Besides, Cole was so amazing. Always so romantic. Always calling me “just to say I love you.” Always bringing me things—a stuffed animal, a rose, a charm bracelet. Always waiting for me at work, at my car, at my locker. Always.
I tucked the birthday papers in securely and shut the drawer, pushing away my guilty feelings. I’d see Zack and Bethany at the party tonight. We’d talk then. Maybe I could even make Zack and Cole like each other. Maybe they’d become friends. I knew it was a long shot, but I had to keep trying.
My fingers idly found my collarbone and ran up and down the necklace as an idea formed. Yeah, that’s exactly what I would do tonight. I’d bring everyone together, make us all friends, so I wouldn’t feel so torn between them anymore.
Two hours later I was showered and dressed and standing on Zack’s front porch. His mom answered the door.
“Hey, long time no see, stranger!” she said, hugging me and pulling me into their house simultaneously. “Where’ve you been these days, Miss Alexandra? Zack says you have a new boyfriend.”
I nodded and followed her into their living room, which was bright and cheery and dusted and smelled faintly of lemon and pine. So different from our crappy living room. In a way, Celia hadn’t been too far off that day when I was cleaning it up—I wouldn’t mind borrowing Zack’s mom just a little bit. If for no other reason than to make our living room smell so good.
“Is Zack here?”
“Sit down, sit down, yes, he is,” she said. Zack’s mom always had this way of running sentences together like that. She was sort of known for saying things like, Why, yes—would you like a drink—I did in fact get new carpet in here—have a soda—thank you for noticing, do you like it? Sometimes it was hard to follow her, and her habit of mushing sentences together really annoyed Zack, but I always found her to be an amazing, perfect mom. I always thought Zack was so lucky and he didn’t even know it. “Getting ready for a party—this is a surprise—have a seat—he didn’t say you were coming over.”
“Yeah,” I said, easing onto their couch. “He wasn’t expecting me. But since we’re going to the same party, I thought I’d see if he wanted to ride together.”
She beamed. “I’m sure he’d love it—if you ask me—I’ll get him for you—you kids are crazy for having an outdoor party in November!” She patted my knee and walked to the stairs and yelled up, “Zack, Alex is here!”
I heard footsteps upstairs, and a door opening. Then the footsteps got louder and faster as Zack came down the stairs, his hair still wet and sticking to his forehead. He got a curious expression when he saw me.
“Thought I smelled something,” he said.
I stood up, shoving my hands into my back pockets. “Hey, you’re going to the lake, right? I thought I’d see if you wanted to ride with.”
He lifted his chin and scratched his neck, leaving red marks on his damp skin. His mom ducked away, touching me on the arm as she passed by.
“Uh, okay,” he said finally. “I was gonna ride with Bethany, but I can call her.”
“No,” I said. “That’s even better. We can all go together.”
As if on cue, there were two raps on the front door and it opened. Bethany walked in. She saw me and almost stopped short, surprise registering on her face. “Alex,” she said. “You coming with us?”
“Actually, I was just talking to Zack about all of us riding together,” I said.
She pushed her glasses up on her nose and hoisted her giganto-purse higher on her shoulder. As usual, there were papers, notebooks, newspapers spilling out of the top of it. God only knew what Bethany kept in her purse. Maybe a whole library. “Okay, yeah,” she said.
“Let me get my shoes,” Zack said, and jogged upstairs again.
“We’ll wait outside,” I called, and Bethany and I headed out, walking across Zack’s yard to my yard.
“God, I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” I said, stepping into the grass beside Bethany. “You got highlights.” I pulled up a few chunks of her hair and let them fall back to her shoulders. “They look really good on you.”
“Thanks,” she said. “I love your sweater.” I looked down, and we both cracked up.
“Uh, maybe because I stole it from you?”
“Maybe,” she said, laughing. “So how are things? With you, I mean.”
I stopped, grabbed her wrist. “I didn’t tell you. Cole told me he loves me.”
Her eyes got wide. “He did?”
I nodded, beaming.
“Wow,” she said to our feet. “Um, congratulations, I guess. Wow.”
We walked a few more steps in silence, her giganto-purse bumping into my hip every so often.
“You know,” Bethany said at last, “Zack really doesn’t like Cole.”
“I know.” A few more steps. I stopped again. “Why not?”
She shrugged. “I’m not sure. But I think something went down between them in the locker room the other day.”
“Really? Cole didn’t say anything. What happened?”
Bethany shrugged again. “Are you really sure about this guy, Alex?” she asked. “I mean, because Zack makes him sound like a real jerk, you know?”
I felt a little crestfallen. Zack still hated Cole, which meant my idea of getting everyone to like each other tonight was an even longer shot than I’d originally thought. “I’m sure, Beth. Totally sure. I don’t know what Zack’s problem is, but Cole is amazing. I love him.”
We kept walking. Bethany seemed to be really thinking about what I’d said.
As we walked across the lawns, Cole pulled into my driveway. I waved and kept walking, but I noticed after a few steps that Bethany had stopped short.
“Oh,” she said when I looked back at her. “Cole’s going?” I couldn’t decipher the look on her face. Was it just surprise, or was there something else there as well? Zack makes him sound like a real jerk. Was Zack turning Bethany against Cole, too?
“Yeah,” I said. “I just figured you knew that. I thought we’d all ride together. You guys haven’t really had a chance to get to know him.”
Zack had caught up with us and stood by Bethany’s side. It wasn’t difficult at all to tell what he was thinking by the look on his face. “I’ve met him,” Zack said in a low voice. “No, thanks.”
“Come on, Zack,” I pleaded as Cole got out of the car, the look on his face a perfect mixture of the looks on both Bethany’s and Zack’s: surprise mingled with disgust. Cole hadn’t said anything about getting into it in the locker room with Zack, but I could tell by looking at his face that something was up. I wondered if he could hear us. “You didn’t even give him a chance. He’s a really great guy, I swear.”
They looked at each other dubiously. Bethany seemed really torn.
“Please?” I added. “I miss you guys.”
Bethany took a deep breath and chewed her lip. “Okay,” she said, letting the breath out in a gust. “Why not? A guy that hot can’t be all bad, right?” She smiled.
I hugged her. “Thank you. I knew I could count on you, Beth.” I looked up at Zack, my face pleading.
Zack looked from me to Bethany, then scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably and groaned. “Why the hell not?” he said. “Let’s go.”
“Thank you thank you thank you,” I gushed, hugging him, too. “You won’t regret it, I promise.”
But when the three of us linked arms and started walking toward the driveway, I could have sworn I saw an icy look fall over Cole’s face.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
We drove most of the way without anyone speaking.
Back at the house, I’d skipped across the driveway to Cole, gotten up on my tiptoes, and kissed him lightly, but he’d made no move to kiss me back. Clearly, the tone was set. It seemed so ridiculous to me.
“Hey, baby,” I said. “They’re riding with, okay?”
His gaze turned slowly down to me, and I was actually so shocked by the hard look in his eyes that I stepped back. But he swallowed
and his face softened just a little. “Sure,” he said, an obviously forced smile stretching across his cheeks. “The more the merrier.”
He stepped around me and pulled open the passenger door, reached down and pulled the lever to pop the front seat forward, then stood to the side, holding his arm out dramatically. “Any friend of Alex’s is a friend of mine,” he said.
Bethany glanced at Zack uneasily, but Zack’s eyes wouldn’t leave Cole’s. Finally, she tugged on his shirtsleeve. “Come on,” she said softly, and ducked into the backseat. Zack kept his face to Cole’s the entire way to the car, and I knew Zack well enough to know that he was going to say something even before he did it. When he did speak, his voice was booming and dripping with mockery.
“How the hell are ya, Big C? Lookin’ buff tonight,” he said when he got right up in Cole’s face. He slapped Cole’s shoulder once, produced a toothpick out of nowhere, stuffed it into his mouth, and ducked into the backseat beside Bethany.
Cole turned and glared at me over the car door. I shrugged helplessly. “They’re my friends,” I whispered. “He’s trying to lighten things up.” But, really, I wasn’t even convincing myself.
“Let’s go,” Cole answered, and walked around the back of the car and got in.
Riding along in the silence, I kept trying to think of something to say to get everyone talking, but every time I tried, I’d get a look at Cole’s clenched jaw or hear Bethany clear her throat uneasily and would lose my nerve.
Finally, just as we were pulling onto Lake Road, I heard Bethany start digging through her purse.
“Oh, I almost forgot,” she said. She pulled a sheaf of papers out and handed them up over the front seat. “The information you wanted about the Colorado trip, Cole.”
“Oh, good,” I said, taking the papers. I held them up and shook them a little. “Your Colorado stuff,” I said in a singsongy voice.
“Yeah, great,” Cole said, his voice so chilly it was like nothing I’d ever heard come out of him before. “Look at that. The shit I asked for weeks ago. Real nice of you to get right on it, Bethany.” He rolled down his window, grabbed the papers out of my hand, and flung them out onto the road.
I gasped. I turned and looked out the back window. The papers had scattered and were drifting into the weeds on the side of the road. Bethany and I exchanged glances. She looked as shocked as I felt. Her eyes were wide behind her glasses, her forehead crinkled, her mouth hanging open. Zack looked like he was fuming, his fists clenched in his lap.
“What the hell was that for?” I said, but surprise made my voice weak, and it sounded like a little squeak underneath the wind whipping through Cole’s open window.
“Well, you know, Big C,” Zack said, “you were the number one most important person on her list, but she was so overwhelmed by how amazing you are, she could never work up the courage to be in your presence.”
“Zack! Don’t make it worse,” I hissed, but Cole put his hand on my leg, his fingers digging into my knee.
“No, Alex, let your girlfriends speak their minds. It’s okay. Please, continue, ladies.”
“Cole, stop,” I said. I reached down and pushed his hand off my knee, feeling welts where his fingers had just been gouging me. I heard Zack laugh in the backseat, and Bethany shush him. “You guys,” I said helplessly, but didn’t know how to finish. Obviously, my idea of getting everyone together was going to end up a total disaster. I shrank back in my seat and closed my eyes. This was going all wrong.
“I’m really sorry,” Bethany said, her voice thick with sarcasm. “Maybe it’s just that I didn’t have a chance to give it to you yet. I haven’t seen Alex since she started going out with you.” I could hear the blame in her voice. “Plus, we wanted to have a good time on that trip.” She let the accusation hang in the air.
“Aw, but come on, Bethany,” Zack said in this really fake sympathetic voice. “A trip wouldn’t be a trip without Big C here. His middle name is fun.”
“Zack,” I snapped. “Stop it. You guys, please…”
Cole turned in to the shelter lot. He made a strange coughing sound in his throat and pulled into a parking spot under a tree. Night was just beginning to fall, and I couldn’t really make out anyone inside the shelter, but it looked as if half the school was already there. Suddenly I didn’t want to be one of them. I was in no partying mood.
Cole put the car into park and turned around. “Give me a fucking break. Alex may be too dumb to see what you guys are all about, but I’m not. You”—he pointed at Zack—“just want to get into my girlfriend’s pants, and you”—he pointed at Bethany—“are too desperate to see that. It’s obvious that you like this idiot. But you’re never going to be good enough, because he wants Alex. Why don’t the two of you take the trip all alone? Maybe you’ll find a love connection. Be each other’s consolation prize.”
He turned back around with a smug look on his face. The car was totally silent, all of us too stunned to say anything. My ears rang. Cole knew nothing about our relationship. How dare he say those things? How dare he call me dumb?
“Alex,” Bethany finally whispered, and gazed at me, her eyes watery, her chin trembling.
I opened my mouth to say something, but I honestly didn’t know what to say. I was furious at Cole, furious at Zack, furious at myself, and so embarrassed. There were no right words.
Cole opened his door and got out. He popped the seat forward and bent down to peer into the backseat.
“Get the hell out of my car, big brother,” he said in a voice that sounded more like a growl. “And take your number one fan with you.” He turned and walked to my side of the car and yanked my door open.
Zack leaned forward. His face was inches from mine. “Yeah, Alex. He’s real nice. Good choice of boyfriends, really.”
Bethany wiped her cheeks and started to scoot toward the door. “We’ll get a ride home with someone else,” she said.
They both climbed out of the car, and I watched them walk toward the shelter, Zack’s arm wrapped around Bethany’s shoulder, Bethany’s head leaning into Zack’s side.
I felt lower than low, replaying the scene in my head. I tried to figure out where it had all gone wrong. It was almost unbelievable to me that only twenty minutes earlier I’d been walking between Zack and Bethany, linked arm in arm just like we’d been doing since we were little kids, convinced that tonight was going to be a perfect night and they’d fall in love with Cole just as I had. How could Cole throw those papers out the window? How could he treat Bethany like that? He might not like them, but he knew how important Bethany and Zack were to me. How could he do that?
I could’ve said something. I should’ve said something. They were my best friends. Bethany was just trying to be helpful. What a great best friend I was. I should’ve stuck up for them. Hell, I should’ve stuck up for myself.
After a few minutes, Cole crouched down and put his hand on mine. I yanked away angrily.
“Leave me alone!” I said, wiping my nose on the back of my hand. But he put his hand back on mine, gently rubbing it. I heard him take a deep breath and sigh.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly, his entire demeanor changed. “But you know it’s true. You know Zack is in love with you. He’s always around you and touching you and… and I can’t help it if I get jealous. I love you so much. I don’t want anyone stealing you away.”
I glared at him. “What about Bethany? You were so mean to her. She’ll probably never speak to me again,” I said, my tears slowing. “And you’re wrong about Zack.” I was sticking up for Zack out of best-friend habit. The truth was I was just as angry with him as I was with Cole. Zack did push it whenever Cole was around. Calling him Big C. Really, in a way, Zack had started it, hadn’t he? What kind of a friend does that?
“I did Bethany a favor,” Cole said. “When Zack realizes you’re mine and he can’t have you, she’ll have a shot with him.”
I shook my head. “Bethany doesn’t want Zack. You don’t know about our f
riendship. I keep trying to explain it to you”—I thumped my finger against my temple angrily—“but you, for whatever reason, just can’t seem to get it.” But inside I wondered if that was true. Maybe Cole did understand, and I was the one who didn’t get it. Maybe Cole saw something about our friendship that even I didn’t see. Maybe we were all a little too close. Maybe he was right, and I was too dumb to see what this was really about.
“They’ll get over it,” he said, his hand moving up my arm to my shoulder. My leg felt tingly where his hand had gripped it earlier. I wondered if I’d have bruises there later. “Probably by the end of tonight they’ll be over it.” I shook my head doubtfully. “But I’d never get over it if Zack stole you away from me.”
His hands found the sides of my head, and he slowly turned it. “I’d never get over it if anyone stole you away from me,” he said.
He reached up with his thumbs and wiped the tears out from under my eyes, then kissed my cheeks where the teardrops had been. I leaned into him, feeling miserable and guilty as hell. I had done this. I had hurt everyone. This was all my fault. I should have never pushed my friends on him.
Bethany and Zack were my best friends, but I couldn’t afford any weird love triangles right now. I couldn’t afford them hating Cole for no real reason and pushing his buttons every time we got together.
They didn’t understand about Cole. About the way I felt about him. About the way he touched me so gently and looked in my eyes so kindly. Those things didn’t just go away because he got mad and lost his temper.
I would not let whatever weird stuff was happening between Bethany and Zack make things weird between Cole and me. We were so perfect together.
Bitter End Page 10
