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Alma could tell where she was before ever opening her eyes. The scent and texture of the sheets told her she had been moved to her bedroom. It smelled of melon and severely lacked Ramiel’s fragrance.
“Ah, Ramiel, you idiot! Why can’t I ever be wrong about you? Why can’t you surprise me?” she wondered out loud. But he had surprised her the night before, taking her as he had. Maybe hoping he’d go against his habit of over-thinking everything, taking on blame that did not exist, and allow her to wake up in his arms was just too much to ask for. He had kissed her and undressed her and made love to her, forcing all her fantasies to fade out. The reality of his touch had been a trillion times better.
She now lay in her bed crying silently, void of everything, tormented and incredibly alone. Yet she still knew she’d never trade in that night to save herself from a little despair. Maybe she’d really get sucked in by depression this time. Maybe they’d medicate her and force her into therapy. It still had been the best night of her life.
That thought of medication alone pushed her out of bed and into the shower. There was no point in wasting time there. She’d shower, change, go somewhere to clear her head, build up her courage, and then find Ramiel and tell him the truth. It was only fair. To her, to him, to everyone involved. She had kept silent for so long, deluding herself that the truth would have just hurt him. He would have lost his best friend just because he happened to love someone else. But after nearly having him, she had decided to stop lying to herself. She was simply afraid, terrified that he’d reject her. “And so what?” she thought. “He may or may not reject me. We’d still be friends, eventually, when my heart calmed down!” That was just the type of bond they had, unbreakable. Or at least she hoped they did!
“Ah, enough!” she shouted, punching the wall in front of her. “When the hell did I become this emotional, scared wreck?” She stepped out of the shower, quickly dried off and proceeded to furiously brush her teeth. She then spent a few seconds considering the idea of applying her body lotion. Laziness nearly won that battle, thankfully guilt over not properly taking care of herself overpowered her initial impulse. She put on a colorful summer dress and even used a little makeup.
She was Alma, she reminded herself. She was strong, a bitch really, if you asked some of her coworkers and friends. She had preached action over sulking on every occasion and now she was acting like a total emo kid. She decided to head to the beach where Ramiel had shown her his wings and finally put an end to her recent attitude. Crying and complaining it hurt? Really? What the hell was that?
Once in her car, she plugged in her phone, selected her power-up list and pushed the gas harder than usual. She made it to the beach in a little over two hours and was thrilled to find it as deserted as the last time. It was a small strap of sand with a steep descent into the sea. It was dangerous for swimmers and too far off from anything civilized. No shops, no beach bars, no garbage bins. It was a week day and that helped keep the beach empty. She lay on the sand smiling, taking it the sun, along with the smell and sound of the waves. Salty and refreshing, just what she needed.
She remembered his black wings fluttering in the moonlight, his strong and beautiful upper body exposed to the breeze, his black tight jeans and army boots. He was so beautiful. Dark, tall, and handsome, a little threatening really. His shoulder-length hair did not seem to move at all, although the wind had run amok through his feathers. Black, shimmering feathers matching his dark eyes. Yet there had been such warmth in them. Even now, long months after the experience, she’d feel shivers up and down her body and she couldn’t help crying remembering that pure beauty. “I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in my whole life and nothing will ever match that experience,” she thought. No one and nothing would ever come close to being as heart-stopping as Ramiel, in human form or angel-self.
She decided right then and there that after filling up on energy on the beach, she’d go back and find him, drag him somewhere private, and finally come clean. She had to! She couldn’t hold it in anymore and she couldn’t keep running every time he got too close to her. She was tired of sex dreams, getting all hot and bothered just because a part of his body would brush against her by mistake, feeling insecure, and wondering what was so special about that Shamsiel creep that Ramiel would love him so much. That was no life and it really didn’t suit her personality!
Sand suddenly rushed over her, pinching her skin. Drops of water stained her dress and she covered her face with her arms, waiting for the renegade breeze to subside.
“Enjoying the afterglow of being taken by Ramiel, are we?” a cold, thundering voice said, paralyzing her. “Look at me!” it commanded.
Alma got up, resting on her forearms and looked at the man in front of her. Only it was no mere man. She first noticed the blinding white wings resting calmly around him.
“Shamsiel,” she said, sporting a mocking smile while taking in his appearance. Blond curls, pale white skin, and impressive, warrior figure covered in a silver armor. She noticed the glowing sword in his hand, its tip resting on the sand. Was it glowing, or was it ablaze? So that’s what a sacred fire looked like? Cool!
She gave him another once over, stopping at his blue, ice-cold eyes. Everything about him said light and beauty, but that lack of emotion was a strong contradiction. Just like Ramiel’s warmth was the opposite of his dark charm appearance. Complete opposites that loved each other. “Yin and Yang, is that what it is?” she silently wondered. Thinking of it like that, she was tempted to decide they were maybe, probably, perfect for each other. A match made in heaven, was that what it was? She groaned painfully, considering her plan of coming clean might be short lived.
“I thought you might show up sooner or later,” she said.
“Did you now?” the angel asked in a terrifying voice. He made no attempt to hide his discontent or his anger. “I see you’re back to your usual claws-out, wild cat attitude. Done with coming off as pathetically weak, are we? Is that an illusion you’ve got saved up for Ramiel?”
“It was bound to happen. Human logic can easily help one come to that conclusion,” she continued on the same challenging tone, sitting up and folding her legs under her dress. “And I rarely allow myself to show weakness in front of anybody, but it sometimes slips out with him.”
“You’re right, even limited creatures such as yourself would comprehend my need to protect what’s mine!” Shamsiel snickered.
“Who’s yours, right?” she retorted.
“Details, child, details! Ramiel is mine, body and soul. And I will not allow you to put your dirty hands on him ever again.”
“Shamsiel, what’s with this sudden interest in little old me? He’s been fucking people left and right since getting here. Do you mean to say I’m special?” she asked, feeling her grin widening.
“Yes, you are sneakier than most. Greedy, too! You’ve had a taste and now want more. The others were considerate enough not to take more than one bite.”
“Hmm, and you think that happened because of last night?”
“Stop playing around! Of course it did. You started as friends and you somehow got him to do you. I am sure you’ll try to take more of him now!” Samshiel said, disgust washing over him.
“Shams, you clearly know nothing!”
“Don’t mock my name, puny human!” he warned, lifting the blade.
She puffed and rolled her eyes.
“Sorry, bad habit of mine! It was in no way a sign of endearment! Like I said, you’re clueless for an angel, I guess you two have that in common.”
“Try explaining it!” he demanded.
“Well, you see, I’ve always craved for more, for all of him. Ever since the first time I’ve lain eyes on him. I didn’t realize it in the beginning, but then he showed me his true self and my mind and soul were filled with this selfish, monopolizing desire.”
“Humans! Show them your wings and
they’re forever hooked. You’re nothing more than animals looking for their next addiction!” he said with a half-smile.
“You might be on to something there! But I wasn’t talking about the wings thing. That was indeed beautiful and exhilarating and I might be hooked as you say. But he showed me his true self by allowing me in. He shared his story and thoughts with me.”
“Trying to seem deeper than you are? Don’t bother! You’re a barely evolved, shallow creature that gets wet when she thinks of him, not someone who loves him on a higher level!”
She couldn’t help laughing. What he was saying was not wrong or incorrect. It just meant nothing.
“Shamsiel, I am not like you. I don’t put boundaries on my love for him. I’d love him in any way he’d want me to. And I am not ashamed of how my body reacts when he touches me. What’s wrong with being instantly turned on by the one you love?”
“And that is why you are a human and I am an angel,” he said with a winner smile, pointing happily at her.
“See, Ramiel is an angel as well. And he thinks like me.”
“Yes, yes. And what good did that do to him? He was banished from the Pristine Gardens and sent to this ditch!”
“So, are you saying that when he was holding you, caressing you, when you felt him moving inside of you, you were not turned on?” she asked, throwing visual thunders at him. She saw the changing colors of his otherwise stone-cold face. He was wincing and shaking his head, of course he remembered, of course he had never been immune to Ramiel! Maybe facing the truth could help those two.
“I can’t control how my body reacts,” he shouted, suddenly defensive. “It’s in my power to control it, and I have for most of my life. I just gave in because he wouldn’t stop asking me to.”
“I can’t believe you are stupid enough to be ashamed of how he expresses his love!” she yelled back.
The tip of his sword moved rapidly and stopped a few inches from her face.
“Careful now, stupid girl! Trust me when I tell you, you want me to keep talking, not to take action against your trespassing!” He sounded calm, but there was a sharpness to his eyes and his steady grip on the handle that made her bite her next sentence. She waited for the rage to wear off and silently watched him.
“Your body reacts, but you don’t appear to be really afraid. Now I truly understand that expression about ignorance being bliss,” he mocked her.
“It’s not ignorance! Well, not on my part at least.”
“Oh, enlighten me!” he encouraged her.
“I believe you are still able to consider consequences and hold your jealousy in check.”
“Consequences?” he asked frowning. “I am an angel, what consequences could possible arise?”
“Ramiel’s reaction, of course! I happen to have guessed that matters to you. I am his most precious sole friend over here. Killing me won’t win you any points, will it?” She knew her malicious smile was provoking him and that she was bluffing, but she just couldn’t stop herself.
“Yes, I am worried about him. He holds the most insignificant of things as valuable. But that jealousy accusation is too shaky, even for you!”
“It’s not. If you weren’t jealous, if you hadn’t felt your position was being threatened, you would have never come here!”
“I just want to stop him from falling even further!”
“And how exactly are you going to do that?”
“Why, by making sure nuisances like you are out of his life forever, of course!” His cold eyes scared her more than his words. She had a feeling nothing would change his mind. Not even Ramiel himself.
“Then you’re here to take him back, right?” she asked softly, feeling her chest tightening and tears pooling in her eyes. She wanted Ramiel to be happy, and if that meant going back with Shamsiel, then she would never stand in their way.
“Take him back? Never! He has been banished from the Gardens. I would never challenge the Supreme Being like that!”
“What? You are not content with him being punished by never seeing the one he loves again, you also want to take his friend away and condemn him to wander the earth alone?” she asked, disbelief thick in her voice.
“He can go back to his whoring ways if that makes it easier. That might taint his body, but not his soul. Not unless he feels something, like his friendship for you! That’s so degrading!”
“Shamsiel, isn’t it strange for an angel to believe that mere sexual pleasure is okay, but pure feelings, such as one’s devotion to a friend, are a stain on one’s soul?” she said, trying hard to soften her voice.
“It’s too complicated for your puny mind to understand!” he replied, sounding utterly bored.
Alma could feel her own rage amassing, reaching unbearable heights.
“So you are not here to take him back?” she tried one more time.
“No! So be a good girl and never see him again, or I’ll be back to punish you!”
“Then,” she said, “I will not let you have your way! I was ready to let you have him because he wanted you so badly! But I am not giving up on him just to let him endure a lonely, cold existence. For what? Just because it pleases you?”
She was no longer bluffing. She was determined. She would fight absolutely anyone for Ramiel’s sake. She couldn’t bear the thought of him starting to drift aimlessly again, going from boredom to empty sexual encounters to utter despair. He certainly deserved more than that!
“You have no say in it. You either comply or I kill you!” The tip of the blade returned, closer this time. She could feel the heat on her face.
“I will not! Never! Who would? You are a nothing more than a jealous, malicious brat who does not know how to be happy and wants others to be miserable with him!” she shouted, jumping to her feet.
Shamsiel pushed her, a slight move of his wrist being enough to send her to the ground.
“Have it your way then!”
Alma could see the blazing sword being drawn away from her and then pushed forward. She wanted to move, to try and run, or to at least close her eyes. She couldn’t, as the flame was mesmerizing. There was a little gap between when she had expected it to penetrate and the moment it actually did. She felt a huge pressure over her, but it was not from the blade. The wound in her gut did not hurt, nor bleed. It was surprisingly numb. But her eyes had widened, knowing it had pierced through everything, skin, flesh, bones. Breathing became a chore and she felt her body turning cold.
Pure Love of the Fallen Page 5
