by Cole Lepley
He smiles. “Yeah, Elle. That’s a big deal.”
“Is it?” I say, laughing bitterly. I shoulder past him. “It doesn’t feel like it to me.”
He continues to shadow me, his footsteps echoing on the hardwood. I pause at the sink and place both hands on the edge, not turning around. “It’s like I’m too young to feel this way.” I turn to face him and cross my arms. “I already feel over all the drama and bullshit that being young entails, and I still have another year of high school. I’m not even really that sad Judah won’t be here this year. How fucked up is that?” I laugh again. “Yesterday I was almost crying because I was scared to be without him and now—now I’m just numb.”
I like the fact that he waits patiently for me to finish my theatrical spiel before he speaks. He gives me a polite smile, leaning on the counter next to me. “Elle, I’ve told you a million times—you’re better than that douchebag. He was lucky to get almost four years with you and now’s your chance to really find yourself this year on your own.” He leans in and shakes me by my shoulders gently until I finally smile. “This is a good thing, girl.”
“Maybe,” I say, averting my eyes from his.
He takes a step closer and tilts his head down to me, so I have to look at him again. When he has my attention, he smiles and brushes a loose curl behind my ear. “I’ll take that as a sign you’ll at least try, and if it makes you sad, you know I’ll always be here to talk to, right?”
I nod as a lump suddenly forms in my throat. Why can’t all guys be as sweet as Hunter? He’s been there for me at the drop of hat since I met him and has never made me feel like a burden to him. He genuinely cares about my feelings, and I’m pretty sure there are few people I can actually say that about. Being popular doesn’t necessarily mean you are loved by all who surround you. It’s quite the opposite actually. There’s always sharks circling in the water just waiting for a scandal to brew.
Thankfully, I’ve been relatively safe in that department. Aside from the back and forth with me and Judah, I’ve never really done anything scandalous to tarnish my reputation. I left the building of our empire solely up to my brother. I would have to do something pretty drastic to top Ollie.
Hunter hugs me to his chest, and I sigh and bring my arms around him. I take comfort in his embrace for a moment, but then I remember I’m standing here with only a small towel over my bikini. I’ve worn my fair share of revealing outfits, but there’s something about the way his hands feel rubbing the bare skin of my back right now. It sends shivers down to my toes, and there isn’t anything intimate about what we’re doing. I’ve hugged him a million times—fell asleep on him even, and never gave it a second thought.
Now? Now I’m kinda wishing he’d take that polo shirt off and show me what’s been driving those balls all day.
My cheeks flush at the thought when he pulls back from me. God, I really am starting to sound like Ollie more and more every day. If only my typical girl emotions would stop creeping in and making me question basically everything right now. I’m filled with conflicting feelings, and I’ve never felt so lost.
Hunter nudges my shoulder when I remain quiet. He gives me a tentative smile this time when I look over at him. “Have fun tonight, okay? Don’t think about it too hard and just enjoy your birthday with him.”
Even though it surprises me that he’s actually insisting I enjoy Judah’s company after blatantly protesting our relationship, it makes me smile that he’s saying it because he thinks it will make me happy.
I don’t know the last time I felt like someone did that for me without the promise of getting something out of it in return. It makes me wonder what it would be like if I had that all of the time.
I guess it is my birthday—and I do get one wish.
Judah brings me to our favorite restaurant in town for dinner. By typical standards it would be considered more of a dive than anything, but I love it. I love the old red booths and smell of stale grease and apple pie. It’s an odd combination, but weirdly comforting.
Only I’m not feeling comfortable right now. I’ve barely taken two bites of my burger and Judah is already shoving the last bite into his mouth. He takes a large sip of soda and then nods to my plate. “What’s up?”
“Nothing,” I say casually. I pick up my now lukewarm burger and take a small bite for show. He leans back in the worn vinyl seat and raises an eyebrow.
“You’re weird. What’s wrong?”
When I shake my head, he leans forward and interrupts me. “I’m serious, babe. Don’t tell me you’re fine when clearly, you’re not. You think I don’t know you by now?”
He grins at me, but instead of feeling relief, my stomach flips. If he really knew me, he would know we’re clearly holding onto something that’s undoubtedly going to end. Most likely erupting in flames by the end of the month tops.
“I’m seriously fine,” I say, flashing my brightest smile. My face falls too quickly, and he mirrors my expression.
With a deep sigh, he leans in further and pulls one of my hands across the table. After pressing it to his lips, he lets our hands rest between us. His thumb starts to move slowly across the back of my hand. “This summer went too fast, Elle. I’m upset about leaving, too.”
His warm, brown eyes hold the kind of sadness I thought I felt in my heart. Yes, my heart is the part of me that’s hurting, but it’s not broken—it’s twisted. I’m having more and more second thoughts every time I think about it. Maybe I do need to see what it’s like without him. It would be nice to see what it feels like to be treated well for a change.
Even so, I still love Judah, and I’ll miss him terribly. “Me, too,” I whisper.
He stretches all the way across the table this time and kisses me hard. His lips linger on mine and the plates clatter beneath his weight. I’m pretty sure he put his hand in my burger. I kiss him back and wrap my arms around his neck the best I can to deepen our kiss. As our tongues start to melt together a spatter of applause begins to break out. Oh yeah—we’re not alone.
I pull back as the heat rises in my cheeks. Judah of course just grins and falls back into his side of the booth. I reach over and shove him, and he laughs. He fake rubs his shoulder like I actually hurt him. “What? They enjoyed the show.”
I try not to, but start laughing anyway. This is who we are. A giant ball of sexual chemistry, mixed with severely inflated egos, and a sprinkle of pride. Well, probably more than a sprinkle.
I’ll never know what it feels like to have a deep, meaningful relationship if I hold onto this. I know our separation will do more good than harm. Hunter asked me to try, and I think I’ll keep that promise.
4
House Guest
Ollie and I have been going hard the past few weeks. I think he’s trying to bank it all up before school starts in a couple days. Being a teacher and a rational adult is hard for him. Alcohol and pussy seem to get him through his struggle.
It’s not helping me very much. I’ve barely spoken to Regan in four days and haven’t been home for longer than a few minutes in over a week. Our relationship is casual, but even I know this is a problem. That thought is immediately confirmed when I step inside the small apartment we share. My luggage is stacked by the door with my mail neatly piled on top. I drop my keys to the side table with a clang.
“Regan?”
I take a few steps into the living room as she is walking out from the bedroom down the short hallway. Her blonde hair is twisted into a messy bun, and she has a look of irritation on her face. She stops a few feet from me and crosses her arms. “Here for a change of clothes?”
When I open my mouth to respond, she beats me to it and motions to the front door. “I figured I’d help you out.”
I sigh. “I’m sorry I’ve been shitty at communicating lately, but—”
She scoffs loudly. “Shitty at communicating. Is that what you call it?” Her blue eyes narrow. “You’ve been gone since last Sunday.”
“I was with Ollie.
”
“Well, I think you should stay with Ollie,” she counters.
I release a long breath and run a hand through my hair. “Wow. Okay, you’re pissed.”
“I’m not pissed, Hunter. I’m over it. You were all about it when we first started dating, but the moment it started to turn into something real you’ve been distancing yourself from me.” She laughs bitterly, stepping around me. “You don’t even bother to come home anymore.”
Home. To be honest it never felt like a home with her. I barely know her. We rushed into this because we were both searching for something that neither one of us could provide the other. Regan longs for security and someone to take care of her, and I—well, I’m not sure what I’m searching for, but this isn’t it.
“I’m sorry,” I say again. It seems stupid, but I don’t know what else to say. I don’t want to lie to the girl or drag something out that was never going to be anything. All of those things considered, it still puts me in a predicament. I’m basically homeless now. Fucking amazing.
She’s staring at me, and she must see the panic on my face because she sighs. “Look, you can stay here until you find a place. I’m not going to be a total bitch even though you kind of deserve it.”
“I really am sorry,” I say sincerely. I take a step toward her and surprisingly she doesn’t pull back from me. She lets me hug her, and I start to feel a little bit better. “I’ll be out as soon as I can.”
Oliver convinced me to stay with him while I figure out my new living situation. He excitedly offered up the guest house and refused to take no for an answer. We’ve also been day drinking since about ten in the morning. By the time I start moving my belongings in from my truck, it’s already getting dark outside.
It’s basically an entire house if you ask me. It has a large master bedroom with an attached bathroom that has the biggest Jacuzzi tub I’ve ever seen. I’ve spent quite a few memorable nights in there. I cringe a little at the memory. I hope they clean it regularly.
The front door opens, and I turn around to see Elliot carrying an armful of sheets. She hands them to me with a smile. “Ollie’s been in here—a lot.”
I shake my head. “Say no more.”
She flops down on the over-sized couch and tilts her head to me. “So, what do you want to do tonight?”
I raise an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
She rolls her eyes. “I’ll ignore the fact that you just insinuated you don’t want to hang out with me.” She walks over and playfully slaps me in the chest with the back of her hand. “You’re obviously heartbroken so I’m here to cheer you up.”
I laugh. “Do I look upset to you?”
She purses her lips and does a small lap around me. “Hmm. I’m not sure. You could be hiding your sorrow well.”
I set the sheets down and grab her shoulders so she has to face me. “Elliot, I’m fine. This wasn’t much of a surprise.”
Her face falls and she wraps her arms around my neck, catching me off guard. “You poor thing. You’re in denial.”
My laughter shakes us both as she squeezes me tighter. Her concern for me is adorable, but completely unwarranted. “Elle, you can hang out if it would make you feel better.”
She pulls back and claps her hands together in excitement. “I thought you’d say that.” She bounces quickly back to her bag and pulls out an assortment of candy and popcorn. She gives a wicked grin. “I also queued up some scary movies on Netflix.”
It’s my turn to grin. “So—you want to Netflix and chill with me?”
She tosses a throw pillow at my head. “Don’t be a perv, Hunter. I’m here for support and not the kind you’re thinking of.”
I hold my hands up with another chuckle. “Okay, I’m sorry.”
She smiles. “Good, because I really want to see the new Rob Zombie movie and I’m too scared to watch it by myself.”
I chew on the inside of my cheek so I don’t respond. If she wants to cuddle in the dark with me, all she has to do is ask. Pushing that thought aside, I nod toward the bedroom and proceed to walk in and start changing Oliver’s sex sheets from the bed. Elliot follows behind me and lingers in the doorway.
“You okay?” I ask over my shoulder. Her forehead scrunches up like she’s confused, so I keep going. “About Judah? He left yesterday.”
“Yeah, that,” she says. There’s a briskness to her tone, and I can’t tell if it’s bitter or sad. “He texted me when he got there, and I haven’t really said anything back since. I think it’s best if we don’t talk much.”
I fluff the new sheet on the bed and then glance back to her again. “Out of sight, out mind, eh?”
Elliot laughs once. “Something like that.” She walks over and straightens the corner of the sheet across from me. “He’ll be back for Fall Festival in about a month, so I guess we’ll see how I feel until then.”
I watch her motionlessly as she smooths the edges and stands to face me. By all accounts, she still looks flawless—but I can see through it. This is harder for her than she wants to admit, and I don’t think it’s entirely because of him. Elliot isn’t used to being alone. My biggest is fear is that she’ll jump into something just as shallow and damaging as she had before.
She walks over and places her hand on my shoulder, comforting me this time. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” I say softly. She bites her lip and I can’t help myself. The air in this room is far too heavy and she is far too sweet. “There is one thing.”
She runs her hand through her hair and smiles. “Anything.”
I want to tell her that she should never say something like to me. My mind goes into a montage of dirty things. I brush it off with a smirk and lean into her.
“I’m kind of afraid of the dark—maybe you should stay.” I press my lips together to keep my laughter inside and she punches me in the arm.
“I’ll buy you a night light.”
I shrug. “It was worth a try.”
Instead of pretending to be fake-offended, her expression turns somewhat sad again. “You know what?” she almost whispers.
I brush the hair from her face and give a small smile. “What, sweetheart?”
Her eyes drift to the floor and she picks at the strings of her hoodie, not meeting my eyes for a moment. When she looks at up at me, her gaze is hesitant.
“I’m actually the one that could use the company tonight.” She smiles again, but I swear I can see a tear forming in the corner of her eye. “I’m just really glad you’re here.”
Before she can say anything else, I pull her against my chest and hug her tight. I kiss her temple and then rest my chin on the top of her head. I can’t describe how it feels to have her in my arms like this. I like it. I like having her close to me, and I can’t deny the new onset of fluttering in my chest. I’m all kinds of fucked up over this for so many reasons—but I don’t want it to stop just yet.
“I’m glad I’m here, too.”
5
Promises Are The Sweetest Lies
A stabbing in my back wakes me up out of a rather peaceful sleep. I tilt my gaze to Hunter curled up behind me. Mystery solved. My eyes drift to the television asking if we are still there. Netflix is such an asshole.
I give Hunter a nudge, and he lazily opens his eyes. I press my ass back against him, and he lets out a grunt. It takes a few moments for him to realize what he’s doing to me. He inches away from me. “Sorry about that. Mornings and all.”
I giggle. “Sure, it is.”
I stand up from the couch and stretch my arms above my head. “Sorry I passed out.”
He grins up at me. “I didn’t mind.”
With another laugh, I give a pointed look to his crotch. “Obviously.”
He continues to eye me from his position on the couch, and I get that strange feeling in the pit of my stomach again. I try to brush it off while I search for my shoes. “Oliver is going to be pissed. He’s making me run sprints this morning.”
“He’s such a slave driver. Why don’t you just stay here, and we’ll polish off the rest of season two?” He pulls the blanket back and waggles his eyebrows. “You know you want to know what happens after Blair graduates.”
“If I crawl back under that blanket with you, I’ll really be late.”
He shrugs. “It’s better than running sprints.”
I laugh while I struggle to tie my left sneaker. “Maybe some other time.” I give him a wink over my shoulder, and his grin widens right before I walk out of the door.
I close the door behind me and make my way across the patio where I’m intercepted by a brooding Oliver. He crosses his arms after glancing at his watch. “You’re late.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
He cocks his head, looking over my shoulder and then back to me. “And what were you doing in the guest house?”
I scoff. “Me and Hunter were watching horror movies, and I fell asleep.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Is that all?”
I punch him in the arm, and I step past him. “Of course, douchebag. He’s like my brother.” That’s a total lie. I’ve thought about Hunter a million different ways over the past week and none of them were fraternal.
I make my way quickly up to my room to change into my track pants and a tank top. My phone buzzes from my bedside table. I didn’t even realize I’d left it here. I pick it up and see four missed texts from Judah. Not really what I want to deal with right now, so I click them off and scroll to my favorite playlist. I’ll let the music drown out the excessive thoughts in my head—especially the ones I shouldn’t be having.
Oliver pushes me hard, and I actually enjoy it. He thinks he’s being a dick by screaming at me to run faster, but it fuels me. I take pleasure in the fact that I’m able to surpass people’s expectations. I hate to lose.
After two hours of the most grueling sprints and cardio, we finally take a break. We sit side by side on the bleachers, drinking water, in silence.
