She laughed. “How clever! No, I can switch any two things, including talents.” She looked around. “Like this.” She gestured, and suddenly the rock switched places with a small nearby tree.
“Hey!” the rock cried out. “I can’t see the sights from here.”
“You have already seen more than enough of Voracia and Claire’s legs,” Nefra said. “You don’t need to see mine.”
“I didn’t want to see your legs. I wanted to see your tail.”
“If I assumed snake form now, I wouldn’t be able to return to human form without showing way more flesh than I ought.”
“Yeah,” the stone agreed.
Nefra returned to Prince Dolph. “So you see, I have no designs on you or your father or grandfather. But if I am not your guide, I will be replaced by someone who does have such designs. So I thought it best to keep my place.”
“Nefra is all right,” Justin concluded.
“I guess so,” Breanna agreed with less conviction.
“I think you’re here under false pretenses,” Claire muttered darkly.
“I was almost related to Prince Dolph by marriage,” Nefra said. “I’m not going to betray a family connection.”
“Exactly.”
“Now if we can resume travel,” Voracia said with a slight edge. “The house is this way.” She walked along a path.
Soon they came to a pleasant little log cabin in a glade. “Oh, that looks sweet,” Breanna said, falling instantly in love with it.
“Go on in,” Voracia said, “See how you like it. In due course someone will come to explain the intricacies of our listing system to you, so that you can get in line for a prince to marry.”
“But I’m only fifteen,” Breanna said. “I don’t want to—”
“Maybe best not to tell them that,” Justin warned. “Lest they evict you from the island.”
Good point. “Don’t want to be pushy,” she concluded. She opened the door and entered the house.
It was small but beautiful inside. There was a table with two chairs, a pretty rug on the floor, a nice little kitchen alcove, a bathroom alcove with a basin and potty, and a bedroom with a queen-sized bed. “Why so big, for one person?” she asked Justin.
“One established way for a woman to prevail on a man to marry her is to share her bed with him. Therefore it needs to be large enough for two.”
“Oh,” she said, blushing. “I knew that.”
Stairs led up to a storage attic where there was a chest with extra blankets. There was a window opening onto the back, with the island shore in sight.
All in all, it was very nice. She would like it here. But first she needed to figure out how to prevent Xeth Zombie from coming to share that bed with her. The zombies had traced her to this area, and surely Xeth was on the way now. The boat would bring him here, because he was royal. So she might not have much time. Maybe just one day, until the isle interfaced again with Xanth.
But the three kings had agreed to help her solve this problem. Maybe they could share the house with her, until the crisis passed. She would go out and invite them in. She would be glad to give them the bedroom, and she could take the attic.
She opened the door and stepped out. And looked around, dismayed. The three kings were gone. Everyone was gone.
“But they wouldn’t just have deserted me like that, would they?”
“Of course not,” Justin said. “But I think I can fathom what happened. The women of the Isle preferred to be free of you, because you interfered with their designs. So when you were out of sight, one of them showed her panties, freaked out the men, and carted them off to another section.”
“But what of Nefra Naga? She had no designs on them.”
“So she said. She might have simply been trying to reassure you and the kings, the better to close the trap. Such subterfuge is not beyond the capacity of the gender.”
“Translation: women can be bitches,” she said bitterly.
“Perhaps I am being unduly suspicious.”
“No, I don’t think so. I just got myself suckered.” She looked around. “But they can’t have gone far. I’ll get out there and find them.”
Then she glimpsed something walking through the forest. A shiver of sheer horror ran through her. “Justin! Is that what I’m afraid it is?”
He looked through her eyes. “I very much fear it is. A zombie.”
“He’s here already!” she yelped. “They must have sent the duck boat back for him immediately.” She dived back into the house and slammed the door. There was a set of braces and a bar on the inside. She slammed the bar into place, locking the door.
Then she ran for the back door, and barred it too. But by that time she heard something at a window. She ran up and slammed shut its inside storm shutter, and barred it. Then she hurried to do the same for the other windows.
Breathless, she surveyed the situation. The house seemed to be secure for the moment. But she was trapped inside it. “How am I ever going to get out of here?” she asked. “To get something to eat? To dump the potty? I don’t want to be a prisoner here forever!”
“I am not sure. Perhaps the kings will realize your predicament and come to your rescue.”
“If the greedy women don’t keep them perpetually freaked out until they forget they’re already married. That Voracia has the potential, and that Demoness Claire’s no slouch either. And if Nefra Naga’s in on it too, they could be lost.”
“I do fear the possibility. It may be that they will need your aid more than you need theirs.”
“Oh, damn, Justin, this is awful! This island was supposed to be the answer, not the problem.”
“Agreed. This is more of an adventure than I anticipated.”
Then she heard something at the door. It was a faint bumping or scratching. It was the zombie, trying to get in.
She went to the door. “Go away! Go away! I’m not going to marry you!”
The reply came faintly: “Listen. We must talk.”
“We’ve already talked! I won’t marry you! Go away!”
There was a pause. “I’m not the king.”
“So you’re one of his minions. I’m not going with you. Go away!”
Another pause. “I am Zyzzyva.”
“That’s the one Voracia mentioned. The zombie female who lives on the Isle.”
“I don’t care who you are!” she yelled at the door. “Go away!”
“You are becoming hysterical.”
“I have a right to be hysterical!” Breanna screamed. “The zombies are going to get me!”
“There may be another interpretation.”
“I don’t want an interpretation! I want no zombies!”
“Breanna, think for a moment. All the women on this island want to marry princes. Who would Zyzzyva want to marry?”
“A zombie prince, of course. She—” Breanna froze. “Oh, my, Justin! Is it possible?”
“I think you should talk to Zyzzyva and find out. She might be your salvation.”
“But I don’t want to get near any zombie! They freak me out.”
“I appreciate your concern. I was not overly fond of them myself, when I was human. But I think this could be what the Good Magician had in mind. Not your physical escape from Xeth, but your emotional escape. If he found another love.”
“I think you’re making sense. But I just can’t bring myself to—oh, God, I’m a bigot, aren’t I! I hate this.” She discovered that her face was wet with tears. “What am I going to do, Justin? I just can’t face her.”
“Perhaps I can face her. Will you let me use your mouth?”
“My mouth? You mean like my eyes? You could talk?”
“I think so. If you allow it.”
“Try it,” she said, and released her mouth.
“Hello,” her mouth said. It sounded like someone else.
She grabbed it back. “You did it! You can talk!” Then she let go again.
“I can talk,” he agreed. “So I c
an talk to Zyzzyva. If you allow it.”
“If you can take care of this, you can have any part of my body you want.”
“But you will have to let her in,” he said.
Breanna nerved herself. Then she walked to the door and unbarred it. She pulled it open.
“Please come in, Zyzzyva,” Justin said. “We shall talk.”
“Thank you.” The zombie woman stepped inside. She was in much better health than Breanna expected; her decay hardly showed. That meant she had been caught soon after dying. Zombies seemed always to be decaying, but actually remained as they were when zombied. That should mean, in turn, that her brain was pretty healthy too. Her clear speech suggested that.
“Offer her a chair by the table. You can sit with the table between you.”
Breanna was surprised for half an instant, then realized that of course he could still talk in her mind too. And she would much rather have the table between herself and the zombie, than nothing between them.
She walked to the table, pulled out a chair, and let her mouth go. “Please sit down,” Justin said. “There are things we must explain.”
“Thank you,” the zombie repeated. Now Breanna noticed that the woman wore a metallic skirt and armored halter, and there was a small helmet on her head. A short sword hung by her right side. She was a warrior lady! She must have been killed in battle. No wound showed, but maybe that was closed up when she got zombied.
They sat at the table. “I am Justin Tree,” her mouth said. “I am with Breanna of the Black Wave. She was kissed awake by King Xeth Zombie, but that was a confusion. She does not wish to marry him. The Good Magician Humfrey sent her to the Isle of Women, where she is supposed to find her reprieve. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” Zyzzyva said. “That is why I came here. I was a warrior lass, but I died in action. The Zombie Master found me almost immediately, and revived me as a zombie. I decided I wanted to settle down and live as normal an existence as I could. My talent is consistency, and I wanted to settle down in life, so it remains my ambition in half-life. But no ordinary man would consider me. So I came here, hoping for my chance. But I am low on the list.”
“So you would like to marry King Xeth?”
“Yes, that would be ideal. But I fear some other woman will get him first. I know that he wants to marry a living woman, and all the others here are fully alive. But I am the best preserved of zombie women, so I think I could accomplish what he wishes. So when I learned that he might be coming here—”
“I doubt many other women would care to marry a zombie,” Justin said. “Even a zombie king.”
“Some might. But if I could somehow intercept him, and persuade him, then he would never come here.” Zyzzyva hesitated. “Unfortunately, as a warrior maiden I was never very good at romance. So it might not work.”
“I could teach you!” Breanna burst out, grabbing possession of her mouth.
Zyzzyva glanced askance at her. “Your voice seems to have changed. Perhaps my perception has deteriorated.”
“No it hasn’t,” Breanna said. Now that she had actually done it, she found it wasn’t that hard to talk to the zombie. After all, she had talked to Xeth. “Justin was speaking for me, because I—well, never mind. I see you are a person, different from me, but still a person. Some folk don’t like to associate with me because of my color, and I don’t like that, but I guess I have my own prejudices. But if you can win Xeth’s love, and marry him, then I’ll be gloriously free. I think I can tell you how to do that. After all, he is a man.”
“I would be most grateful if you would.”
“Come on,” Breanna said, getting carried away. “Most of what you need to know is this: men like to see where they shouldn’t. So if you can show him your—you do have panties?”
Zyzzyva stood and lifted her metal skirt. Under it she wore metal panties.
“Will they do?” Breanna asked Justin.
“Yes, I believe so. They are quite competent. Now please avert your eyes.”
Oh. Breanna pulled her eyeballs away. Obviously the panties were competent. They should have that much more effect on a zombie male. “Okay, the other part of it is how you act. You have to sort of look him in the eye and smile, and tell him how handsome he is. And if he grabs for you, the way men do—let him.”
“But I always slew any man who grabbed for me.”
Which was surely part of her problem. “Control the impulse. This time you want to—to let him have his way with you. Then he’ll be yours forever. That’s how it’s done.”
Zyzzyva hesitated again. “I spoke somewhat blithely of intercepting and persuading him, but that was my militaristic nature talking of a campaign. Now that I contemplate actually doing it, I am afraid.”
Breanna stared at her. “You’re human!”
The woman smiled wanly. “I am a human zombie. My living capacities are only slightly diminished. Unfortunately my living liabilities also remain. I fear that I will—will—”
“Will mess up?”
Zyzzyva nodded. “So maybe this is not a good idea. I’m sorry I bothered you.” She turned toward the door and took a step.
“No you don’t!” Breanna cried, going after her and grabbing her hand.
Zyzzyva whirled. A short sword appeared in her other hand. It glinted as it swung toward Breanna’s neck. Breanna froze, horrified, unable to react in time to save herself.
The blade stopped just short of her flesh. “Oh, I’m sorry,” Zyzzyva said. “I reacted automatically. You must never grab a warrior.”
“Uh, I’m sorry,” Breanna said, shaken. “I—I just—I just didn’t want you to go. Because I still think I can show you how to do it.”
“Do you really? Despite seeing how I react when touched?”
“That’s rough, I confess. But there must be some way. Justin, what do you think?”
“Perhaps if she could still think of it as a military maneuver. The correct reaction could win the day.”
“What correct reaction?”
“Perhaps a passionate kiss.”
“Now I gotcha.” Breanna returned her attention to Zyzzyva. “He says you can still be military. You can still react when touched. But instead of cutting off his head, kiss him. Can you retain your reflexes to do that?”
The woman considered. “Different situations require different reactions. I should be able to do that. It’s as if to vanquish him, my weapon is a kiss instead of a sword.”
“Right! Think of him as a demon. If you cut off his head it will just turn smoky and reform. But if you kiss him, you score.”
“I will try,” Zyzzyva said bravely.
“Rehearsal may be in order.”
“Lets rehearse it,” Breanna said. “Fortunately we’ve got a man here. Justin can use my body and grab you, and you kiss him instead of killing him.”
“But it remains your body. You don’t want to be kissed by a zombie.”
That set her back. But Breanna hardly hesitated. “I’d rather be kissed by one than marry one.”
So they tried it. Breanna stepped outside the door, then came back in. “I am King Xeth,” her mouth proclaimed. “I am looking for Breanna of the Black Wave.”
The armored woman turned to face the intruder. “I am Zyzzyva. You are really handsome.”
Justin looked past her. “Where is Breanna?”
“She is modeling for you at the moment.”
“Oops.”
“Let try it again,” Breanna said. “This time don’t forget to bat your eyes and show your panties.”
“Hit my eyes?”
“Sort of blink them at him. Like this.” Breanna demonstrated.
“I will try,” Zyzzyva agreed, abashed. “Eyes, panties.”
Justin entered again. “I am King—”
“Hello, handsome.” Zyzzyva lifted her skirt.
Justin’s eyes locked on. He strode across the room and grabbed her by the shoulder.
Zyzzyva drew her sword. Then she froze. �
�Darn!”
“Practice makes perfect,” Justin said with Breanna’s mouth. “That’s why we have rehearsals: to ensure that the real case is perfect.”
The zombie woman nodded. “Not this,” she said, sheathing her sword. “This.” She stepped into Breanna and kissed her firmly on the mouth.
Breanna froze. She had never been kissed like that by a woman before. Justin took over. He reached down and stroked the woman on the bottom. Breanna felt Zyzzyva stiffen, then relax, accepting it.
They separated. “I think we are making progress,” Justin said. “That was very nice, Zyzzyva. Now let’s see if we can do it without miscue.”
Both women were silent, so Justin acted. He walked toward the door and opened it.
There stood Xeth Zombie. Oh no! Breanna, freaking out, lost volition. But Justin handled it. “Come in,” he said, and stood aside.
“Thank you,” the Zombie King said. He stepped through the doorway.
There before him was Zyzzyva. She looked startled, but quickly recovered her military discipline. “Hello, handsome,” she said, smiling.
Xeth hesitated. “Who are you?”
“I am Zyzzyva Zombie.” She batted her eyes fetchingly. Then, remembering, she lifted the hem of her skirt. “I would like to marry you.”
“So far, so good.”
“I am King Xeth Zombie,” he replied, advancing with his eyes fixed on that hem. “You seem remarkably well preserved.”
“I was zombied only minutes after I died. I am the healthiest zombie female.”
“Your flesh does look firm.” He reached for her, but hesitated. “Still, I don’t think any zombie female can—”
She stepped into him and kissed him. Now his hand fell to her bottom, exactly as Justin had demonstrated. Zyzzyva melted against him.
“Perfect,” Breanna said silently.
The two zombies ended their kiss. “You are strangely attractive,” Xeth said. “But I need a living woman, to—”
“I can do it!” Zyzzyva said passionately.
“But I am promised to—”
“I release you!” Breanna cried.
Still he was doubtful. “I don’t know—”
“The bedroom is this way,” Zyzzyva said, urging him toward it. “I have so much more to show you.” She touched her metal bodice.
Zombie Lover Page 21
