by C D Beaudin
Forgiveness is hard.
Too hard.
She breathes deeply outside the hall, listening to what Neodyn has to say.
He sounds like he can barely speak. “I’m…guessing she blames me.”
“She blames you for a lot more than that,” Aradon says harshly. “Kaniel would never have died if you’d just given her your stupid army.”
Awyn can hear Aradon stand and leaves before he comes out.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Awyn leans on the balcony rail. She’d taken the ruby chain off her head, and now she just lets the wind blow in her face and hair. It refreshes her, stopping her from crying.
The night brings a quiet city below, the honeycombed houses lit with the fire inside, the windows glowing. Families are probably sitting around a meal or fireplace, telling stories of the day or tall tales. On some of the streets trees grow, shadowed in darkness, but there isn’t much vegetation in a city made of stone.
Her dress ripples in the wind, the skirt blowing behind her. She sighs, resting her chin in her palm. Perhaps she was too harsh on Neodyn, but she is so angry at him. She thought she had forgiven him in her dream. But that was just a dream, and the reality is that seeing him again brings back all her anger.
“You’re angry with him, right?”
Awyn turns at the familiar voice, seeing Aradon emerge from her room, onto her balcony.
“You literally read my mind.” She smiles slightly, the same expression on the Red Warrior’s face. He stands next to her, leaning against the railing.
“It’s a beautiful night,” Awyn says, trying to avoid the unavoidable conversation they’re about to have.
Aradon sighs. “I know it’s easy to be angry. Easy to hate.” He looks at her. “But we can’t live like that. We can only move forward and keep our heads high.” He exhales. “And if we can’t, we will fall.”
Awyn scoffs slightly. “That’s easier said than done.”
Aradon nods, straightening up.
“Well, no one said it would be easy.” He rests his back against the rail, crossing his arms. “I, for one still have a lot of hate and anger, but I usually find ways to work that out.”
Awyn lifts a brow. “How? By pummeling them until they apologize?”
This time it’s he who scoffs.
“Yes, I have done that before. But lately I find the best way to work it out is to think about what I’ve done wrong, and then weigh it against those who have wronged me. If my wrong is worse than theirs, well then they deserve my forgiveness.”
“Isn’t that setting the bar pretty low? I mean if someone murders your mother, then you kill, say, a mini army, are you just supposed to forgive that person because they didn’t slaughter as many people?” Awyn ponders.
Aradon turns to her. “Not necessarily. You must weigh the wrongs your own way. It works for me, though.”
Awyn smiles. “You are very insightful for a Red Warrior.”
Aradon chuckles. “Well, I am a king. Insightfulness and inspiration run in the family.”
Awyn nods, turning back to the city. She lets out a quiet sigh.
“Do you ever wonder what will happen when this war is over?” She looks at him. “If good prevails, I mean.”
“I can’t be certain. I believe many will return, I also believe many will leave. War changes people.”
“Will you leave?” Awyn asks.
“That depends. I may desire to, but I have a kingdom and my father to think about. I promised him I would return with a crown on my head and that hasn’t happened.” He sighs. “Kaniel would inform me how my father was doing, if he was ill or happy. He stopped eventually, but he always said the same thing, ‘I want to know when my boy will return home to me.’ More than anything I wanted to return and hug my father and sing to him once again, but that shall never happen. He probably isn’t even alive.”
Awyn wants to feel sad, but it’s all she can do to not smile.
“You…sing?” Her lips tighten as she chokes back a laugh.
He glares at her. “Yes, like a bird. And I also play the lute.”
Awyn tilts her head. “Really? Are you any good?”
He grins.
“From the mountain I can see the sunrise,
From the bird’s wing I can see the sea.
And from the horse the warrior flies,
Onto war with those across the sea.”
Awyn joins the sweet tune, her gentle voice caressing his.
“I hope someday we will enjoy that sunrise,
And hope that war one day stops,
And the birds can once again soar over the sea.”
The song seems to float on the wind. It’s simple, but peaceful and hopeful.
Awyn looks down. “I love that song. My father used to sing it to me every night.”
“I would sing to my parents, play the lute for them. They loved it.” What he says should bring joy, but his eyes only hold pain.
Awyn places her hand on his.
“I’m sure they did.” She turns her gaze away. “Did you ever sing that with Sefa?”
Aradon’s head turns to her so sharply, it makes her jump in surprise. His eyes burn in a dark rage she’s never seen before. Not only that but his eyes turn from blue to blood red in a second. He puts his hand around her throat before she realizes what’s happening. Her eyes feel like they’re about to pop out of their sockets, until they roll back into her head and he drops her on the ground, unconsciousness claiming her.
“Run.” Aradon hears Sefa’s voice in his head as he dashes down the hall. He stops running when Adriel and Saine walk out of their rooms, and the twins emerge from theirs, witnessing his dash. His eyes dart, looking at his friends and trying to find an escape route. Hagard is the last to come out.
“Aradon, what happened?” Eldowyn asks, stepping toward the panicking Aradon.
He’s breathing rapidly and when he goes to answer, Eldowyn reaches out, but his hand is swatted away, three burning scratches on his arm.
“Ah!” He shakes his hand and arm in pain.
The others look at Aradon with worry, and Kepp cautiously walks over to him.
“Aradon, what’s wrong?” the elf asks.
Aradon is hunched over, breathing harshly, his fingernails digging into his skull.
“Kepp, don’t touch him!” Adriel yells, but it’s too late.
Kepp is on the ground, bleeding. Saine goes to get his friend but is held back by Adriel. Eldowyn scoops his brother from the ground. All any of them can do is stare.
“What’s happening to him?” Eldowyn asks.
Aradon drops to the floor, twitching and spasming.
Adriel kneels down beside him. She puts her hands over him and closes her eyes.
“I can feel dark energy coursing through him.” She looks up at Hagard. “Go get Ethiah, she might be able to remove it.”
Aradon wrenches his eyes open, and grabs Adriel by the neck, slamming her down.
Saine tackles him, but Aradon is too strong, even when Eldowyn joins the grapple. He pins them down, strangling them, but another course of energy jolts through him, and he staggers to his feet, now screaming in pain. His nails dig deep into his face, blood pouring down his cheeks. The pain is too much, the energy too strong. It flows through his veins and his heart beats too fast. He digs, trying to get at whatever evil is inside.
Eldowyn and Saine stagger up, blocking Adriel and Kepp with their bodies.
“What’s happening? His eyes are bloodred,” Saine says breathlessly.
Aradon can hear everything, see everything, but the pain convulses his limbs and his skin feels like it’s on fire.
He’s vaguely aware of Hagard and Ethiah approaching. Hagard joins them in protecting Adriel and the unconscious Kepp. The elf apprentice stands between them and Aradon as he convulses. She puts her hands out, light forming in her palms as she closes her eyes.
A jolt knocks her to the floor.
“Ethiah!” Adriel cries
, but the elf is already standing, breathing heavily.
“His soul is unstable. It has been altered by magic.” She shakes her head, turning to them. “I don’t know what to do.”
Their eyes all widen. If Aradon gets out of the palace…it will be a massacre.
“What set him off, he’s been fine?” Saine asks.
But Eldowyn and Hagard disagree. “No.”
They all look at them.
Eldowyn continues, “There were moments when he would get violent or mad. Usually after a fight or the mention of Sefa. But never anything like this.”
Ethiah’s brow furrows. “Do you know when this behavior started?”
At first, Eldowyn shakes his head but then he remembers. “Revera ambushed us in Winter’s Pass. He had to change into the Besged state to fight her off.”
Ethiah nods. “Yes, she must have cast magic within him, making him gradually change over time. But he had to have been set off by—” Her eyes widen. “Where is Awyn?”
“She went to her room—oh no.” Adriel dashes past Saine, past Aradon, down the hall. They rush to follow her, only Ethiah remains in the hall with Kepp.
Awyn’s body lies on the marble balcony.
“No!” Adriel rushes to her. She grabs her limp body, red marks around her throat.
Neodyn follows shortly after.
“What happened?” he asks angrily. “I heard someone scream and—” His face turns horrified when he sees Awyn lying in Adriel’s arms. “What happened?” he demands, rushing to kneel beside Adriel.
“Aradon is…under the influence of dark magic,” Adriel says. She feels for Awyn’s pulse. “She’s still alive, thank goodness she’s an elf, no mortal could survive a Besged’s choke hold.” She looks back at Saine, whose eyes are wide. “I mean, other than you, of course.”
His face remains riddled with worry.
“Then we have to kill him,” Neodyn says.
The group looks at him like he’s lost his mind.
“If there is an uncontrollable Besged out there…then he must be stopped.”
Adriel looks down at Awyn. Her beautiful face rests, but the marks on her neck are prominent, making it almost impossible for anyone to think she could be sleeping so soundly.
“But…he’s our friend,” Hagard says.
Eldowyn glances down at him. He’s not eager to turn his back on their spell cast brother either.
Saine looks at them. “We may not have a choice. If he is this unstable we may have to—”
“No!” Eldowyn raises his voice, something he barely does. “I am not about to lose another brother to magic. We must find a different way—”
“Exile.”
Neodyn, the dwarf, the two elves, and Saine all turn at the familiar, strained voice.
In Awyn’s room, Aradon emerges, marked with drying blood across his face. His eyes are strained. “Or whatever you want to call it.”
Ethiah walks in after him.
“I used my light energy to block Revera’s magic, but I don’t know how long it will last—if, it will last.” She stands beside Eldowyn, arms crossed.
They all watch in silence as Aradon looks at Awyn.
“I hurt Kepp. I can recall that much.” His head tilts slightly. “I must have hurt Awyn too.”
Neodyn stands at the words.
“Don’t come near her.” He glares at the Besged.
Aradon stops walking, but of his own will, not of Neodyn’s demand.
“Perhaps exile isn’t enough. Maybe I need to die.” He looks at Ethiah. “I just haven’t found a way yet.”
She shakes her head. “No, Aradon, this isn’t your fault—”
“Not my fault? This is surely my fault. I was warned many times, by myself, by my dreams. I was told to run after the battle at Rohea had been fought but I was too hurt to go anywhere.” His gaze drops to the ground, then to Awyn, and back at the group. “Now I’m not.” He starts walking to the door.
“Aradon, wait!” Eldowyn tries to stop him, but Aradon painfully glares at him, telling the elf to back off.
They let him leave.
“Ow.”
The group turns as they hear Awyn’s voice. She winces as she tries to move.
“Don’t move, don’t move,” Adriel says.
Awyn groans. “What—what happened?”
“You were…strangled,” Adriel answers.
Awyn looks at her with eyes full of questions, pain, and sadness. “Where’s Aradon?”
When the group doesn’t answer, Eldowyn can see she already knows.
“He’s gone.”
“He was gone a long time ago,” Saine chimes in.
Adriel glares at him.
Awyn notices and says, “It’s fine. One can only change for so long, right?”
Adriel disagrees. “No, Awyn. Revera invaded his spirit with her magic. He’s not himself.”
Awyn shakes her head. “Adriel, stop. Revera might have pushed him along, but he’s reverted back. Who do you think he’s acting like, hmm?”
No one says a word.
Awyn huffs. “He’s Slayer. The Bowman is gone.”
A few days later Awyn and the others are ready to leave for Mera. Awyn and Neodyn say a silent farewell with a nod, and they’re off.
It shouldn’t feel strange without Aradon, Awyn has been fine without him for several, several weeks. But it still feels strange to not have him leading them across the countryside or trailing them to watch out for dangers.
With a sorceress watching their every move, it was useful to have a Besged-Red Warrior-King to help out with protection and battle tactics.
“I can’t believe we’ve lost Aradon.” Hagard pouts on his horse as they walk along the Ceo River once again.
“I can’t believe you’re still saying that after twenty minutes,” Eldowyn snaps, agitated.
None of the siblings usually see this side of their brother, but after the past few days of this, it doesn’t faze any of them anymore.
“Well I can’t believe ye let him leave!” Hagard snaps back.
“I let him leave? What about you? You made no effort in stopping him.”
“Well if I had, I would have become a dwarf doll wit red rings around me neck!”
“Shut up.”
The group looks at Awyn. Riding in the back, she’s been quiet. This was the first word they’ve heard her say since they left this morning.
“Just stop talking. He’s gone, get over it.” She clicks her tongue and her horse picks up the pace.
Eldowyn and Hagard look away from each other, clearly ashamed.
“It isn’t your fault,” Adriel starts. “This is her way of dealing with grief. She makes a situation tolerable by convincing herself there is no good in people or life. She did it with Neodyn, now she’s doing it with Aradon.”
“But it’s true in this case, right?” Saine asks. “He wasn’t going to stay…Aradon, forever?”
Adriel shakes her head, and shrugs.
“There is no way of knowing that for sure. But this Besged Dia he’s been forced into…it could be the end of him.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Vergo’s Pass can be seen in the distance, the mountain a hazy purple in the fog of the evening. The sky darkens with every step the horses take as they walk through the mountains along the Ceo River. This stretch of land has been disputed for many years, whether it is part of Hadore or Nomarah. It was Neodyn’s grandfather who decided that if Nomarah didn’t have a king, then he should inherit the land.
It’s still unnamed.
“We will be traveling trou de pass, right?” Hagard asks. “I don’t want to go trou de Dark Woods again.”
“Oh, don’t worry, Hagard,” Eldowyn says. “If we were to go through the woods, Kepp would be a distraction for the Dalorin, so we could get out safely.”
“Ha ha ha ha ha,” Kepp sarcastically laughs, eyes narrow.
Eldowyn glances back at his brother.
“Little twin, don
’t worry. Your talking alone would scare even the Dalorin off.”
Kepp rolls his eyes.
“But yes. I do believe the pass is where we plan to go. There is no king and if one of Daron’s generals are in charge, then they should be more than willing to let us pass without much fuss.”
Somehow should, doesn’t do much to reassure the group.
“Will the people just accept her back?” Kepp ponders.
“Why not? They need a leader. Why not their rightful one?” Saine says.
Adriel glances back at Awyn, who seems off in another world. Adriel slows her horse, so she can be beside her sister.
“Are you all right?” she asks.
Awyn looks up, glancing at her. “Uh, yes.”
Adriel lifts a brow at Awyn’s response. “Will you ever say what you’re thinking?”
“If I did...” She shakes her head.
Adriel smiles understandingly. “That’s all right.” She squeezes her horse and trots up beside Saine.
“Awyn is troubled,” she says.
Saine keeps his eyes on the path ahead. “What did you expect? That she’d be sunshine and rainbows after a betrayal like that? He tried to kill her, Adriel.”
She sighs, knowing he’s right.
“I know that. It doesn’t mean I like seeing her this way. She will be queen in a few days, she should be happy.”
“Things happen.” Saine shrugs.
Adriel glares at him. “Both you and I know that better than anyone. We would probably be married with children if I hadn’t been kidnapped.”
Saine’s face grows red at the mention of children.
She rolls her eyes. “Don’t worry, Saine. That isn’t going to happen for a long time.” She stops talking. If we even survive to decide.
The blizzard outside blows viciously. Aradon hides in a cave shivering, the small fire he managed to make barely radiating any heat. The blanket and bedroll he packed before making a quick exit from Thasoe only gives him a little comfort.
He can’t believe he hurt his friends, he can’t believe he hurt a girl, especially Awyn. It was never a problem hurting women, until Lily. But it all just… Everything that the Tanea taught him, that Sefa taught him…it’s gone.
