I wanted to yell at him, but couldn’t clue him into my vested personal interest in this topic. “That’s ridiculous. I assume you don’t think gay men should be in the SEALs either?”
“Why does everyone compare gender to sexual orientation? You are wrong. I have no problem with gay SEALs. In fact, I have two buddies in the Teams who are gay. But they are on separate Teams and would never have a relationship during a mission.”
“But a woman can’t control herself? Or you guys can’t control yourselves around a woman?”
“It’s biology. I wanted to fuck you the moment I saw you. So did my friend. If you were on my Team, all my buddies would want to fuck you too. It would distract from our mission. Not to mention the spouses of my Teammates wouldn’t be happy to know that a female was serving alongside their husbands on long combat missions. Sometimes we spend months living in the middle of fucking nowhere in a dirt hole.”
I stared at him, disgusted by his answers. Why had I slept with this asshole? I had been wrong. We had nothing in common at all. If all SEALs thought as he did, I was in for a challenge even rougher than I imagined.
He placed his hand on mine, but I retracted from his grasp. “Sorry. I get worked up about this. There isn’t even a woman in the BUD/S pipeline, so we don’t have to worry about this debate for a while.”
Ha. There is too a woman in the pipeline, buddy. You are looking right at her.
I sulked like a child—pushing my food around with my fork on the plate. I couldn’t even look at this guy. I needed to get out of here. Get some clear air before I lost it.
His arm reached out to touch mine across the table. I snapped it away.
“What’s wrong? Are you that upset about my opinion?”
“It’s disappointing. That’s all.”
He stood up and tried to pull me out of my chair but resisted. “Let’s not ruin the day over this. We can agree to disagree.”
No, we can’t. Next January, you will learn the truth. My name will be plastered all over the newspapers. As the first female in BUD/S.
I stood up to leave. “Thanks for breakfast. I need to get going and walk my dog.”
He ground his teeth and glared at me. “Fine.”
I grabbed my purse, walked out the door, and pressed the elevator button.
Ever since I’d met him, he seemed like so much more. He was sweet with his family, had been kind and patient with me, and had seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me. So far, there was no indication that he was using me for anything. I felt like we had truly connected on more than just a physical level. I thought about him every day last week. He had made me feel beautiful and desirable and not a bit like the awkward dork I saw myself as. And I had been charmed by his laid back yet masculine So-Cal surfer boy charm.
I shouldn’t have gone on a date with Erik. He was nothing but a typical chauvinistic pig. He had been nothing but a distraction.
A completely drop dead gorgeous, mind blowing, orgasm-giving distraction.
I refused to allow myself to be sidelined from my dreams by a man.
Erik
She slammed the door behind her. Fuck. What the fuck had just happened? Why would she get so pissed off about my opinion on women in combat?
We’d had such a great first date, and our second date had been incredible too. I actually liked this girl. I didn’t want this to be a one night stand.
My phone rang. I glanced at the screen. My mom. Great.
“Hey, Ma.”
“Hi, Erik. I was just calling to find out how your date the other night went.”
Most of my Teammates would think I was pathetic for confiding in my mom. But after my father passed away, we’d become very close.
“Not good.”
She let out a sigh. “What happened?”
“It was so stupid. We saw Wonder Woman, and we were having a good time . . .” I paused because I was definitely not going to fill her in on the sordid details, “but then she asked what I thought about women in combat.”
“Oh Erik, you didn’t tell her, did you?”
“Of course I did.”
“You realize she’s an Olympic Gold medalist. An overachiever. I’m sure she believes a woman can do anything a man can do.”
“That’s not the point, Ma. I’m not going to lie about my beliefs just to impress a girl. I don’t think women should be SEALs. If she doesn’t want to see me again because of who I am, then that’s that.”
“Oh well, that’s a shame, I think she would’ve been good for you. You know, your father and I didn’t agree about everything. I believe the best partnerships are between two people who complement and challenge each other, not who are clones of each other.”
“Yeah, well she stormed off, so that’s that.”
“I’m sure she’s just disappointed, that’s all. You should reach out to her if you are still interested in her.”
“I’ll think about it.”
We talked a bit more and then said goodbye.
Dammit. My mom was probably right, but it didn’t matter. Aria walked out. Even though we had only had two dates and I barely knew her, I had felt that we’d had the potential to start a relationship. Aria had probably been the wise one when she had turned me down initially for a date. She didn’t live here, was only in town for three more weeks and I was about to deploy for at least six.
Still, there was a knot in my chest that had not been there before.
Get over it, Anderson. Stop being a pussy. It’s done.
I needed to get out of here, clear my head. After taking a quick shower, I got dressed and decided to head up the coast. Instead of staying on Orange Ave., I drove down Ocean Ave., appreciating the view of the multi-million dollar homes. When I turned my head toward the shoreline, I saw Aria, running along the beach with a beagle, just as she had said she was going to.
Damn, what drove her? I wondered if she wanted to defend her title in three years. Despite our difference of opinions and my residual anger toward her for bailing without so much as a backward glance, I couldn’t shake the feeling that we would be perfect for each other. Waking up next to her had felt so right, and I hadn’t once felt the desire to kick her out of my bed like I normally did after sex. Aria shared my passion and drive. Women I’d dated in the past could never understand my dedication to the Teams. I doubted Aria would ever question why I had to train so much.
I would be proud to show her off to my friends. Team guys always had a sort of competition amongst each other on who had the best girlfriend. Aria would win hands down.
And with her by my side, I just know I could make TritonFix a success.
I crossed the Coronado Bridge. Maybe my mom had been right; I had been insensitive. Aria wasn’t a SEAL. She couldn’t possibly understand the pressures of my job and how those stresses would be exacerbated by the addition of women to the Teams. It had been a stupid argument, and I had fallen right into it. There had been no correct way to answer her questions.
I would give her some space, but I refused to let a woman that fantastic walk out of my life without a fight.
Aria
I soaked my aching muscles in the bathtub. I was so angry at myself for walking out on Erik yesterday. He had expressed his opinion, and I should’ve been more mature. Instead, I had stormed out like a petulant child who didn’t get her way. What the hell had I expected? Of course, SEALs didn’t think women should join the Teams. I knew this. I’d poured over hundreds of articles written by SEALs debating on whether women should be allowed in combat before I had ever made the decision to try.
These men had never seen a woman graduate from BUD/S. By nature, any man who became a SEAL had to be stubborn and unwilling to give up. It would be hard for these men to accept what they believed was a blow to their culture, their ethos, their way of life. The only way these SEALs would accept change was to have it thrust in their face.
If I had only kept my mouth shut, I could’ve spent more time with Erik. Had a hot summer affair to gi
ve me something to remember while I went through training.
But it wasn’t just the sex, though it was by far the best sex of my life. The type of sex I’d only read about in romance novels. Something about Erik brought out another part of me. When I was with him, I wasn’t focused on winning, or becoming a SEAL. I was actually having fun despite myself.
I should call him and apologize. But what was the point? I only had three more weeks left here, and then I would go to Officer Candidate School. Erik and I had no chance. He would never support my dreams. He had made that point loud and clear last night.
Today was going to be super awkward because I had promised to coach Erik’s sister. He had asked me out in front of her and their mom, so I was sure that by now Holly already knew about our disastrous second date. I emerged from the tub, dried off with a towel, and put my swimsuit on under my sweats.
I turned to Flounder. “I’ll take you to the beach when I get back.”
Once in my car, I drove away from Coronado, over the bridge, toward a town called Poway. Thirty minutes later, I was completely shocked about how different this place seemed from coastal Coronado. The beautiful mountains beckoned me, and I was charmed by the rural landscape. I passed a high school and wondered if Erik had attended there.
Damn, why couldn’t I get him out of my head? He’d gotten under my skin without me even realizing it.
I pulled outside of a charming one level ranch house. It seemed private, peaceful and serene, the exact opposite of the tiny apartment I’d grown up in. I scanned the driveway and saw only one car. Was it Erik’s? My heart hammered in my chest. Omg . . . what if he was here? No. It was Monday. He was surely at work. And he probably never wanted to see me again.
I could hardly blame him after the way I’d treated him.
Taking a deep, bolstering breath, I rang the doorbell, and Holly answered the door. She was so pretty—she shared Erik’s dark hair and blue eyes.
“Hi. Thank you for coming. Please come in.”
“My pleasure.” I walked inside and was immediately impressed by their home. Pictures were everywhere. Family portraits, Erik’s little league shots, and a framed snap of him graduating from BUD/S, his handsome father standing beside him.
I’d had two dates with Erik and had slept with him, but there was so much more I didn’t know about him. Was he close to his father? He had only mentioned him once to me—that he had been stationed on submarines.
But it was probably best that we hadn’t shared more intimate conversations since we had no future. I definitely didn’t want to open up to him about my fucked-up family.
Holly followed my gaze. “Oh, these. That was such a happy day. My dad was so proud of him. My father died of a heart attack a few weeks later.”
“Oh no, that’s awful.”
“Yeah. My mom was a mess. Really fell apart. Erik really stepped up and took care of us.”
A lump rose in my throat. I felt like such a bitch. Erik was a great guy, and I had totally thrown away an opportunity to get to know him. Why oh why had I let my temper get the best of me?
She led me outside to their pool which was surrounded by a huge back yard filled with dozens of citrus trees.
Holly and I dove into the pool and did a few laps to warm up. She then showed me her routine, which was impressive. I couldn’t help but think that she needed to move up north if she was serious about synchro.
“Have you thought about moving to Marin to train with the Mermaids?”
“Of course! It would be my dream. I begged my parents when I was twelve, but they refused to split up the family. I’m not going to lie—I resented them. I always wonder how good I could’ve been if I’d lived near the top synchro club.” She sighed. “My coach is great, but it’s not the same. But my father really wanted both Erik and me to be kids, socialize with our friends and not become too focused on our sports. You know, Erik was an amazing swimmer. Could’ve probably swum at a national level. But he chose to follow my dad’s footsteps and attend Annapolis.”
“No. I didn’t know that. Your parents were probably right. I never had any balance in my life. I was consumed by competing.”
“Yeah. . . I was really furious at them for years,” Holly admitted. “I felt like they were holding me back. But once my father died, I was so grateful for spending all that family time with him. Now, I just dream of being on the Stanford team. I’ll be a senior next year, and I just hope I get accepted.”
“Well, I can put you on the radar for the coach. She’s really awesome. She takes most of her team from the Marin Mermaids, the Santa Clara Aquamaids, and the Walnut Creek Aquanuts. But she’s always on the lookout for fresh talent. I’m here for a month if you want to work together.”
Her face lit up. “Oh my god. Really? You are the best. I never thought I’d see you again after today. I mean, well, because—oh I hope you don’t mind, but my brother told my mom that you probably weren’t going to go out on another date.”
Awkward. “No, it’s fine. I’ll totally train you. Your brother is a great man. We had some fun dates. I’m just only going to be here for three more weeks, and then I’ll be away.”
“Oh, I know. Sorry to meddle. I just think you are so cool. Erik’s been single for a while, and he seems to really like you. He deploys so much he’s never around enough to get to know anyone.”
A pang went through me. Why had I never thought about that? In a way, being a SEAL would be even harder on relationships than being an Olympian. Sure, I had competed around the world, but I would be gone for a week or so—SEALs deployed for months.
I now realized we had something else in common besides our work ethic. Loneliness. Erik had to get lonely despite being surrounded by his Teammates on missions. I wonder if he felt as cut off from the world as I did when I trained.
I turned my focus back to Holly. We worked on flexibility and breath control, and I cleaned up a portion of her choreography. She had a beautiful natural style that, though rough, was more refreshing compared to the often over trained styles of the girls in my home club. After an hour, I gave her some homework and said goodbye. I was eager to leave before her mom came home from work.
As I drove back to Coronado, my mind returned to Erik. I remembered how good it felt to have him kiss me senseless, to feel his strong arms around me, to have his undivided attention.
I hated to face the ugly truth.
I had blown my chance with this amazing guy.
I yearned for a second chance with Erik. I still had three weeks in town, and I wished I could spend it getting to know him.
Erik
Friday rolled around again, and it had been a week since my first date with Aria. I’d done my best to not think about her, but every morning when I swam in the ocean, I remembered how incredible it had felt to fuck her out in the water. She was wild and uninhibited.
But she had surprisingly meant more to me than just great sex. On the surface, she portrayed herself as strong and confident. A badass woman. And she definitely had all of those qualities. But beneath her poised exterior, I’d seen a glimpse of her true self. She had an aching vulnerability that hid her shocking insecurities below her calm surface. These aspects of her character didn’t turn me off. If anything, they drew me more to her. I felt that being with her would make me a better man—more driven, more focused. And I could help her too—teach her to have fun and stop being so hard on herself.
I wanted another chance with her.
I hit my workout hard and kept my eye on the time.
At eight thirty, I decided to take a run on the beach.
I ran up to the pool and watched Aria finish teaching her class with Isa, who was a cool woman, too. Her husband, Grady, was a legend—a Medal of Honor recipient. That badass had jumped on a bomb to save his fellow Marines. Now he was disfigured. But beautiful Isa, who had met and married him after his injuries, loved him anyway. One of the biggest fears for men in the Teams was that their wives would either cheat on them or le
ave them if they were injured. It was refreshing to meet a woman like Isa who loved her husband despite his appearance.
Aria smiled and cautiously waved when she saw me. She gathered and put away the equipment after her class, then emerged from the pool.
“I’m going to change really quick. I’ll be right back.”
I nodded, and she vanished with Isa. Ten minutes later, she walked over to me dressed in a tank top and shorts. Her hair hung in her face and she rubbed the back of her neck as she gave me a cautious, “Hi.”
“Hey. Can I buy you a coffee?”
She nodded yes, and we walked over to the coffee cart outside the Del. She ordered a black coffee which surprised me because I was used to women ordering fancy lattes with foam art or those colorful, blended frozen concoctions for the sole purpose of memorializing the drink on Instagram. Another reminder of how unique she was.
I paid, and we sat at a small little table overlooking the ocean.
“I’m really sorry for walking out of your place the other morning,” she blurted. “It wasn’t fair … to either of us. I got upset and should have stayed so we could talk things through.”
She looked down at her feet, but I reached out to her and tilted her chin, forcing her to meet my eyes.
“Don’t apologize. I get worked up when I talk about the Teams. It’s my world. I’ve sacrificed so much of my life to become a SEAL, and I’m not allowed to talk about my job to anyone who is not in the Teams. There is so much I can’t share with you, even if I wanted to.” I blew out a breath, trying to keep my emotions in check. “I don’t want to start a debate again, but no one has a clue what we go through in combat. Also, we brutalize each other in training. We spar, fight, and choke each other to learn how to protect ourselves from the enemy. I love women so much, and I can’t imagine being so rough with a woman. Just trust me, allowing women on the Teams is really complicated.”
She gave me a thoughtful glance. “I didn’t know about the fighting during training. I’ve watched the full BUD/S documentary. I never saw that.”
Heroes Ever After Boxset: Books 1-3 Page 23
