by Hayleigh Sol
But she kept asking questions, kept drawing me out, and I ended up with an impromptu therapy session.
“It sounds like you were more open with Garrett than I think you realize. You didn’t automatically turn him down on having a relationship, even if you weren’t ready to call it that. And, sharing a past trauma isn’t easy. From what you’ve said, it sounds like you don’t really talk to anyone else about what happened with your ex–fiancé. Which, by the way, is maybe something you’ll want to address.”
Alright, lady, message received.
“For now, since you’re telling me these trust issues are what you really want to work on, I suggest asking yourself if it’s possible you did allow yourself to trust Garrett.”
Interesting. I’d had that thought myself.
“You told me you felt yourself pulling back, creating distance between the two of you after that difficult conversation. Perhaps you recognized, even subconsciously, that you’d allowed yourself to be vulnerable with a man. Can you think of any other instances where you felt comfortable enough with Garrett to let your guard down?”
Uhh, all the damn time.
Heck, I’d even told him about my body image issues and near anorexia. I thought I’d just been comfortable sharing because he’d struggled with weight and food choices as a child, too. But maybe it was more about trusting him instinctually. Before I’d even realized it. Or admitted it to myself.
Aside from my best friends, I’d hidden my disordered eating from everyone. I hadn’t even told Aaron about it. And I’d been ready to marry him.
Hmm, guess the ol’ subconscious didn’t trust him enough for that.
As had always been the case with Dana, she’d given me some nuggets to turn over in my head. At one point, she asked how I was dealing with learning about my mother’s affair.
That had somehow slipped into my ramble about the past few months of emotional topsy–turviness. I didn’t have an answer for my former therapist.
Still didn’t, several days after our phone call. I had to admit I’d been pushing my feelings about Mom to the side as much as possible since she’d told me. If I forgave her—not that she’d actually asked for my forgiveness—wouldn’t that mean I’d have to forgive my father?
Hell, maybe it was childish, or selfish, to think either of them owed me an apology. Maybe their cheating on each other had nothing to do with me, hard as that was to swallow. I couldn’t shake the old resentment toward my father for leaving Dustin and me, though, when he left my mom. And now, I was pretty pissed at Mom for the lies, the lack of remorse, and the likelihood that she’d made it hard for Dad to see his kids after the divorce.
Yeah, not ready to deal with all the parental crap yet.
Right now, I had to work on myself. I had to make things right with Tracie and Noah.
And I had to decide what I wanted to do about Garrett.
Chapter 28
Me: I need you. I’m kind of freaking out about the pre–wedding dinner tonight.
Instead of a traditional rehearsal, Tracie and Noah were doing the traditional Thanksgiving spread at the coastal inn they’d booked after their original place had flooded. The same one with the quirky older couple owners Garrett and I had met.
When Ashley had asked if Tracie was sure about not having a wedding rehearsal, the bride, in her typically laid–back manner, had laughed. “What are we rehearsing? How to walk? Think I nailed that one a long time ago.”
“What about the vows, or what the officiant will say and when?” Ashley, looking slightly green, had asked.
“Eh, we’ll figure it out. I mean, it’s basically a Q and A, right?”
God, I loved that lady.
Noah had laughed and kissed her soundly. He loved her, too.
That conversation had taken place after Tracie and I hugged it out over cocktails the weekend before. I’d gone home with her to make amends with Noah in person and Ashley had stopped by to go over last minute wedding day details. Which the bride and groom hadn’t been terribly concerned with.
If I ever get married, that’s how I’d want to be.
Absurd thoughts like that had been sneaking past my mental filters ever since I’d really started thinking about…everything. I was probably ovulating.
Stupid baby–making hormones.
Before Ashley’s arrival, Noah had graciously accepted my apology and we’d shared a let’s–be–friends drink. He’d been in a particularly good mood when I gave Tracie my wedding gift.
I’d spent hours designing and sewing my contribution to her trousseau, which included her lingerie for the wedding day. Noah didn’t get to see any of those pieces, or the wedding night bridal–white ensemble I’d put so much detail into, until the big day.
But I did let her show him one of the skimpier pieces I’d created for their honeymoon, a chemise so sheer and short that Tracie had blushed when she pulled it out of the tissue paper. I’d hand–embroidered something special just for her; Byte Me was sewn into the lace along the hemline. I’d thought of Garrett and our first date at his restaurant. Noah had grinned when he’d seen the chemise. I made them promise to save it for the honeymoon but I had a strong suspicion they’d break it the second I left.
Although, Tracie had texted earlier this week that she couldn’t wait to get Noah alone and naked again. With relatives in town for the wedding, including Noah’s parents, who were staying with the couple, they hadn’t had time alone in over a week.
That was another reason I hadn’t seen Garrett. Not only had I been working up my nerve and figuring out exactly what I wanted to say to him, but his aunt and uncle had been staying at his place since Tracie’s fateful bridal shower. Tonight, he was preparing the holiday feast for the families and the wedding party. Which still included me.
My brain kept playing the potential scenarios over and over. Would there be an awkward hello with his family and Noah’s all standing around? I knew lots of our group had already made their way to the inn earlier today since we’d all be staying there for the weekend. I was dragging my feet, anxious to see him but dreading what I had to say. Would I even get a chance to talk to him alone before the wedding tomorrow?
Emma: Happy Thanksgiving to you, too. Why are you freaking out about dinner?
Me: It’s the first time I’m seeing Garrett since…you know.
When I’d texted my besties that all was well with the bride, the groom, and their (still) maid of honor, Emma had asked if I’d spoken to Garrett. She really wasn’t going to let this go. Her unshakable tenacity underneath a cheerfully sweet exterior had likely lured many a fellow tennis player to their defeat.
I had replied that I was working on de–assholing myself and I’d keep her posted. My phone rang as I was in the middle of typing a lengthy text of what–ifs and worst–case scenarios. The last time I was this frazzled was the week before I opened my storefront.
Get it together, Bailey.
“Hey, Em. You didn’t have to call. You were right, it’s just dinner. I can handle it.” The unsent text I was now deleting, row by row, mocked me.
“Take a breath, babe.” I did. “And tell me what you’re thinking.”
A strangled laugh bubbled out. “I’m thinking I’d rather be doing what I usually do for Thanksgiving, hanging out with you and your family, or one of the other girls and their families. Hell, I’d even take my own mom and her determined disregard of the holidays. We’d order Chinese and be arguing over how much food I should and shouldn’t be eating. You know, the usual happy fun times.”
“Okay”—Emma’s voice was calm and measured, prompting me to sit and breathe again—“now tell me what you’re thinking about in regards to seeing Garrett tonight.”
It was quiet where Emma was. She’d probably left her family to talk to me in a room where she could close the door. I felt guilty for taking her away from them but so grateful she was here f
or me.
“What if he doesn’t want to hear what I have to say? Or, worse, what if he ignores me completely?”
Her sigh slipped over the line. “Honestly, those things might happen, hon. And, even if I think—no, I know—he’d be a fool to miss out on all your awesomeness…well, that might be his choice. I doubt it will be, of course. But, Bay, you can’t be so afraid of a certain outcome that you don’t take a chance in life. Remember when I told you you’d survive if someone cheated on you? Well, you’d survive Garrett turning you down, too.”
“Rejecting me, you mean.”
“Yes, if you want to think of it that way. Look, your dad and Aaron really messed you up, but you’re older and stronger now. Smarter, too. You’re not going to let those idiots dictate your relationships anymore. And if Garrett is dumb enough to say no to you, at least you’ll be the brave badass who took a shot. You can do this. I’m so proud of you for trying. For putting yourself out there, laying it all on the line.”
I chuckled. “Are you giving me a sports psychology pep talk?”
“Laugh all you like, but I bet it worked.”
She was right, I did feel better. I carried her voice with me as I drove to the inn, using Emma’s steadiness to soothe the butterflies while I checked in at the front desk. Pre–dinner cocktails were being served—and liberally enjoyed, from the sounds of the raucous laughter—in the next room. I’d drop my things off in my room, take a few meditative breaths, and join the party with a smile on my face and hope in my heart.
Key card in hand, I turned toward the stairs.
“Hello, Bailey.”
All my planning and practiced speeches fled. Garrett was standing in the lobby and he looked so damn good I swallowed my tongue.
That had to be the reason I was speechless – sudden onset loss of tongue.
His glacier eyes watched me as they always did and my own ate up the sight of him like the pomegranate seeds that tempted Persephone in the underworld. Appropriate, since I’d always found him as wickedly handsome as Hades.
I’d missed him. He didn’t just look good because he could wear the hell out of a sweater and jeans. In that moment, I ached to be near him so bad, I almost raced across the five feet that separated us and jumped into his arms.
When had I fallen so hard for this man?
“Hey, Garrett. It’s good to see you.” I cleared the catch in my throat. “Really good.”
He took a couple of steps toward me and my feet closed the gap before I was aware they were moving. I could reach a hand out and touch him now. My fingers curled into my palm as I fought the urge.
“You too. I, uh, I heard what happened with Tracie and Noah.” His eyes scanned my features and I wondered what he was seeing. The expression on his face wasn’t giving me any clues, but I hoped that his opening meant he’d be willing to hear me out.
“I’m shocked they still want me at their wedding.” My shoulders shrugged self–consciously. I felt my heart racing and reminded myself to breathe.
Garrett’s head shook slowly, those ocean–blue eyes never leaving mine. “They know you’re a good friend, a good person, who made a mistake.” His lips quirked up, finally. “From what I hear, you more than made up for it with your apology wedding gift.”
I smiled back at him. “Eh, what’s a little hush lingerie between friends?”
“There’s the man of the hour. When are you feeding us, Chef?” A man who looked somewhat familiar clapped his hand on Garrett’s shoulder, bringing with him the strong scent of whiskey. I felt my eyes narrow at the interruption.
“Uncle Joe, have you met Bailey?” Garrett nodded at me, drawing his uncle’s attention to the woman he was currently vagina–blocking.
“Well, hello Bailey.” Joe held his hand out for a shake. “Don’t you have the most gorgeous eyes. Almost like a cat’s.”
I had to laugh and thank him for the compliment. He hadn’t said it in a pervy older dude kind of way and his eyes had stayed on mine without straying to any other part of my body.
Garrett pulled his uncle’s arm, tugging the man back a few unsteady steps and giving him a warning look. “Careful there, Joe.”
Joe squinted one eye at his nephew, then nodded and laughed. “Ah, I see how it is. Good for you, bud. I’ll just make myself scarce.” He winked at me and wandered off, his shoulder grazing the wall as he crossed into the other room.
I shared a laugh with Garrett. “So that was Uncle Joe. I swear he’s not usually a big drinker.” Garrett put his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “Guess I’d better see if dinner’s ready to come out.”
My laughter died and I was suddenly nervous again. “Wait. Could we…could we talk for a minute? Maybe”—I cast about, seeking somewhere less likely to allow for other interruptions by inebriated family members—“in there. Can we just go in there for a sec?”
He nodded and followed me into a room that had a fire going. It was a quiet and cozy space, the bookcases filled with books and comfortable couches and chairs revealing its purpose and putting me at ease. I remembered it from our tour.
I took a breath and faced Garrett, but the voice calling his name wasn’t mine.
“Garrett, are you in here?”
“Man, I’m starving. Didn’t Joe say he saw him in the lobby?”
Great, the bride and groom—the couple this weekend was all about—were on the hunt.
This couldn’t wait. I couldn’t wait, not another second, to get out everything I’d been psyching myself up to say all week. Wrapping a hand around Garrett’s arm, I led the way to the farthest corner and pulled him behind a conveniently placed decorative screen. Its true purpose was probably to hide the coffee and tea odds and ends I spotted on a cart.
Garrett’s eyebrows were raised, an amused twist to those lips that were irresistibly close in the tight space I’d wedged us into. I held my breath until Noah’s and Tracie’s voices moved on. It would be so easy to press up against him and let my body do all the talking. The suddenly heavy look in his eyes was telling me he wouldn’t push me away.
So I pushed him away instead. Just a nudge of my hands on his solid chest that made him take a single step back, smiling as he silently refused to give more ground.
“And I’m stubborn,” I mumbled, which only made his grin expand. “Okay, here goes.” I made myself meet his steady gaze. “I know I haven’t made being with me easy and I know I told you we should stop seeing each other. More than once.”
His eyebrows lifted.
“Alright, a few times.” I huffed impatiently when he continued to give me that look. “Fine, I’ve basically pushed you away from the moment we met.”
He nodded once, not saying anything, letting me go on.
“For some reason, despite my efforts, you stuck. You waited me out and you didn’t let me scare you off. I needed that, I think. The patience and the…constancy, I guess. So, thank you. And, um, I’m sorry about being…difficult.”
“You’re welcome,” he said in that deep voice that was like a direct conduit to my lady bits. “And, yes, sometimes you really were quite difficult.” I frowned at that, until he reached for my hand. “But worth it.”
Haaa–llelujah! Wait, this wasn’t Christmas. What was a more appropriate cheer for Thanksgiving than Handel’s Messiah?
“Okay, that’s very sweet of you, but there’s more.”
“More?” Eyebrows raised again as he pulled me closer.
The hand that wasn’t trapped in his went straight to his chest. Not that I tried very hard to push him away this time. “Yes, I had it all planned out. I was going to tell you that I’ve missed you and I shouldn’t have said we should call it quits—”
“I missed you, too, Bailey.”
Lord, the way he rumbled my name.
He was too distracting. I had to focus. But his head was bending toward me, those sinfully perfect lips in kiss
ing distance.
“I think you should be my boyfriend. Officially. If that’s okay with you.”
Garrett’s mouth stopped its descent, his eyes lifting from where they’d been targeting my lips to search mine. “Labels? Are you sure?”
I swallowed hard and nodded harder. I probably looked ridiculous. “Yep. Label the hell out of me.”
He laughed and kissed me. Just once, and it was way too brief to satisfy my need for him. This had better not be the kind of kiss I could expect now that I’d traded our hot fling for a real relationship. I opened my mouth to protest, but Garrett beat me to it.
“How about we start with you being my date to a wedding tomorrow?”
And then he kissed me. Like only the best man could.
Chapter 29
The day after Thanksgiving was for sleeping in. Unless you were part of the crowd who hit up the stores for a frenzied marathon of shopping for early–bird deals. These days, I bought everything online. Except for clothing. I’d found it was more hassle to return something that didn’t drape right or had a disappointingly inferior fabric than venturing out to the stores to try things on in person.
After sitting next to Garrett at dinner last night, laughing and swapping stories with the jovial group around us as he held my hand or placed it on his knee, all I wanted this morning was to wake up next to him. To see his sleepy smile as he pulled me close and kissed me until we made lazy love that warmed my defrosting heart.
Instead, I woke up to a whispered, “Holy crap.”
I rolled over and met wide eyes with a smile. “Just hitting you what today is?”
Tracie nodded, then went back to staring at the ceiling.
“Sure you want to go through with this?”
She didn’t react to my teasing, just nodded again. Laughing, I scooted closer and wrapped my arms around my friend. “How do you feel, champ?”
