by Natalie Ann
I carried all the stuff up the steps to my apartment, piling it all against the far wall. It took much longer without help, and once I got done, I grabbed a beer and sank onto my couch, staring at the enormous pile of stuff. Did people really need all of that shit for a baby? There were three different kinds of chairs: one that rocked, one that was stationary, another one that bounced. Plus more toys than I’d ever seen for one kid, and enough clothes that he could change three times a day and still never wear everything.
I finished my beer while I was unpacking one of the chairs and a few of the toys. Until I knew where we were going to be living, I didn’t want to open it all. I doubted the kid would need too much in the next few weeks until I found us a house.
Once I’d finished that, I grabbed my tablet and did a few searches for houses in the area. There were more than I had expected, and I skimmed through a few of the listings. Wow, there was so much that I didn’t understand. It was going to be better to tell someone what I was looking for and let them find places. I jotted down one of the names of an agent I saw who was local and copied the phone number.
Then I did another search on nannies and was rather surprised at the number of services in the area. I clicked on one and read about how they background check everyone thoroughly. Jesus, I hadn’t even thought about that. Did you need to do a background check on a babysitter? Should I do one on Lucy?
I set the tablet aside when I noticed the time and sent Alex a message that I was on my way over. I would ask him what he thought about all of this when I got to his house.
It was as I was driving over to his new house that I began to think about Devon. Was he alright? Had he had fun with Lexi and Alex? Would he sleep tonight? Or was it going to be another one of those long nights with him crying?
I winced; I sure hoped that it wasn’t. Even though I had gotten some sleep, I was still tired. I could use another good night’s sleep. I wondered if Davina would want to come over again. I nixed that thought quickly. I had already asked enough of her, but hey, we were friends, right? Couldn’t friends ask each other for favors?
Too bad one of the favors I wanted to ask her was if she’d get naked in my bed and let me ravage her. I snorted to myself as I pulled onto Alex’s street. I realized as I parked out front that I was looking forward to seeing Devon again. How had it happened? How was it possible to bond with someone in such a short amount of time?
I sat in the seat, staring out the windshield. I had known this little person barely more than a day, and I was already committing to change my entire life for him. How was that possible?
Suddenly, I felt anxiety rip through me. What if I did things wrong? What if something happened to me? What if I wasn’t a good father or the kid hated me?
The anxiety crippled me as I sat there, strangling the steering wheel, and I was preparing to put the car back in drive and zoom away. I could go back to my place, call the adoption agency, have them get him. I could terminate my rights, and he’d have a good life. Or would he? Would someone else be able to make him happy? Give him what he needed?
A knock on the side window grabbed my attention, and my face whipped that way. Alex stood there and then pointed at the door. I hit the unlock, and he opened the door and climbed in.
My heart was racing in my chest faster than I’d ever had it beat. Not even in a firefight had my heart pumped at the speed it was now.
“You look like you’re ready to run for the hills.”
“That obvious?” I said through parched lips.
He nodded. “Yeah. Where’s your head?”
“All over the place, Alex. Damn, it’s like it just hit me again. I’m a father, and right now, I’m trying to figure out if that’s what I want.”
“I guess it doesn’t matter if you want it or not. You’re a father.” He paused. “I think a better question is, are you ready to be that father? Are you ready to put someone else before you?”
“How do you know if you’re ready?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess a part of you just knows.”
“Did you? When you found out you were having a child, were you ready?”
“Yeah, I guess. Not at first. I was scared, just like you. I think that makes you a better parent. You constantly worry if what you’re doing is right or if you are going to screw the kid up forever. I was lucky; Veronica was a great mother, and well, Patrick is a decent enough man. I know he loves Nica and wants what’s best for her.”
“What about this baby? Are you ready for that?”
He grinned. “Yeah, I’m more than ready. I’m in a better place in my life. I’m ready to share every moment of this baby’s life. The ups and downs, the sleepless nights, the tons of diapers, and everything else that goes with that.”
I felt the tension in my gut begin to lessen. “I’m happy for you, Alex. I know I’ve said that before, but I really am.”
He slapped my shoulder. “I appreciate that. Now, are you ready to see your son? He’s been asking for you all afternoon.”
I laughed. “He has not.”
“Oh, yeah, he said it most definitely; I want my dada.”
I chuckled. “No, he didn’t. Even I know it’s too soon for the kid to say words.”
He snickered. “You’re right, he didn’t, but he will be happy to see you. Kids bond quickly. Enjoy the time, Trevor, because believe it or not, this is the easy part of raising a kid.”
“Easy? Is there an easy part?”
“Not really, but don’t tell Lexi I said that,” he joked and reached for the door handle but paused. “You good? You aren’t going to take up and hide someplace?”
“No, I’m good, and thanks.”
“Anytime.” The two of us headed into the house, and as I stepped inside, I heard a squeal and then a laugh. I followed the sounds and found Nica leaning over Devon on the floor. He was waving his arms around wildly.
Nica looked up. “I just told him daddy was here, and he let out this big squeal.”
Alex slapped my back. “See, I told you he missed you.”
I laughed softly. “How was he? Everything okay?” I asked Lexi as she joined us, a plate of cake in her hands with several small pieces of different varieties.
“He was the perfect baby.” She shoved a plate toward me. “Now, which one of these do you like?”
“Excuse me?”
“I need to decide on the filling and icing flavor, but Alex and I are in a stalemate.”
“Wait, I picked the same one as you, Lexi,” Nica said quickly.
“Yes, I know that, but I need another opinion to prove to your father that we’re not wrong.”
Alex shook his head. “Just taste them, and pick the lemon one.”
“Hey, don’t tell him that!” Lexi smacked his arm playfully as I took the plate.
“Is that the one you picked?” I asked Alex as I lifted the first piece.
Lexi glared at him. “Keep your mouth shut. Let him decide on his own.”
Alex zipped his lip and walked away as I enjoyed the bite of cake. “Lemon is nice,” I told her as I picked up the next one and popped it into my mouth. I chewed. “Not a fan of that one; what is it?”
“Caramel.”
I shook my head. “No.” I finished it and reached for the next bite, slipping it into my mouth. It was a touch sweeter than the first two, and I wasn’t sure I was crazy about it, but it did have a nice flavor.
“Well?”
“That last one was a bit too sweet; I think I liked the lemon the best.”
“Ha! I told you, Alex.”
I glanced at Alex as he laughed. “Lemon was the right answer? I thought you picked lemon.”
“No, I told you to say lemon because that’s what she wants. I liked the raspberry, but she said it was too sweet.”
“I’m gonna agree with Lex on that,” I said. Lexi walked away, looking smug. “So, is it still alright if I bring a plus one to the wedding?”
Lex spun around mid-step. “Dav
ina?”
“Does it matter?”
She pursed her lips. “It might.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, Davina.”
She giggled and danced in her spot. “See, I was right about that, too!”
“Hey, don’t get your hopes up on that. She just wants to be friends. She is only coming because I forced her to.”
“Yeah, okay,” she said as she went into the kitchen. “I saw how she was checking you out earlier today. That woman does not want to be just friends.”
I glanced at Alex, and he just shook his head, leaning toward me and whispering, “Just let it go.”
“It’s alright, then?”
“Yes,” Lexi called from the other room. “It’s perfect.”
I went over to stand near Devon, staring down at him as he looked at something on the other side of him. “Hey, buddy.”
His eyes turned toward my voice, and I felt my heart melt a little bit. I leaned down and picked him up. “Did you miss daddy?” He cooed as his arms flailed around. “I got all your stuff. You’re all set now.”
“What did she have for him?” Lexi asked as she came back into the room and sat down on the couch.
“What didn’t she have is more the question. My truck was filled. I had no idea a baby needed all of that.”
“Where are you going to put it in your apartment?” Alex asked, taking a seat beside Lexi.
I got comfortable in one of the side chairs. “Well, I was going to ask what the name of your real estate agent was. I think it’s time to buy a house.”
Lexi clapped. “Aw, our little Trevor is growing up.”
Alex laughed at her. “Yeah, her name was Margo. She was really good. I’m sure she can find you something.”
“Hey, that’s the first name I saw when I was glancing over listings today. I hope she can help because I’m not sure I can handle being in the apartment with all that stuff piled on one side.” I studied Devon for a moment. “Either of you know anything about nannies?”
“Nannies?” Lexi echoed.
“Yeah, I found a few local services, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to be looking for. I know I’ll need someone to help when I travel.”
Lexi frowned. “You’re going to keep going overseas?”
“Yeah, that’s my job.”
“But what if something happens to you? What will happen to Devon?” Alex was the one to ask those questions.
I stared at Devon, then looked at the two of them. “Would you take care of him if something happened to me? I mean, I know that’s asking a lot, but it’s not like I have anyone else to ask.”
“What about Davina?” Lexi asked.
“I’m not sure she would want that responsibility. I know she wants to be part of his life, but I’m not sure she’d want it that much.”
Lexi and Alex looked at each other for a long moment, as if having a long silent conversation, then Alex took her hand before turning to me. “I think you should ask her, and if she says no, then you can bet that we would take him for you.”
Chapter 14 – Davina
I returned to Carol’s apartment and took a seat on the couch as the memories gathered around me again. For a moment, as the tears drifted down my cheeks, I wished that Trevor was still here. I knew that wasn’t a good idea. I had to deal with this grief on my own.
He might feel bad for her loss, but he didn’t feel the emptiness that I did. I glanced over my shoulder to where all Devon’s things had accumulated, and the tears ran faster. I had lost Carol, and now Devon.
I didn’t need to lose Devon, though. I could be part of his life. Trevor had said he wanted me to be that. I wiped at my cheeks, grabbing a tissue from the side table and blowing my nose. I needed to stop the pity party and get to work.
I began going through her living room, sorting through things that I had no attachment to. Other things that held memories went into a different pile, and then there were a few things that I set in an entirely different pile. That collection of items I would pass along to Trevor for Devon. Most of them were pictures of his mother, a few of me, a couple of her favorite knickknacks, and a blanket that she loved to cover herself with.
From time to time, tears would leak out; once in a while, a sob would steal my breath, but for the most part, I managed to at least sort through the room. I considered going into the bedroom and doing that, but as I stood outside the door, I knew I wasn’t quite ready for that yet.
I grabbed my phone and keys and locked the apartment up. I’d made good headway today, and now I needed to find boxes so that I could pack the things up. There would be time. I had a week off, thanks to Trevor.
Back in my apartment, I found some leftovers in the fridge and warmed up the chicken and rice before curling up on the couch with my laptop. I had quite a few work emails and went through them to see which ones needed my attention. A huge yawn racked through my body, and I glanced at my watch to see it was almost ten at night. Wow, how long had I been working in her apartment?
I set my laptop down, put my dishes into the sink, and then collected my cellphone. I hadn’t looked at it all afternoon, and when I checked it, I found a text from Trevor. He didn’t say anything, but he had sent a picture of Devon over to me. He was sitting in a bouncy chair in front of the huge pile of stuff that had come from Carol’s.
I laughed for the first time all afternoon and quickly typed a response. Thank you, I needed that.
After getting ready for bed, I found I had a reply. I hope it made you smile.
It did. I hope you both rest tonight.
You, too.
I stared at the message for a moment and then plugged my phone in to charge before crawling under the covers. Thoughts of the kisses I’d shared with Trevor were in the forefront of my mind as my eyes closed and I drifted off to sleep.
For the first time in weeks, I slept all night long without waking up. I stretched like a cat waking from a nap and put a few pillows behind my head so that I could sit up, grabbing my phone.
I had a message from my boss asking me to call him when I got a chance, and I also had two messages from Trevor. I laughed as I looked at them.
The first one was around eleven-thirty. It was a picture of Devon lying in his arms drinking from his bottle. Unfortunately, my gaze was more interested in the bare chest Devon was resting on, and my girlie parts clenched. It really had been a long time.
The second message came at three, and this one was of Trevor holding Devon on his bare chest again, no bottle around. By the background, I could tell Trevor had been lying on his couch, probably trying to calm Devon back to sleep after another feeding.
I smiled as I stared at the picture and pushed on it to save it to my gallery. Was I saving it because it was of Devon or because it was a good picture of the sexy man holding his son?
I typed a quick response. Nice way to wake up. I hope you got some sleep.
I was making coffee when I got a text. What was nicer, seeing Devon or me?
Um, seeing your bare chest was the real answer, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. I was happy to see Devon content and resting.
Damn, and here I thought you might have enjoyed seeing me half-dressed.
I rolled my eyes as I laughed and typed back, Friends don’t ogle other friends. I set my phone down and finished making coffee, then retrieved my laptop and set it on the dining room table. Once I had poured my coffee, I was walking to the table when I read his reply. I literally spit my mouthful of hot coffee all over.
Okay, so next time you have Devon, you send me a picture of you holding him on your bare chest, and I’ll make sure not to ogle.
I set the phone and my coffee down and went to get a towel to clean up the mess and wipe down my mouth, shirt, and phone screen as I snickered. I couldn’t believe he wrote that, and I thought for a moment about a reply.
Finally, I came up with, You just made me spill coffee all over myself, and now I need to change my shirt. Too bad Devon’s not here.
&
nbsp; I hit send and then winced. Oh, my god! Did I really just send that to him? I sighed. I guess a good night’s sleep and my need for sex were making me flirtatiously giddy.
I received two words back a few seconds later. Holy. Shit.
I put my phone down and pulled up my email with a smile on my face. A moment later, my cellphone rang, and I saw Trevor’s name on the screen. My hand hovered over the phone; did I want to talk to him after that? Was he going to make a proposition?
My curiosity got the better of me, and I answered, “Yes?”
“Morning,” his voice was so damn husky and low, and my girlie parts clenched again as I closed my eyes.
“Good morning,” I finally choked out. “What do you want?”
He was quiet for a moment. “Lots of things, but really I was calling to tell you that he slept pretty good.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“Yeah.” He chuckled, the sound like sweet honey coating my spine. “He slept good. Me, not so much.”
“Why is that?” And why do I care? I held my breath, wondering if he was going to say that thoughts of me had kept him awake.
“I guess I was so worried I’d sleep through him crying that I kept waking up wondering if it was time to feed him or change him, or was he even still breathing.”
I found myself grinning. “Yeah, I did that a few nights too when he first got here. Then I got used to him and was able to sleep in between his feeding spells.”
“So there is hope? I’ll be able to sleep more than an hour at a time?”
I giggled. “Yes, it will get better.”
“Whew,” he blew into the phone, “I’m glad to hear that.”
“Everything alright, otherwise?”
“Yeah, he’s good. He is sitting in his chair right now, bouncing. I just finished feeding him again. I feel like all I have done is feed him, clean his bottles, feed him again, and change him a dozen times, and his clothes, too.”
“Yeah, I know the feeling.”
“How did it go at Carol’s yesterday?”
“Actually, after I had another breakdown, I managed to get through most of the living room. I have a few things that I’d like to pass along to Devon if you wouldn’t mind.”
