by Linda Kage
With a laugh, he tugged me against him until my cheek was nestled in its designated spot over his heart. Then he kissed my temple. “Just with you. I think I’m going to name your pussy Aristotle.”
I pinched his nipple. “Do it and die, buddy.”
“Ouch!” Playfully pushing my hand off him, he buried his face in my hair and chuckled. “Plato?”
“God, no! That sounds like Play-Doh. My vagina is not Play-Doh!”
He roared with laughter before smoothing his hand over my hip and trying to squirm it between my legs. “I don’t know; I sure like playing with it.”
“Brandt!” I shoved his hand away and tried to attack him, but he rolled me on my back and pinned me to the bed before pressing his laughing lips to my indignant ones. And yep, I couldn’t stay miffed after that.
I don’t know when we finally got to sleep. But we talked late into the night, snuggling and touching, laughing and bickering, kissing and...kissing some more. It was honestly the best night of my life.
When I woke the next morning, Brandt was kissing me awake by pressing his lips to my forehead.
“Hey, I need to get home and shower before my first class. When you do have to get up?”
I grumbled a moment, fighting to regain my sleep, but then I finally mumbled, “Not until nine today.” I usually worked at the writing center before my first class, but Heather, one of the other tutors, had begged for my shift, needing some extra hours. So, this morning, I could sleep in.
“Then get another hour or two of sleep.” Brandt kissed me again, on my cheek this time. I was still too tired to open my eyes, so I nestled deeper into my warm blankets and barely offered him a grunt of acknowledgment.
He laughed and kissed me, on my lips. “I have to work every night this week until Friday. So...want to get together for lunch at the student center someday this week?”
I hoped the sound I made let him know that sounded fine by me, because I was by no means awake enough to answer any better than that.
“Okay, then...I’ll just call.” He sounded amused before his lips were pressing against my temple, one last time... And then he was gone.
SARAH
I couldn’t get to sleep after Brandt left. So by slow increments, I roused more fully until I was lying on my back and staring up at my ceiling, wide freaking awake.
So this was going to be my first full day as a non-virgin.
Weird.
My time with Brandt last night began to feel like a dream. So I grabbed my phone and sent him a text.
Okay, I’m finally awake. Did last night really happen?
He didn’t immediately respond, so I did a mental calculation in my head before I realized he was probably showering now and getting ready for school.
I did the same.
I took my phone into the bathroom with me and when I climbed out of my perch in the shower, I saw he’d written back. Joy bloomed in my chest until I read what he’d said.
What happened last night?
With a growl and roll of my eyes, I shot back with: Jerk!
This time, he answered immediately: LOL! Yes, it happened. I’m still in a daze too. Best. Night. Ever!
With a smug little smirk, I set my phone down, feeling better. I was halfway finished getting ready for my first class when I realized...yesterday could’ve very well ended up being one of the worst nights ever for Brandt. I’d completely forgotten his mom had shown up. I began to worry about him until he texted me again, asking when my lunch break was today.
But I had classes straight through until four and had been planning on snacking on granola bars during lectures.
So Brandt asked what I was doing the next day for my noon meal. I scowled, remembering I’d planned on meeting with my advisor during my lunch break.
Damn, he answered. I need to see you SOMETIME before Friday. I’m feeling very introspective. Really need some time with Aristotle.
WE ARE NOT NAMING IT ARISTOTLE, I told him in no uncertain terms, laughing the entire time I typed.
Socrates? he asked.
Oh my God, I loved this guy.
Instead of rejecting the idea completely, I typed, Maybe, to which he immediately said, Really? Cool!
I laughed. I said MAYBE. Now get to class already, weirdo. You’re going to be late.
Shit. Ur right. Gotta go. Luv u.
His last two words made me blink. Brandt had told me he loved me numerous times over the years. I think he’d even said it since we’d had sex, But...I don’t know, today it felt different. Everything felt so different. Bigger. Better.
I turned all pensive and very Socrates-like for the rest of the day myself.
When I made it home, Reese and Mason had returned from Pick and Eva’s. The house was full of sound, the twins yelling as they played, and their parents yelling above them so they could have a conversation with each other from opposite ends of the house.
I smiled and shook my head as I rolled toward the kitchen where most of the commotion was coming from. The family was definitely back. It made me think about what Brandt had said about how quiet things would be if we moved in together, just the two of us.
I let myself envision and dream about that possibility another second before I pushed it away. As tempting as it sounded, it was completely and utterly not going to happen.
Inside the kitchen, Gracen and Isabella were arguing over who would get the last piece of apple while Mason called from his room, asking where his red and black tie was.
“It’s still in the dryer,” Reese yelled before ripping the apple slice in two and handing a half to each child. Then her face lit up when she saw me. “Sarah! Hey, we’re home.”
With a laugh, I rolled toward the refrigerator to get some milk. “Yeah, I noticed.”
“You totally need to see the new baby. He’s just so adorable,” she told me as she pulled a cup from the cupboard for me. “Makes me miss those days and almost want another one.”
“Good God, no!” Mason said as he strolled into the kitchen, wrestling his tie into place over his collar. “Not until these two are old enough to babysit, anyway.”
“Genius idea,” Reese said, going to him after she handed me my cup so she could help him with his tie, and then kiss his jaw as she patted it neatly into place.
“You look nice,” I told him as I put the rest of the milk carton away and neared the table to be close to Gracen and Isabella. “Where are you going?”
“We have a new potential investor for the plant, so all us suits are taking him out to dinner tonight. Everything here go okay while we were gone?”
I couldn’t help it. I immediately blushed. But oh yeah, things had gone way better than okay while they’d been gone. “Uh, yeah...” I mumbled, unable to keep eye contact. “Everything went fine.”
As both my niece and nephew begged for a drink from my glass, I let them polish off the last half of my milk, only to realize Reese was staring at me with the biggest smile.
“Good,” Mason said, bending down to kiss me on the cheek before he did the same for his kids. While his back was to his wife, she sent me a meaningful look before mouthing the words, Oh my God!
Realizing she’d just figured me out, I blushed harder and widened my eyes at her to keep her quiet. So she cleared her throat and smoothed out her expression just in time for Mason to see none of her excitement when he turned to her for the last kiss goodbye.
He’d just exited the kitchen and wasn’t even completely gone from the house when Reese clapped her hands to gain the twins’ attention. “How about some TV in the front room? Sound fun?”
As they cheered and raced from the kitchen, Reese caught the arm of my wheelchair before I could escape too. “Oh, no you don’t, woman.” Whipping me around until I was forced to face her, she pressed her lips together and lifted her eyebrows as if waiting for me to explain myself. But she didn’t give me a chance to say a single word before she blew.
“Oh my God, oh my God! It happened, didn’t it
? It really happened! Are you okay? Did he treat you right? Did you use protection? Is his butt just as cute bare as it is covered by those jeans? Wait! No, don’t answer that one. Oh my God, Sarah!”
She hugged me, making me laugh. And blush. My face felt like it was on fire. I was so embarrassed but happy too. It was strange.
When Reese pulled away, she was vibrating with eagerness. “So?”
I had no idea what I was supposed to answer first, so I just squealed, “Yes!”
She shook her head, clueless. “Yes to what?”
“Yes to all of it.” Unable to contain my laughter, I released it again. “It was amazing. He was perfect. We were safe, and oh my Lord, Reese...his butt...”
“I knew it!” she whispered with her eyes growing with excitement. Then she clutched her face and blushed. “Oh, hell, I feel like such a cougar right now.”
“Why?” I shook my head. “He’s only five years younger than you.”
“I know, but I’ve known him since he was thirteen. It’s just so weird that he grew up to have an ass that rivaled Mason’s.”
I wrinkled my nose at the mention of my brother’s butt. “Eww.”
Reese lifted a finger in warning. “Honey, I know he’s your brother and you’re supposed to think his body’s gross, but bash my man’s perfect hiney one more time, and I will cut you.”
“Mommy!” Gray and Issa raced back into the kitchen. “TV,” they encouraged her, reminding her she’d made a promise to let them watch their shows.
“Okay, okay. I’m coming.” She herded them back from the kitchen but paused to glance at me. “I really am happy for you. And if you ever need to talk about any of it—especially about, you know, firmness—I’m always here for you.”
Smiling, I said, “Thank you.” But all this talk made me really want to see Brandt. I knew he was at work, but...he did happen to work in a public drinking establishment, and I did happen to be of age to drink. And my niece and nephew had just stolen half my drink, so I was still thirsty. Who was to say I couldn’t visit the Forbidden Nightclub for a little...nightcap?
“Hey,” I called back to Reese, who paused again and lifted her eyebrows. “Do you, uh...you mind if I head to the...the library for a while tonight?”
She snickered. “The library, huh? Is that what you kids are calling it these days?”
I rolled my eyes and blushed. I was about to say something about how philosophical I was suddenly feeling, but then I realized she wouldn’t get it.
Oh, holy wow. Brandt and I had a personal inside sex joke just between the two of us. I loved that.
“I’ll be home later,” I told my sister-in-law instead.
“Okay, chickie. Have fun...studying!” With a wink, she left the kitchen.
I blew out a breath, then pressed my hand to my suddenly roiling stomach, because...I was going to do this.
I was going to visit Brandt at work. I’d never done that before. The last and only time I’d ever been to the Forbidden Nightclub was the day of Pick and Eva’s wedding because it had taken place there. Bars were totally not my scene. They made me feel extremely self-conscious and were usually too crowded for my wheelchair to navigate. It’d never been worth it to attempt a visit...until tonight.
I was tempted to text him and warn him I was coming by, but at the last second, I decided to surprise him instead.
The parking lot sat across the street from the actual bar. So I had to find a flat crosswalk to allow me to get up onto the sidewalks, then wait until the light turned. Once I reached the entrance, I drew in a deep breath, bolstering myself.
Brandt had told me that these days there was only a doorman on the busy nights from Thursday through Saturday, so I wouldn’t have to pay to get in. But it still felt odd to just mosey inside as if I belonged.
The table full of guys closest to the door with two pitchers of emptied beers sitting in the middle of them paused to stare as I entered. I blew out a shuddered breath and turned my attention toward the bar in the back.
I spotted Brandt immediately, his attention centered on mixing a drink. He looked good. The way the spotlights above sprayed down on him made his dark hair glisten and really emphasized the breadth of his shoulders. It was so overwhelming to realize I’d been with this man. He’d taken my virginity and stolen my love. I would do anything—absolutely anything—for him.
I started to roll his way before he lifted the drink he’d just fixed and then turned to tap his coworker on the back before handing it to her with a big, expectant grin and a flourish of his hands.
My smile falling, I slowed to a stop, unable to stop staring at the woman who took the cup from him and then sniffed at the drink before sipping tentatively. I’d forgotten all about Julianna, the coworker he’d taken on a date...a date that I’d broken up.
Oh my God, I suddenly felt like the stupidest person alive.
As Julianna nodded and gave him a thumbs-up, the two of them began to laugh, smiling and talking, completely oblivious to the rest of the bar around them. And the more I watched them, the smaller and more pathetic I felt.
I knew he wasn’t doing anything wrong. He was just interacting with a coworker, but it was still a great big horrible wake-up call to me.
This was his world, the portion I’d never been a part of. He worked here like the normal, average guy he was, had arranged dates here with beautiful, perfect women like the one he was talking to right now. And I...I knew I was his friend—his best friend—but I also knew I didn’t belong here.
I’d told him—freaking promised him—I never expected him to give up his other women just to become exclusive with me or to fall in love with me and want the real thing between us. So why the hell was I here, thinking just that had happened?
Whirling back around, I rushed for the exit, trying to control the sudden shallowness of my breathing as I fumbled to escape. Once I hit the cool night air, the breeze hitting my cheeks let me know they were wet.
Crap. I was crying. Why was I crying? I’d had the most magical night with Brandt. He’d given me everything I’d begged from him, and he’d made me feel special and cherished. I couldn’t have asked for more. So why was I upset?
I knew he hadn’t cheated on me with Julianna. And even if he had been with her, I had no right to feel crushed. I’d promised him I was fine with our night being a one-time deal. I’d promised him nothing between us would change. And even if he wanted more, wanted a real relationship where we—I don’t know—moved in together, I just...suddenly I didn’t want to do that to him.
No matter how self-reliant I tried to be, I’d never be a low-maintenance girlfriend. To any man. I had special needs, and with me, he’d always have to find the handicapped options, build the ramps, lower cabinets, alter his entire freaking life. I didn’t want him to have to adjust to that...just for me. I wanted him to be happy and as normal as possible.
I wasn’t sure why seeing him at work—with her—made all this hit me the way it did, but it really freaking sucked. And when I got home, I snuck back to my room before Reese could see me, and I bawled most of the night.
The next day, I woke to a text from Brandt. All he did was tell me good morning and say he couldn’t wait to see me again, but it made me sob through my morning shower. He really was the most amazing person I’d ever met. And he deserved the best, a woman he would walk, run, heck—dance—with. Someone who could keep up with him and take care of him as much as he took care of her. He deserved someone way better than me.
SARAH
This had to be the worst case of self-doubt I’d ever experienced, and I hated it. But for the life of me, I just couldn’t break free of it.
I think Brandt realized I was freaking out too. He kept messaging me, asking for the next spot of free time I had so we could meet up, either on campus or off. When I kept putting him off, telling him I was busy, he finally asked if everything was okay.
It’s fine, I answered. I’m just cram-packed this week. Getting nervous about fina
ls.
You’ll do fine on finals...just like you do every year. Give yourself a break. No, give ME a break. I need some Sarah time. I need Socrates!
His words warmed my heart yet made me feel worse all at the same time. He made it sound as if I could fulfill his every desire, but I knew that couldn’t be true. I was just...me. Sarah. I wasn’t enough to keep a man like Brandt Gamble satisfied.
I ended up telling him, Soon, to which he spit back, Make it sooner.
Yet I still managed to avoid him until Friday evening.
I was sitting in bed, trying to study yet failing because I was so stupidly miserable, when my phone rang.
When I saw it was from Brandt, I tensed. He’d texted all week and hadn’t called, so it’d been easier to push him off. Hearing his voice might be different. Biting my lip, I debated on whether to answer. I set the phone down, only to pick it up and reluctantly press it to my ear.
“Hello?”
“I knew it!” he growled. “You’re fucking avoiding me.”
“What!” I rolled my eyes. “Oh my God. I am not.” Clenching my teeth at that lie, I added, “I answered the phone, didn’t I?”
“And you totally paused, having to debate whether to talk to me or not.” He sounded a little hurt and a lot pissed all at the same time.
Hating that I might be upsetting him in any way, I groaned before saying, “Did not. You’re being paranoid. Stop being paranoid,” all the while promising myself that I’d stop avoiding him from here on out. He was still my best friend, no matter what.
In my ear, he growled, “You promised nothing would change.”
“And nothing has changed,” I argued. Fuck, I was really going to have to be an actress the next time I saw him, pretend my heart wasn’t broken because I wanted more things than I knew I should have.
“Except you’re avoiding me,” he pushed, making me lose it.
“Dammit!” I exploded. “I am not avoiding you. This is me trying to prove to you that I’m not going to turn into a clingy psycho stalker and expect you to fall flat in love with me, give up all other women, and ask me to marry you. I’m giving you space...like a good best friend.”
