by K. K. Allen
As much as I want to stomp off and leave him alone, I can’t. Now, embarrassed by my boldness, I raise my chin, debating whether to yell or cry. He evokes these buried emotions in me, and I never know how to deal with them. In a world where I’m trained to manage my control over everything, the lack of control I have with Johnny is oddly refreshing.
I hope he doesn’t expect an answer, because if I say anything right now, it will carry the weight of my feelings. I can’t do that. Not to Alec, and not to myself.
We’re standing close enough to hear the beating of each other’s hearts. It’s as if they’re crashing against one another in an epic battle, feelings whooshing and anger pounding. It’s everything we want to say but don’t.
I desperately want to hear him speak—to give me any explanation for his time away and for not calling. He owes me so much. But what if he doesn’t feel the way I do? He hasn’t been the one waiting around like a fool. And here I am, closer than he deserves for me to be. It’s as if we’re back to the same place we left off. Same intensity. Same unspoken questions. Same attraction. It’s buzzing in the air, screaming through the silence.
My heart quickens as he reaches for my cheek. “Kat—” His voice cracks.
My anger wins out. I tear my eyes away, forcing the tears to stay back. “Don’t.” It’s less than a whisper and clearly filled with emotion, but he hears me and retreats slowly. There’s so much uncertainty between us. We had something special, and it had only just begun. He can’t just show up here after all this time and do these things to my heart.
We stand together, pain evident on his face. I feel that same pain in my core. And through my frustration, I’m thankful for this hidden moment I get with him, but it doesn’t make me feel any less guilty.
The sound of the door opening startles us, and we take a step away from each other.
“Thanks for covering, you two,” Roy says with a wink. “I’ll be back in a couple hours.” Then he slips back out the door.
Johnny and I exchange a look, knowing Roy’s true intentions. We were set up.
It’s a long and tortuous night, and Roy doesn’t come back at all. Johnny and I work different ends of the restaurant, and it’s so busy that we have few opportunities to bump into each other. Not that any sort of contact would go over well with Alec, whose eyes stay glued to us the entire night.
The restaurant traffic thins, and all the other servers go home, but I offer to stay until close. If Johnny and I are forced to close together, maybe we can finally talk.
It soon becomes clear that’s not going to happen. Alec insists on taking me home, and telling him to leave without me would kill him.
As soon as the last customer leaves, Johnny starts counting down the registers. He doesn’t even look at me when he speaks. “Just go. I’ve got this.”
I remain still for a few seconds, trying to assess his expression, but he’s not giving anything away, except maybe a tinge of anger. Alec is already at the entrance, eyes darting between Johnny and me.
“Okay then.” I take a step back from the bar. “If you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.”
There’s no questioning the gruff tone of his quick words, and a pang hits my chest. I turn and exit Island Grille with Alec.
Our drive feels longer than normal, and it’s silent for most of the way. Alec and I are never silent. There’s always something or someone to talk about, to laugh about. Guilt twists in my chest because I know I’m the cause for what’s become of us.
He parks at the bottom of the steps of Summer Manor, and I don’t make a move to get out. I sneak a glance at him beneath my eyelashes and frown. He looks to be deep in thought, his brows turned down. I haven’t seen Alec so unhappy since the night we decided to give a relationship a shot.
“Are you okay?” I do care about him. The last thing I want is for Alec to be sad.
Surprised, he looks at me, his anger melting away, and he shrugs. “I’m okay. Just a lot on my mind.”
I swallow my tension, hoping it will dissolve, but it just intensifies. “It’s been a rough week. With Erebus and Brett and…” I swallow, avoiding the obvious. “Brett will get better. He has to.”
Alec nods. “I really hope so.”
He finally sighs and hops out of the truck, then he helps me out and walks me to my doorstep just as he’s done so many times in the past. Then he leans in to kiss me, just as he always has. I’m not prepared for what I’m feeling. Instinctively, I turn my head. If I were thinking clearly, I probably would have let him kiss me out of habit, but things have changed. And we both know it.
“I-I’m sorry, Alec. I’m just—”
His narrowed eyes tell me no explanation is necessary. He shakes his head and blows out a breath. “So this is it, huh?” Jaw clenched, he shoves his hands in his pockets.
Oh no. I’m not ready to call it quits. I know my feelings aren’t fair to him, but I need time to sort them out. He can’t be ready to give up on us, just like that, like our relationship means nothing at all.
“Just give me some time, Alec. Our world has been rocked in a big way. You want normal, and I just want to stop feeling like our lives are constantly threatened. I don’t want to go to Island Grille and socialize like there isn’t someone out there killing our friends and sucking the life from every body he steals.”
Alec shakes his head. “Don’t do that, Kat. Please don’t stand here and start blaming what’s going on right now on Erebus. Tonight has everything to do with Johnny coming back, and you know it. Don’t avoid what’s really going on. That’s not fair to me.”
He’s right.
Looking frustrated, Alec runs his fingers through his hair. “The fact that he’s been gone for over a year while I’ve been here this entire time…” Alec’s voice cracks, and I feel the emotions welling up behind my eyes. “It’s not enough for you. Nothing I do is enough for you, is it?” He’s angry, and although it was a question, I understand it’s a rhetorical one. “I’ve spent all this time loving someone who can never love me back. For what?”
I’ve never been punched in the gut, but I’m certain this is what it would feel like. The blow sends tears flowing down my cheeks. “You think you’re incapable of breaking my heart too? Just because you stayed and he left? Is that really how you feel? I would have never gotten close to Johnny in the first place if it hadn’t been for you standing me up.”
Alec’s face hardens, and he takes the first step to leave. “Are you kidding me? I’m not the bad guy here.”
“You’re no victim either.”
His face immediately softens, but he makes no move to apologize. With one last look of defeat, he jogs down the steps and guns it out of the driveway.
My shower helps me physically, but not emotionally. I dry my hair and dress in shorts and a tank top before escaping to the comfort of my bedroom. When I enter my bedroom, though, Alec is leaning with his elbows on my balcony rails, facing the bay. He’s left the French doors open so I can see him.
When I join him on the balcony, he continues to stare deep into the moonlit horizon.
“I didn’t mean what I said.” His voice is soft, apologetic… and sad.
My sigh feels like a weight lifting off my chest. “I know.”
Alec shakes his head and straightens to look at me. “Ever since Johnny reappeared, I’ve felt as if our relationship has this expiration date I’ve been too blind to see before now. Or maybe I just didn’t want to see it.” He looks back out at the horizon. “I don’t want to lose you again.” His last words are quiet, but I hear them clearly.
“You won’t lose me,” I plead then rub his back reassuringly. “You’ll never lose me, Alec.”
When he doesn’t look back at me, I force his eyes to mine by tugging at his chin. He regards me intensely. Deep wrinkles are set in his forehead, as if he’s trying to find something he’s lost. He’s not convinced, or maybe my words aren’t the ones he wants to hear.
“All I’ve ever wante
d was to love you, Kat. Since the moment I met you. I don’t even know how it’s possible, but when I saw you on the beach, I knew I would fall in love with you.”
My heart squeezes because I remember a time when I felt the same exact way. It’s impossible to keep the heartbreak from my voice. “When you met me, I was so broken. It doesn’t surprise me that you wanted to love me. I had just lost my mom. I had never met my father. I’d never even had a real friend until you came along. You were my first real crush, my first kiss. I might have even started loving you back then too. But this life we belong to, it forces us to grow up and change so quickly. Quicker than we’re ready for, I think. So much has happened since I moved here.”
He nods and says sadly, “I realized that tonight. We never even had a chance.”
He’s right in a way. Our time was stolen by Erebus, but it’s much deeper than that. Johnny is my Fated. I never should have entertained a relationship with Alec, even if it was just for a short time. But I was sad and lonely, and I deserve happiness too. I thought if I could be happy with anyone else, it would be with Alec.
“I didn’t plan for any of this.” My voice feels weak against the wind. “I know we’re meant to be in each other’s lives. I’m just not sure in what way.”
He turns to me and surprises me by taking my face in his hands. “And that’s where you lose me. He left you. I’ve been here the entire time. I stood by you while I thought your heart was mending. I never pushed you. When you showed up in my room that night, I thought that was the moment you’d finally let him go. I even asked myself what would happen if he did come back. What actually happened was far different than what I prepared for. I was just fooling myself. For that, I blame myself.”
I drop my eyes guiltily. “You’re right. But I promise you, I thought I was moving on too. I was tired of crying, tired of feeling things and hoping for things I couldn’t control.” I groan. “That night I came to you was the night I promised myself I would try. I wanted to be with you. I thought if I just had you and moved on, my heart would follow.”
Alec closes his eyes. “I know you so well. You’d torture yourself and stay with me just to avoid hurting me. But there’s no way I can be in this relationship anymore. Not knowing what I know. No matter what happens with you two.”
I bite down on my lip. “This sucks, Alec. You’re my best friend. Maybe in time—”
“Take all the time in the world,” he says, “but I just don’t see how a friendship could work. I need to move on. I’m sorry.”
Even the force of my lids pressed together doesn’t dam the tears from escaping.
With a final, heart-wrenching kiss, Alec is gone—and I’m alone.
When I wake up in the morning, my eyes are dry from crying myself to sleep, and my entire body feels like it’s weighed down by bricks. I feel like I got no sleep at all. Magic may fix my physical ailments, but it doesn’t fix the way I feel about breaking up with Alec.
“Kat!” The banging on my door gets louder. “Wake up. It’s Christmas! And it’s almost ten o’clock.” Charlotte bursts in, pulls the covers from me, then places her hands on her hips while she examines me from above.
“Hey!” I protest.
“We’ve been waiting on you for hours. Are you okay?” she asks with obvious concern.
I shake my head, reaching for my covers, and pull them back over me. “Alec broke up with me last night.”
“Oh, Kat. I’m sorry.” She sits at the edge of my bed. “Because of Johnny?”
I nod. “He was really upset.”
“Can you blame him?” she asks carefully. “You aren’t exactly hiding your feelings for that Poseidon god.”
Even in my gloom, the way she says Poseidon god makes me want to burst into laughter.
Charlotte’s lips tip up in a small smile. “I’m sure your history with Johnny would make a guy like Alec feel pretty insecure about your relationship. Johnny is your Fated. Now it’s time for Alec to find his.”
Groaning, I press my eyelids together. “But Alec doesn’t know that. I couldn’t bring myself to ever tell him. I never even told Johnny.”
Charlotte narrows her eyes at me. “That’s not how it works, Kat. You don’t have to tell Johnny anything. He knows. Even if he hasn’t realized it yet.”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter. He left me. He abandoned what we could have had. And now…”
“He’s back,” Charlotte says firmly.
“Not for me.” I pout. “He’s back for Erebus. His love for revenge is bigger than what he feels for me. How can I be with someone who will just pick up and disappear the way he did?”
“I know your feelings are hurt. Understandably so. But you should talk to Johnny before you continue down this path.”
“We talked a little the other day, and it only made me feel worse. He reminded me that he has responsibilities too, and then I started to feel like I’ve been the selfish one.” My blurred eyes meet Charlotte’s. “I would have understood his needing to leave if he had just talked to me about it. But when he left, he wasn’t just leaving to fulfil his duties. He said goodbye like he meant it for good. He pushed me away.”
Charlotte nods, and I know she understands. “You two have been through so much, together and apart. It’s times like this when you should stop listening to that stubborn brain of yours and start listening to your heart. What is your heart telling you?”
I flip off the top cover and clutch my chest. “My heart.” I scoff. “What a useless organ. It lacks all sensibility around Johnny Pierce. I can’t control a single thought or feeling when we’re together.”
Charlotte chuckles lightly. “Sounds like you’ve been reading too many romance novels. But if it makes you feel any better, I think you do the same thing to him.”
Frowning, I sit up and toss my hair into a bun. “Maybe I have been reading too much. Maybe that’s why I fully expect the brooding antihero to melt only for me.”
“I would argue that he does.”
Charlotte continuing to inject her perspective into all of this is making it extra hard for me to maintain my anger for Johnny. How can she be so understanding?
“We worked together last night,” I tell her, like I’m about to prove a point.
“And?”
“It was like nothing and everything had changed. The feelings are still there. Undeniably. But I’m still so hurt.”
She nods and brushes a loose lock of hair across my forehead. “He was looking for you the other day after he met with Rose and your father. I didn’t know how to tell him you took off with Alec. He was quite disappointed when you weren’t waiting for him.”
My chest expands. I’m finally hearing words that can lift my spirits, but they’re subdued quickly by my next thought. “That was the day I found out Brett was still at the hospital. He’s not waking up, Charlotte.”
She sighs. “He’s not doing well. Rose and I went to see him and ran into his parents. His parents have no clue what to do. They’re devastated.”
I gasp. “Have his parents seen the Equinox marking?”
Charlotte shakes her head. “Normals can’t see energy the way we do. Our energy is like air to them.”
“There’s got to be something we can do for him.” I frown. “You saw the marking?”
She nods. “I did. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen or heard of. But don’t you worry. Rose has got Enchanters at the lab working on it.”
“The lab?” I’ve never heard a reference to a lab before. “What kind of lab?”
Charlotte hesitates. “The Solstice lab is located in the energy plant, but don’t bring it up to Rose. She’d kill me if she knew I even mentioned it to you.”
“There’s a Solstice lab at the energy plant? What goes on there?”
She sighs, realizing she’s said too much. “They study things to do with our magic.” She waves her hands, signaling she’s done answering questions on the subject. “C’mon, get out of bed. Your dad is taking you somew
here today to help take your mind off things. I came up here to get you and to tell you to pack an overnight bag.”
“He’s taking me somewhere?” I perk up instantly. “And you aren’t going to tell me where he’s taking me, I’m sure.” I smile at her.
She laughs and pats my leg playfully. “Not for me to tell. Get up. Now.”
I do as Charlotte says, happy to have a distraction today. After a quick shower, I throw on some clothes, pack a bag, and head downstairs.
“Good morning, Katrina,” my father says before wrapping his arms around me in an embrace. “Merry Christmas.”
I sink into his arms, ready to cry from the volcano of emotions inside me bubbling close to its peak. There’s healing in a father’s embrace, like he’s the only man who matters at this moment. “Merry Christmas, Dad.”
His hug tightens, and I realize I just called him Dad out loud. “Well, I couldn’t have asked for a better Christmas present than that.” He smiles as he pulls back to look into my eyes. “Did Charlotte tell you I wanted to take you somewhere today?” His voice is soft and speckled with doubt.
What is he afraid of? “That sounds great, but…” I look at the brightly lit tree in the corner of the room then to Rose. “Are you sure? It’s Christmas.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it,” Rose chimes in. “We’ll open presents when you get back. You two should get on the road.” She smiles and grabs hold of Charlotte’s arm. Rose may be stubborn, controlling, and cold at times, but she’s also genuinely ecstatic that Paul and I have a relationship now.
“What do you say, Katrina?” My dad waits for my response with expectant eyes.
I let out a laugh. “I’d say it’s the perfect time for a getaway, then. Where are we going?”
He grabs my bag from my shoulders and walks toward the door. “I’ll tell you in an hour.”
An hour crawls by before I make any attempt to ask where we’re going. The truth is, my dad offered me the perfect getaway for my problems. No Erebus. No boy drama. And best of all, I get to spend time alone with my father.
