There was a sadness in the old man’s voice, and Fernando appreciated the way he was doing his part to preserve traditions that would be lost otherwise. As Ricky continued explaining about the ranch and how it was set up, it was clear he was looking for someone who wanted to be part of the tradition as well.
Yes, Ricky wanted an employee. But he wanted someone who bought in to the ranch lifestyle just as much as Ricky did. Which wasn’t a problem for Fernando. He appreciated the traditions and would love nothing better than to spend the rest of his life on a ranch, working with horses.
But it seemed almost a shame to get this old man’s hopes up.
As Ricky led him out of the house and down the path to an oversize barn, Fernando’s heart sank. He didn’t have to enter the barn to see that the facility was a dream come true. Anyone who loved horses would love a place like this.
Fernando stopped. “Hold up a second. Before we go any further, there’s something I need to tell you. I’ve got a record. It’s been a problem for some people in the past, and I need to know now if it’s going to be a problem for you.”
Ricky gave him a long, hard look. “What do you take me for, a fool? I might be as old as dirt, but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid. When Shane recommended you for the job, I did some digging of my own into your background. I even talked to Walt Cunningham himself. People forget I know all these folks. Walt used to ride on the rodeo circuit with my late son, Cinco, God rest his soul.”
The long pause following Ricky’s comment about his son made Fernando think that the old man was offering a quick prayer for his son. It was touching to see how much he still loved the boy, however old he’d been when he died. If he had been around Walt’s age, he’d be somewhere in his fifties about now.
“Anyway,” Ricky continued. “Walt said you’re one of the finest horsemen he’s ever trained. Said you were a good man who got a bum deal but made the most of it. Maybe you got something on your record, but that doesn’t tell me half as much as Walt’s words did. I’ll want to evaluate you for myself, but I’m not going to hold the mistakes of your past against you.”
That seemed to be the theme of his conversations lately about his conviction. The trouble was, people said it but their actions always proved differently. Still, it felt good to hear that Ricky had talked to Walt and Walt had said such nice things about him.
Ricky continued the tour of the barn, and it was far better than any other facility Fernando had ever seen. Working here would be a dream. Every piece of equipment Fernando could imagine wanting to try or use was available to him. And when Ricky led him out to the paddock, it only took a quick glance to know that Ricky had some of the finest horseflesh Fernando had ever encountered. None of these appeared to be the kind of project horse he was dealing with in training Snookie.
It seemed almost unfair to have such a job dangled in front of him. Naturally, Fernando would accept it if offered. It just meant it would hurt even more when the inevitable happened and Fernando was let go.
One of the wranglers brought a horse over to them. “Ricky, this is the mare I was telling you about.”
Ricky gestured at Fernando. “This is Fernando, and he’s applying for the trainer job. Fernando, this is Steve. He’s our head wrangler, and a fine one at that.”
The mare was jumpy, tugging at the lead rope, and Steve kept giving it a jerky correction that was doing more harm than good by making the mare more anxious.
Fernando held his hand out to the palomino, whose dark golden coloring was striking. He wondered if whoever had purchased the horse had done so because she was so beautiful. “What’s her name?”
“Charm,” Steve said, giving the rope another jerk as the horse reared.
“She’s definitely charming.” Fernando smiled at him. “You don’t mind if I take her for a while, do you?”
Steve handed him the rope. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”
The other man’s attitude told Fernando that he felt threatened, having Fernando around. If Fernando had to guess, Steve probably wanted the job for himself, but for whatever reason, Ricky didn’t want to promote him. He’d definitely need to keep his eye on Steve.
Once he had the rope, Fernando began the same basic calming exercises he’d done with Snookie. Based on what he’d seen of Steve’s handling and Charm’s response, the skittish horse needed more gentling, and Steve’s jerky movements were scaring her.
As he had when he’d first started working with Snookie, Fernando easily fell into a rhythm where he shut out all his hopes, all his fears and any thoughts of where this job would lead, and connected with Charm.
If this test was meant to make him not want the job, they’d chosen the wrong horse. Charm needed him. Just like Snookie needed him. And, as he found himself bonding with Charm, he knew this was what he was meant to do.
When he led Charm back to Ricky and Steve, he could see the respect on Ricky’s face, and the disdain written all over Steve’s. He’d been right to peg Steve as being jealous, and he hoped it wouldn’t be a problem as Ricky held his hand out to Fernando.
“That is some of the finest horsemanship I’ve seen,” Ricky said, shaking Fernando’s hand. “We’ve still got to go over particulars, but I’m just going to tell you right now that the job is yours if you want it.”
Ricky turned to Steve. “You’re going to learn a lot from this man. Who knows, maybe one day, you can start training some horses, too.”
Steve’s expression darkened. He obviously didn’t appreciate the idea of being taught more skills. Fernando knew the type. They thought they knew it all when it came to the horses, and no one could tell them otherwise.
As Fernando handed Charm back to Steve and followed Ricky out of the barn, he could feel Steve’s eyes on him, probably plotting the most efficient way to get rid of him.
But that was nothing new. Fortunately for Steve, as soon as he learned about Fernando’s background, he’d find plenty of ways to get rid of Fernando. At least it was a good warning that Fernando shouldn’t get too attached to the job.
Everyone else might have hope that people would see him for more than what his record said he was. In the end, it was a stigma he couldn’t overcome.
Still, when Ricky officially offered him the position as his head trainer, Fernando accepted.
He just hoped he didn’t end up regretting it.
* * *
Since getting out of the hospital, Nicole found herself staring at the apartment over the barn more and more. Though Fernando had made it clear he had no interest in pursuing anything romantic with her, she couldn’t help thinking how romantic it was that he’d gone out of his comfort zone to apply for Ricky’s job so he could save her horse.
“I’m sure he’ll be back soon,” Leah said, coming up behind her. “We’re all anxious to hear how the interview went.”
Nicole turned to her sister. “I just hope it wasn’t a mistake on Shane’s part, making that a condition of my keeping Snookie. Maybe I should just give her up.”
“Is that what you want?”
It had hurt just to say the words the first time. Nicole shook her head. “Of course not. I just hate knowing how much trouble having Snookie has caused.”
She pointed at her bandaged shoulder. “This could have been the boys. Am I being selfish in fighting for her?”
Leah wrapped her arms around Nicole. “You were always one to fight for the underdog. It’s one of the things I love about you. I’m not worried about having Snookie here. The boys know to stay away, and I have faith that you’ll figure out what Snookie needs and be able to give that to her. Everything will be all right. It will just take time.”
Everyone had been telling Nicole she was in too much of a rush for things. And maybe she did need to learn to be more patient. Wasn’t that the whole point of the training lessons with Snookie? It just seemed like she’d been waiting her w
hole life to get her dreams, and now that they were within reach, she didn’t want to wait any longer.
Fernando’s truck pulled up in front of the barn, and Nicole turned to go out to greet him.
“Give him space,” Leah said. “If he didn’t love you, he wouldn’t have made such a sacrifice. But he’s got to figure things out on his own.”
Right. Because she’d pushed too hard with Brandon. Not that any of them had recognized it at the time, but at least now, she knew better.
Still, she was pleased to see that when she got outside, Fernando was headed her way.
“How’d it go?” she asked.
His smile warmed her. “Great. I’m going to enjoy working there. I’m impressed with all that Ricky offers his employees. In fact, as part of the job, there’s a cabin for me to stay in. They need me on-site in case anything goes wrong with the horses.”
It shouldn’t hurt so much to hear that Fernando wouldn’t be living over their barn anymore. Erin had said that Ricky had offered her a place to stay as well, though she hadn’t taken it. Nicole supposed the arrangement was for the best and would make it easier not seeing Fernando all the time.
“Hey,” he said. “I’ll still come over every day to work with you and Snookie. I made it clear to Ricky that it was an important priority, and he agreed. But it will be easier for me, staying there.”
Easier, how? So she wouldn’t tempt him to think that maybe they had a future together? At least, unlike Brandon, Fernando was honest with her about his feelings. Still, it was hard, knowing that Fernando supposedly cared about her yet had the strangest way of showing it.
“It sounds perfect,” she said. “You’re going to do a great job.”
He gave a nonchalant shrug. “We’ll see. I don’t want anyone to get their hopes up. Things like this have a way of not working out for me.”
She hated how pessimistic he was about his situation and future. But this was something else he needed to figure out on his own. Fernando might have been willing to take one risk for her, but it was clear that was as far as he was willing to go.
“Have a little faith,” she said instead. “It amazes me how much faith you have in God, but so little in yourself. God chose to redeem you. He’s brought you this far, and just as you keep telling me to have faith in this journey, maybe you need to take your own advice. If you believe in all these good things from God for others, maybe it’s time to believe the same for yourself.”
Fernando looked like he wanted to argue, but then he nodded. “Maybe you’re right.”
She couldn’t help smiling at his response, but then he shook his head.
“Don’t think this means anything. It’s obvious you want to help me, but there are some things that can’t be fixed. I know you think I’m rejecting you, and trust me, were my situation different, I would want nothing more than to be with you. But sometimes you have to accept reality.”
Nicole squared her shoulders. “People said the same thing about Snookie.”
Fernando made an exasperated noise. “Snookie is different. She’s an animal, and I’m talking about society.”
“You don’t think God is big enough to handle society?”
“God is big enough to handle anything,” Fernando said.
“Except your problems.”
The exasperated look on his face was almost a win. And maybe she was wrong to argue with him, especially considering the fact that pushing on this issue, or any other, was about her and her needs. What she really needed was a man who would love her enough to break through his insecurities on his own.
The realization hit her with more force than their kiss she couldn’t get out of her mind. Yes, a part of her desperately wanted to be with him, but she didn’t want it to be about a fight. His decision to care for her couldn’t be something she’d forced, but something he joyfully gave.
That’s why his sacrifice with Snookie didn’t mean as much as it could have. Yes, it felt good to know that he’d sacrificed some of his pride to save her horse. But it would’ve felt better to her if Shane hadn’t forced his hand.
Time to move on and let Fernando be who he needed to be and focus on the only thing she could control.
“Well, let’s go work with Snookie, then.” She looked him in the eye, gesturing to the barn. “You’re right in that we have said all we need to say about personal matters. I’m not going to push you anymore. You made your feelings clear, and I respect you enough to respect your feelings. I don’t agree with them, and I think you’re being a hypocrite in terms of your faith. But that’s for you to work out with God. And if you can look God in the eye and feel good about yourself, then more power to you. It’s no longer my concern. But what is my concern is my horse. And what we’re going to do about her.”
For a brief moment, shock registered on Fernando’s face. But then he nodded slowly. “Good. I know you’re trying to help me, and it means a lot. But I can’t be the man you want me to be, and you deserve better than that.”
Nicole took a deep breath, allowing more confidence to fill her. “You’re right. I do. I owe you a debt of gratitude for a lot of things, and even though I am hurt over how things transpired between us romantically, I’m grateful. I’ve settled for too little when it comes to relationships. Maybe that’s why things didn’t work out with Brandon. I thought that my doing everything I could to hold it together would be enough. But I want a man who is willing to work as hard as I am and hold as tightly to me as I am to him. You’re not that man. And I pray that someday, God will bring him to me.”
He didn’t say anything as he turned and started walking toward the barn. Maybe it hadn’t been fair, rubbing it in that she would find someone else. But as she spoke the words, she felt a lot of peace about letting Fernando go.
Snookie greeted her with a whinny as Nicole entered the area near her stall.
“Hey, girl,” Nicole said. “I’m sorry I haven’t been to see you in a couple of days. I’ve been sick, and I know you don’t understand that. But I’m sorry for scaring you the other day.”
The horse obviously had no idea what she was saying, but it felt good to say it.
Fernando handed her the halter and lead rope. Nicole entered the stall and put the halter on Snookie. As she did so, she practiced one of the things she’d learned from Fernando. She prayed. Whatever had gone wrong between her and Snookie before, she prayed that God would help her figure it out and make things right.
Nicole led Snookie into the round pen, and even though Fernando hadn’t yet given her any instructions, Nicole began with the basic gentling exercises she’d done when she and Fernando had first gotten Snookie to join up with her. This time Fernando didn’t enter the round pen. Instead, he stood outside the fence, watching.
And as Nicole went through the exercises she remembered, she quickly forgot all thoughts of Fernando, until she was focused solely on the horse.
She wasn’t sure how long she’d been out there with Snookie, because time seemed to stand still and she and Snookie fell into the same easy rhythm they’d once had.
Once Snookie joined up with her, it felt like they had reached a deeper level than ever before.
“I love you, Snookie,” she said, gently resting her head against the horse. “I’m so sorry for everything.”
Snookie gave her a loving nudge, like she understood her words and was returning the apology.
Then the moment passed, and Nicole looked up. Fernando gave her a small nod, acknowledging that she’d done the right thing. Nicole led Snookie to the gate, and Fernando let her out. As they walked to the barn in silence, things felt different between her and Fernando. Like she truly had let go of her attachment to having a future with him. Yes, she would need his help training Snookie. But they could work together as professionals, and any secret dream she had of kissing him again was hers alone.
“You did goo
d,” Fernando said. “That’s exactly what I would have done. Your instincts with her are spot-on. If you remember to follow them and be patient on the other things you want from her, she’ll get there eventually. Snookie clearly trusts you, and you both have a good bond.”
His words of praise made her feel good. Even though Shane had made it clear that Fernando would have to be present when Nicole trained Snookie for the time being, maybe, given the fact that Nicole now understood the importance of not forcing her timing, things would go smoothly enough that Fernando’s help wouldn’t be needed much longer.
It was hard, letting go of the idea of having Fernando around, but Nicole was done trying to force her agenda on others. She had to trust in God’s timing—even if it meant not getting what she wanted. She had to believe that whatever God had in mind, it was for the best.
Though she had to admit, she couldn’t imagine having anyone better than Fernando.
Chapter Fourteen
Fernando entered the barn, checking to make sure everything was secure for the night. He’d been at the Double R for a month now, and it was crazy to think how well he’d settled in. Even though he still wasn’t sure how long it would last, he could almost believe that he might have found a permanent situation. If not, he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. His uncle hadn’t been pleased that he’d changed his mind about the job.
But Fernando was starting to feel comfortable enough that he’d called Bob from church and asked to join one of the men’s groups. Bob had even assured him that his record wasn’t an issue for anyone there. Fernando wasn’t fully committing to anything, but the longer things continued going well, the more he could hope he’d finally found a home.
Fernando paused at one of the stalls. Roscoe clearly hadn’t eaten yet and was starting to throw a fit because of it. It had been Steve’s turn to feed, but Steve’s truck hadn’t been in its usual spot when Fernando came to the barn.
The Cowboy's Faith Page 15
