by Cari Quinn
Then there was Brent and his mom. Should she accept before she’d told him everything? He deserved to know. Was she being selfish for thinking they deserved any bit of happiness they managed to snatch before the rest of the world intruded?
God, she wanted to marry him. If she was making a mistake, it was hers to make. She’d longed for this—just this—for so damn long.
She turned off her phone and dropped to her knees. “Do you really mean it?”
“Yes.” His throat worked. “I want to marry you.”
She swallowed hard, trying to get the questions out that she needed to ask. “When?”
“Tonight. Tomorrow. Two months from now. I don’t care.”
Tears burst from her eyes as she let out another laugh, this one verging on hysterical. “We’ve only been dating two weeks.”
“Yeah, with almost a decade’s worth of foreplay.”
That made her laugh harder. “Lila doesn’t want anyone else to get married.”
“Oh. Well, never mind then. My bad.” He made a show of struggling to his feet, his charges wriggling and meowing. Halfway up, Jazz planted her hand on his chest and shoved him back down.
“Uh-uh. You started this now you’re going to finish it.”
“Technically I can’t, because the ring’s in the store.”
God, his grin and those sparkling eyes were like a gateway into the past, before everything had gotten so messed up between them. For this instant, she could pretend not to see the spiderwebs of blood fanning out in the whites of his eyes, and the heavy bags that rimmed them. He was too skinny, his shirt bagging around his torso, his jeans hanging off his lean hips.
But right then, he was just her Gray, and he was perfect.
“You didn’t spend a lot, did you?” She nearly asked where he got the money, but the diehard romantic in her couldn’t ruin the moment. Maybe Lila had loaned him enough extra to cover his debts and the ring. He’d never been a wasteful spender so he might’ve had some money set aside other than what he’d gotten as an advance.
Unless he used it all for drugs and that’s why Lila had to bail him out.
“Shh. You can’t ask that question about an engagement ring. By the way, still on my knees here.” He flashed her a playful smile that erased the last of her questions and doubts.
“You haven’t asked me anything that requires a ring yet. Just sort of demanded it. Next time try adding a question mark at the end.”
“Okay.” He tucked one kitten on each hip and faced her without an ounce of mirth in his eyes. “I love you. Will you be my wife?”
“Aww,” someone said from behind them, but she didn’t bother to look. She was too busy internally saying “aww” herself. And sniffling.
“I love you too. Yes.” She gave him a broad smile in spite of the damp heat gathering in her eyes. Happy tears didn’t count as a sign of weakness, and by God, she’d earned these. “Easiest question I’ve ever answered.”
For a moment he didn’t move. Barely seemed to breathe. Then he launched himself at her, crushing the kittens between them while he pressed his mouth to hers. “Yes?” he breathed once he moved back to haul in air.
“Yes. On one condition.”
“Anything. What?”
She grinned. “That you fish the ring out of the vending machine for me.”
“Ah, baby, I think we can arrange that.” Laughing, he turned to the stunned silent kid. “We’ll take these to go.”
Thirty-Three
Then
She was singing again, loudly and off-key in her adorable Jazz way. It wasn’t that she couldn’t hold a tune. Far from it. The girl was pitch perfect. But she loved making up new lyrics to her favorite songs—for some reason, she was currently slaughtering Elvis’ “Don’t Be Cruel,”—usually while booty-dancing around her room.
In his bedroom, Gray grinned and adjusted his bowtie. He hated the stupid thing, but he’d gone all out and rented a tux, intending to surprise Jazz. The school year had gone by ridiculously fast. Now it was spring again and it felt like they hadn’t spent any time together in forever. She’d mentioned a couple of times in her emails that she didn’t have a date for her birthday party, and the date coordinated well with his break from school. So why not?
They were friends. Friends hung out together. Friends also grinned at the sound of each other’s voices. And in his case, saved their friend’s emails in a special folder in their account.
Sometimes they even stopped bothering to date college girls for the last few months, because what was the point? He’d tried doing the full college experience during the fall semester, and every one of the girls had come up short in comparison.
But that wasn’t what tonight was about. After the kiss that wasn’t during their unforgettable San Francisco trip in August, he’d gotten the message loud and clear. She didn’t see him that way. He’d come up with and rejected a few theories why, but in the end, their friendship was the most important thing. He would never do anything to jeopardize it.
Tonight he intended to make sure his best friend had a fabulous time.
“Well, this is a surprise. Didn’t expect you to come home for spring break.”
Gray cringed inwardly. His brother. Great. Of course Brent wouldn’t have expected him to come home, because he didn’t think about anyone but himself and figured Gray was as one-track-minded. “Yep. Here I am.”
“And you’re all done up and shit. Big plans tonight, bro?”
So much for Brent paying attention to what was going on in his own house. “It’s Jazz’s birthday.” Gray turned to look at his brother, slouching insolently in the doorway. He had a bottle of scotch tipped up to his lips. He wasn’t twenty-one yet, but their parents wouldn’t say a word to their precious firstborn.
Even when he was being a dick.
“Oh, is it? How’d I miss that?” He grinned. “Bet she’ll need some spankings.”
Asshole. “How about you?” Gray slicked a hand over his spiky hair. “Not like you to stick around home on a Friday night.”
“I’m thinking I’ll spend some time with Jazzy at her little party.” Slowly, Brent licked his lips. “I heard she needed a man and you know I always try to assist family.”
Gray’s spine locked. Brent had dropped out of college right after Thanksgiving and he’d moved into the spare bedroom Jazz had used when she’d first moved in, one that was much smaller than the room he’d given up for her. She must’ve told Brent about her lack of a date. They must be friends now.
“Did she tell you that?”
“Does it matter? I know.” Brent swaggered into the room. “So what’s up with the tux? You trying to class it up? Gotta commend you, man. It won’t get you anywhere with her, but keep trying.”
When he would’ve pushed past Brent, Brent wrapped his meaty hand around his upper arm. “What the hell, man? Cool it.”
“No, you cool it. You don’t fucking live here anymore and you don’t know what shit’s been going down.”
The back of Gray’s neck went cold. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’re not the only one who can get close to Jazz. You always thought you had some special freaking bond. Well, get a fucking clue, dude. Girls like her are used to latching onto whomever’s around.” Brent saluted him with his bottle. “You weren’t here anymore. And I am.”
Gray’s eyes narrowed until all he could see was Brent’s taunting expression. “I don’t know what you’re trying to insinuate but I talk to her all the time. We call and email—”
Brent barked out a laugh. “Yeah, you keep calling and emailing. Meanwhile, some of us are taking it up to the next level.”
His older brother turned to leave, still wearing that sardonic smile, and something in Gray snapped. Why, he didn’t even know. He didn’t truly think anything was going on between Jazz and Brent. She rarely mentioned him, even if after he’d moved back in. Although maybe that was suspicious in itself…
No. They were
n’t anything to each other. And even if they were, Gray knew he had no right to be pissed. They weren’t a couple. He’d barely even tried to kiss her.
She shut you down too fast for you to have a chance to kiss her.
“Stay the hell away from her,” Gray said in a low voice. “You want a piece of disposable pussy, find it somewhere else.”
“Why?” Brent tossed back another drink. “I think that particular pussy suits me just—”
Gray shot across the space that separated them and locked his hands around Brent’s throat, driving him into the wall with a crash that displaced one of Gray’s framed honors certificates. Glass shattered on the floor, splintering over his bare feet, and he didn’t even care. “Touch her, fucker, and you’ll answer to me.”
Brent shoved him back and he rammed into the corner of his dresser with enough force to knock the breath out of him. “She’s not yours. You don’t own her. Besides, maybe the lady likes me. Ever think of that?”
It was all bullshit. Brent had always been fiercely competitive with him in everything from sports to girls to their parents’ affection, and by showing how much he cared about Jazz, he was basically putting a bullseye on her forehead. Brent would direct one hundred percent of his attention at her just to piss Gray off. But he couldn’t keep the sharply-edged words from flying from his mouth like bullets.
“She’d never want you more than me. Fucking deal with it. You always have to win, and this time you just can’t.” Gray gripped his stinging back and heaved out a breath. “No matter what you do, you’ll never be me.”
Thirty-Four
Now
“Do you know you have a constellation of freckles right here?”
Jazz leaned up on her elbows and laughed at where Gray had his head. It wasn’t surprising. He had his head between her legs about half of the time.
She was a very lucky girl. A very lucky, newly engaged girl.
She glanced at the diamond ring on her finger. Tiny diamonds formed an X shape with an O of black diamonds, signifying the typical XO phrase. But to Gray, they’d represented sticks and a drum. He’d apologized for buying it off the shelf and not getting it custom-made, which boggled her mind. She’d never seen anything more lovely.
Dragging her attention from her ring, she focused on the sensation of his fingers tracing over the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. “Where?”
“Right here.” His hand crept higher, creating a path for his lips to follow. “They’re everywhere. I could spend a lifetime searching for them with my tongue.”
“Pretty sure you’ve already found most of them, especially in that particular area.” She sifted his hair through her fingers and sighed, dropping back against the mussed sheets. “It’s official. I’ve had more sex in the past two weeks than in the whole of my entire life.”
He nipped her lower belly. “Is that a complaint?”
“No. That’s a yay me.” She tugged on his hair until he got the memo and crawled up her body to settle on top of her, his cock heavy between her legs. “Not that I’ve done a complete study or anything, but I’ve decided engaged sex is way better than regular sex. Although that was pretty fucking amazeballs too.”
“You seem to be overlooking all the ways my native skills in this area are probably influencing your opinion.” He tilted her jaw upward and kissed the corner of her mouth. “How you could after all of the evidence I’ve presented, I don’t know, but…”
“Dude, your evidence is against my thigh. It’s way too hard to overlook.”
His laughter as he buried his face in her hair made her laugh too, just from sheer joy. If she’d ever been this happy, she didn’t remember it.
Her entire life had been building up to this moment. She was engaged to the man she loved. She was in a successful band with people she cared about and they were coming up with some kickass new material. And she had a terrific best friend who would make her into an aunt-by-proxy next summer. How could she ask for anything more?
“I want to show you something.”
“I’ve already seen it from a variety of angles. Pretty sure we’re on a BFF basis by now.”
“Forget BFF. I’m thinking your name’s tattooed there in invisible ink.” He grinned and pinched her nipple before rolling away to tug a notepad out of the nightstand drawer.
“Invisible’s not nearly good enough. I think your cock would look good with a nice big J.” She turned onto her side. “Whatcha doin’?”
“Remember that song ‘Finally’ that I mentioned at the band meeting?”
She sat up, tugging the sheet with her. “Yeah.”
“I wanted you to see it before I show the rest of the band. It’s not complete but—”
“Gimme.” She held out her hand.
He gave her the pad and sat back, propping his arm on his updrawn leg. Naked as the day he was born and casual as could be about it.
So she dropped her sheet. Hell, she could be casually nude too. At least she could work on it.
She glanced down at the words he’d scrawled, more conscious of her more than generous boobs flying free than what she was reading. At first. Then the lyrics snagged her attention and she forgot all about what he might be thinking about her curves.
A dream came true, finally
The moment you said you loved me too
And up until I take my last breath
I’ll cherish what is mine, finally
Goose bumps popped out over her arms. The song was so beautiful and poignant. She should’ve been dancing around the room but instead she trembled, as if the sudden wind shaking the windows blew cold air straight into her bones.
“Change that line,” she said, pointing.
He propped his chin on her shoulder. “Which one?”
“The one about your last breath. Change it.”
“Jazz,” he said, chuckling. “It’s just a saying.”
“I’m serious. The rest of it is perfect, but take that line out. Look, we can even say—”
His cell went off and he went still at her side before moving away. “Sorry. I have to take this.”
He grabbed his phone and went into the bathroom. The sound of the door closing echoed, making her push aside the pad and draw her knees up to her chest. She was breathing too fast—had been even before the phone call—but now she would’ve sworn a panic attack was coming on. It had been years. The last time was shortly after Brent had attacked her. Before then she hadn’t had one since her foster care days. But man, when they came back, they always knocked her flat on her ass.
She focused on her breathing, counting off her breaths like she did with the beat when she was playing the drums. Mostly, it was instinctual now. She didn’t have to verbalize the numbers, she just naturally knew when to hit her marks. Her breathing was different. Every time she faltered and paid too much attention to what was being said on the other side of that closed door, her chest tightened and her lungs cramped.
When he returned, she’d almost gotten it under control. Her palms were still clammy and she couldn’t quite meet his gaze, but she wasn’t shaking anymore.
Until he spoke.
“I have to go out for a while.”
She glanced at the bedside clock. “It’s not even seven a.m.”
They’d barely slept all night, just dozing in between rounds of Gray playing the guitar and making love. It was their last night in the cabin and their first as an engaged couple, so who needed sleep?
But now that he was pulling on his jeans and digging through his still unpacked suitcase for a shirt, her exhaustion hit her like a wave. She wanted nothing more than to burrow under the covers with him and hide from the advancing day. Sunlight trickled into the room around the curtains they’d pulled, and that scared her almost as much as who had called and where he was going.
Within these four walls, they were safe. Outside, anything could happen.
“I know, baby. I won’t be long.”
Once his usage of the word baby ha
d pleased her so much. Now it felt like a way to delay the inevitable.
“We have a meeting with Lila at ten,” she said, hating the plea she heard in her voice. But it couldn’t be helped.
And he wouldn’t be stopped. She just knew it. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t try.
“I know. I’ll be back by then.” He tugged on his shirt and leaned across the bed to kiss her. “I’ll be quick, I promise.”
She threaded her fingers through his hair and cupped his cheek with her other hand. It took every shred of will she possessed not to cling and beg. “It’s our first full day being engaged. Can’t it wait until after the show tonight, whatever it is?”
“I’m sorry, it can’t. But this is a good thing. This is setting the groundwork for our future.” The smile he gave her almost convinced her.
But not quite.
“You won’t tell me where you’re going,” she said, not bothering to make it a question. She already knew the answer.
He drew back, his smile fading. “Just trust me, okay? I’ll be back soon.” He picked up his wallet and gestured toward the tangled sheets. “Get some sleep, all right? You look tired.”
She nearly laughed. Tired didn’t come close to describing how worn out she felt all of a sudden. And she wasn’t even certain why.
“I love you,” he said, hesitating in the doorway before closing the door behind him.
It was only after he’d gone that she realized he’d been waiting for her to say it back.
After a while, she rose and went into the bathroom to dig through her makeup case. She took a couple of Benadryl to help her sleep and followed them with a glass of water, nearly crushing the paper cup in her hand as it started to shake again.
Something was off. She didn’t know what, but it was more than Gray keeping a questionable appointment. She wanted nothing more than to chase after him and insist she go too. They were a team, and that meant he shouldn’t do the big things alone.
