagine my boyfriend checking his watch for the umpteenth time. We’re not even close to being late. If we leave right now, we’re still going to be at least fifteen minutes early. Where Hollis is concerned, if we’re not at least a half an hour early, we’re late. I fall deep in the camp of fashionably late. I’m the Carrie Bradshaw of lateness.
Hollis should be proud I’m as early as I am and I’ll admit, it mostly stems from excitement. We’re heading to Florida for the series against the Tampa Bay Rays. Florida is all fine and dandy, but it’s more than that. I’m going to see Bridget this weekend and she even managed to score a day off. Who knows what we’ll do, but it’ll be good to see her. I miss my best friend.
“You got everything you need?”
“A bikini, sunscreen, and a variety of flip flops? Yup, I think I’m all set.” I push on my tiptoes to place a kiss on his cheek then lead him out the front door.
I put my window down in the car and let the breeze take control of my hair. I turn up the radio, singing along to Post Malone, much to Hollis’ dismay. He’s probably regretting falling in love with me now, but there’s nothing he can do about it. Me and Posty come as a package deal.
I think Hollis speeds to the airport to end the torture of riding in a car with me. Even though we’re ‘late’ as he dramatized, we somehow still manage to be the second people here, only second to the coach.
“Late my ass,” I mutter.
“What about your ass?” His grin is dirty and I smack his arm.
Once we’re on the plane, we take our normal seats toward the back. We tend to sit with Jimmy and Melissa since they’re the only other couple who regularly travel together. They’re good people and I’m glad I’ve made a friend in Melissa. She can at least commiserate with me or walk me through the whole relationship-with-a-pro-ball-player thing.
“Hey, Lila. You sure you don’t wanna sit up front with me for a change?” Owen is definitely sleazy, but overall he seems harmless. I’ve gotten along with him thus far, but I don’t necessarily trust him, either. Plus, it’s fun to bust his balls from time to time.
“You know, I would, but since we’re going out of town I don’t want to risk your chlamydia rubbing off on me and not having my doctor close by. Or was it gonorrhea this week? So hard to keep track.” In typical boy fashion, I get a few high fives for that one. They all laugh, but I toss a grin at Owen so he knows I’m just messing around. I’m just trying to be one of the guys.
I spend the flight catching up on my favorite podcasts. Once we land, I’m eager to get to the hotel and call up Bridget to find out what the plan is. I want to see her as much as possible before I head back home.
Color me surprised as hell when I spot a chauffeur sign reading Ms. Lila Fielding and my driver is none other than my best friend herself. I squeal and take off, not caring that the last place anyone should probably ever run is in an airport. I tackle her and we hit the ground clumsily.
“What, aren’t you happy to see me?” I look up and my eyebrows hit my hairline seeing my other ex-roommate here as well.
“What are you doing here?” I scramble up and hug Phoebe tightly, though she on
ly gives me about half the effort back, I don’t even care. This is going to be the best weekend ever.
“Ask your boyfriend.”
I pull away and look back over my shoulder to my man. His hands are in his pockets and his head hangs between his shoulders. I don’t usually see the shy side of him, but it’s just as cute as all his other sides.
“I thought you might like some time with your friends.”
I walk over to him and hug him before pulling back to place a wet kiss on his lips. “I love you. Thank you.”
“I’ll take our stuff to the hotel. Enjoy your time with them. I’ll see you later.”
Once he’s gone, I turn back to my friends, my smile now permanently etched onto my face. “What now? Don’t you have to work? How did he get you here?” I have an abundance of questions I ask in rapid fire without giving them a minute to answer.
“I’ll have to work the night shift for the next month, but I got another nurse to switch with me this weekend. Hollis called a few weeks ago to set this up.”
Phoebe nods in agreement and I am thrown. That man. I shake my head, full of awe and admiration.
“I love you guys! What’s the plan? Where to first? I can’t wait to hear all about Florida and California. We have so much to catch up on.”
“First, tradition. Tacos.”
Phoebs and I follow Bridget to her car parked outside. She drives us to a hole in the wall restaurant she claims has the best tacos she’s ever eaten, even beating the place we spent every Tuesday during undergrad.
As we sit at the table, I’m taken back to all those late nights with them. All the taco Tuesdays, the margaritas; only this time Phoebe is actually sitting with us, not serving us. When the waitress comes, Bridget and I are quick to order margaritas. “And keep ‘em coming!” we insist.
Phoebe, being a party pooper, sticks with water. Ironic since she used to be the life of the parties on campus and now she’s cohabitating with her California boyfriend and drinking water. Life is weird.
“So, B, tell me all about your job. Do you love it?” I don’t miss the way her mouth twists to one side.
She lifts one shoulder. “It’s a job.” She regales us with some horror stories and talks about the annoying quirks of her coworkers. “I don’t mean to scare you away or anything, Li, but I’m not sure it’s the job for me and it sucks. I mean, in college and during my rotations, I loved it. But now…it’s not exactly glamorous. I’ve wasted four years of my life studying for something I don’t love as much as I thought I did. I’m supposed to be going back to school to get my masters, but I don’t know if I want to waste the time and money if I don’t love it, you know? I guess I have to stick it out and hope things get better.”
I munch on a chip as I carefully choose my words. “Maybe they will, but it’s okay if they don’t. I mean, there are a ton of other jobs you can get with a nursing degree. You can find a different specialty or change majors when you go back to school. You could always look into research or teaching. There are a ton of avenues out there for you. Don’t settle.”
“At least I’m getting paid and I can start paying off my loans.” She’s always one to find a silver lining.
“What about you, Phoebs? How’s cohabitation and Derrick?” I scoop up a healthy dollop of guac onto my chip and ungracefully shove the whole thing into my mouth.
If only Hollis could see me now.
“Wedding planning is such a pain. We’re probably just going to end up eloping, so I don’t know why we’re wasting all of our time and energy.” She rolls her eyes as if her words didn’t just floor us.
“Wedding planning? You and Derrick are getting married? Way to bury the lead! Tell us everything,” I insist.
Before she can open her mouth, the waitress interrupts to take our food order, and the second she leaves, we pounce on her again.
“Well, we have to get married.” I wait for the punchline. Glancing at Bridget, it seems she’s just as in the dark as I am. She shakes her head and turns back to Phoebe. “Because of the baby.”
“BABY?!” Bridget and I both holler, drawing attention to us from everyone in the vicinity.
“You’re pregnant? Holy shit. How far along are you? I don’t see you for two months and you manage to start a family. Wow.” My mind is blown. I think my eyes are permanently stuck the size of saucers.
“Turns out I got pregnant around April. I’m due early in January.”
I don’t even know what to say to her. We spend the rest of dinner talking about wedding and baby plans, though I think Bridget and I are more excited than Phoebe is. She takes everything in such stride. She seems disinterested, but in reality, I think she’s a little scared. How could she not be?
Bridget and I quit drinking, partially in support of our newly-discovered pregnant friend, but mainly because it’s not as fun if we’re not all drinking. Still, since Bridget drove to the restaurant, Phoebe offers to drive her car home. Phoebs is crashing with Bridget for her stay and a part of me is already experiencing FOMO. I want to join in on the slumber party, too.
Until I remember Bridget moved back in with her mom who only has two extra bedrooms. Plus, apparently working full time and being pregnant makes you exhausted and ready for bed before ten o’clock. On that note, I call an Uber and head back to the hotel. While I wait for the car to come, I try to make plans for the rest of the weekend. “Do you guys wanna come to the game with me tomorrow? I’m sure Hollis could score us all tickets. Ooh! We could go to the beach for the day then to the game at night. What do you think?”
“Let’s see. You got a man. You’re knocked up. Maybe Hollis could set me up with one of his friends. I could use some stress relief.” Bridget wiggles her eyebrows and I take her words to mean she’s in.
“Yeah, soon I won’t be able to fit in a bikini, so I better rock it while I can. I’m in.”
I hug them goodbye before climbing into the Uber. What a weird day. A good one, but freaking weird, like I’m in the Twilight Zone. I smile to myself as the car takes me to the hotel to see my man. Bridget, jealous of me and my love life. I repeat, what a weird freaking day.
TWENTY-THREE
Lila
“Two cocktails, one mocktail.” Bridget hands me and Phoebe our drinks she fashioned from what we packed in the cooler. “That’s the last of the boozy sangria.” I feel bad drinking again in front of Phoebe since she can’t, but Bridget packed the drinks and I wasn’t going to turn her down. Phoebe doesn’t seem to care either way.
“Already? I thought we packed enough to last us all day,” I say.
“The way you two drink could rival the actual fishes in the ocean,” Phoebe quips.
I’m not even drunk, so she may be right. I recline my chair so I’m almost lying flat, allowing the sun to beat down on me. I’ll probably regret it later, but that’s a problem for future Lila. The waves crashing against the shore is a hypnotic type of calm. I get lost in the sound, letting my mind shut off. Between the ocean, the sun, and the vat of sangria I’ve consumed, this has been the perfect day. I have my best friends by my side, and tonight I’ll fall asleep beside the love of my life. Life is good.
I sit up suddenly. My relaxed thoughts shocking me to the core. Love of my life? Where did that come from? Is he really the love of my life or am I swept up in the romance of it all?
“Am I being stupid?” I turn to my friends whose faces look both shocked and confused all at once.
“Probably, but I need more info,” Phoebe tells me.
I roll my eyes behind my oversized sunglasses. “With Hollis. It’s all been so quick, you know?”
“This again? Girl, you gotta let it go. This is exhausting and I’m not even the one dating you. What’s so different about Hollis than any other guy? There’s always a chance for heartbreak. The percentage doesn’t magically rise just because he’s a major league baseball player. Take a Xanax and chill out,” Bridget says in a half-rant, but she makes sense.
“You’re right.
I’m even annoying myself. I can only imagine how Hollis feels.” I sip on my already-watered-down sangria. “Any sage advice from you, Phoebs?”
“You could always trap him.” She rubs her stomach and pushes her sunglasses down her nose to wink at me. “I’m fucking with you. I agree with Bridge. Smoke a joint, pop a xanny, do what you need to do, but drop this. It’s getting a little…pathetic.”
Thanks for sugarcoating it.
They’re right. Who cares if it’s fast? There’s no timeline on love. Some people know each other for a week and get married; others wait fifteen years. Sometimes they both work, sometimes neither of them do. I don’t know how my story will end, but I do know that worrying about it won’t change the outcome.
I lie back on my chair once more and push away the thoughts about Hollis. I need to learn to live in the moment instead of obsessing over the what ifs. I take a deep breath of salty ocean air and exhale slowly. Life would be so much easier if I wasn’t a ball of neurotic anxiety.
Time somehow passes slowly but all at once when I’m on the beach. Minutes turn into hours and before I know it, there’s movement catching my eye. Phoebe sits up from under her umbrella and takes a long gulp of her drink.
“I am too pale and too pregnant to sit out in this heat a minute longer. Can we grab some food before the game? Mama’s hungry.” Mind you, she’s not even showing yet, but I’m not going to call out a pregnant woman.
We pack up and head to our prospective rooms to clean up before we eat. Since we’re going right to the game after dinner, I throw on my newfound uniform of a Sox jersey with ‘Graham’ plastered across my shoulder blades and some jean shorts. Hopefully the girls don’t want to go anywhere fancy, but since tacos are our main food group, I doubt we’ll start hitting up five star restaurants now.
Fastball Flirt (The Boys of Summer Series Book 1) Page 13
