“Leo, I need you inside of me.” I don’t even recognize my own voice. It’s raspy and sexy.
“Fuck.” Leo pulls away.
My eyes jerk open with him still mere inches from my face. His deep, brown eyes are glassy, his body twitchy and shaky. He slowly lowers me to the floor and steps away.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Ella. That shouldn’t have happened. I’m just a mess right now.” He runs his hand through his hair and tugs on the ends before walking into the living room, leaving me standing in my foyer with wet panties and an ache between my legs. And, to add insult to injury, he fucking called me Ella—not Blue, or even Ella Blue—just fucking Ella.
Rejection is a complete bitch, and she just slapped me into reality. My eyes fill with tears, but I refuse to cry.
“Oh, shit.” The memory of running water just became more important than my momentary pity party, so I forget about the tears in my eyes and run down the hall to the bathroom. “The water—thank God it didn’t overflow and flood the place,” I mumble as I turn the knob to the right until the valve shuts off and lower the handle to drain the tub, no longer feeling like a warm bath can fix all—or any—of my problems.
“Hey.” Leo’s voice resonates from behind me.
I spin around too quickly and lose my balance, but he’s here to catch me. He’s always here to catch me.
This moment feels awkward—so damn awkward. I want to look into his eyes, but I’m afraid of what I may see.
“Look at me, Ella. Please.” His voice is pleading, and I’m weak, so I give in and allow my gaze to meet his. He pulls me into his body and holds me tight. “I shouldn’t have walked into your home and kissed you like that. It was wrong. I was wrong.”
I rest my head against his chest and listen to the thumping of his heart. It’s loud and steady against my ear.
“I didn’t stop you. It felt right for you to want me. It felt good, Leo. I wanted you to want me, especially after the day I’ve had.” I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze.
It’s so hard for me not to tell him about my parents, about my dad, more specifically. I want to apologize for what happened that night at the park, for everything my family put him through, but it’ll have to wait until another day. Tonight is about Leo and whatever is going on in his life.
“Do you want to talk about it? What happened tonight after you dropped me off?”
“Yes and no. I don’t want to worry you with my problems when you have enough of your own.” He kisses the top of my head gently.
“I’m here for you, Leo. Please let me help you.”
He places a finger underneath my chin and tilts my head back.
“You’re so fucking beautiful. Inside and out.” He slants his mouth over mine.
The kiss is soft and deep, stealing the breath in my lungs, and when he pulls back, I’m shivering.
“You remember earlier when I told you about Wade Richmond?”
“Yeah, that he was missing?”
Leo nods. His eyes turn glassy and he sucks in a quick breath. “He was killed in a car accident.”
“Oh my God! When?”
“Not sure about all the details, but his body wasn’t found until today.”
My heart aches for this man standing in front of me. He’s hurting so bad.
“Oh, Leo. I’m so sorry.”
It’s difficult for me not to ask questions, but I don’t want him to have to trudge through all the answers tonight.
“Will you let me hold you tonight? I don’t want you to sleep alone on the couch.”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Ella Blue,” he mumbles.
“I care about you, and you need me. Just let me be here for you.” There’s nothing worse than seeing the hurt in his eyes, but I’m not begging him to sleep in the bed with me. I’m trying to put his feelings before mine and comfort him tonight, because we both know he needs me.
He kisses me on the forehead and nods.
24
Leo
It’s early, but not too early. I’m guessing eight, maybe eight thirty, but it’s Sunday, so anything before ten in the morning is early for me. My eyes are open and my head’s resting just above hers. The scent of vanilla and strawberries drifts through the air. The smell of my Blue will never get old. I know I shouldn’t think of her as mine, because she’s not, and after the shit I pulled last night, I’m surprised she didn’t kick me out on my ass. But, fuck, I was so shocked and sad. Wade was one of my best friends, and now he’s gone.
Ella rolls over to face me and giggles. “Good morning.” She strokes her finger against my cheek as she looks into my eyes. “I want to apologize about lying to you last night.” She moves in closer, kissing the corner of my mouth.
“Lying?” I gently grab her wrist and her finger stops moving against my face.
“Yeah, I said I would hold you all night, but it looks like you’re the one who held me.”
I smile, pulling her into my chest. She wiggles until she’s snug against my body, and it’s then that I wrap my arms around her, holding her tighter. I fucking never want to let her go.
All my words are caught in my throat, so I take a couple of seconds to stare into her eyes. Blue has never been very good at hiding her feelings. Every single emotion she experiences can be seen in her deep brown eyes, and right now, all I see is desire.
I smirk. “What do you want, pretty girl?”
First, she kisses me soft, and then she kisses me deep. Her hands travel across my bare chest, down my stomach, and stop at the waist of my jeans.
Fuck, I want her. I want to touch her, taste her, and live inside her, but I can’t—not yet. It’s too soon. She still has too much to get back. Just because she remembered Jenna and one song doesn’t mean she has her memory back.
When she tries to unbutton my jeans, I gently grip her hand. “Ella, we can’t.”
She laughs softly, pulling her lips from mine as she rolls me onto my back.
“We can,” she whispers, kissing my cheek and then my neck. She straddles my waist and rests her hands against my chest, her lips moving slow and steady over my skin. “I want to touch you.” She looks at me with so much fucking heat that it’s hard to keep from giving her what she wants.
“You are touching me.” I wink.
“I want to touch you.” She shifts her weight back slightly and wiggles her hips. My dick twitches in response. Fuck! Don’t be a dumbass and do something stupid.
“No,” I mumble, shaking my head.
“Yes.” She leans in and kisses me as she rubs her pussy over my denim-covered cock. She feels so fucking good.
I close my eyes and grit my teeth. “Ella Blue.”
She giggles as she drags one finger down my chest, zigzagging it across my stomach and stopping on the bulge in my pants.
My eyes jerk open and my heart bangs around in my chest.
“Right here—this is where I want to touch you.” She grips my rock-hard cock.
This is a bad idea, a really fucking bad idea. She needs to let go of my dick.
“Ella, baby, please…do you know how hard it is for me to say no to you?” I lay my hand over hers, my heart thumping against my chest harder and faster than it should.
“Then don’t. Don’t say no, Leo. Let me love you.” She says the words slowly, her voice raspy and so damn sexy. She places a kiss just below my ear before blowing her warm breath against my skin.
I can’t be that guy, the one who takes advantage of the love she has for me now, because once she gets her memories back, she may remember she doesn’t really love me after all.
She slips her hand into a place it doesn’t need to be. We. Have. To. Stop. I reach for her wrist, but it’s too late because her fingers have already grazed the head of my dick.
“Fuck,” I mumble against her lips.
I need to stop. We can’t do this. This is so fucking wrong. I’m such an asshole.
She unbuttons my jeans with one hand an
d strokes my erection with the other. I lift my hips from the bed and push into her hold.
“I want to taste you.” Her voice is soft but her words are demanding.
I can’t remember ever wanting anybody more than I want my Blue at this moment, but she’s not mine to want. Do the right fucking thing—make her stop.
A loud thud echoes from somewhere in the distance. Oh, wait, that’s just my pulse pounding against my eardrums.
“Ella, what are you doing?”
Her tongue brushes the head of my dick and I groan.
“Blue…” Her name falls from my mouth as she licks me from root to crown. My hips jerk up and I tug at her hair. She’s got to stop before this goes too far. “Baby, you have to stop.” I look down at her, and she peers up at me through those long lashes.
“Tell the truth, Leo—you really don’t want me to stop, do ya?” Her warm breath brushes over the head of my dick and a fucking shiver races through me.
I cup her face gently. “Come here.” I’ve got to get her mouth away from my cock before I lose control.
She slowly slides up my body, touching every inch of my skin with her lips. Once she reaches my mouth, she smiles. “I need you to fuck me, Leo.” She bites her lower lip, and my dick twitches in response.
“Dammit! You can’t say shit like that to me. I can’t—” Before I can finish my sentence, Blue slams her lips to mine. I’m hesitant at first, but I finally give in. She pushes her tongue past my resistance, and it tangles with mine. She moans as the kiss deepens. It’s only a kiss—a fucking hot-as-hell kiss, but still only a kiss. This is okay. This I can handle. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her flush with my body.
Voices filter through the air. Did we leave the TV on in the den?
“I need you so much, Leo.” Her voice is so soft—almost a whisper.
Blue’s hips writhe against my erection and her hands are everywhere—my neck, chest, stomach, and finally my weeping dick. We’re back where we started—well, almost; her mouth is still up here with mine. She presses her lips to mine and kisses me hard and then soft and then hard again.
“Fuck, Blue,” I mumble against her mouth. I’ve missed you so damn much.
“Ella!” a familiar female voice calls out from another room in the house. Gracie.
Blue jumps up, stumbling to keep her balance as she slides off me. Her face pales and her eyes dart toward the bedroom door.
“What the hell is she doing here?” I ask, scrambling to force my dick into my underwear and button my jeans.
“Don’t move. I’ll be right back,” she says, slipping on a pair of shorts and rushing out of the bedroom.
I shove off the bed and grab my T-shirt from the floor. My erection is long gone. Gracie’s unexpected arrival gave me just what I needed—a dose of reality.
I make my way down the hall toward the den with my T-shirt in hand.
“You seemed sad last night when I texted you, so we decided to take an early-morning flight.” Gracie’s voice fades as her eyes land on me. “I was wondering whose car was in the driveway. Uh, I guess now I know.”
My gaze meets Gracie’s and she gives me a forced smile.
“Asa, why are you here?” Ella’s voice is laced with confusion.
My focus shifts from Gracie to the blond guy standing next to her. Asa.
The only Asa Ella has ever mentioned to me is her ex-boyfriend, and if Asa’s her ex, what the fuck is he doing standing in her den? More importantly, she remembers him. This is fucking great.
“I got tired of waiting on you to come home, so I came to get you. I missed my girl.” Asa smirks then cuts his eyes to me.
It doesn’t take me long to figure out that this guy’s a fucking tool. I can’t believe Ella ever dated him.
I throw my T-shirt on and move a few steps deeper into the den. Gracie’s eyes bounce between me and Ella.
“Maybe we should go.” Gracie nudges Asa, but her gaze never leaves mine.
“What the fuck, Grace? We just got here. I’m not going anywhere, at least not without my girl.”
Ella turns toward me. Her face is pale and her eyes are begging me to stay, but the only thing I want to do is walk out the door and never look back. I can’t, though, because my heart won’t fucking let me.
25
Ella Blue
I’ve loved Leo Matson for almost my whole life, but the way he’s looking at me right now makes my heart hurt in a way I never thought possible.
My first instinct is to grab him and run, to get away from whatever this fucked-up situation is that’s taking place in front of me. My eyes bounce from Leo to Gracie and land on Asa. Asa Phillips—Gracie’s cousin and my ex. He’s the last person I expected to see standing in my rental on a Sunday morning. No, wait—he was the last person I wanted to see anywhere ever again.
I take a few steps toward Asa, stopping before I’m too close, because the last thing I want to do is give anybody in this room the wrong idea about my feelings about this cheating bastard.
“Your girl?” I throw the words back at the piece of shit I broke up with months ago. I remember him, clearly, and I remember the day I’d had enough of him.
“I’m tired of your bullshit, Asa.”
“You don’t mean that. Please don’t go. I’ll make her leave and we can work this out.”
I glance over at the brunette wiping coke from her nose.
His gaze follows mine. “Kari, get dressed and get out!” he yells before his eyes travel back to me. “I fucked up, Ella. I really fucked up. The drugs…” He shakes his head. “I let the drugs control my mind, my choices, and my life. I know I’m a fucking mess, but I promise I’ll get help. Just don’t leave me. Please,” he begs, his hand reaching for mine.
“Nope, don’t even think about it. I told you two weeks ago when you were so high you couldn’t even remember your own name that I was done. You begged me for another chance and I gave it to you because…” I huff out a breath. “Because I wanted to believe you would stop using. I convinced myself you would check into rehab and get better, but you haven’t, and now here we are in the same situation. You’re choosing drugs over our relationship. You lied to me. You promised you’d get help and you haven’t even tried. I just can’t do this anymore.”
I laugh. It’s really an inappropriate laugh, but everything about my current situation is inappropriate—me standing in the middle of my half-naked boyfriend’s living room, the naked girl in the background snorting coke, and him begging me to give him yet another chance.
“And look.” I purposefully take in the entire room with wide eyes, stopping on Kari kneeling in front of the coffee table. “You’re still at it—snorting coke and fucking whores.”
I snap out of my memory-induced haze just as Asa opens his mouth again, but this time his question is directed to Gracie. “I thought you said she had amnesia…” A flash of fear crosses his face before he forces himself to smile. Fear? What the fuck have you done, Asa?
“She did have amnesia when I left last week,” Gracie answers.
“I don’t remember everything, but my memories are slowly coming back. That’s not any of your business, though, Asa.” I narrow my eyes and swallow hard. “I don’t know how you talked Gracie into bringing you here, but you shouldn’t have come.”
“Ella, just—”
I shake my head. “Don’t ask me for another chance, and don’t beg me to let you stay, because the answer will be no. It will always be no. And you…” I point a finger at Gracie. “Why did you bring him here after everything he did to me? You had to have known it all. I mean, for fuck’s sake, we’re supposed to be best friends,” I say loudly. “I’m so pissed right now that I can’t even think straight.”
“He said y’all got back together,” Gracie says reluctantly.
My entire body tenses as heat flushes through me. “And you believed him?” I snap before looking at my ex. “Asa Phillips, you are a fucking liar!” I yell.
“Please calm do
wn, Ella—I don’t like seeing you so upset. I didn’t want him to come, but he was so persistent, and I knew if he didn’t come with me, he’d show up unannounced on his own,” Gracie says softly.
I fold my arms across my chest and drop my head downward. She’s right; I need to calm down. I can’t control what other people say or do. I just need to get Asa out of my house.
“Hey, Blue.” I jump at the sound of Leo’s voice. I was so wrapped up in being angry that Asa’s here I forgot he was still standing behind me. He touches me gently and leans in close, saying, “Walk outside with me,” which is code for I’m leaving.
I want Asa to go, not Leo, but I can’t blame him. I’m sure this situation is fairly awkward.
“Sure, okay.” My eyes flit to Gracie. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“You’re leaving?” Gracie asks, moving toward me. Her short strides eat up the distance between us. “Don’t go because of us.” She looks over her shoulder at Asa before returning her focus to me. “We’ll go. I’ll make him leave. Just stay here.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m just going to walk Leo out. I’ll be back in a few minutes and we can finish this.”
Leo slides his fingers over my hand and squeezes before he nods toward the front door. My body’s drawn to him. I swear I’d follow him anywhere, but unfortunately right now it’s only to the door so he can leave.
Once we’re outside, Leo leans against the wooden rail of the porch and pulls me into him.
“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” I ask softly.
He wraps his arms around me and presses a kiss to the corner of my mouth. “You know I have to go.” He tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear and gives me a half-smile. “Look, Blue, you need to talk to Asa because he’s a part of your past. He and Gracie may be able to help you remember things that happened leading up to your amnesia.” He cups my face and stares at my face. His brown eyes are hopeful. He wants me to remember as badly as I want to remember. “You don’t need me hovering over you.”
My heart plummets to my stomach as I come to the realization that Leo could possibly believe Asa. He may think we did get back together. After all, I’m the one who has amnesia, not Asa.
My Blue Page 16
