by Natalie Ann
“Yeah, I’m sure I do, as a nanny and someone to get your rocks off with once in a while.”
I couldn’t have been hurt worse by her words than if she’d punched me in the balls. I shuffled back slightly, my mouth gaping as I shook my head. “I don’t know where you are getting this shit, but whatever, Davina. I’m glad I know how you feel now.”
Without waiting to see if she would respond, I went into the living room, grabbing Devon’s car seat, and carefully moved him from the bassinet to the seat. He fussed a little but didn’t wake up. I covered him up well, glanced around to make sure I had all his stuff, and then hefted his seat and the diaper bag into my arms. I turned to say something to Davina, but the bedroom door was now closed.
Perfect, just fucking perfect.
I let myself out and headed home in the worst mood that I had been in for as long as I could remember. My mind was in turmoil as my heart ached in my chest. We were almost home when Devon began to cry.
“I know, I hear you, buddy. This is why you don’t get involved with women, son. They can tear your fucking heart out on a whim.”
Devon cried louder as I pulled up to my apartment, and I got him inside and a bottle ready while he fussed. After changing him, I sank into the glider with him and the bottle and got lost in my thoughts.
Why couldn’t she believe that I had feelings for her? How could she believe that I just wanted to spend the night with her and then I’d walk away, or that I only wanted her around to watch Devon? Yeah, I wanted her around for Devon, but I thought she wanted to be part of his life.
Devon fidgeted in my arms, and I realized I had stopped gliding back and forth. I put my head back, kicked my legs up on the matching ottoman, and let us shift slowly back and forth—the movement calmed us both as he continued to eat.
“Looks like it’s going to be just you and me, buddy.” I touched his cheek as I studied his tiny face. “I promise I’ll be the best daddy that I can.”
Devon slowly finished his bottle after a little coaxing on the last two ounces. After burping him, I laid him down and then took a shower.
I stared at my phone, wondering if I should send her a message, but what did I say? I’m sorry? I’m crazy about you? I think I love you?
I set the phone on the side table, then lay down and closed my eyes, willing myself to sleep like I’d trained myself overseas.
***
“Alright, well, I think that will work out perfectly, Tonya. Your paperwork looks to be in order, and since you’re available right away, I’d like to offer you the job.”
“That’s wonderful, Mr. Vaughn. I’m thrilled. I’ve been looking for a position like this for a while.”
“Well, we move into the house this weekend, and I still need to get furniture for the in-law suite, but I should have that early next week. In the meantime, you can use my bed, and I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“That would be great. When exactly would you like me to start?”
“Would it be possible to watch Devon at my place next Thursday and Friday during the day? Then you can move in over the weekend, and start full time on Monday? His current sitter isn’t available on Thursday and Friday.”
“Um,” she winced, “actually, Thursday is my last day at my current job, but I could do Friday.”
“Alright, then I’ll find a temporary solution for Thursday.” We spoke for a few more moments, and then I showed Tonya out of the conference room. Jake was standing outside the door, glowering at me.
After Tonya said goodbye, I turned to Jake. “What the fuck are you doing on company time?”
“Locking down my nanny so I can be on company time, you ass.”
He nodded. “She’s pretty hot; you gonna tap that?”
“Oh, fuck no. She’s like twenty-three, and she will be working for me, not warming my bed.”
He shrugged. “Sounds like it could be a win-win situation to me. She is of legal age. I always heard that nannies could be rather wild with their bosses.”
Alice made a gagging noise in her throat, and I laughed.
“No, thanks. I’d rather Tonya focus her attentions on Devon than me. The last thing I need is more problems.”
“Yeah, how is good old Davina? She really did look fine at the wedding.”
“I have no clue. I haven’t spoken to Davina since Saturday night.” The two of us began to walk back toward his office.
“You banged her and then walked away?” he said, surprised. “I thought you’d at least keep her around for a little while. I know your style isn’t to keep them long, but damn, she looked like she’d be good for a couple of weeks at least.”
His comment pissed me off, but just about everything pissed me off these days. “Actually, Davina kicked me out.”
Jake threw his head back and laughed. “Now, I bet that was a first for the almighty Thumper.”
I laughed when I heard my nickname. It wasn’t one that I wanted, but I’d knocked some guy out with one single well-aimed thump overseas about eighteen years ago, and it had stuck. “Not sure it was a first, but well, let’s just say, I’m letting the dust settle a little bit before I try to fix things.”
“Shit, is that even worth it?” He went around his desk, and then quickly lifted his face. “Don’t you go falling in love and asking to be taken off overseas duty. I can’t afford to lose another operative.”
“Nah, don’t worry about that. I have no intention of stopping what I do, whether there is a woman in my life or not.”
“Good to know. Now get the fuck back to work.” He grinned when he said it, and I gave him a half-assed salute before I returned to my desk.
As I sat down, I stared at a picture of Devon that I’d put in a frame. Well, at least I had a nanny; now what was I going to do with him on Thursday afternoon when Lucy couldn’t watch him?
My gaze slipped over my workspace, landing on the laptop and the lightning bolt screensaver that was currently on my screen. I couldn’t fucking get away from the damn things.
Chapter 26 – Davina
I threw myself into work with more enthusiasm than I felt. However, it was the only time that I could get thoughts of Trevor out of my head. Anytime I wasn’t working, I was kicking myself in the ass for what I had done.
Not just with sleeping with him, but what I had done after. Making love to him had been the singularly most impactful moment of my life, and yet I hadn’t just pushed him away, but I had shoved him so hard and fast that I had no hopes of ever getting him back.
The fact that he had not even sent me one text message since that night confirmed that. I had no one to blame but myself.
At night, when I lay down, I dwelled over what he had said. “You are so much more than a weekend of romance, Davina. You’re a lifetime.” Had I been wrong, had he been telling me that he cared about me, more than he had anyone else? At the time, I thought he meant that he had only wanted that one time together to last a lifetime. As the words echoed through my mind each night, I began to think I’d been wrong.
Yet, if I were wrong, wouldn’t he have reached out to me? Wouldn’t he want to reconcile and try to explain to me what he had meant?
I was flustered as I arrived home from a trip to the office and was halfway up the stairs when Trevor appeared at the top, Devon’s carrier in his hands. He paused, staring down at me in surprise, and I drank him in. God, I missed him. How could I miss him so much?
“Davina,” he murmured as I forced my legs to work again and took the last few steps to the landing.
“Hello, Trevor.” I pulled my gaze away from him to peek into the seat. Devon was awake and met my gaze, a smile coming to his mouth. “Oh, my god, he’s smiling.”
He laughed slightly. “Yeah, he started doing that the other day.”
“Hi, buddy, how are you? Aunt Davina misses you.”
“Only him?” Trevor asked quietly, and I froze for a moment before I finally straightened and looked Trevor in the eye.
“No,” I admitted
without meaning to.
Trevor cocked his head slightly. “Um, I was going to call you.”
Yeah, sure you were, I thought to myself.
“Is there any way that you might be able to watch Devon on Thursday? Lucy is going out of town, and my nanny doesn’t start until Friday. I’m in the middle of a class right now, so I can’t take off.”
“You found a nanny,” I stated, and he nodded. I hated that I felt slightly heartbroken at that news. “Um, yeah, I guess I can.”
“You can? Great, I would appreciate that.”
“Sure,” I said, and the two of us continued to stare at one another.
“Well, I should get him home. It’s almost time to eat. Would you believe the doctor told me to start feeding him eight ounces.”
“Eight? Wow.”
Trevor smiled, and I got lost in it for a moment. “Well, I’ll see you guys on Thursday then.”
“I’ll drop him off around seven-thirty if that is alright.”
“That’s fine.”
He opened his mouth as if to say something else, but then glanced away. “Night, Davina.”
“Good night, Trevor.”
I watched him head down the steps and turn onto the landing before taking the next flight. He glanced my way, smiling, and then disappeared from view.
I sighed and went to my apartment. Obviously, I had ruined any chance with him. At least I was going to get to see Devon this week. If I could only have one of them once in a while, I’d take it.
***
On Thursday morning, I was up early and dressed when he arrived. I hated to admit that I was nervous about seeing him, but I was a bundle of nerves. I had checked the mirror about a half dozen times to make sure that I didn’t have anything odd on my face and that my hair was halfway behaving. Of course, it was a bad hair day all around, and even though I kept putting the clip back in, it would start to slide a few minutes later.
Right on time, there was a knock on the door, and I took my time walking the four steps to answer it. I’d been wearing a path in my carpet as I’d paced, wringing my hands.
“Morning,” I said brightly as I pulled back the door. I tried not to let myself look at anything but Trevor’s face, but I couldn’t help myself, and my gaze ran hungrily down his black-clad body. He wore a black polo shirt with some logo I couldn’t read and black cargo pants with boots. I wondered absently if I were drooling when my eyes landed back on his face and I found him smirking.
My cheeks began to color. “Come in. How is our big boy today?”
“He is doing well. He said he was excited to see you today.” Trevor set his car seat on the table, along with the diaper bag and another large bag as I came around to look down at Devon.
“You did!” I said excitedly toward Devon, who smiled at me and kicked his feet under the thin blanket that covered him.
“Yes, he most definitely did. In fact, he was so excited he woke up at five this morning so he could be ready to see you.”
I chuckled as I glanced at Trevor. “Five, huh?”
He nodded, and the two of us stared at one another. I wanted to lean into him but instead inhaled slowly, pulling his scent into my lungs.
“Thanks, Davina,” he said softly, and he touched my cheek with the back of his hand. “I appreciate the help.”
I sighed internally; maybe I had been wrong. Maybe his words meant a lifetime with him. I wanted it to be a lifetime with him.
He inhaled sharply and stepped back, dropping his hand. “Okay, well, I gotta go.” He turned toward the door. “Hey, is there any way that you might be able to drop him off at the office around five? I know that’s asking a lot, but I have someplace I need to be after, and I was hoping I wouldn’t have to come all the way over here to get him first.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem, except I don’t have a base to his car seat.”
He pointed to the table. “That’s what’s in the other bag. I brought my extra one. Had to buy one for the nanny.”
“Oh,” I pursed my lips then forced myself to smile again, “then that should be good. I’ll bring him by around five.”
“See you then, Davina.” He glanced at Devon and then smiled at me slowly.
The minute the door closed, I was all over Devon. “Come here, big guy. Oh, I missed you so much.” I kissed him all over his face as he cooed and grabbed at my wild hair tickling his face.
I loved my time with Devon, and we lay on the floor and played. I fed him his bottles, put him down for his naps, and changed him regularly. As the day wore on, I dreaded having to give him back. Especially when I now knew there was a nanny who would be taking over the babysitting duties.
A little after four, I got Devon ready to go and messed around with the car seat base for ten minutes before I felt it was tight enough to be safe. We drove into town, and I parked in the lot behind the building. After getting Devon out, I unhitched the base again. Why were things so much harder to put together than they were to take apart? I mean really!
I carried his car seat and the other two bags toward the building. Man, I needed to get to the gym. I was seriously out of shape hauling all this crap around.
I went up to the fourth floor and stepped in to be greeted by a wide smile from the receptionist. “Davina, right?”
I nodded, happy that she remembered me.
“Trev mentioned that you were stopping in today with Devon,” she replied. “I’ll let him know you’re here. I think he is in with Jake.”
“Okay.” I set the bags down on the chair, and a moment later, Trevor hustled into the area.
“Hey, you’re a bit early.”
“Sorry, I wasn’t sure how long it would take.”
“Come on; I’ll take you back to my workstation. Can you hang out here a few minutes while I finish up?”
“Yeah, sure.” He took Devon’s seat from me, and I grabbed the two bags. As we walked between the rows of cubicles, he put his hand to my lower back.
“How was he today?”
“He was great. We had a very nice day.”
Trevor smiled down at me, and it made my heart thud a little harder. “I’m glad to hear that. This is my desk. If you can hang out here for a few minutes, I’ll be right back. I want to ask you something, so don’t disappear, okay?”
I chuckled as my brow hiked. He wanted to ask me something? Now, what could that be? “I’ll be right here.”
He winked and then hustled back down the hallway. I removed Devon from his carrier as he began to fuss and heard a child scream near the door.
A woman stood at the reception desk, trying to talk to the woman behind it as a child threw a hissy fit in the stroller beside her. “Don’t you ever be like that, you hear me,” I said to Devon as I bounced him against my chest.
The receptionist stood, lifting the phone to her ear as she glanced my way. I was too far away to hear what she was saying, even though this was an open area. A moment later, Trevor appeared.
The woman threw herself into Trevor’s arms, sobbing slightly as she said, “I finally found you! I’ve been looking everywhere for you, Trevor.”
He pushed the woman back from him as I tried to pick my jaw up off the floor.
“I need to speak with you.” She rushed on before the kid began to cry again. I saw Trevor glance toward Alice, and she slowly sat down. I quickly jerked back behind his cubby wall as he started to turn his face toward me.
My heart was hammering in my chest, my hands beginning to sweat. Jesus, how many freaking kids did this man have that he didn’t know about?
I heard the cries of the kid lessen as a door closed. The memory of him taking me into the conference room in a similar fashion was all too familiar. What was I thinking? Nope, I couldn’t do this. I kissed Devon’s forehead and then secured him in his seat.
Quickly, I walked down the walkway with Devon and paused beside the reception desk. “I’m sorry, I know that Mr. Vaughn asked me to wait, but I just remembered that I have an appointme
nt that I need to get to. Would you mind watching Devon?”
She opened her mouth to speak, glanced at the closed conference room door, and then nodded. I handed Devon’s seat over to her and thanked her before quickly spinning and running out the door.
Taking care of my best friend’s kid was one thing, falling in love with the child’s father another, but not knowing what woman was going to show up next with a fatherless child was not something I could handle.
Tears leaked from my eyes as I raced down the steps and out of the building. A few minutes later, I was bleary-eyed in my car and driving away as fast as I could.
Chapter 27 – Trevor
I was excited that Davina was bringing Devon here. I planned on asking her to come with me to get the keys to my new house and then taking her there with me. I was going to put Devon inside the house, and then I was going to carry her over the threshold and tell her that I loved her, that I wanted her to be part of my life. To start a new life with me in my new house.
When I saw her a few days ago, I knew that I was not going to let her go. I was going to tell her that I was in love with her. I was going to make her listen to me, make sure she understood.
I could picture it down to her whiskey eyes filling with tears, and as I walked away from her at my desk, I couldn’t get this impromptu meeting over with fast enough so I could get back and make it a reality.
Only shit went south fast. I was in Jake’s office with Harvey and Greg going over some details of an upcoming trip when Alice called. Jake put it on speaker, and we all stared at the phone as a wail of a child came over. At first, I thought something was wrong with Devon, but I quickly realized it was not my son making that racket.
“What the fuck, Alice?” Jake growled.
“Sorry, Jake. There is a woman out here demanding to speak with Trevor.”
Jake slammed angry eyes into mine. “Don’t you fucking ever wear a condom?”
