by Eden O'Neill
“Looks worse than it feels,” he said, passing it all off. He put his seat belt on. “You ready?”
“For what?”
He eyed me. “I, uh, told you I was taking you to Windsor House. After school? You forget already?”
That was still on? Honestly, I kind of thought those plans were dead after today.
Well, maybe you own me…
My heart raced at hearing the words, deep and hypnotic in my head, and I found myself staring outside. So much had changed in only a few hours, things that felt right before feeling weird now. I didn’t know how exactly things changed. I just knew they did.
Things did feel weird now, things I was going to do or say definitely weird. Things like going to Windsor House…
Things like this necklace around my neck.
I played with it, very aware of Ramses patiently waiting beside me. He stared at me, his figure in my periphery.
“Do you not want to do this today?” he asked, and when I faced him, he frowned. “If we don’t right now, I don’t know when I can. My dad freaked the fuck out. Like seriously lost his shit. The only reason I’m out now is because he and my mom are out to dinner with some of my dad’s staff. We might not get another chance for a while if we don’t do this today.”
I moved in the seat. “You still think we should do this? That it’s a good time?”
He passed a look like he didn’t understand. “Why wouldn’t it be? Like I said, we might not get another chance. I don’t know what it is, but my dad went hard on me after we left the school. I mean, I knew he and my uncle would be like whatever—”
“Yeah, and what’s up with that? Principal Hastings being your uncle?” Too weird. “You so didn’t mention that.”
“Never came up, I guess? He’s my mom’s brother, and honestly, outside of school, I don’t really have a relationship with him. None of us do. He keeps to himself mostly.”
I wouldn’t want to be in casual conversations with the guy, not the best people person. I figured that was just because he was headmaster and that’s how he was at school.
“Fuck, they handed me my ass.” He put his head back. “That’s why I got out after Royal and his dad. They were going over ‘how I was better than that,’ and I kind of just wrote it off. It wasn’t until after I got to the car and my dad literally took everything he could away from me for the next two weeks I started to listen. I swear it’s like a goddamn switch went off. In my uncle’s office, I got limited car and social privileges. But the minute my dad and I were alone, he took away everything. I literally had to bribe our staff to give me the keys to my car and my cell phone tonight. I don’t know what my dad’s deal is. He’s never been that strict, let alone cared.”
Maybe things were different now that he was Court. Maybe he was held to a high standard like many of the dads did here apparently. Royal’s dad was terrible.
You own me…
I clicked my seat belt on, and turning in his seat, Ramses sat up.
“Changed your mind?” he asked, and I just told him to drive. I did have a reason for wanting to go to Windsor House. That was the only thing that hadn’t changed.
The drive over was pretty silent between Ramses and me, Ramses doing most of the talking. He wanted to go over objectives, like what we both should be acting and doing once we were there. We both took the position that we should try to blend in, and if there were opportunities to ask anything, we should do so with caution. He planned to corner a few of the guys and get some good questions in. I, on the other hand, wanted to talk to Royal myself. There were some things so off going on here, off about him and the things he was both saying and doing. His actions were definitely doing one thing, but his words were saying something entirely else. I wanted to talk to him, get a read on him.
I wanted to know the truth.
Now, whether that truth would come out tonight, I didn’t know, but I wanted to try as Ramses let us into the steel gates of Windsor House. People weren’t playing out on the lawn today despite there being no snow. I guess too cold, a hard chill before the temperatures warmed and the flowers came out for spring. I hoped that day would start to come soon, too many of these cold, cold days. We pulled up the cobblestone walk, and after getting out, Ramses came around the car. He guided us from the garages up to the front door and seemed to navigate the winding property pretty well considering he’d never been Court before. I asked him about that, and he shrugged.
“Any guy worth his weight in this town has been coming here since we were kids. They, the fathers and grandfathers, in this town try to get us knowledgeable about the brotherhood early.”
This all sounded so cult-like it wasn’t even funny, a thick bond, which I knew about, and Ramses put out a hand.
“You ready?” he asked, but his hand ended up lowering when I left him hanging.
“I need you to be completely transparent about something,” I said, thinking about something else. “What exactly did you do to some of the guys in there?”
“Do?”
I nodded. “You know the whole bully thing?”
There were a lot of things I let go after he told me he’d been one, but if what Royal said about him was true, then there was a reason they’d all planned such a cruel haze. It was a reason I definitely wanted to know, and though it wasn’t my job to judge, those facts were needed on my end. They’d help me process a few things, one or two.
A sigh and Ramses was pushing a hand to his neck. “You wanna do this now?”
I knew what he said about the time he had out tonight, but I did. I leaned back against the door.
Another sigh before he tucked hands under his arms. “Mostly jostling.”
“What kind?”
“Rumors. Calling guys shit behind their backs. Idle gossip.”
“Okay.”
“Then there were some other things.” He lounged against the door too. “Things like screwing around with a guy’s girl behind his back.” He raised a hand. “Really, ’Zona, I’m not proud of it, and I don’t do shit like that anymore. It’s fucked up, and I know that. Happened to me at my last school, and I really know that.”
He hadn’t mentioned that about the last relationship he’d been in, but he’d been adamant about not wanting one while he was here. I guess there’d been a reason.
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” I admitted.
He shrugged. “It is what it is, and I deserved it. I deserved a lot of things.”
But had he deserved a beating? I chewed my lip. “What did you do to Royal? Did you do something? Something specific beyond handling him?”
“You could say that.” He pushed off the door, shaking his head. “I may have suspended him from a building.”
What the fuck?
“What?” I asked. “Why?”
“Because I did and could. We were both fighting for number one around here. Anyway, he got his just desserts in the end.”
“How?”
He took out his key. “He finished his haze, that, and I didn’t.”
All this was madness what these boys put each other through, and when Ramses put his key into the door, he waited before turning the knob. He put out his hand, and I stared at it again.
I pushed my hands into my coat. “Let’s just keep things casual in here, okay? I don’t want to create any more waves.”
I didn’t want any more fights, and though I think he understood that, his expression did shift. He passed it off quickly, though, donning his signature Ramses grin before lifting a hand over me to move forward. He turned the knob, and not only did those wide doors open, so did the grandness of the place inside. I’d never officially come through this way, crystal chandeliers above glistening the hallways. Immediately, a staff member aided us by taking our coats, and after we denied drinks, Ramses guided us through the official headquarters of the Court. I’d been told the Court used it for all their business dealings and events, but it was also where the younger members hung out. I’d lived here f
or a short time, but never came down to really mingle.
For obvious reasons.
I’d been basically kidnapped the first two times, and the last, not any better. The place was pretty frickin’ beautiful, though, classic with its wood panel walls and hardwood floors. The place shined like polished oak, and immediately, Ramses’ and my presence was known and traveled through hallways filled with both boys and girls. The girls wore necklaces, some in packs without their guys, and I hoped to God we wouldn’t be seeing Mira today. If so, I believed another epic throwdown would be going, but this time between Court-kept girls. I had no beef with her at the present, but I found it hard to believe she wouldn’t have a few questions and/or take a few shots at me after what happened with Royal and Ramses. I wouldn’t just let someone push me around, so I knew if she threw a shot, I’d be throwing one right back.
“Just be casual,” Ramses said to me, greeting a few boys who came up to us, still wearing their academy uniforms. Ramses and I had changed out of ours, but I noticed quite a few people still had them on, even girls. I recalled Royal and Knight mentioning they lived here, and they might not be the only ones.
“So Mallick finally makes his appearance amongst the brotherhood,” came a guy, a redhead who immediately grabbed and shook Ramses’ hand. He had a couple others behind him, more boys who exchanged greetings with Ramses.
“I guess so.” Ramses grinned at the acknowledgment, snapping when he came out of it. He clearly knew these guys, whether from school or whatever I didn’t know, but not only was he friendly with them, they did the same, which got me thinking about something Royal said again. He told me these guys wanted to beat him up for his past.
Well, it seemed all that was under the bridge now, the phoniness of this place quite frankly pissing me off. More than one guy waved over to Ramses, and after Ramses introduced me as his girlfriend, they were suddenly wanting to pull him into more conversations.
“We got to talk about what happened today, dude,” said the redhead. He looked around. “You and Royal getting into it? You’re bold, dude.”
Ramses bunched his curls. “Yeah, it was pretty dumb. Got us both suspended and me put under lock and key.”
“I’ll bet.” Redhead smacked his chest. “What was it really about? We heard, uh…”
The guy took notice of me, and immediately, Ramses raised a hand.
“Really, just an old beef. We should be past it now.” Ramses’ lips pressed tight, and noticing that, the redhead and his friends smiled. They immediately moved away when all of the sudden familiar faces came into the room.
LJ and Knight dominated, two girls under each of their arms. They got bro hugs of acknowledgment right upon crossing into the space, and suddenly the redhead and his friends weren’t so bold themselves. They stepped back from Ramses, averting their eyes from LJ and Knight. I had no idea where Jax or even Royal was, but tonight, the presence of those two seemed to be enough to make the redhead step back.
Ramses didn’t make a move, and neither did I as suddenly LJ and Knight were very aware of us. They dropped arms from their girls, coming over, and when LJ raised a hand, I braced myself. I figured I’d have to step in yet again, but not only did LJ and Knight stop a safe distance away from Ramses, LJ kept his hand raised. He held it for a shake.
Ramses gave it to him.
They both brought it in, hugging too despite the stiff look from Ramses. He instantly locked up but did give into it. After the shake with LJ, Knight gave him the same. They fist-pounded after.
“Good you made your way over,” said LJ, deliberately not looking at me. Knight did the same too, standing beside his friend. He always played the position of bodyguard in their group. Something I definitely noticed. LJ waved a hand. “You been to the clubhouse yet?”
“Actually.” Ramses moved a hand behind me, but he didn’t touch me. He was keeping things cool like we discussed outside. He smiled. “I got December with me, so…”
The clubhouse must have been the boys-only section that I’d actually been inside. The guys themselves had let me in.
This didn’t seem to be the case now, LJ’s head rising and dropping. “Another time, then…”
“Actually, why don’t you go?” I suggested, needing the space. I forced my own smile. “Need to go to the bathroom anyway.”
Ramses passed a polite look to the others before facing me. “It can wait.”
“It shouldn’t,” I emphasized. He’d probably be able to speak more candid with me not around anyway.
Understanding that, he nodded. He allowed the guys to take him away, the whole group going, and I used that invisibility being a Court kept as promised. I walked right out of that room and barely anyone took notice of me.
I got all the way to Royal’s door with barely even a glance.
I tapped, nothing forceful like before. I had different objectives now.
Things were so different.
They were in so many ways and my heart in my throat, I waited for Royal to answer the door. After a few moments of me standing there, I tried again, sighing. “Royal? Royal… it’s me.”
Absolutely nothing, literal ringing in my ears. He either was ignoring me or wasn’t there.
“You lost or something?”
Down the hall came yet another familiar face, one filled usually with jokes and humor, but not today. Jax had a girl under his arm too, the pair of them basically all over each other. He had her close while she felt up his abs, but seeing me, he let go of her.
I folded my arms. “No. Just seeing what’s up with Royal. Is he in?”
He smirked at me, actually smirked before shaking his head. “No, he’s not.”
He started to walk away, but I followed.
“Any idea when he’ll be back?” I asked, raising and dropping my hands. I got it. He wasn’t happy. Royal was his friend, and he was taking his position after the fight. Hell, he’d even egged it on, holding people back while the guys went at it like animals.
Where LJ and Knight hadn’t acknowledged me at all, Jax chose chill, giving it completely to me. He frowned. “Sorry, I don’t. Moved out. He ain’t here no more.”
He did walk away this time, leaving me standing there. Royal moved out.
So what did I do now?
Fifteen
December
The night at Windsor House turned out to not be fruitful at all. Maybe if we’d had more time, had done things differently.
Maybe if I had.
Ramses got a tour. That was it, and after, his frustration lay with lack of information whereas mine stemmed from something else entirely. The thing was, I couldn’t even voice those frustrations. I couldn’t tell him the truth, what Royal had said to me outside that hallway, and where I felt things should go from here. I had let him think everything was fine, and since he was suspended, that only made the guise easier. I was lying to more than one person now.
I was on my own now.
I actually tried not to be, going out of my way to run into the people who surrounded Royal on his day-to-day. Knight, LJ, and Jax’s presence continued to be prevalent around the halls of Windsor Prep, but like at Windsor House, they wanted nothing to do with me. Any direct approaches resulted in them walking the other way, and any indirect, an accidental bump in the hall or surprise around the corner, they passed off. They clearly didn’t want to talk to me, but I didn’t care.
I got an opportunity during fourth period.
Study hall happened every day for me during that time, but that day, I decided to take it in the library instead of bullshitting outside with friends. Study hall usually tended to be the period Shakira, Birdie, and I blew off to sneak a smoke or two behind the bleachers. I found I needed the ease of a high more and more the last few weeks, but instead of smoking weed that day, I decided to study. I didn’t have Dr. Brain, aka Ramses Mallick, anymore to coach me study tips at lunch. I had to study now to get myself through this final semester, and I guess someone else chose to do that too.<
br />
Jax came in around halfway through the period, not surprising, but when he did, he did so alone. He had none of his clique with him, completely by himself, which was a rare occurrence in itself. These boys always had people around them but not today. He pulled out what looked to be a stack of comic books from his bag, popping in a couple of AirPods while he read them, and escaping my table, I grabbed my bag and came over. I’d been alone today too, so that was easy. I sat right down next to him.
He barely looked at me.
The ass literally passed me a single glance before dampening his finger and turning the page of his comic book. I was over it, over him completely, but as I needed him at the present, I got a notebook out. I wrote a note, sliding the whole notebook over.
Got a few questions, the note said, and though I noticed his gaze slide over to it, the connection didn’t stay. Sighing, I wrote another note. I pushed it over.
Me: I want to talk to him.
Dismissive, Jax ignored me again. I nudged him with the notebook, and all it did was cause his jaw to clench.
Me: Please.
He stared at that one, stared at it long and hard before finally taking his AirPod out and taking my pen.
Jax: Haven’t you done enough?
Ouch, but I wasn’t giving up since he was talking.
Me: Tell me where he is. It’s important.
Jax: Sure.
Me: I’m serious, Jax.
Jax: I’m sure you are.
Me: Jax.
Jax: No.
Me: Please.
Jax: No.
Me: It’s about Paige.
That got his attention. That got his everything, and suddenly, he wanted nothing to do with that pen. He turned away from me, comic back in his hand.
Me: I need to talk to him about Paige. I need to talk to him about a lot of things—
My pen lined across the page as suddenly Jax was grabbing his stuff, then me when he got me by the arm and took me behind a bookshelf. He let go when we were clear, but he wasn’t giving me any distance.
He raised a finger. “You need to back off.”
