“Sounds like a fucking copout.” I’m getting pissed at him when I’m the one with the temper issues.
“It kind of is, but she loves you and understands you’re in pain, physical and emotional. Just don’t make a habit of it.”
“Melissa stood by you through it all?”
“Oh, yeah. She’s too good for me, she just doesn’t know it.” I nod, though he can’t see me.
Lila’s the same fucking way. The day she realizes she can do better than me, I’m done for.
THIRTY-FIVE
Lila
The past few months have been an excruciating form of hell. Between my classes, my clinical rotation, and trying to visit Hollis as frequently as possible, I’m basically a zombie. I’m running on autopilot and soon the energy is going to run out. Hollis’ surgery went well. I was only able to be with him the weekend of the surgery and then I had to head home. It’s a miracle I could even get that time off to begin with.
Since then, he’s been depressed and bitter. He feels as if he’s watching his career and life pass him by and there’s nothing he can do about it. Physical therapy has been hell for him. I fear he’s pushing himself too hard and he’ll only end up reinjuring his shoulder, but he doesn’t want to hear it. He claims to know what he’s doing, but I think his perspective is clouded.
I want him to get better. He wants to get back on the field.
I can’t understand why he’s pushing himself so hard. The Sox lost to the Yankees in the playoffs and aren’t even going to the series again this year. By the time he has to report to spring training in another four and a half months, he’ll be good as new.
After my shift at the hospital, I pull my coat around my shoulders and head home. Tomorrow I’m leaving to head back to Boston, but not only to see Hollis. Since I graduate in a few short months, I have an interview lined up at Mass Gen to work in their NICU. While I’m pretty sure I could stay here and accept a job in Philly, Boston is home. Mass Gen has always been my goal.
The fact that Hollis lives there too is an added bonus.
Frankly, I’m not sure what will happen if I get the job in Boston—nor where Hollis and I stand. I mean, we’re on good terms, but last time I was home, I lived with him. I can’t assume that because I might move back means I would move right back in with him, right?
Then again, all of my arguments for it being too soon can be thrown right out the window.
I haven’t even had a chance to talk to him yet, to have this discussion and hear his thoughts. I’m sure he’d be all for it, but things have been tense between us. He’s been in a constant bad mood, not that I can blame him. I just wish he didn’t take it out on me.
When I get home, I prep for my interview, using Leo to ask me questions between bites of Chinese food. I research everything I can about the hospital, the NICU, and the person who is interviewing me. I want to be over-prepared. By the time I crash in bed, my head is brimming with information. If I have to memorize any more of my strengths and weaknesses and any other traditional interview question, I may burst. Yet, I’ll never forget when I appeased my parents by going on an interview to enter the pre-med program at school. The doctor asked me what famous person inspired me and my basic ass said Walt Disney. If you can dream it, you can do it. I shudder at the memory. I never want to succumb to a cliché faux pas like that again.
Once I get to Boston, I change into my professional outfit I hope says, I’m wicked smart and talented and you’d regret not hiring me, so please don’t make me get down on my knees and beg!—or something along those lines.
The interview, as expected, is with the Lead Neonatal Nurse Practitioner, which I know everything about aside from her bra size. Though, glancing at her, I’d guess she’s a C.
I feel good when I leave the building. I’m confident I nailed the interview and I expect—and also pray!—to hear from her soon.
Hollis is a bear when I get back to his place and I’m tempted to just drive back to Philly and not deal with his bullshit.
“I threw a ball today. My signature fastball,” he scoffs and shakes his head, taking a long pull of beer from the bottle. He sets it down and picks at the label, making a mess. “Seventy miles per hour. Seventy. I should be better than that. I’m a professional fucking athlete. I should be bouncing back quicker than this.”
“Some might argue you’re bouncing back just fine, all things considered.”
If looks could kill…
After that, I keep my mouth shut and go to bed, not caring if he even comes in to join me.
The following weeks leading up to graduation are absolute hell. I’m busier than ever because once I cross the finish line, I’ll be responsible for the lives of babies. It’s terrifying and thrilling all at once.
Midterms have me half bald from ripping out all of my hair. My clinical rotation is coming to an end, and as expected, they offer me a job. I don’t turn it down yet. I need to keep my options open in case I don’t land placement at Mass Gen. If Rory Gilmore taught me anything, it’s not to turn down a perfectly good job offer prematurely.
A week passes without a word from Mass Gen and I’m starting to get worried. I want to talk to Hollis about it…but I feel like I can’t. I feel guilty for having my own problems, as if his life is so much bigger than mine. Making more money does not make you any more important. Hell, he told me himself once, he’s just entertainment, I’m saving lives. It’s damn true.
Still, he’s all woe is me, and frankly, I don’t feel like dealing with it. Instead, I call my best friend.
“Hey girl, I only have fifteen minutes to talk. Make it snappy.”
“Jeez, is there a serial pisser walking around hitting up everyone’s cheerios?”
“I’m sorry, okay, I’m just stressed and horny and PMSing all at the same time. Sue me.”
“Why don’t you fly up here for my graduation and visit Leo?” I sing his name like I’m a kid on the playground in elementary school, making fun of my friend for her first crush.
“We don’t have that kind of relationship. He’s a convenient fuck when one of us happens to be in town. We won’t be Ubering to city hall anytime soon.”
“Yes, because I hear Uber is how everyone arrives at their wedding these days.”
“We’re down to twelve minutes. Start talking.”
I roll my eyes and go into the cliff notes version of my problem. Between Hollis and his sour grapes and my uncertain work situation, I’m feeling stressed and depressed.
“Are you kidding me right now?” I wait for her to continue, which she does, starting with an aggravated huff. “Bitch, wake up.” I blink in shock and my eyes go wide at her harsh tone. “You have an incredible job offer in Philly. It’s not like you’ll be broke, homeless, and unemployed. You have a great boyfriend who’s going through something big. While I don’t like how he’s handling it, you gotta let him go through it. If you have to keep doing distance, you do it. Philly and Boston aren’t even that far apart! Now, I have to get back to work. Stop sulking. Frown lines last forever. Love ya, byeeee.” She drags out the word until her voice is gone and the call is dropped.
She’s right. I knew I called her for a reason. The bottom line is, whatever life throws at me, I’ll figure it out.
I run down the hall, my hair half damp and dripping down the back of my t-shirt. I stop at Leo’s apartment and bang on the door incessantly until my palm hurts. I know he’s in there; what the hell is taking him so long? When he finally pulls the door open, he’s shirtless, his blond hair is messy, and he uses his fingers to rub the sleep from his eyes.
“Are you fucking insane?”
I ignore him. “Be in my apartment by the time I get back from the store. We’re celebrating.”
“Holy shit. You got the job?”
“I GOT THE JOB!”
“And I’ve gotta get an A on this paper, so shut the hell up,” one of my neighbors yells through his door and I stick my tongue out. Even though he can’t see it, it make
s me feel good.
I run down the street to my favorite bakery to treat myself. I grab a couple of coffees, muffins, and bagels and cart them home. Pushing open the door, I see Leo got himself dressed and there are two champagne flutes sitting on the tiny counter. A bottle of champagne and a bottle of orange juice sit behind them.
“Leo!” I hug him, touched by his efforts.
“I bought the champagne for graduation, but this seemed like a better celebration. I figured I should grab the orange juice to not look like a full-fledged alcoholic.”
“Smart.” We toast and I can’t stop beaming. “You ready to enter the real world? Sorry, are you ready to leave Philly?” Once we graduate, Leo is off to New York to work at a branch of his father’s business. I know he’s not thrilled about the move.
“I’ll manage. What about you and lover boy? What did he say when you told him?”
“Nothing yet.” I rip off a piece of my chocolate chip muffin and pop the bite into my mouth.
“You haven’t told him yet?” I shake my head.
I’m nervous to tell Hollis and I don’t know why. I know he’ll be happy for me and I’m sure he can’t wait for me to move back to the city. So why do I feel guilty for my dream coming true?
“I’ll tell him at graduation. I have a plan.” By then, maybe things will be back to normal.
“You have a plan…” Leo quirks an eyebrow and reaches for one of the blueberry muffins.
“Stop looking at me like that. I can’t tell you what it entails.”
“Ew, is it weird sex stuff?”
I choke on my mimosa. “No, you perv. It’s a long-term plan and I don’t want to jinx it.”
“I didn’t realize you were superstitious.”
“Only with things that are really important.” If all goes well, I’ll have the life I always dreamed of without sacrificing my career for a guy. What kind of woman would I be if I let Hollis take care of me and stopped doing what I love? Hollis wouldn’t respect me and I sure as shit wouldn’t respect myself.
“Whatever it is, you’ll make it work. You always do.” His tone is suggestive and I tilt my head, eyeing him.
“What does that mean?”
“You seem to manifest your life perfectly. Whatever you want, you get.” I open my mouth, but he stops me. “Don’t get all pissed and weird about it. It’s a good thing.” He shrugs.
I shake my head, wondering if he’s right. Do I really always get what I want? I don’t think I do. While things with Hollis have worked out so far, it hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing. If you look at my family, I didn’t exactly win the parental lottery. I mean, they have money and support me financially…but is that better than having a loving relationship? Is this how people see me? Spoiled, always getting whatever I want?
“This coming from the man with a job lined up right out of college thanks to his family.” I can’t help the dig as it comes out. I’m annoyed at what Leo inferred of me. I don’t think it’s true at all.
“You’re right. We’re both a little spoiled and a little entitled and have privilege pouring from our asses. Can we at least agree on that?”
I lift my champagne glass and we cheers. Yeah, I can give him that one.
After my sole drink, I crack out the books and spend the day studying. Leo sits on the opposite couch studying for his finals as well. I’m finding it hard to focus since I have a job lined up and I don’t want to study. By lunchtime I’m overdue for a break and we order pizza. While we wait, I take my chances to give Hollis a call.
“Hey, baby,” he answers and it takes me a minute to gather my bearings. “Lila?”
“Hey, hi, sorry. How are you?” My brows are furrowed though he can’t see me. Honestly, I was dreading making the call because I thought he’d still be in a mood, but now I’m glad I did.
“I’m feeling good today. Might go try to get a work out in.”
Okay, I’m glad I caught him before he does and risk him being disappointed and angry again.
“I needed a break from studying and thought I’d see how you were. I’m glad you’re doing better.”
“Me too.” The silence is awkward. Neither of us seem to know what to say considering things have been weird between us for weeks now.
“Well, I’ve gotta get back to studying. I love you.”
“I love you too, baby. I can’t wait to see you soon.” I grin and we hang up. I don’t want to say anything else and risk ruining the moment.
THIRTY-SIX
Lila
I was lost in the madness. I pushed on my tip-toes to get a better view, but I couldn’t see anything in the sea of gown-clad bodies surrounding me. I breathe a sigh of relief when I feel a tug on my arm and see Leo smiling down at me.
“Hey, you’re tall. Tell me if you see Hollis or my brother.”
With a grin, he surveys the area. “I see them. Follow me.” I latch on the back of his black gown like he’s my toddler on a leash. I’m not trying to lose him in the chaos.
I spot my brother through the masses first. He envelops me in a big bear hug, lifting me off the ground and spinning me around. I laugh and he sets me back down, keeping me steady as I regain my balance on my wedges.
“I am so proud of you, sis.”
“Thanks, J.” I glance at my small entourage, silently acknowledging but not being surprised that my parents didn’t bother to show up. I lock their absence in a box to emotionally deal with later, but not right now. I don’t want them to ruin this moment for me.
Arms circle me from behind and the signature fresh, aromatic fragrance settles over me. A soft kiss is placed on my neck, eliciting goosebumps to pebble on my arms. “Congrats, baby.” I spin around to place a kiss on his lips. “Can we talk for a minute?” I step to the side with him while Leo and my brother chat.
“What’s up?” I’m on edge thanks to his tone and the way he’s avoiding my gaze.
“I’m sorry.” I tilt my head, peering up at him. “I’ve been a dick the past few months and you didn’t deserve it. You probably should’ve kicked my ass to the curb long ago.”
“You were going through some big shit, Hollis. I wouldn’t abandon you.”
“You’re too good for me.”
“Sometimes I think the same about you.” I kiss him and we get lost in each other, not caring that we’re in the middle of an auditorium with countless people surrounding us.
Someone clears their throat beside us and I step away from my boyfriend. “Can we go to dinner now? I want to celebrate the graduate.” My brother slings his arm over my shoulders and leads us outside.
Hollis and Leo join us for dinner and I figure this is the perfect opportunity to spill the beans on my next move. I made sure Leo wouldn’t tell anyone before I got the chance to.
“I have exciting news.” I look at each of them around the table, drumming up excitement until my brother huffs and I get on with it. “I got the job at Mass Gen! I’ll be moving back as soon as my apartment is packed up!”
“Do you have a place to live?” Jackson asks as I take a strategic sip of my drink to avoid answering right away.
No, I don’t, I was hoping my boyfriend would come to my rescue and let me live with him again. Permanently this time.
“Of course she does. She’ll move back in with me.” The man gets me.
I turn to my boyfriend, putting on faux concern. I drop my voice down to a whisper and lean into him. “Are you sure? I’m not trying to pressure you or anything. I was going to ask you about it short term, but I don’t want to put you in an awkward position.”
“Lila, you’re my girlfriend and I love you. We lived together the first three months of our relationship; why would I not want to live with you now?”
“Thank you, baby.” I kiss him and the waitress comes back to take our orders. My slight, secretive plan worked well, though I do feel a little ashamed of how I went about it. Either way, come this weekend, I’ll be back in Boston living with the love of my life, ready to star
t my dream job.
Could life get any better?
The move back into Hollis’ place was seamless. We spent the first night settling in, making love, and talking about finding a house together somewhere in the suburbs. It was the perfect first night.
My first day of work doesn’t start until after the new year, which means I have a couple of weeks to get my life together and prepare for real adulthood. My first real job. It’s still surreal.
My parents, who couldn’t bother to make it to my graduation ceremony, didn’t even call to congratulate me. My mother texted me, wondering where I got a job and asking if she needed to make a call anywhere. I was glad to tell her I was hired on my own merit and not because of my name. She ended the conversation, reminding me that since I’m now out of school with a job and living with my boyfriend, they’re essentially cutting me off. Thanks for the support. At least I don’t have to worry about school loans kicking in; they were gracious enough about that, despite not agreeing with my choice of major.
Hollis went out to run some errands and I’m lying on the couch, reveling in my final days of true relaxation with no responsibility. A cheesy Christmas movie plays in the background with an unrealistic yet somehow captivating and addictive storyline of two opposites managing to find love. On some level, I can relate.
I never would’ve imagined I’d be dating and living with a professional baseball player, yet here we are.
Hollis and I have plans to go to his parents’ house for Christmas this year and spend it with him and his little sister. I told my parents I couldn’t make it, but they didn’t mind. One less mouth to feed. One less person to entertain and pretend like they’re not robots. They’ll only have to deal with my brother this year if he flies up. It’s a win-win for them.
My boyfriend asked me what I wanted for a gift this year, and I truly don’t know what to tell him. I have everything I’ve ever wanted or could ask for. I never imagined my life would turn out this way and I’d end up here, but I’m forever grateful for the path my life has taken. It’s led me here, where I’m happier than ever.
Fastball Flirt (The Boys of Summer Series Book 1) Page 21
