“I know that one,” Cathy said, as if she was irritated no one had asked her. She joined Ben on the chorus, and she had a nice soprano voice—not as silky or attractive as Ben’s—but in tune and sufficient for the song.
Ben’s beautiful voice made Linda smile. Cathy’s enthusiasm about the song made Linda laugh. “That was wunderbarr. No wonder Winnie loves it.”
Cathy seemed very pleased with herself, even though the compliment was for Ben. “Thank you. We sound pretty good together, though Ben needs to learn to sing softer so you can hear the soprano part.”
Ben grinned at Linda. “I don’t doubt that I do.”
“We should do some singing together,” Cathy said. “I have a whole book of duets on my piano at home.”
Ben bounced Winnie on his knee. “I don’t mean to offend you, Cathy, but that would not be my idea of fun.”
“Of course it would be fun. Young people these days have no idea what fun really is.” Cathy poked at the fire. “At least you’re smart enough to quit smoking. You wouldn’t be able to sing like that if they had to cut out your vocal cords.”
Ben’s smile faltered. “It would be proud if I cared about my singing voice. But Lord willing, I won’t lose my vocal cords anytime soon.”
He glanced past Linda, who was wishing very hard he’d look into her eyes again. Slowly, tensely, he stood up, shoved Winnie into Linda’s arms and stepped out of their circle of chairs.
Linda wrapped her arms around Winnie, who didn’t appreciate being handed off and showed her displeasure with a high-pitched scream. Linda stood up and stepped to Ben’s side trying to figure out what he was up to.
Without releasing his gaze from the darkness outside the reach of the campfire, Ben held up his hand, motioning for Winnie to stay quiet. Of course, Winnie was a toddler and had no idea what Ben wanted her to do and no inclination to be obedient even if she knew. She fussed louder and reached out for Ben even as he pushed her away from him.
“What is it, Ben?” Levi said.
Ben took a slow step forward and nudged Linda behind him as if he wanted to protect her.
Protect her from what?
Then Linda saw it. She sucked in a breath as every muscle in her body tensed and an invisible hand clamped around her throat. A black bear, barely visible in the dim light, stood not twelve feet away, gazing at them curiously as if they were animals in the zoo. Linda’s heart hammered against her chest. “A bear,” she whispered.
Levi leaped to his feet, and Ben motioned for him to stay where he was. “Don’t make any sudden moves.” Without looking behind him, he slid to his right, putting himself more fully between Linda and the bear. Then he raised his hands and waved them slowly above his head as if trying to flag down a car on a dark highway. “Hey, bear,” he called, his voice loud and commanding. “Get out of here. Get out. Go on. This is our campsite. Go find your own.”
Levi and then Esther stood up and waved their arms in the air too. Levi yelled at the bear to go away, and Esther called out things like, “Don’t even think about stealing one of my marshmallows,” and “Don’t make me come over there, because I will spank you.”
It would have been almost comical if it hadn’t been so terrifying. All Linda could do was clutch Winnie in her arms and pray that she and Ben could protect Winnie if the bear attacked.
Winnie stopped struggling and watched her parents and onkel with fascination. They must have looked very strange to an eighteen-month-old. Her eyes widened as she gazed past Ben and saw the bear. She pointed her little finger and gave her interpretation of a dog barking. It was cute, but her parents were too frightened to notice.
Linda kept her eyes glued to the bear, which stood breathlessly still with her nose in the air, as if Ben, Esther, and Levi were highly entertaining. Then, as if she’d seen enough, the bear turned around and lumbered away among the brush and boulders until she was out of sight.
Ben’s shoulders drooped as he let out the air he’d been hoarding in his lungs. He turned around and without warning, gathered Linda and Winnie into his arms. Linda was surprised by the gesture but not opposed to it, especially since Ben’s embrace was warm and tender, as if it was the most natural thing in the world for him to do. “Are you okay?”
Linda suddenly lost the ability to speak, but whether it was from the shock of seeing a bear or the utter pleasure of being held by those strong arms, she didn’t know. All she could do was nod.
That didn’t satisfy Ben. He tightened his arms around her and Winnie. “It’s okay. It wouldn’t have hurt us.”
Linda nodded a second time. She of all people knew that very well. Black bears as a rule weren’t all that aggressive, and they scared easily, especially in the face of a big group of people. She’d been startled, because encountering a bear was always unnerving, but that wasn’t why she couldn’t speak.
Esther practically snatched Winnie from Linda’s arms, but Ben didn’t release his hold on Linda. He pulled her closer, and she could feel his heart beating against her cheek, though she had no idea how her face ended up pressed against his chest. It was probably improper and inappropriate, but this was an emergency situation, after all, and if there ever was a time to hold tight to a handsome and protective boy, this was it. She’d just been through something terrible. Any girl would be a fool to refuse comfort from someone who wanted to give it. She should definitely pretend not to feel his hard muscles beneath his shirt, and she was absolutely certain that she should ignore the enticing scent of cedarwood and orange oils on his neck. And above all, she should definitely put him out of her mind and not let thoughts of him keep her from getting a gute night’s sleep tonight.
“Cathy? Are you okay?” Levi said.
Linda reluctantly pulled herself from Ben’s arms and turned to see Cathy lying on the ground in a fetal position. Esther nudged Cathy with her hand. “Cathy. Cathy, it’s okay. You don’t have to pretend you’re dead. You’re safe.”
Cathy opened her eyes and reached out her hand. Levi pulled her to her feet and led her to her camp chair. Her legs were definitely wobbling as she sat down. “Don’t you people ever read the signs? When you see a bear, you’re supposed to play dead. That way you won’t get eaten.”
Ben glanced at Linda and brushed his hands together, as if to wipe off any idea that he had even thought about touching her. “You only play dead when it’s a grizzly bear. With a black bear you make a lot of noise.”
Cathy swatted away whatever knowledge Ben wanted to share with her about bears. “You always play dead with a bear, and I figured if you all got eaten, there’d need to be somebody left to put out the fire.”
Winnie, oblivious that anything of importance had happened, pointed to the bag of marshmallows Levi still had clutched in his hand. “Beh. Beh,” she said, which seemed to be her word for anything sweet.
Linda felt her face get warm. Where were her thoughts taking her? Did she really put Ben in the same category as a warm toasted marshmallow? Nae, Ben was in a category all by himself. Toasted marshmallows were sweet, sticky, crunchy, and delicious. Ben was something extraordinary. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but she knew she wanted to solve the mystery of Ben Kiem. It would be a very agreeable search.
Levi nodded at Ben, and there was some sort of unspoken agreement between them. “I think we’ve had quite enough of the outdoors. Let’s go home.”
Cathy frowned. “Are you sure? I’d like to hear more railroad songs.”
Levi folded up a camp chair and slid it into its bag. “I’m sure. That’s enough excitement for one day.”
For sure and certain Levi was right about that. Tonight, Linda had experienced enough excitement for an entire year, and it had nothing to do with a campfire, a bag of marshmallows, or a black bear.
It was all Ben’s fault.
Chapter Nine
Wally whistled and snapped his fingers in front of Ben’s face. Ben slapped his hand away. “What is wrong with you?” Ben growled.
“Nothi
ng’s wrong with me,” Wally said, pulling a cigarette from the pack and offering it to Ben. “No charge.”
Simeon rolled his eyes and lit his cigarette, letting it dangle from his fingers as if it was part of his hand. “Since when did you become such a do-gooder, Wally?”
Wally glanced resentfully at Ben. “Since one of my best friends won’t even have a smoke with us. Look at him. He’s not even really here. Like as not he’s thinking about somebody else when he should be paying attention to his friends.”
Ben raised an eyebrow. “Don’t be so touchy.”
“Then don’t be so righteous. Have a smoke with us.”
Ben waved away Wally’s offered cigarette. “Nae. It’s been six weeks. I got through the hardest part. I don’t want to have to start all over again. The headaches are wonderful bad.”
Wally’s eyes narrowed to slits. “Then don’t ever quit again.”
To Wally, it was so easy. If it was hard to quit smoking, just don’t ever stop. “I’m saving forty dollars a week,” Ben said. Wally wasn’t always the most rational thinker, but he definitely understood the cost of a pack of cigarettes.
“You can get them cheaper at Walmart,” Wally mumbled.
Simeon took a drag on his cigarette and stared at Ben. “What Wally is trying to say is, you’re no fun anymore.”
Ben swallowed hard. He didn’t know what to say. If Wally and Simeon rejected him, he’d have no friends. He couldn’t make new friends. Nobody else in the gmayna liked him.
Ach, vell, maybe Linda liked him. That thought sent something warm and sweet pulsing through his veins, until he realized that the only reason Linda liked him was because she didn’t really know him. The more time they spent together, the less she’d want to be his friend.
Ben sat down on the bench and propped his hands on his knees. He couldn’t go back to smoking. He hadn’t felt this healthy in years, ever since he’d started sucking that poison into his lungs. He still had bad days, when his head ached or the need for a cigarette nearly overpowered him, but he could also breathe better, and the coughing had lessened considerably.
But the fact that he was trying to quit made his friends feel threatened, like he was judging them merely because he chose not to smoke. He understood how they felt. If Wally had been the one to quit, Ben would have felt the same about him, like he was betraying his friends. Like he didn’t belong anymore. And that was the problem. Wally and Simeon were the only ones who didn’t care how bad or irresponsible or unrepentant he was. He would never suggest they quit, because they’d tell him he was being preachy, but he’d feel a lot more part of the group if the other two quit smoking. He had to prove to Linda that he was smart because she thought it was dumb to smoke.
Wally propped his foot on the end of the bench. “You’re turning into one of them.”
“One of who?” Ben said, even though he knew exactly who Wally was talking about. All those righteous people in the gmayna. All those people who were too busy judging him to treat him kindly. All those forgiving Amish who never let you forget your sins. A cold, hard fist clamped around Ben’s heart. Members of the gmayna still talked about the unfortunate incident, even though it had happened eight years ago. Ben was still known as “the boy who stole that music box,” as if it was a nametag he had to wear for the rest of his life. No one liked him. No one wanted to associate with him except Wally and Simeon and only because the community hated them as much as they hated Ben. He felt like one of those lepers they were always talking about in the Bible. Everyone avoided him, except for people like his parents who were trying to reform him, make him change his ways, and even change who he was.
But in the last few weeks, it had been different. Linda didn’t treat him like a leper. She treated him like a regular person, a friend she could be straight with, a boy she enjoyed hanging out with. She certainly didn’t try to tiptoe around his feelings, especially when she thought he acted stupidly. She was always brutally honest, so he always knew exactly what she thought of him even if he didn’t always like what she said. If she hated him, he’d know it.
And it had sure felt good to hold her in his arms, like she fit there. Like maybe she didn’t mind being there. Ben swiped his hand across his mouth. He didn’t need those thoughts crowding into his brain.
“You care more about Linda Eicher and your new friends than you do about us.”
Ben threw up his hands. “What new friends? Linda and I have been hiking and snowshoeing a couple of times. And we go with her bruder and some Englischers and an old lady.”
“You said you were going to start smoking again as soon as you beat her in snowshoeing. Now the snow’s all gone.”
Now wasn’t a gute time to smile, but Ben could barely contain himself when he thought of Linda and how strangely adorable she looked in hiking boots and a Plain dress.
They’d been hiking twice since the snow had melted, hiking with Ashley, Dylan, and Cathy. Hiking wasn’t as physically taxing as snowshoeing, but Ben still found himself breathing hard, even going as slow as they had to with Cathy in tow. But the longer he went without a cigarette, the better he felt.
Ben smiled to himself. He was better at canoeing because his upper body was stronger than Linda’s. The whole day on the river she had smiled at him several times and hadn’t once laughed at him, even though they’d done a lot of laughing. Ach, nobody could make him laugh like Linda Eicher could. Not even Simeon and Wally.
“Well, Ben?”
Simeon glanced at Wally. “He’s not paying attention again.”
“I was too. I haven’t beat Linda at snowshoeing, so I’m not going to start smoking yet.” They wouldn’t like that excuse, but it was the best he could do.
“You’re being so weird about Linda Eicher,” Wally said. “She’s ugly and skinny and has the loudest laugh I ever heard, like a duck. Her mamm gives me the evil eye at gmay.”
Ben bristled like a porcupine. He didn’t want to feel protective of Linda, but all he’d wanted to do that night they saw the bear was hold Linda tight until his heart stopped pounding. He had wanted to keep her safe, even though she probably knew ten times more about bears than he did. Up until now, there had been three people he’d allowed himself to feel protective about—Esther, Nanna, and Winnie. Esther would do anything for him, even when she didn’t want to. Nanna refused to judge him, and Winnie loved him because she didn’t know any better. Anybody else would just end up letting him down or making him feel foolish in the end. Hadn’t it been that way with Magdalena?
Simeon took a drag on his cigarette. “She’s looking for a gute Amish husband. Why is she wasting her time with you? Why are you wasting your time with her?”
Ben honestly could not answer that question. He went hiking and canoeing with Linda because he wanted to prove something to her so she wouldn’t be so smug, but he was also beginning to enjoy every minute he spent with her. It was risky to feel that way, because for sure and certain, she’d drop him like a hot potato as soon as she got what she wanted from him. But what did Linda want from him? She didn’t need a hiking partner. She’d done just fine with Ashley and Dylan before Ben ever showed up, and Ben seemed to slow her down, if anything. She could hike with Cathy if she was desperate.
Was Ben Linda’s project? Was she trying to make him change his ways and repent? Was she still trying to teach him a lesson for hitching a ride behind her buggy? Or maybe she truly enjoyed spending time with him.
Ben’s heart raced at that possibility. She laughed and smiled at him, and he hadn’t imagined the way she’d leaned into him that night with the bear. But that couldn’t last long. Linda didn’t truly know the kind of person Ben was. If she did, she’d find other boys to spend time with, other boys more worthy of her. That thought made Ben’s stomach hurt. Sooner or later, Linda would grow tired or frustrated and move on to some other boy, a boy who didn’t smoke. A boy who could beat her up the hill or, better yet, carry her up the hill. A boy who hadn’t ruined his future at the age of four
teen.
Wally tossed his cigarette butt on the ground. “Are you too righteous to have a little fun?”
“Of course not,” Ben said. He wasn’t righteous at all.
Wally picked up the canvas bag he’d brought with him. “Gute, because it’s time we kicked up a little dust around here.” He pulled some old clothes from the bag.
Ben couldn’t muster any enthusiasm. He used to think Wally’s ideas were exciting. Now they just felt like too much work and too little fun. Still, if he wanted to prove he was still Wally’s friend, he’d go along and pretend to be eager about it. “What do you want to do?”
“Nobody ruins my boom box and gets away with it. We’re going to teach Old Man Bateman a lesson.”
* * *
With his shirt soaked in sweat, Ben tore off his gloves and threw them on the worktable. He marched out of the barn, turned on the hose, and let it run over his head as he scrubbed his fingers through his hair. The icy water stole his breath as it trickled down his neck. Ben ran the hose over his sunburned arms and splashed water in his face. He took a long drink but couldn’t taste the water on his tongue. All he tasted was shame and anger and defiance.
He was angry at Wally and Mr. Bateman, Dat and Mamm and the gmayna, angry at the whole world. He didn’t know where he belonged anymore, and the loneliness overwhelmed and frightened him. He needed to belong, even if it was in a group of three pathetic Amish boys who smoked behind the barn and set people’s property on fire.
Ach, he was so mad at Wally right now, even though Wally was one of the only two friends he had in the world. Wally’s little prank had gone horribly wrong, and Ben bore the brunt of Dat’s displeasure and the community’s indignation.
The Amish Quiltmaker's Unruly In-Law Page 13
