by Karen Woods
Ged was excited to tell his dad about his new best friend. ‘His name’s Frankie. He goes to my school and we watch out for each other. He’s a top lad and you should see him on FIFA, he’s mint.’
‘Good lad, keep him onside, make sure he don’t let any pricks fuck with my boy. I worry about you all the time. The world is getting worse every day that passes – you need to be able to look after yourself. I’ll be home soon and then I can do the job myself, but it’s good to have a mate who’s got your back. Tell me about school. Been in any trouble?’ Ged felt his cheeks redden. He didn’t say anything. Kevin chuckled. ‘Take after your old dad, do you? I used to go from zero to sixty in seconds, but I’ve had some anger management sessions in here so hopefully I can control my shit when I get rattled in the future.’ He changed the subject quickly; he hated talking about his mental health. ‘How’s your mam, is she still saying she hates me or what?’
‘Dad, you know what she’s like, one minute she hates you but then she’s telling me stories about you. Just give her time and she’ll come round. You two need to sort your shit out together, it’s not up to me to do it.’
‘What I need to know is, do you think she’ll let me move back in?’
Ged laughed. ‘Bit of a big ask, Dad, but let’s see.’
Kevin looked around the room. His voice was soft and his eyes filled up as he reached over and touched Ged’s hands. ‘I’ve had enough of jail, son. I’m getting too old for all this shit now. I want to go straight and settle down and get a job. You have so much time on your hands in this shit-hole to think about stuff. You can put the world to rights when you’re behind your door each day, let me tell you. You can see everything that matters, I mean really matters.’
His dad was speaking to him man to man now, Ged appreciated that; he was growing up and it was about time everybody stopped treating him like a kid. Before he knew it, the screw shouted that visiting time was over. This was the hardest part of seeing his dad; it was a struggle to leave his old man behind.
Kevin reached over and gripped his son in a bear hug. ‘Mate, I’ll be home before you know it and then me and you can make everything work together. You’ve missed out on so much because of me and all that I can say is that I’ll make it up to you. My hand on my heart, son. I’ll do right by you and your mother from the minute I get home. You just watch. I’ll make everything right.’
Ged choked up. This was not the time or place to break down. He was a big boy now and he held back the tears. His words were sincere and from the heart. ‘Dad, just keep your head down and get home. Don’t be getting in any bother in here and getting time added to your sentence. I want you home now. I want us to be a family again.’
The screw was beside them now and he shot a look over at Kevin. ‘Visit over,’ he spat. Kevin eyeballed him, his nostrils flaring. This guy was known throughout the whole nick as a hard-nut and very few prisoners dared to mess with him. Kevin squeezed his son one last time and they said their final goodbyes. As he walked out, Ged didn’t look back once.
Chapter Eleven
Nancy stared out of her bedroom window, a single finger pressed against the cold glass drawing shapes. It was raining outside, dark clouds hanging in the sky. Not really the weather to be going out in. The pale flesh of her arm showed scars old and new. Deep white lines engraved on her skin. Nancy held a small metal nail, dragging it deep into the inside of her forearm, pain in her eyes as the small sharp point pierced her skin. Bright red blood dripped from the new cuts, dribbling down her arm. Nancy had been self-harming for a few years now, and she couldn’t explain to anyone why she did it. She just did. Maybe she was unhappy with her life, maybe it was a cry for help. She didn’t know anymore. She paused, could hear someone coming up the stairs. She yanked her jumper down over her arms and threw the nail under the bed. Nobody could see this, nobody would understand. She was good at hiding things, very good indeed. The bedroom door creaked open and her uncle stood there, just looking at her. He was a shady one, that was for sure. Her Uncle John had lived with her family since she could remember, but that didn’t mean she had to like it.
‘What do you want? Get out of my room!’ John was a mess, as ever, he could have done with a good scrub. His shoulder-length hair was greasy, his skin had a greyish sheen.
‘No need for the attitude, gobshite. Your mam asked me to check you were OK. Just doing her a favour really. I couldn’t give a shit if you was alive or dead, to tell the truth.’
Nancy could give as good as she got. ‘Well I am alright so close the door and leave me alone. Go on, fuck off instead of standing there gawping.’
When Nancy was in a mood like this she had a foul mouth on her. But in truth, she was all over the place. Was it any wonder that she’d just walk out of the house and go on the missing list for days? She’d never been able to really explain why. She said it was just the way she was. She’d been to see enough specialists about her mental health problems, but none of them would put a label on her. Maybe she was bipolar, ADHD? Consultants and counsellors had suggested all sorts, but would giving the way she felt a name actually help? Or maybe one day they’d go with her suggestion: she was like she was, just because her life was shit.
John ignored her invitation to fuck off and instead edged closer, keeping his voice low. He was a creepy bastard and he stank of stale tobacco. Her stomach turned as he came towards her. He gripped the side of her face, squeezing her cheeks so hard the skin turned white. ‘Listen up, you cheeky cow, carry on talking to me like that and you’ll get a good arse kicking. I don’t know who you think you are…’
Nancy knew when she was beaten. Her expression changed, resignation clouding her eyes. ‘Do whatever you want to me, do I look bothered? You can’t hurt me anymore. How many times have I told you that you mean nothing to me, you’re not my family, you’re just a prick.’
John was nose to nose with her now, his stale breath hot against her face. She looked away but he turned her back to face him. Slowly he pressed his dry, cracked lips to hers, shoved his tongue into her mouth. Nancy tried to pull away then, but he yanked her back by the hair. He checked the door to make sure they were alone as he whispered, ‘I’ll be back to see you tonight, we can have some fun, you like that don’t you?’
Nancy didn’t dare flinch, though hate filled her eyes and the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. Slowly, he backed off and left the room. She could hear him laughing under his breath. She lay on her bed for a few minutes, gripping the duvet, squeezing it between her fists. Her eyes prickled with tears and, one by one, they slid slowly down her cheeks. Why had she never been able to tell anyone what was going on? Maybe if she had it could have been stopped. Her uncle would have been banged up and slammed in the nonce wing in the big house. Maybe then people would have understood. But the words would never come.
Nancy got up and put on an extra-thick woollen jumper. She didn’t know where she was going to go, but wherever it was, she wanted to make sure she’d be warm enough. She walked around her bedroom picking things up and shoving them in her pockets. It was time to go again.
Nancy sat on the concourse at Piccadilly station; noises, talking, people rushing all around her. But she just sat there on a bench, looking around at the passers-by as they headed who knows where. Maybe she would dress like these women one day, smart and professional. But right now, no one gave her a second glance, a fifteen-year-old girl, huddled over her phone like any other teenager.
She often came here, sat for hours just watching people go by. Somehow the station made her feel like she was going places even without moving an inch. This was her safe place, where nobody could touch or hurt her. Nobody ever questioned her either, she kept herself to herself and bothered no one. Nancy sat crunching her way through a packet of crisps; she’d robbed twenty pounds from her mam’s purse. She was always dipping her when she was skint; she knew it was wrong but never cared enough to stop.
Ged looked like he was out of his comfort zone, you could tell he didn’t really know what he was doing. He was like a fish out of water, looking around, his head twisting one way then another so fast it was a wonder he didn’t fall over. He kept checking the ticket in his hands over and over. Nancy watched him board the train and quickly jumped on after him, making sure he still didn’t clock her.
Ged shoved the ticket in his pocket and sat down. He pulled his hood up and dropped his head against the window. How hard could it be? Just a quick train journey out of town that’s all, nothing to worry about. Frankie was his mate, would never put him at risk, would he? Easy money he’d said. Frankie had made it sound like he’d come too but Ged sat here now feeling just as alone as ever.
Nancy sat as close as she dared, watching Ged through the gap in the seats as the train moved off. His mobile started to ring; she could see the panic in his eyes as he fumbled in his pocket trying to find it. She could hear every word: ‘Yeah, I’m on the train now, tell them to meet me at the other end,’ he said. The call went on for a few minutes. He looked nervous, couldn’t keep still, fidgeting.
Half an hour later and he’d still never looked up. Nancy was bored. She stuck her head between the seats; she’d had enough of being by herself and she knew him, so why wouldn’t she say hello? She stood up and made her way down the carriage.
‘Where you off to then?’
Ged nearly choked as he spotted her. ‘Fucking hell, Nancy, what are you doing here?’
She sat down next to him.
‘I always take myself off to different places when I’m bored. It’s just something I do. I go all over.’
Ged had gone pale and he checked around to make sure no one was watching them.
Nancy asked him again. ‘So, where you off to?’
He swallowed hard and she could tell by his body language that he was up to no good.
‘I’ve just got to take some stuff to someone. I’m coming back later tonight. It’s just a favour for a mate.’
Nancy looked him right in the eye; did he think she was green or what? She knew what was what – he needed to stop trying to pull the wool over her eyes. She was way more intelligent than he was giving her credit for.
‘Ged, stop talking out of your arse. I’m not daft you know. If you don’t want to tell me then that’s fine, but don’t lie to me.’
Ged cracked his knuckles, looked around again to make sure nobody could hear them. He wasn’t going to admit he was shitting himself and seeing her made him feel a bit better. And could she be trusted? He reckoned she probably could. He kept his voice low. ‘If you have to know, I’m dropping some stuff off for Frankie. He’s been great with me and sorted me out with some new gear and that so it’s the least I can do to pay him back, isn’t it?’
‘Stuff like what?’
‘Just a few parcels,’ he whispered.
The penny dropped. ‘So you mean drugs?’
Ged’s eyes opened wide as he nodded slowly. ‘Yeah, fucking hell, keep your voice down will you?’
Nancy was way more streetwise than her new mate and knew more about this stuff than she’d ever let on. It was crystal clear what Ged was up to. County lines. Surely he wasn’t that thick that he didn’t know how this was going to end up? Nancy’s brother Graham had been done for the same thing a few years back and he was still in jail serving the rest of his six-year stretch for his part in the whole thing. This was a fool’s game. The top men got richer and richer and the pricks at the bottom end of the ladder got slammed in jail with not a penny.
Nancy had idolised her older brother and since he’d been in jail nothing had been the same. John would never have dared lay a finger on her when Graham was about. If he knew what was going on now, he’d have knocked ten bags of shit out of him given half a chance. She’d been so close to telling him the last time she visited, but as usual the words just wouldn’t come out. And what could he do when he was locked up in jail, anyway? Nothing. The time would come though, and the tide would turn. It was just a matter of time before John got what was coming to him.
Nancy started to tell Ged about her brother, explain exactly what it was that he was getting himself into, but he just brushed it off.
No way was he having this girl telling him what to do. He was one of the boys now, he could do whatever he wanted. Ged wished she’d just bugger off, he was not in the mood for her chatter. But Nancy wasn’t giving up.
‘So, can I come with you once you’ve done what you are doing? We can go into Blackpool and have a bit of fun if you want?’
Ged hadn’t left Manchester in years. The last time he’d been to Blackpool was with school when he was ten. He would love to go to the Pleasure Beach, ride the roller coasters and eat candy floss. Carried away with the memories of being a kid, he softened.
‘Yeah, alright. But keep this to yourself, you tell nobody what I’m doing, do you hear me, fucking nobody.’ Ged didn’t get Frankie’s operation, but he knew enough to understand that if this went tits up, he’d be in deep shit.
Nancy, on the other hand, was happier than she’d been in ages. Something interesting was happening in her life for a change. Usually she’d just walk about on her own for hours, speaking to nobody. Now the pact was made, and she crossed her heart and hoped to die if she broke his trust.
‘I won’t say anything to anyone. I promise. I’m just glad we get to hang out.’
Ged couldn’t help grinning, this girl was off her napper, but he liked her, something about her just made him feel better. He looked out of the window and watched the landscape speeding by. They’d be in Blackpool soon and then he could get rid of the gear and start to relax. He’d tell Frankie when he got back that this was a one-off.
Nancy sat eating her way through a Mars bar; she broke a piece off and passed it over to Ged with a smile. The rich, creamy caramel oozed from the chocolate and she thrust it at him.
As they left the station, Ged kept his head down. Frankie had told him to use his eyes, make sure nobody was following him. There were some shady bastards hanging around train stations this time of day. Tramps, drug addicts, prostitutes, traffickers, you never knew who was hiding away in the dark shadows. And then there was the undercover dibble. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Nancy was at Ged’s side taking it all in her stride. She’d been up here lots of times and seemed to know the place like the back of her hand. As they walked away from the station Ged stayed alert, constantly looking left and right. Frankie had said there would be a white car waiting when he got there, but he couldn’t see one anywhere. This wasn’t good – maybe they’d been arrested and the police were now sat waiting for him to make his move. His heart was beating rapidly and he had started to sweat. Nancy just wanted him to deliver the parcel as soon as possible so they could go and have some fun. But if she was going to help, she needed some details: who, what and where.
‘Who is your man at this end?’
‘Mathew, he’s called. Frankie said he would pick me up from here. Maybe he’s spotted you with me and thinks it’s on top.’ He scratched his head and kept walking up and down.
‘Tell
you what. You wait here and I’ll have a walk about and see what I can see. I’ll come back for you once it’s sorted.’
Nancy wasn’t up for being left on her tod. ‘How long are you going to be? Don’t leave me here on my lonesome. I don’t see why I can’t come with you anyway. It’s not like I don’t know what’s going on.’
Ged was insistent. ‘Wow, I’m stressed as it is, don’t you be adding to it too. For fuck’s sake, just chill here for a bit. And stop being annoying.’
‘Just saying,’ she whispered under her breath.
She spotted a bus shelter and started to walk over towards it. ‘I’ll be here waiting, don’t be long.’ But Ged wasn’t listening – all he wanted to do now was get rid of the gear. He headed up to the end of the street and crossed the road, his head low and his hands deep in his pockets. He’d only been walking a couple of minutes when he heard a car engine roaring behind him. His heart was in his mouth. Now what? He wished he’d never come. The car slowed down alongside him.
‘Oi, Ged, right?’
Ged nodded and walked over to the driver’s side window. ‘Yeah, Frankie said you’d be waiting for me. Mathew, yeah?’
Mathew was a big strapping lad, around eighteen years old. He looked hard as nails. He checked Ged out from top to toe. Ged could smell weed coming from inside the car – the guy in the passenger seat was blazing a zoot as he looked over at him.
‘Get in then, I’ll take you to the gaff where you’ll be staying tonight.’
Ged looked puzzled.
‘No, I’m just delivering this and taking some money back. No one has mentioned me staying over.’
‘Change of plan. The money won’t be in until late, so you’re not travelling back tonight. Frankie knows the score.’
