“Are you serious?” He sits up and rears back like I slapped him. He runs a hand through his tousled blond hair and looks away in disbelief.
“Look, I love Hollis, okay? Despite what happened at the game last night, I still love him. If it was a different time, I would’ve said yes. Even if he and I break up tonight, I’m not going to fall right into bed with you. It’s not who I am. You’re a good friend, Leo, but that’s all I can offer you. Take it or leave it.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I…I found out tonight my ex-girlfriend got engaged and it’s drumming shit up. I’m being a dick, I’m sorry.”
“Shit, I’m sorry.” I can’t imagine.
I try not to drink in the apartment with Leo because it can send the wrong idea. Tonight I make an exception. Between his news and my weird limbo state with Hollis, we could both use it to relax.
I check my phone an embarrassing amount until Leo calls me out on it and I get embarrassed. Instead, we play a ridiculous drinking game we made up on the spot to The Big Bang Theory. It’s fun, but we get wasted pretty quickly and I’m ready to crash.
He stumbles down the hall to his room around one and I collapse in my bed. Do I have feelings for Leo?
No. It’s the alcohol talking. It’s his friendship when I’ve been feeling lonely and distant from everyone in my life. He’s been my rock, helping me navigate not only in a new city, but this new stage of my life.
With my inhibitions lowered and Leo gone, I grab my phone and do the one thing no woman should ever do while inebriated—I pull up my texts.
Okay…let’s think about this. What could I send him to make him feel guilty enough to respond? Or I could bribe him with nudes? Eh, not my style. Begging over text is a level of humiliating I never want to experience, but I have to say something. I can’t hold out any longer. If he wants to end it, he needs to be a man and end it. If not, put an ice pack over your bruised ego and talk to me already dammit.
My drafts are a freaking mess and after almost an hour debating, I’m ready to call it a night.
Lila:I don’t know how long this is going to go on for but I’m sorry okay? I didn’t think you’d take it so poorly.
Lila:are you done yet this is annoying
Lila:can we just fuck and make up
Lila:HOW MANY TIMES CAN I SAY I’M SORRY?!?!
Until I finally land on…
Lila:I don’t know how long this is going to go on for but I’m sorry okay? I love you and miss you a lot. Please call me tomorrow. Or text me. I’m not picky. Okay. Goodnight.
And now I wait.
THIRTY
Lila
Another day passes without a word from Hollis. Then another. Before I know it, it’s been a week since the Red Sox took home the trophy. I’m still the last thing he posted on Instagram, which is now starting to annoy me. How can he tell the world he doesn’t want to celebrate with anyone but me, but then in private he doesn’t even fucking talk to me?
By the time my phone does ring and it is him on the other line, I’m going to be so pissed off I probably won’t even answer.
I mean, the man didn’t even respond to or acknowledge my text. I’m not weak. I need to stand my ground, tell him how much he’s hurt me and how childish he’s acting. It’s not fair to drag me along, whether he’s going to break up with me or not. I’m fed the hell up.
My theory lasts approximately forty-five seconds (but who’s counting?) because my phone rings and he’s finally fucking calling and I hit the little green button faster than I care to admit. I should’ve made him work for it.
“Hey, hi, how are you?” I’m breathy, like I’d just jogged a mile to pick up the phone at his beck and call. I’m embarrassing myself.
“Hey, baby.” Any anger and resentment I feel fades at his tone. I’m emotional hearing his voice and hearing him call me baby. Part of me wondered where this call would lead and if, by the end of it, I’d be single.
“I’ve missed you.” I’m getting teary-eyed and the urge to sniffle is strong, but I don’t want to be dramatic and alarm him.
“I’ve missed you too. I’m sorry…”
“No, don’t. I’m sorry. I should’ve just said yes and we could work it out and—”
“I’m glad you didn’t. It was stupid and too soon and I got caught up in the moment. I didn’t even have a ring. When I propose to you for real, I’ll have a ring and a whole plan that doesn’t involve a half-baked idea while my parents wait for me on the other side of the field.” My petty side is begging me to say ‘I told you so.’
“What if I propose to you first?”
“Well, I expect a grand gesture. I want you to pull out all the stops. I mean, I don’t know if you can top a World Series proposal, but I’d love to see you try.”
Bantering with him is my favorite part of any day and I missed it even more than I thought I did. Returning to this level of normalcy is good and right. In the back of my mind, there’s a nagging, irritating voice, telling me I shouldn’t cave to him so easily. I should tell him how I’ve felt the last week without him and how we both have a lot of growing up to do.
Instead, I ignore the voice and focus on the now and how happy I am to talk to him again. I mean, isn’t that what I’ve been trying to work on? Living in the now?
We talk for hours, catching up on the week we didn’t speak, even the most mundane things, like what we ate for lunch and what time we woke up. I tell him the truth about Leo, how we got drunk the other night but it was innocent and we were both going through a hard time. He’s understanding of the situtation, which surprises me. It’s like he’s walking on eggshells around me now, but I’m glad we don’t fight about it.
Before we hang up, I invite him to my place for Thanksgiving. I’m not flying up to see my parents and I’m hoping my brother can come to my place too—mainly because I want him to cook. He could bring his new boyfriend or whatever, I’ll invite Leo, and we’ll make it a whole thing. I’m not sure what his plans are or were, but I’m excited he agrees. I wasn’t sure when I’d be seeing him next, but at least now I have a solid date in mind and it’s only a few weeks away.
“Coming!” I yell to my closed front door and whoever knocked.
“You did last night.” The words are whispered in my ear. I reach behind me to smack Hollis on the thigh before rushing to open the door.
My boyfriend came to stay with me the minute my fall break started and we’ve been living in sinful bliss ever since. Our relationship hasn’t been the most conventional, considering we moved in together after knowing each other for basically five minutes. Now, we’ve been together for a while and we’re finally stable, but we’re living apart. Nothing makes sense. I’m just glad he’s here to stay for the week.
“Hey, Leo. Come on in.”
“Thanks, I brought wine. It smells amazing in here.” My brother and his boyfriend arrived from their hotel first thing this morning and have been cooking and preparing food since the ass crack of dawn. I gave them a key because I knew I wouldn’t want to get out of bed that early. I was right.
Truthfully, this probably wasn’t the most well-thought-out plan. While Jackson and Hollis seem to be getting along just fine, I’m now also adding Leo into the mix. There’s too much hostile testosterone there.
“Hey, man.” Leo nods to Hollis who nods back.
“Leo, this is my brother Jackson and his boyfriend, Marcus. This is Leo, my neighbor, food supplier, and sole friend in Philadelphia.”
They exchange pleasantries while I suck it up and put football on the TV. I’m outvoted four to one. Like I said, too much goddamn testosterone. I need some estrogen to balance it out.
There’s another knock on the door, but I’m not expecting anyone else. “Leo, did you invite someone?” He shakes his head no. Please, God, tell me Jackson didn’t invite our parents. I eye him suspiciously and he shrugs. I don’t buy it.
I pull open the door and my jaw drops and an annoying, girly scream comes out. “What are
you doing here?!” I envelop my best friend in a hug until it becomes weird and I’m forced to let her go. I notice her duffel bag and my smile broadens.
“Somebody thought you missed me a little too much and basically forced me to come up.” She winks over my shoulder and I turn around, throwing my arms around my boyfriend.
“You didn’t have to do that,” I tell Hollis before pressing a kiss to his lips.
“I didn’t.” I pull back, staring into my boyfriend’s eyes.
“I did. I thought I owed you a bigger apology.” I go to my brother and he gives me an awkward one-armed hug thanks to the oven mitts he’s wearing on both hands.
I introduce everyone to my best friend who promptly drags me down the hallway and locks us in my bedroom. I’m not thrilled about leaving Hollis, Leo, and Jackson alone together, but with the vise-like grip she has on my arm, I don’t think I have much of a choice.
“Who the hell is that tall drink of water out there? Why didn’t you tell me to wear something other than a lumpy sweater?”
“Probably because I didn’t know you were coming,” I deadpan.
“Oh. Right. Well? What’s the deal with him?”
“Who? Leo? I told you. He’s just my friend. God, have you been talking to Hollis or something?”
“No, you idiot. I mean, what’s his deal? Does he have a girlfriend? Boyfriend? Why is he celebrating Thanksgiving with you and not family?” She gasps, “Is his family dead?” she asks behind her hands. “Well?” She shakes me until I rip out of her grasp.
“No, he doesn’t have a girlfriend. He’s straight, available, and he’s here with us because his parents moved to Florida and he didn’t want to waste his holiday traveling. No dead family members that I know of, but his ex-girlfriend just got engaged so he could probably use a rebound.” I stare at her and wiggle my brows.
“Lila Fielding! What do you think I am? Some hussy coming in here to sleep with a stranger and leave?” She fakes being offended with a hand to her chest for maximum effect. “You’d be right. Do you have anything sexier I can wear?” With an eye roll, I point her in the direction of my closet and return to my guests.
The Eagles are playing the Cowboys and I guess everyone hates Dallas more than Philly, so everyone is on the same team. All of the guys are getting along and my best friend is here out of the blue. How did I get so lucky?
Dinner comes and goes with everyone saying what they are thankful for. Marcus and Hollis hit it off, gushing over the World Series win and what it’ll mean for next season. I share a look with my brother as the two gab away, and I’m happy. I could see my future in these moments. All of us coming together. It’s what I’ve always wanted.
A family.
I never had that much with my parents. Despite how busy Jackson’s intern year is, even he’s made time for me. Though I don’t know Marcus well, he’s a surgeon too and he’s here with all of us to spend time with his boyfriend’s family. It’s depressing how foreign a concept this is for me.
Unsurprisingly, Bridget and Leo hit it off as well. They’re the perfect tall Stepford pair with blond hair and dazzling smiles. It almost makes me nauseous to look at them.
Life is good. I don’t want anything to change.
“We should probably get going.” Jackson stretches as he stands and reaches for Marcus’ hand.
“No, you don’t have to! It’s still early.” A glance at the clock tells me it’s almost midnight and I don’t know where the day has gone. “Hang for a bit! We can go Black Friday shopping in an hour.” I notice Bridget sit up straighter at the thought while my boyfriend visibly shudders.
“No, we’re pretty tired…” the way the sentence hangs makes their intentions perfectly clear.
“Got it. Thanks for coming, both of you.” I get up to hug them before they leave for their hotel.
I join everyone else back on the couch, curling into Hollis’ side. Bridget and Leo are awfully comfy snuggling together on the couch. From the looks of her cheeks, it seems she may just be drunk enough to spend the night with him.
I yawn out of nowhere, not realizing how tired I am until Jackson mentioned going to bed.
“You better not fall asleep on me. I have plans for you tonight.” My body heats at the promise whispered in my ear. I look up at him, one eyebrow raised as a devilish grin pulls at his mouth.
“By the way you two are looking at each other, I don’t think I want to be in this apartment much longer.”
I glance over at my best friend and flip her off. “We’ll behave.” She doesn’t have to know I’m crossing my fingers and not intending to follow through on my promise.
“That’s okay. You can crash with me.” Leo hoists Bridget up from the couch and throws her over his shoulder. She squeals and screeches at him to put her down.
“Let me at least say bye to my bestie!” Once she’s on the ground, I meet her halfway while she half-stumbles over to me for a hug. Normally I would not let her out of my sight with a guy in the state she’s in, but Leo seems almost equally as far gone and I trust him whole-heartedly. He’s one of the good ones.
As soon as I lock the door behind them, I run down the hall to my bedroom and hear Hollis’ footsteps following close by. He appears in the doorway and halts his steps, eyeing me like prey. Keeping eye contact, I lift my sweater over my head and toss it on the floor. Hollis walks with purpose toward me, discarding his own shirt along the way.
He joins me on the bed and we act like we’re in some sort of rush. We’re discarding clothes left and right as if the first person to get naked wins some sort of prize. In reality, anytime I sleep with Hollis, we’re both winners.
I’m breathless as he pushes into me. Those first few seconds are bliss personified. A throaty sigh escapes from his lips and waves of pleasure crash over me. I could live forever in these moments with him and never grow tired.
He takes control and we build together, moving higher. It’s intense and passionate and all-consuming. Everything about Hollis consumes me. When I’m with him, he’s my main focus and when I’m not with him I want to be. He’s infiltrated every thought, every waking moment, every dream.
I want all my days and all my nights to be with him.
As we come down from the explosive high, I curl into his side. My chest is pressed against him, my leg thrown over his, and his fingertips rub soft, delicate circles on my bare back.
“What are we doing for Christmas?” He asks and I lift my chin to look up at him.
“We?” He nods. “I already bought my ticket to see my parents in Minnesota.” Though, I’m sure they wouldn’t even mind if I didn’t show up.
“I’ll come with you.”
I sit up and clutch the top sheet to my chest. “Oooh, no. No. You don’t have to do that. No. Really, Hollis, no.” I shake my head so hard I might have whiplash.
“I’m serious. These people raised you.”
“I’d use the term raised pretty loosely. I bet I could call up my old nanny, though. I’m sure she’d be happy to tell you all about me as a kid.”
He chuckles, not realizing I’m being completely serious. “I want to come with you. Otherwise, when will I see you next?”
I groan and lie back on the bed. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
THIRTY-ONE
Lila
“Are you ready for this?” Hollis takes my hand in his as we board the plane to Minnesota. I’m surprised we can even get flights with how the weather’s been up there, but God forbid my parents come to see us.
I feel like I blinked after Thanksgiving and suddenly it’s Christmas. Although I told him a million times he doesn’t have to come meet my parents, Hollis insisted. I’m beginning to think he’s a masochist.
Then again, Marcus is joining us too, though Jackson and his boyfriend flew in last night. My brother has been telling me how kind and hospitable our parents have been toward him and his boyfriend. I already know the same level of generosity won’t be extended to me and my partn
er.
I check my phone one last time before powering it off—I don’t care if airplane mode is a thing. If the pilot tells me to turn off my devices, I’m turning them off. Why risk it?
There’s a text from Bridget with a picture attached. Look who I ran into, the message reads. There she stands with Leo, though I don’t think they accidentally ran into one another since I’m pretty sure she picked him up at the airport. He’s visiting family and since Bridget already lives there, it worked out almost too perfectly.
Bridget didn’t spend the weekend in my apartment crashing on the couch like she originally intended. Instead, she spent it in Leo’s bed down the hall. I’m happy for them and grateful Leo is officially off my back now and we can remain strictly friends.
I silently pray for delays while I pull my book out of my purse and get comfortable in my seat. I insisted on paying for Hollis’ plane ticket and not letting him splurge on us. It’s not like we’re doing anything fun—quite the opposite. If my parents want me to come visit them, they can pay for the ticket. Now, I feel a little bad, sitting in these tiny seats when we’d probably be riding in first class if Hollis paid.
No matter what I do, I can’t get comfortable. I don’t think it has anything to do with the seat, though. I have a sneaking suspicion it has everything to do with the anxiety crawling through my veins. I feel it sliding over every fiber like molasses, slow and thick and taking hold of me.
My boyfriend, who can read me like a book, grabs my hand, giving me strength. “Wanna join the mile high club? I’m sure it would calm your nerves.” He winks and I let out a half-hearted chuckle. I appreciate the offer, but not even sex with him can make me feel better right now.
The flight is entirely too short and before I can take a deep breath, the Uber is pulling up to my parents’ house. Hollis lets out a low whistle when he takes in the giant home. I don’t know why they bought something this extravagant when they spend all their time at the clinic anyway.
Fastball Flirt (The Boys of Summer Series Book 1) Page 18
