by Cole Lepley
Her face softens, and she lowers her eyes to the space between us. “I’m glad because I never want to see that again.” She looks up at me with a more serious expression. “I mean it. Judah and I are going to be in each other’s lives. Our families are long-time friends, and he’s my friend, too.”
I don’t understand how she thinks they can remain friends after this. He’s clearly still in love with her, and I would bet anything he’s not okay with her and I being together. That’s assuming she told him everything.
I’m about to ask her about it when she speaks first. The concern is back on her face again. “What happened? Why is he in prison?”
I laugh once. “I guess you’re not going to let this go, huh?”
She shakes her head, and I take a deep breath. “Okay, well—my father is serving time for felony assault on a minor.” Her eyes widen, but I keep going. “It would have been attempted murder, but my testimony prevented that from happening.”
Elliot brings her hand up to cover her mouth. It’s shocking when you say it out loud—murder. Do I think he wanted to kill me? Absolutely, but I couldn’t bring myself to admit it. Who wants to admit their father hates them so much they nearly beat them to death?
“I spent two months in the hospital after we got into it one night after practice. He was drunk as usual and pushing my mom around the living room. I stepped in and tried to be a hero, and he showed me I wasn’t.”
I shrug like it’s no big deal, but Elliot’s crying. She feels bad for me, and I never wanted that. I never wanted her to know this part of me, to know what I’m capable of. I’m sure that was already shot to shit after she saw what I did to Judah.
She wipes under her eyes and reaches for my hand again. She brings it up to her lips and kisses it gently. “I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m sorry you had to go through something like that.”
I lean down and catch her lips briefly. “It’s okay, baby. I’m okay.”
That’s probably a lie, but she doesn’t call me out on it. I’ve never really talked about my past to anyone—besides Ollie, and that’s not exactly a good thing. They suggested a therapist after the incident, but I never saw one. Call it pride or just being a stubborn kid, but I wasn’t about to sit in a room with someone I never met before and pour my heart out. Fuck that.
Her eyes drift away from me for a moment. “Judah isn’t going to say anything about us.”
“How do you know?”
She looks back to me. “Because he promised.”
“And you believe him?”
“Yes.”
I lower my head into the palm of my hand, feeling like an idiot for losing it on him. The last thing we need is to draw attention to ourselves when we still have five months until graduation. If it gets out that we’re seeing each other, it will be detrimental for both us.
She runs her hand along my back in an attempt to comfort me. Comfort me after what I did to us.
I look up at her. “I’ll apologize to Judah. I’ll set shit straight with him, and hopefully it will be enough.”
Elliot’s fingers trail along the side of my face. “It makes me very happy that you’re willing to do that. I promise he’s not a bad guy.”
My stomach twists at her words. She’s right. Judah is not a bad guy. Sure, he has his faults just like the rest of us—but at the end of the day it’s becoming more and more clear that maybe he is better for her. Despite the stupid teenage bullshit they go through, they have a strong history, and they care about each other. She may love me now, but what about next time? How will she feel if I can’t control myself some other time and really hurt someone? I don’t want to end up like my father, but it doesn’t seem like that far of a stretch.
The next morning Elliot is still cuddled beside me when I open my eyes. It’s almost light outside, and I curse under my breath for agreeing to run with Oliver. The only time you can count on him to be punctual is when a sport is involved. Work, meetings, any kind of date—you’re pushing your luck.
I sigh when I glance at the bedside clock. Ten minutes. I rub my eyes with the balls of my hands and then nudge Elliot gently. She stirs, but doesn’t move much and mumbles something I don’t quite make out.
I lean down and kiss her cheek. “Wake up, baby. Ollie will be here soon.”
“So,” she says, her face half in the pillow. “He already knows.”
I laugh. “Yeah, well I don’t want to rub it in his face too much, too soon. I have a feeling I’m on his shit list.”
Elliot rolls over to her back and gives a small smile. “That’s a guarantee.” When I frown she lightly slaps my side. “Don’t worry, I’m sure I am, too. We’re both heartless liars in his book.”
“He didn’t need to know. It was our business if we wanted to be together.” I stand up from the bed and reach for my pants. I lock eyes with her while pulling them on. “Besides, I needed to be sure it’s what you really wanted before I risked pissing off my best friend.”
Elliot scoffs and sits up against her pillow. “Of course it’s what I really wanted. You’re the one who kept me away.”
My eyes soften toward her. I don’t want to fight about this. I’m still not even sure we should continue this after what happened last night. There’s too much attention being drawn to us, and I’m not willing to risk her future over it. But then my heart steps in and prevents me from doing the right thing. I know what we’re doing is wrong, but I can’t stop myself. Not since I allowed her to get so inside my head. She feels like a part of me even more now, and I don’t think I can give that up.
Elliot rolls her eyes and hops off the bed. I watch her shimmy into her yoga pants and consider texting Ollie that I’m sick. He’ll never buy it, but a different organ is now doing the thinking for me.
She’s still angry though, glaring over at me and crossing her arms. I walk over and place my hands on her elbows, leaning in to kiss her forehead. “I should’ve never done that. I love you. I’ve been in love with you for so long I don’t even remember how it started.” I tip her chin up with my finger. “I’m going to make this right. All of it.”
She nods.
“I mean it, Elle. I’m going to be the guy you need. The one who makes you feel safe, the one you always have to rely on no matter what.”
She smiles. “You really have no idea how much you already give me.” She loops her arms around my neck, and her lips linger over mine. “You’re everything I want.”
I’m not sure how much I believe her, but I kiss her like I do. I kiss her like everything is right with the world, and I have the only thing that matters right here in my arms. Only one part of that thought is true. I’m still working on the other one.
26
Double Standard
The buzz around school on Monday morning is that Judah got jumped. From what I’ve heard so far, he’s been pretty tight lipped about it. I knew he wouldn’t say anything, but it makes me nervous how much people are talking about it.
We’re only five minutes into lunch period and the theories are already flying. Cameron is still sitting across from me even though we barely speak anymore. I know she somehow thinks I’m angry over Dylan, but I actually find it ridiculous. You can’t even consider the minimal time we spent together dating, and I basically gave her my blessing.
When I look up from my barely touched salad, her green eyes bore into me with accusation. “You’re awfully quiet.” She takes a sip of her iced latte. “Or don’t you care what happened to Judah?”
I glare over at her. “Of course I care what happened to him.” I glance around at the curious eyes surrounding me at the table. Attention usually doesn’t make me uncomfortable, but right now I feel like I’m on trial.
Poppy Lincoln leans in from beside me. “So what did happen?” She twirls her spoon around in her yogurt before taking a small bite. Of all the girls in our group, Poppy loves gossip the most—especially the juicy kind that involves her friends. Like I said—sharks.
“I ha
ve no idea. Judah and I aren’t really talking at the moment.”
Cameron scoffs, and I raise an eyebrow. She catches my look of disdain and squares her shoulders. “Your little arrangement not working out anymore?”
My stomach clenches. I’d rather not get into it with her in front of everyone. “We broke up.”
“Kind of convenient don’t ya think?” Holden chimes in from down the table. Holden Parker is one of Judah’s best friends, and if anyone is going to choose sides, it’s going to be him.
I instantly get defensive. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe Judah got into it with whatever guy you’re dating. You haven’t exactly been around lately.”
“So that means I must have some secret boyfriend nobody knows about?”
“Seems reasonable.”
“Whatever.” I direct my attention back to my salad, aggressively poking my fork into the lettuce, but he doesn’t let it go.
He leans forward across the table at me. “Did you know he’s in danger of being on academic warning next semester?”
My stomach knots further, but I don’t look up at him. I was worried something like this would happen. Judah never mentioned his grades were in jeopardy. It’s not what I would expect from him. He’s always been smart and barely had to study. He must have taken our separation way harder than I realized—or he’s been drinking too much. My guess is that it’s a combination of both.
When I don’t acknowledge Holden, he laughs once. “And he got suspended from the team for missing too many practices.”
This causes my anger to spike. I pick my head up and narrow my eyes at him. “And how is any of that my fault?”
He motions toward me dramatically. “You’re the fucking reason. If he hadn’t been coming home so much because of you this never would have happened.”
Dylan nudges him from beside Cameron. “Hey, man. That’s not cool.” He nods to me. “It’s not Elle’s fault Judah’s acting irrational. Every time I’ve seen the dude in the past couple of months he’s been wasted. I’ll bet he picked a fight with the wrong guy and got his ass handed to him.”
Holden sputters a laugh. “You would defend her.”
Cameron stiffens in her seat, clearly pissed that Dylan would speak up for me. Poppy’s spoon is poised mid-air, and everyone else is just staring at us waiting for the next outburst to erupt. So much for staying out of the drama.
I catch Ollie walking up out of the corner of my eye, but Holden doesn’t see him. He points his finger at me with a sneer. “You’ve been fucking him around since the beginning of the semester. I bet he caught you fucking someone and finally snapped.” He gives Dylan a shove sideways. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”
A few things happen at once. Dylan clenches his fists and prepares to punch Holden for shoving him. Cameron gets a scowl on her face because now she thinks Dylan and I slept together, and I didn’t tell her. Holden’s smirk disappears from his face when Ollie grabs him by the back of the neck. I just sit there, unable to process all the bullshit that got spouted at this table in the past five minutes.
Oliver gives a dark smile and leans down to Holden’s ear. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but I watch the color drain from Holden’s face. He nods quickly and then glances in my direction. “I’m sorry, Elle. That was out of line.” His voice trembles a little and Ollie loosens his grip.
“Alright. Come with me.” He motions upward, and Holden lets out a nervous laugh.
“Where are we going?”
Ollie’s jaw ticks, but his face remains stoic. “Let’s go.”
I’m starting to panic. “Ollie.”
He doesn’t look at me. He keeps his gaze on Holden. “Mr. Parker wants to cause a scene during my lunch period, we can take this out in the hallway. Let’s fucking go.”
Holden’s eyes meet mine once more before he pushes up from the table and stalks toward the doors. Ollie gives a menacing look around at everyone and then turns and walks away without another word.
“Shit,” Dylan breathes. He shakes his head with a laugh. “Good thing Ollie’s a teacher. Teacher’s don’t hit people.”
My stomach drops again, and I discreetly scan for Hunter. It’s not his period to monitor lunches so he has no reason to be here. Even so, that never really stopped him from sneaking in to wink at me or do something cute to make me smile.
I breathe a little easier when I don’t see him. Abandoning my tray, I get up from the table and sling my bag over my shoulder. I think I hear Poppy call my name, but I don’t stop. I keep going until I make it to Ollie’s office on the other side of the building.
When I push open the door, I expect to see him and Holden in a heated discussion or a headlock—but the room is empty. The knot inside of me twists tighter at the thought of Ollie being stupid enough to assault someone over me too.
I set my bag down on the floor next to his desk and sit back in his comfy office chair. I pull my legs up under my chin and try to formulate some kind of way out of this. It’s only a matter of time before they find out about Hunter and me. He could go to prison, lose his teaching license—so many bad things that he doesn’t deserve. I’m sure bad things would happen to me too, but nothing that would ruin me. I’m not trying to get into a particularly good school, and I could always work for my parents even if I don’t go to college.
That’s the difference between us. He has so much more to lose, and that’s not fair. Why should either one of us have to sacrifice something all because we love each other?
My thoughts are interrupted by the door flying open and Ollie storming in. He doesn’t notice me at first because the light is still off, and I watch him struggle with the knot in his tie, swearing under his breath.
“You okay?” I ask in a small voice.
He jumps and then looks down at me with a laugh. He reaches over for the light switch and flicks it on. “Jesus, Elle. I’m on edge right now if you haven’t noticed.”
“I gathered.”
He sticks his finger in the knot to loosen it further. “I hate game days at school. On top of everything else I have walk around like a douche wearing a tie all day.”
I smile. “I think you look very professional.”
He gives a sarcastic sneer. “Yeah, well, I feel like an asshole.” He plants his hands on his hips and gives me a hard look. “You okay?”
I sink back into the chair a little and lower my legs. “I’m fine, I guess.”
Ollie shakes his head and moves around the desk to sit on the edge next to me. “He won’t fuck with you again.”
My eyes widen. “You didn’t—”
Ollie laughs. “I’m not an idiot. I didn’t hit him. I just gave him a strong warning and some very interesting detention activities that will take quite a while.”
“You can’t tell Hunter.”
Ollie taps his head. “Again, I’m not an idiot. We’re barely through the last assault and battery. No need to add a second.”
It must be something he sees in my face, because his face falls, too. “I’m sorry, Elle. Guys are terrible. They can sleep with whomever they want and be some kind of God, but if a girl does it—well, Holden is an asshole.”
“I didn’t sleep with Dylan.”
He holds his hands up. “I never said you did.”
“You insinuated you believed him.”
Ollie shakes his head. “No, I didn’t believe him. I know you’re not like me, but I also know that’s how guys think. Judah probably thought the same thing, and that’s why he had such a problem with Hunter.”
I twist a long strand of hair around my finger in front of my face, avoiding his eyes. “He has a problem with Hunter because he knows that I love him.”
Ollie’s voice is soft. “You told him that?”
I nod.
He blows out a long breath. “And he was okay with that?”
I laugh and look up with him. “Of course not, but what’s he going to do? He made his
bed, now he has to lie in it.”
He chuckles and stands up from the desk. “Good one.”
He pulls his tie off and throws it around a hook by his door before turning back to me. He gets his serious brother expression on, and I prepare myself for more bullshit or some actual brotherly advice.
“Elle, I need you to really think about what this could do to Hunter if it all goes to shit.”
“I know that!” I say, almost too loudly.
He holds up a finger. “Let me finish.” I clamp my mouth shut and he grins. “I’m your brother and more than willing to help you. Lie, steal, light assault—I’m down for basically anything, but you need to remember one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“If you do get caught, and Hunter goes away, you won’t have him then either.”
My heart nearly dies at the thought of Hunter going away for any period of time, let alone forever. I clutch my chest and try to soothe the ache already burning.
Ollie’s sees my pain and sighs. “Be careful from now on. That’s all I’m asking.”
27
If You Say So
Elliot has been acting weird since she got home from practice today. Typically she comes over after showering and does her homework on my bed while I grade papers. Today, however, she’s doodling circles on the top of her page and sighing every few minutes. Kind of adorable, but it’s driving me crazy wondering what’s wrong.
I set my pen down and stand up from the chair at the small desk by the window. I sit down on the bed beside her and gently run my hand down her back. “Are you okay?”
She nods, blackening the edges of her latest creation. I give a sigh of my own and pat her on the ass. “Come on, tell me. I’m a big boy. I can handle it.”
Elliot shoots me a skeptical look, but then rolls over onto her side. “Promise you won’t get mad.”
I hate when people say that. It almost always means that whatever you are about to hear will piss you off. That being said, I already promised to be there for her when she needs me and part of that is not acting like a dick when she tells me something I may not like.
