by K. M. Ashman
Nesta gave him the semblance of a smile and sat back as one of the servants placed slices of roast swan upon her plate.
‘One more thing, my lord,’ she said as the servant stepped away.
Henry replaced his knife on the table and smiled, somewhat impatiently.
‘Yes?’
‘You said I am seen as a nuisance at court. If that is the case, why don’t you just send me back to Wales?’
‘Because, Lady Nesta, you are a princess of Deheubarth and even though you are a woman, you could potentially become a figurehead of the rebellion.’
‘Both you and I know that will never happen,’ said Nesta, ‘but even though I am here, the Tewdwr dynasty will continue.’
‘I suppose you talk of your brother in Ireland?’
‘I do.’
‘It is a fair point but we are comfortable that he will never raise a sword against us.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because of you,’ said Henry.
Realisation dawned in her eyes as the truth of the matter was finally revealed. She was a hostage against her brother reviving the seat of Tewdwr. Though the fact in itself was not unsuspected, it finally dawned on her that as long as her brother was still alive, she would never be allowed home.
‘Nesta,’ said Henry quietly, ‘if you don’t mind, I am rather hungry. Perhaps for one evening we can forget the politics of nations and just enjoy each other’s company.’ He nodded towards her plate and gave her a gentle smile. ‘Besides, your swan is getting cold.’
Despite Henry’s revelation, Nesta turned her attention to the meal. At first the conversation was somewhat one-sided as Henry tried to engage her in conversation, but gradually his gentle charm relaxed her and she found herself beginning to enjoy his company.
‘Was the meal to your liking?’ asked Henry as the servants took away the platters.
‘It was most agreeable,’ said Nesta. ‘Thank you.’
‘Say nothing of it,’ said Henry, ‘the pleasure was all mine. Shall we take a more comfortable seat?’ He indicated the two sumptuous chairs near the fire.
Nesta nodded silently and made her way over to sit opposite him.
‘So,’ said Henry after one of the servants had recharged their goblets, ‘why don’t you tell me something of yourself?’
‘I believe you know all there is to know,’ said Nesta.
‘On the contrary,’ said Henry, ‘I was aware there was a feisty Welsh princess detained at Westminster but I have to admit, I took no great interest and now you sit beside me, I find you are nothing like I imagined.’
‘And what exactly did you imagine?’ asked Nesta.
‘Oh I don’t know, some scantily clad wench with wild hair and the manners of a tavern girl.’
Nesta stifled a laugh. ‘Is that how you really see us?’ she asked.
‘No, not really.’ Henry smiled. ‘Though I have to admit your manner and personality far exceed what I have been told about the Welsh. I expected an opinionated vixen at the very least, yet here I am engaged in conversation with a beautiful lady as charming as any I have met at the court of William.’
‘We are not savages, sir,’ said Nesta, ‘our royal lines go back hundreds of years and though you come from across the sea, our nations have traded for generations.’
‘Indeed, and that is why I had such an inaccurate picture. Our barons report a wild land with wilder people.’
‘Perhaps they see the other side of my people,’ said Nesta, ‘the side that fights fiercely when confronted with invasion and the destruction of everything their ancestors worked towards.’
‘Of course,’ said Henry, ‘and I am wrong to make assumptions, so perhaps, for the rest of the evening you could enlighten me as to the real nature of your country and your people.’
For a few moments Nesta sat back and stared at the king’s brother. Although she was under no illusions – he was a master at making people feel at ease in his presence – his interest seemed genuine and soon they were engaged in conversation about the country she loved. Henry allowed her to speak freely, smiling at her undoubted passion as she regaled him with the stories of her youth and soon, any underlying tension eased away as they gradually relaxed further into each other’s company.
For a few hours, the troubles of the world seemed a lifetime away for Nesta and as the evening came to a close she slowly realised that despite her initial reluctance and expectations, Henry had actually been charming company. So much so, that when it was time to leave, she found herself slightly disappointed that the evening had come to an end.
Finally, after saying her goodbyes, she walked back across the bailey alongside Carla and though she initially kept her thoughts to herself, her heart raced as if she had run a thousand leagues.
The king’s brother was everything she had ever hoped to find in a man – handsome, courteous and amusing, yet strong in character and with a repartee that kept the evening fresh and interesting. The fact that he was a member of the Norman royal family seemed irrelevant and even if he had been the poorest soul, her heart would have raced just as quickly.
‘Was your evening enjoyable?’ asked Carla as they walked into the lower keep.
‘Indeed it was,’ said Nesta, ‘for in a time of war and politics, Henry was a breath of fresh air.’
‘It is true he has a way with words,’ replied Carla, ‘and it is said he can charm the birds from the trees with his oratory.’
‘I think it was more than that,’ said Nesta, ‘we seemed to have a connection. I know that tonight will probably never be repeated but even if I never see the man again, I will treasure the experience for what it was.’
‘Well,’ said Carla as they reached the door of Nesta’s rooms, ‘you just be careful, my lady, many others have walked this path before you and have ended up no more than a conquest for his reputation.’
‘I know what I am doing, Carla,’ said Nesta, ‘but thank you for your concern. Now, if you will excuse me, I am looking forward to my bed.’
‘Of course,’ said Carla. ‘Good night, Lady Nesta.’ The woman turned away but as she disappeared down the stairs, Nesta noticed something had changed: the guards had gone. In addition, the key that had been located in the outside of the door was now on the inside, enabling her to decide who came in. Nesta smiled at the gesture of trust, obviously sent from Henry. Though there were undoubtedly guards upon the main gates, she was no longer a prisoner in her own rooms.
The night was a sleepless one for Nesta as her mind spun in turmoil at the conflict within her. She had sworn not to fall for the charms of any man unless it was on her own terms, yet here she was, contemplating that which was surely impossible. Finally, she fell asleep and for the first time in what seemed an age, was comfortable enough to feel as if she was home. Subsequently, it was difficult to focus when she was woken by repeated knocking. She stumbled from her bed across the room before standing at the locked door, stretching her arms as she tried to shake off the tiredness.
‘Who is it?’ she asked after a particularly deep yawn.
‘My lady, it’s Carla,’ said the voice. ‘I come with a gift from Lord Henry.’
‘Another gift?’ said Nesta. ‘Is he usually this generous?’
‘Only to those he holds particular affection for,’ said Carla.
‘Give me a few minutes,’ said Nesta, ‘and I will get myself dressed.’
‘My lady, I suggest you open the door immediately for this gift will not wait.’
Nesta’s interest piqued and she unlocked the door.
‘As you wish,’ she said eventually, ‘but I warn you, I do not look the best when freshly risen from my bed— Mother!’ she cried, pushing the door open fully and throwing her arms around Gwladus’s neck.
Gwladus caught her breath, not expecting such a response, but within moments she disentangled herself from Nesta’s grip.
‘Nesta,’ she said, ‘I am quite overwhelmed, but let us at least seek the sanctuary of privacy befo
re displaying our emotions before the castle staff.’
‘Oh don’t worry about Carla.’ Nesta laughed. ‘She is lovely.’
‘Still, I don’t think it is appropriate.’
‘Come in,’ said Nesta excitedly. She turned to the maid. ‘Carla, I don’t know how you did it, but thank you so much.’
‘My contribution was one of information only,’ said Carla. ‘The decision to send out couriers to find your mother belongs entirely to Lord Henry.’
‘Then will you pass on my gratitude and promise I will visit him later to thank him in person?’
‘He is not in the castle today or tomorrow,’ said Carla, ‘but has asked that I request your company three days hence, to go riding with him in the forests of Kent. I am to relay your response by messenger the very second I receive it.’
Nesta paused and then smiled gently at the servant.
‘Well, please tell him I will be delighted to join him.’
Carla returned the smile and curtsied before turning to leave the keep. Behind her she heard the door shut and the joyful laughter as mother and daughter were reunited.
‘What has happened?’ squealed Nesta. ‘Where have you been?’
‘On quite an adventure,’ replied Gwladus, sinking onto Nesta’s unmade bed. ‘I wandered the streets of London for half a night and eventually ended up staying in the back room of an inn, an experience I wish never to repeat. The activities of certain ladies were rather loud, I have to say, and I piled up every stick of furniture against the door lest someone thought I was a working girl.’
Nesta’s hand flew to her mouth to stop the laugh escaping.
‘It’s not funny, Nesta, the following morning the landlord offered me a job as a skivvy. I mean, do I look like a wench?’
This time there was no stopping Nesta and she burst out laughing as she threw her arms around Gwladus.
‘Oh, Mother,’ she said, ‘I know it must have been horrible but I am just relieved you are safe.’
‘I am fine,’ said Gwladus, disentangling herself once more, ‘a bit shaken but unhurt. More importantly, how have you been? It’s been three days since I saw you last and to be truthful, you look dreadful.’
Nesta’s hand went up to her messy hair and she laughed again.
‘Take no notice, I was fast asleep when you came and have had no time to see about my appearance. Be seated while I make myself presentable and after that, you can tell me about your adventure.’
As she got dressed, a maid knocked on the door and brought in a bowl of boiled goose eggs along with some bread and cheese and a flask of warm honeyed water.
‘Ah, breakfast,’ said Nesta, pinning up her hair.
‘It’s nearer midday than breakfast time,’ said Gwladus, ‘but still, come and eat something. I need to explain why I am here.’
‘I though Henry had sought you out?’
‘He did, but luckily he knew where I was for I have made petition at these gates these past two days.’
‘And you weren’t allowed to enter?’
‘The guards at the gate were most courteous, yet diligent in their task. Anyway, the thing is I am here now and just wanted to make sure you were well before . . .’ She hesitated.
‘Before what?’ asked Nesta.
‘Before I return to Wales.’
Nesta stared at her mother in shock. ‘What?’ she gasped.
‘Nesta,’ said Gwladus, ‘I am returning to Wales and will be leaving tomorrow.’
‘But why?’ asked Nesta, in shock. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘The situation has changed, Nesta, and though it took my expulsion from Westminster to realise it, I now know my place is back in Deheubarth. Your father may be dead, but I am still queen, and as such have duties to uphold.’
‘But you said Marcus Freeman is looking after the estates.’
‘He is but he is getting old and can only do so much. My place is there, Nesta. Our people need me.’
‘Then I will come with you,’ gasped Nesta, her voice rising as the reality of the situation sunk in. ‘I will petition the king and request release immediately.’
‘Nesta,’ said Gwladus quietly, ‘we both know he will not allow you to leave, at least not yet.’
‘I will ask Henry to speak on my behalf,’ said Nesta, pacing back and forth. ‘I will get down on bended knee if needed and beg my release, I will—’
‘Nesta,’ said her mother sharply, ‘enough. I hate this as much as you but the reality is you have to stay here. I, on the other hand, am needed back in Wales and though it breaks my heart to leave you, it is for the best.’
Nesta stopped her pacing and stared at her mother. Despite her strength and resolve, the thought of being left behind made the tears well up behind her eyes.
‘Please,’ she whispered, trying desperately not to cry, ‘don’t leave me. I need you here.’
Gwladus quickly closed the gap between them and threw her arms around her daughter.
‘Nesta,’ she whispered, ‘my sweet, sweet child. I am so sorry to tell you like this but there was no easy way.’
‘But why?’ asked Nesta, pushing her mother away as her tears began to flow. ‘You have been with me all this time, why desert me now? What have I done that is so bad?’
‘Nesta, you have done nothing,’ gasped Gwladus, reaching out to her again, ‘you are still my wonderful daughter, and a more precious child no woman can ever wish to have. But you are a grown woman now, and we both have burdens to bear. Over the past year my eyes have been clouded with majesty while my heart was dulled with grief. I couldn’t face life without your father so refused to allow myself thoughts of home. However, these past few days have provided clarity in my mind. You have a future here, Nesta, and once the rebellion ends, who knows – it could be at the side of a noble. I, on the other hand, cling to your skirt ribbons like a younger sister. You are settled now and have turned into a strong young woman. You no longer need me at your side, Nesta, I have to return home.’
‘But where will you go? Deheubarth is under Norman control.’
‘Indeed it is but we still hold lands in our name and Marcus has ensured both castles have been maintained in good order.’
Nesta stared at her mother, the hurt clear in her eyes.
‘Oh, Nesta.’ Gwladus sighed. ‘Please don’t look at me like that. You know I have never been made welcome in the English court but made myself busy seeking suitors on your behalf. To be truthful, I see now it was naught but a useful diversion while I grieved but I am a queen of Deheubarth and as such, should be in that kingdom leading our people. Your father would have expected no less.’
‘So what will become of me?’
‘You will be fine. I have had a long conversation with the castellan this very morning and he assures me that Henry means you no ill. I am going to return home and intend leaving at first light tomorrow. The purse given to me by William is more than enough to cover my expenses and when I reach Dinefwr, I will take over the estate from Marcus.
‘Please let me come with you,’ begged Nesta, her voice breaking.
‘Tell me honestly,’ said Gwladus, taking her daughter’s hand, ‘do you feel at risk here or do you feel safe behind these palisades?’
‘I am safe, of course, but . . .’
‘Then it is better that you stay here, if only for my sake. Wales is a wild and lawless place at the moment, and Cadwgan’s rebellion spreads across the country like wildfire. You must stay here until the situation has eased and when we know where our future lies, I will send word to you. Perhaps by then, William will be of kinder disposition and allow you to return home.’
Nesta stared at her mother but offered no more argument. She knew Gwladus was right, but like so many times before she just wished that she had not been born a princess. The burdens of station were sometimes too heavy to bear.
‘What if I never see you again?’
‘Oh you will, my darling,’ said Gwladus taking her daughter in her arms again,
‘I promise you, once this mess is all over then we will be reunited in Dinefwr and who knows, we may even have Hywel and Tarw at our sides.’
‘I do hope so, said Nesta.
Quietly and for several moments, the women held each other tightly, remembering the many hardships they had each endured since Nesta was a child. Finally, Gwladus eased her daughter away and after wiping the tears from her daughter’s eyes, picked up the hairbrush from the table.
‘Anyway,’ she said, ‘I have a full day to spend with you. Let me make some sense of that hair and perhaps we can take a walk.’
‘I’d like that,’ said Nesta, and she sat down in the chair to let her mother do her hair, as on hundreds of occasions before.
As she brushed Nesta’s hair, Gwladus comforted her daughter with tales from years before.
‘Remember that banquet when you and Hywel crept down to see what the noise was about?’
‘I do,’ said Nesta with a smile, ‘the noise was horrendous.’
‘Oh yes!’ Gwladus laughed. ‘One man had drunk another’s ale, if I recall correctly.’
‘I thought they were going to kill each other,’ said Nesta, enjoying the rhythm of the brush in her hair.
‘And what about those walks along the sands?’ said Gwladus. ‘I think they were my favourite times. When you and your brother would make my heart stop by swimming out of your depth.’
‘You always were a worrier,’ said Nesta, and for a while they both fell silent, alone with their thoughts, until Nesta spoke again.
‘Do you know my favourite memories?’ she asked quietly.
‘Tell me,’ said Gwladus.
‘The winters,’ said Nesta. ‘Playing in the snow and helping the staff carry firewood from the stores. We would be allowed to stay up late by the fire and eat cawl straight from the pot. After that, Hywel and I would cuddle on father’s lap as he told us the stories of Arthur. Remember?’
For a second, the hairbrush stopped and Nesta turned to see tears rolling down her mother’s face.
‘Oh, Mother,’ she said, standing up quickly. ‘Are you all right?’ She threw her arms around Gwladus and held her tightly; this time it was her mother’s turn to break down.
