She was already crying so hard when she bolted for the window, pounding it with her fists and kicking it when her hands started to swell to no avail. She trembled as the last glimmer of hope she had gathered for the past few days, had finally left her.
With nothing in sight to aid her, Will had obviously made the room escape-proof. He evidently didn’t want to risk it.
Una could scream as much as she wanted, but she already figured out that they were most likely in the middle of nowhere and her chances of being heard by someone were almost slim to none.
She fell to her knees and curled into a ball. She wept so hard she could hardly breathe. Her hands were throbbing painfully. She was terrified of not knowing what was going to happen to her next.
* * *
The following day, Una woke up midday with an initial relief that was quickly weighed down by panic and desperation. She was curled up on the side of the bed. The pillow was wet and her eyes were swollen and dry.
As days went on, her bruises and the rest of her injuries had considerably gotten better. But the mental stress brought about by the things she had discovered from Will’s journal was enough to drive her to madness. Her mind was swarming with questions, but Will had been avoiding any conversation with her. He came in to bring her meals and almost instantly left without a word or greeting.
That day, she sat up and wrapped her arms around her knees. She felt angry and scared at the same time: angry because he had deliberately lied to her, made her believe he was someone he was not and scared because of the mere fact that she had let a mentally ill, awfully dangerous person, into her life.
After a moment, tears earnestly formed in the corners of her eyes again, and she started to sob quietly. The first man she ever cared about happened to enjoy murdering people. What could be worse than that?
She knew she had to do everything she could to escape before he could take her life too. She let her guard down and foolishly trusted his false persona; she couldn’t let him deceive her again. After everything she had learned about him, there was no way she would trust every single word that would come out of his mouth again.
She quickly wiped her tear-stained cheeks when the door swung open.
“Una, are you okay?” Will knew he shouldn’t have asked, he knew she was far from being okay.
“Who are you? Who is William Thomas?” she asked, barely looking up, voice now void of emotions.
Will walked over to the chair and sat on it. He wanted to reach out to her, wrapped her in his arms and tell her everything was going to be fine and he was still the same Will despite everything, but he knew he better keep his distance―for now.
“I am William Thomas,” he told her.
“Stop it!” Una snapped at him, glaring. “The truth. I want nothing but the truth from now on.”
He sighed, licking his chapped lips. “William Thomas was a friend of mine from college. He was reported missing when he didn’t come back from the holidays…” he trailed off.
“But he didn’t really just disappear, did he?”
“Yes, I killed him,” he shot back. “He pissed off someone with his aggressive behavior and offensive conduct. Even I was disturbed by his appalling character. You should know that he deserved it. He was nasty. He had it coming. I wrote it there. Did you read my journal?” As he briefly talked about William Thomas, his smile was vicious and scary, very different from the charming and friendly one that Una was used to.
“Every page of it. So, he embodied sloth and that’s why he had to go? Right? ’Cause that’s how you do your selection process.” She glared at him, wondering why she still felt the need for him to validate the things she already knew. “So did you just pick up on his identity after that? But why him? And why did you? You were obviously appalled by him.”
“Desperate times call for desperate measures. I’m not merely using his information to purchase stuff or apply for bank loans. It’s more complicated than that. You read my journal. I don’t have to explain the whys and the hows. When they started investigating my father and his involvement with that girl Charlie, I knew I had to reinvent myself. I was no longer safe to carry my father’s name. On the night they buried him, I became William Thomas.” His face softened. “I am William Thomas.”
Una silently stared as he gazed back. Should she tell him? But he was a cold murderer, there was no guarantee he would keep his promise and not kill her once he found out.
“Ms. Miller?”
“What is your real name?” Una gripped the edge of the bed and looked at him square in the eyes.
“I was William Thomas to you then, I am William Thomas to you now…and forever will be,” he told her softly.
She reckoned it didn’t really matter now. He could lie to her and give her a fake name. In her eyes, he was still going to be the same monster whatever name he’d have.
“You killed Tyra. For her greed, am I right?” She shook her head. “I didn’t like her. But I didn’t want her dead.”
“Well, somebody did.”
“And you so willingly obliged. You cut out her tongue!” She pointed at him loathingly. “Tell me, did you just kill those people because you wanted to purge them from sin because you had to? Because you were made to believe it was your purpose? Or did you enjoy killing them too?”
“I won’t deny that. I’ll tell you…” He paused. “I don’t know why, Una, but it’s the only way to make me feel…alive. That I exist.” A shard of delight glistened in his eyes. “The thrill, the adrenaline rush, the excitement is very much similar to what you had experienced when I first touched you. You still remember how good it felt, right?”
Una swallowed at the memory, drawing in short and shallow breaths. She searched for a fleck of remorse but caught a sensation in his eyes instead.
Surprisingly, and for a moment there, Will felt a rush of relief after he made his confession. It never felt that liberating with Father Ben. But then again, what he told Father Ben weren’t real confessions but made-up ones just so he could tell his mom he was done with his confession and she would shut up about it.
“Look, Una, you may be right. I may have been made to believe a lie. I know that there’s something wrong with me. But I have a choice, right? I wouldn’t deny that. I had urges and I didn’t know what to do about it. But, somehow, my father did. I couldn’t even understand it, but he did. I mean, how could I explain to you the captivating bliss I feel when―”
“―you murder someone?” Una finished his own sentence for him.
“Yes, but don’t focus on that. Focus on the end result of the act. People get absolved. They stop committing sins.”
Una shook her head in disbelief. “You’re trying to tell me that the ends justify the means? Don’t even―no! So you’re trying to tell me that since you enjoying murdering people, you make it your purpose to kill everyone you think is a bad person and you believe that by doing so, you are freeing them from their sins and stopping them from committing more sins. Am I right so far?”
Will sighed. His head stooped, weighed by the realization that Una, just like his mother, could never understand his reasons the way his dad did. “Please don’t hate me. I told you, I am aware of my choices,” Will pleaded. “And I can choose to change. For you. Anything for you.”
“I know I’ll just end up like your victim.”
“No! Why would I do that?” Will stood up abruptly, almost sending him staggering back. “That’s bullshit! You’re talking bullshit!” Will kicked the chair, flipping it over backward.
He walked towards the door but stopped. He turned and grabbed his journal from the bed. He then stared at Una a moment more before opening the door and slamming it as he left.
He swore! Again!
Una heard the lock on the other side of the door, followed by heavy footsteps walking away. She reached for the blanket. Every inch of her body shivered as fear gripped her. All she could do was cry herself to death, if only that was remotely possible. She’d take t
hat chance if it were her only way out of the hellish situation she was in.
* * *
Days rolled by since Will’s not-so-little confession and things between him and Una had been nothing but a glance from him and silent treatment from her. Every so often, when he came to bring her food or let her shower in the bathroom, she would sigh loudly and act indignant, but she didn’t give him the satisfaction of actually looking at him.
Una had given up crying and turned her effort to find new ways to escape the room, which for her, she slowly felt like an asylum.
Her days had seemed longer for her as hours dragged on and with nothing else to do but eat, sleep and contemplate; time and time again she had tried to escape but failed. Sleeping at night had started to become quite a challenge as well. She usually ended up spending most of her time at night imagining she was looking up into the sky, looking into the stars and the bright moon shining, instead of the dreadful ceiling above her.
It was past one AM and Una still had not fallen asleep. She was staring at the ceiling again but was mentally counting the wood panels this time when the door opened and Will silently stepped in. The smell of beer was sudden and strong, swaddling her head, strangely bringing her senses to alert.
But Una stayed still and didn’t even acknowledge his presence. She focused her attention on the ceiling even more.
Will’s eyes surveyed her and his lips slightly curved when he noticed that Una had changed into a pair of aqua blue flannel pajamas he brought for her that day.
“I hope you like the snowflakes,” Will softly spoke, referring to the pattern on her pajamas. He walked to her and stopped by the foot of the bed.
She looked at him. He looked worn-out. His eyes were red and puffy, and his face was pale. But he still looked strikingly handsome even more than before despite his increasing docile demeanor.
“Is this your plan? To lock me up in here and hope I’d like whatever stuff you buy for me?” Una eyed the adult coloring book and coloring pens on the floor. She had to admit though that she did enjoy coloring the castles and creative doodles, she had already, in fact, colored half of the book.
But, no, she couldn’t tell him that.
Will shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “No. Of course not.”
Una sighed deeply and looked away without saying another word. She reminded herself to stick to the only plan she had at the moment―pretend Will didn’t exist. She had about a hundred things to say to him and a long list of questions, but she didn’t see any point in doing anything anymore.
“Una?”
Will’s soft, meek voice made her look back up at him. She was stiff, preparing herself for maybe another revelation; for some disturbing confession.
Will looked like every positive aura had left him. “Please stop treating me like this.” He took a deep breath to keep his voice from breaking. “It hurts.” Yet, it broke.
Una looked down at her hands, avoiding his eyes.
“You refuse to look at me. You’re distant. Cold. Angry. It really hurts like hell, you know.”
No matter how mad she was at the situation and at him, she couldn’t discard the sorrow in his voice and how it somehow moved her inside. But she couldn’t let him see it. “Why does it matter to you? Why does it hurt you?” she finally spoke again. “Regardless of how I treat you, I am here now, aren’t I? That’s what you want. You shouldn’t be hurting.”
Will’s heart began to beat a little faster as silence filled the room. Now that Una was finally responding again to him, he knew he finally had the chance to change the course of their relationship back to how it was before, and it all depended solely on this moment.
“Well, I am. I am very much hurting right now. I am in pain because…” He paused and sniffed. “Una, I am in pain because I am in love with you.”
Una’s breath got caught in her throat. She looked up at him and blinked, but didn’t say a word.
“I never meant to fall for you, but I have fallen deeply. I don’t know how it happened, but it just did. And the way you look at me, the way you see right through me, it makes me nervous as hell. You leave me breathless every moment I look at you. So, yeah, it hurts because I am undeniably in love with you.” Will’s fists clenched in his pockets.
Una’s emotions flipped from indifference to anger. “Love? Do you seriously even really know what love is? What it really means to love someone? How could you when you haven’t felt it before, Will. Do you really have any idea what it feels to really love someone? You’re obviously confusing love with obsession.”
“No. No. No. You’re wrong. I do…I do…know…I do know what…what love is.” Will stuttered “Love is…you, Una. Sometimes I feel like my heart will burst when I think of you.”
Una slowly shook her head. “You killed a lot of people, Will. You didn’t even feel a slight of sympathy for them,” she spat at him. Her words made him trip a step backward. “Because you can’t. And you can’t feel love…you don’t know how.”
“What? What do you mean?” Will could feel tears actually welling up in his eyes. “Are you telling me that I’m not capable to love because…I’m a monster?”
Una could see the hurt that was in his eyes, but she refused to give in. She couldn’t possibly forget the horrible things he did. There was just no way she could let his tearful eyes and begging voice overshadow his sins.
“Yes, you are. And stop telling me you love me because you’re not in love with me.” Her voice was rising. “Lust, did you say that’s what you lack in your collection before you can start another cycle of your murderous act? What you feel exactly for me is that—lust. You’re obsessed. I say you should go ahead and kill yourself then.”
Will walked over to her bed and sat on the edge. Una quickly moved back, creating a little space between them. With tears silently escaping his eyes, he told her, “Please don’t say that, Una. It hurts me to hear you say that.”
“If you really do love me, you’d let me go, Will. Let me be free.” Una’s voice was suddenly soft, almost imploring.
Will’s eyes grew wide. “I can’t.” He pulled away, wiping the tears off his face self-consciously. “I’m sorry. I can’t do that. I can’t let you go. I can’t do that. You’re my happiness. You’re my world now. I am consumed by the desire to be with you all the time. I’d go mad if I lose you. I’m sorry.”
Una could feel her own eyes betraying her. She wanted to cry at the hopelessness of her situation. She was his prisoner and bawling her heart out wouldn’t change that.
“Una, you may be right. I never understood the concept of love until I met you.”
She sighed and sniffed back the tears in her eyes. Don’t cry. She told herself.
Will took her silence as a chance to win her faith in him again. “I have lived my entire life battling my addiction on my own. Do you know how it feels like to have a voice in your head and fight it every single day? It’s not my fault why I am the way that I am. I never understood me. How could I? Nobody actually cared to really understand first what kind of help I needed.”
The expression on Una’s face hadn’t changed; tears were still clouding her eyes, but she was unfazed by Will’s sudden change of direction.
“I had no one to help me. My dad was obviously another nutcase and made me believe it was my purpose to redeem sinners, and my mother thought I was possessed. Yes, she seriously thought I was possessed by the devil. All those talks with the priest never helped me because the priest wasn’t the kind of help I needed. It even made me worse,” Will continued, “I know how the world hates people like me. And that is a very depressing and a pretty much fucked up reality. But you make me forget about all that—the sadness and pain.” He finished and walked over to the door.
After hearing it, Una couldn’t believe she had to fight a sudden urge to run over to Will and comfort him.
Will turned back to her and said, “Don’t get me wrong, I know I should stay away from you because people like
you shouldn’t be with people like me. I know that people like me don’t get the chance to be truly happy, Una. Because people like me get locked up and rot to hell. But for you, just to be with you, Una, I will risk it all.”
There was so much pain in Will’s voice, she thought she might just concede and welcome him back in her arms. But the things she read in his journal brought back the hatred she felt. Will killed a lot of people.
Will could cry and beg but she wouldn’t really know if it had to do with actual remorse. No, she couldn’t let his state of misery and a promise of complete transformation sway her.
“I’m sorry, Una. I’m afraid we’re gonna have to stay in here until everything between us is back to normal. Until you acknowledge my feelings for you and realize that you and I are meant to be with each other. Until you trust me enough to have a little faith in me again,” Will said softly and left.
Trust. The word hit her like a blow in the gut. Multiple waves of frustration, fear, and bile filled the room. Panic curled through her body. She had seen the worst of him, and he had spilled his soul to her, but could she really stay and help him struggle through his own demons? Was she even strong enough to help him?
But the thought of the people Will killed had always been at the forefront of her mind, and every time she’d tried to shed Will’s issue some light, fear, and grief would overcome her and her throat would close and she’d choke on the thought.
Beaten and broken, she began to cry again. Soon everything around her faded as she fell asleep.
Chapter 26
Monster
Will had woken up earlier than usual. It was one of those cold mornings which he had slowly grown accustomed to, but beads of sweat covered his forehead. He sat up on the couch where he’d been sleeping for the past month. He sat there for a minute to allow himself to shake away the horrors of dreaming his own death.
Considerably Wicked: A Dark Romance Page 27
