“I married Ryan when I was twenty-five. He died eight years later. We had a good relationship. I’d say it was more friendly than passionate, but we loved each other. Losing him was hard, but something that happened about two months before that made it even harder.”
Her matter-of-fact way of stating that surprised him. He thought she’d ease into it with perhaps some exaggeration on her side of things. She told him the truth.
“I worked at another environmental firm at the time and frequently went on assignments with a coworker. His name was Ansel. He was German and spoke with an accent. He always had interesting stories to tell of his childhood and we spent a lot of time together working and got to know each other quite well. He knew I was married, but there was an attraction between us. I had no intention of acting on it. In fact, I felt guilty for having those feelings.” She turned her head and looked down at her coffee cup. “Even then.”
Cal could sense her deep regret and that she still felt guilty. He gave her credit for admitting that and better understood why she had been so reluctant to talk about it.
“I grew uncomfortable working with him. On one assignment we had to stay a few nights to collect data from the field. We had dinner that last night and he walked me to my room. He’d been very respectful of me and we had a nice time. Good food. Great conversation. And that spark.” She moved her hands apart and fisted one on the table. “He ended up kissing me.”
She looked at Cal and all the torment that kiss must have caused came through her eyes and struck him.
“He was immediately apologetic, but the damage was done. He went to his room and I went to mine. The next day, he left for the airport without me. He felt terrible...or maybe not terrible as much as angry with himself because he knew I wouldn’t divorce Ryan to be with him. Back home, it was awkward at work, so I found another job and never saw him again.”
Cal watched her remember that time. He could tell she’d had feelings for Ansel, maybe even still did, but she also had not forgiven herself.
Rapunzel finished at her food bowl and walked over to the rug before the patio doors. Curling up, she closed her eyes.
“I considered telling Ryan,” she went on. “It bothered me so much. But really, what did I do? I had feelings for another man who kissed me. I didn’t really do anything wrong other than stay at that job too long. I should have left long before I did.”
“Did you kiss him back?” Cal asked, knowing it would be a difficult question for her to answer.
She averted her face and moisture gathered in her eyes. After several seconds and a quivering breath, she nodded. “It didn’t last long, but yes.”
He could tell that tore her apart more than anything. The revelation took Cal aback. He had not expected such a story. By all accounts she had tried to do right. She abstained from an affair and found a new job after Ansel had kissed her. She hadn’t slept with him.
Wiping under her eyes, she said, “After Ryan died, months turned into a year and the moments when I thought of Ansel lessened. They didn’t go away, though. I couldn’t stop thinking about how different it felt to kiss him than my husband. I think that is why I could never be honest and tell Ryan what happened, because if I did I’d have to also tell him I had more passion for another man than I’d ever felt with him.”
She inhaled a deep breath and then let it go slowly, looking straight ahead, clearly heavy with thoughts of a man who wasn’t her husband.
“Did he suspect anything?” Cal asked.
“Sometimes he’d ask if I was all right,” she said, turning to him, “if he caught me in one of those moments when I thought of Ansel. I would always tell him yes. Things went on as they always had. We still enjoyed each other’s company. We just never had that...spark.”
“And then he died.”
“He died so suddenly.”
And terribly. Shot by a road rager.
“At first I had difficulty accepting the reality. I went through the funeral on autopilot. But then the weeks went by and the loss of him settled in. I missed him, but I didn’t miss him the way a woman should if her husband dies—at least that’s what I thought. I couldn’t stand it when I thought of Ansel in those times. I should have been paying my respects to my husband. Instead I...”
She didn’t finish. She didn’t have to. Instead she had fantasies about another man.
“Men have asked me out on dates since his death but I’ve always refused. I would feel too much like I betrayed him, and I had already betrayed him.”
She still punished herself for having real feelings for another man after resisting him. Even Cal couldn’t condemn her. Her situation was much different from his ex-wife’s, who hadn’t cared in the least about his feelings. Jaslene cared too much about her late husband’s.
He sat with the first woman in a long time that he considered genuinely honest. That sort of disturbed him. If he trusted her, then what? They might get closer and he’d trust her more. Closer still and he could fall in love. Ask her to marry him. Then what? Time would pass and another man might come along. Maybe by then she wouldn’t care anymore, just like his ex. The tumble in his gut was the result of apprehension. He didn’t think he was ready.
“It’s not your fault.” He had to tell her that because it was true. “You didn’t choose to fall for another man and you walked away. You didn’t let your feelings lead you into an affair. You have nothing to feel guilty about, Jaslene.”
She met his eyes for a few seconds. “Coming from you that means a lot.” She smiled through what looked like a struggle to fend off tears.
He grinned. “It should.” He was among the most distrustful men out there, he knew.
“Unfortunately, my heart isn’t ready to believe that. Sleeping with you last night...” She looked away briefly. “It felt a lot like how I was with Ansel and that makes me uncomfortable. I need to keep this casual. Are you good with that?”
Another pang of rejection stung him, catching him unprepared. He hadn’t expected her to say that. “Sure. I think you know I am.”
She smiled, clearly relieved. “Yes, Mr. All-Women-Are-Cheaters.”
Except you, he almost said.
Still smiling, she looked around his kitchen. “Which is strange. Why buy a house like this if you’re going to be a bachelor the rest of your life?”
The rest of his life was a long time. “What’s strange about my house?”
“It’s...homey. Like a family belongs here.”
“It’s barely furnished.”
“No, but it has everything else. I could help you with the furniture. I could get ideas from Tatum. It’d be fun to go shopping and fill this place up. It’s such a gem. You shouldn’t waste it. The previous owners took really good care of it.”
“You really want to help me decorate?”
“Yes. I did the same with Ryan.”
She must have gotten rid of a lot, then. Her house looked like a bachelorette pad.
“Why did you buy such a big house?” she asked. “You have four bedrooms and an office.”
“I liked the house.”
“Well.” She put out her hands. “There you go. Then you should furnish it.”
The sound of a cell phone ringing stopped him from responding. It was her phone. She stood and went into the living room. He listened to her answer and then her tone lowered as she gave directions to his house.
When she came back into the kitchen, she looked sad and had folded her arms. “Someone called about Rapunzel.”
She’d have a hard time giving up the puppy.
And he would have a hard time giving up Jaslene, but he had to distance himself from her. She had the right idea: keep it casual.
* * *
Sitting on the sofa with Rapunzel on her lap, Jaslene was glad Cal had not caught on to how much their night together had altered her world. The
spark between her and Cal was even stronger than the way Ansel had made her feel. That unsettled her no small amount. She’d known the first time she was with a man other than Ryan that it would be difficult, but she had to move on. She deserved pleasure but hadn’t foreseen that she’d find it over and above anything else she’d ever experienced.
Would Cal’s outlook on her change now that he knew she didn’t have an affair? The idea of having a passionate relationship—even a marriage—with a man, to not have near-infidelity hanging over her head, tantalized her. Could she get involved and not feel terrible about Ryan? He’d died not knowing about Ansel. He’d died in a mediocre marriage. That wasn’t fair. She still felt she owed him, but how did one make amends to a dead man?
She stroked Rapunzel’s sleeping head. She didn’t want to give her up. This kind of attachment felt safe, filled a void. The feeling of impending loss struck a sore spot in her heart.
The doorbell rang and her heart sank.
Cal went to answer and soon after an elderly man appeared, wearing a hat and a light gray vest with matching slacks. Quite the dapper gentleman, which only made her feel worse. Rapunzel appeared to belong to a good owner.
She stood and moved around the sofa.
“You must be Jaslene,” the man said. “I’m Hank.”
“Yes.”
“And there’s my little Spunky.”
What an awful name.
“She is yours?” Jaslene asked. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, quite sure. My granddaughter got her for me as a birthday present. She surprised me.”
Hank didn’t move to take the dog but rather, eyed her with a certain amount of dread. “You’ve taken to her, it seems.”
Jaslene smiled sadly. “I think I fell in love with her the moment I saw her in the rain.”
“She ran off when I took the trash out. I didn’t see where she went. Thank you for rescuing her.”
Didn’t he search for her? “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She began to feel as though she should not give the dog back to him.
“I never thought I’d have another dog in my lifetime,” Hank said. “My wife died a few years back and my family thought I was lonely.”
“You sound as though you would rather not have a dog,” Cal said.
“My granddaughter is upset that the puppy ran away. She might be hurt if I don’t take her home. She knows I found her.”
“You could leave her with me,” Jaslene said. “She will have a good home. Could you explain that to your granddaughter?” She dared not let her burgeoning hope soar.
Hank looked at the puppy, still not taking her. “I’m too old and set in my ways to care for a dog. Dogs need food and water...and exercise. They need companionship.”
Jaslene smiled. “Well, she has that with me, but it is up to you. She is your dog.” She petted Rapunzel’s head and bent her head to kiss her.
When she lifted her head, she saw Hank watching her, his light gray eyes now smiling. “No. You keep her. I’ll find a way to make my granddaughter understand.”
Jaslene couldn’t hold back a giant smile. “Really?”
“Yes, really. I never wanted another dog. It wouldn’t be fair to raise this one in a home like that. She’ll obviously get more attention with you.”
Rapunzel opened her eyes and looked up at her.
“I promise you, she will.”
“My granddaughter will have to learn not to give people presents with beating hearts unless they’re sure it’s what they want. She didn’t even ask me what kind of dog I liked, and especially if I even wanted a dog. I had words with her mother already. Why did she allow her child to get an animal as a present?” The elderly man chuckled with affection.
Jaslene smiled. “Your granddaughter must have the powers of persuasion.”
“She has the power to sway my heart, that’s for sure. She’s just like her mother that way. Always getting her way because one sweet look is all it ever takes.”
She saw Cal’s mouth curve up with that and wondered if the image of a loving family had caused it. This man clearly loved his daughter and granddaughter and likely would have raised the puppy despite his reluctance.
“I’ll tell them Spunky is adjusted to another home and I didn’t have the heart to take her away from her new owners.”
“You may want to add a cautionary note not to get you another dog to replace the one you lost,” Cal said.
“Very good advice. I’ll be sure and do that.” The elderly man turned and headed for the door. “I thank you for taking the dog in.”
“Thank you for coming by,” Jaslene said, going to the front entry. “And for letting me keep her.”
Grinning broader now, Cal moved beside her and put his hand on her back. She looked up at him, warmed by his seemingly unconscious gesture.
When she looked toward the door, she saw that the man faced them and must have witnessed the exchange.
“I looked at my wife that way when we first met. We were together more than sixty years and I never had a second thought about the rightness.” He nodded once. “You two are going to be happy together.”
Cal’s hand dropped from her back and he cleared his throat.
Jaslene tried to conceal the swelling warmth spreading from her heart outward, not because she found his awkwardness amusing but rather because of what it said about his reaction to such an observation, as though Cal fought the truth but it enchanted him. Cal must not have been aware of the way he had looked at her.
The elderly Hank left with another chuckle. The door closed and she stood there with Cal.
“He’s a nice man,” she said, scratching Rapunzel’s head.
“Reasonable.”
“What if he’s right?” She faced him, feeling the urge to poke at his emotional barriers.
His head lowered in gentle debate. “He was here for fifteen minutes. How can anyone know anything about strangers in that amount of time?”
“Maybe he doesn’t need to know us. All he said was he used to look at his wife that way.”
“Did he have a mirror? How can he know how he looked at his wife?” He turned and walked back into the living room.
She followed. “His wife must have told him.”
He passed through the living room and went into the kitchen, going to the refrigerator. Taking out a bottle of water and twisting the cap off, he met her eyes in consternation.
Though she could see he wouldn’t respond, she wasn’t ready to stop poking. She walked to him as he drank several gulps of water.
When he finished, she stepped close and went up on her toes and planted a soft kiss to his lips.
An instant flame burst into tingles of desire, proving their chemistry. When she saw something in his eyes begin to smolder, she knew he felt it, too.
“That’s what he saw,” she said.
“I thought you wanted to keep this casual.” His voice sounded deep and gruff, as though passion had injected hot spice into his tone.
“I do.” She turned.
“What’s casual about contemplating the next sixty years together?”
“Nothing.” She kept walking. “He just got me thinking, that’s all.” About spending the next sixty years with Cal...
Holy cats. Why had she allowed herself to poke at Cal? To get his reaction, yes, but really...why had she? Did she harbor some hidden desire to be with him permanently? She couldn’t wrap her mind around that right now. But she did have what she secretly desired... She’d seen what the elderly man had seen: Cal looking at her with passion—and maybe something more—in his eyes.
Chapter 8
Nothing new developed in the case over the next three weeks. Jaslene and Rapunzel had temporarily moved in with Cal, which had not been easy. Jaslene had chosen to put distance between them, as much for herself as for him
. They hadn’t slept together again; he wasn’t any better equipped to deal with the emotional fallout from their hot, steamy night any more than she was. Living together made close contact difficult to avoid. He had nearly kissed her twice but stopped himself. He wasn’t sure exactly what she meant by keeping things casual between them but he was pretty sure if they had sex again it would be anything but casual.
Right now she folded laundry while he worked. He rarely went into his office, claiming he didn’t want to leave her alone, even inside the house. She’d considered going back to work, but she wanted to be a part of the investigation. She’d taken some leave and she’d stick to that. She also had a sizable life insurance benefit from Ryan.
She and Cal had kept tabs on Riley’s home, work and places he frequented but the man seemed to have disappeared just as Payton had. Neighbors had reported seeing him the day Cal had chased him, but no one had seen him leave his apartment. One neighbor said she heard a motorcycle engine but couldn’t be sure if it was Riley’s. Conducting surveillance put Jaslene and Cal in close proximity. Their conversations were few, but always she felt the impact of their explosive chemistry underlying their interactions.
They’d followed up with Dr. Benjamin’s employees and acquaintances as well. No one else had anything negative to say about him, and if he’d had an affair, he had kept it a tightly locked secret. Nurses said he had impeccable bedside manner and patients respected him. He had a genuine care for humankind as a whole, strong ethics when it came to the law, respect for patients’ rights and confidentiality, and supported ongoing advancement of knowledge and sharing information with patients. Had he threatened people not to say anything incriminating? Had he paid them off? If a doctor like him would go to any length to protect his reputation, why would he risk meeting Payton in public?
Jaslene and Cal had found no other concrete evidence that Dr. Benjamin had engaged in other questionable interactions with specific patients. Everybody slipped up, didn’t they? Maybe he’d only been trying to be friendly.
Cold Case Manhunt (Cold Case Detectives Book 7) Page 9
