“She’s always been like that,” he answered as he strolled through the underbrush with Clara in his arms. She was tiny, but it must have been difficult to carry her. If it was, he hid it well. He took good care of her, which I was grateful for.
“Yes, but why?” Clara pressed. I was behind them, watching her thin fingers tapping his shoulder. The sun bounced across his golden hair and absorbed into her black hair.
“She’s protecting herself. She doesn’t trust people. She doesn’t trust me anymore. I probably deserve it, though,” he sadly admitted.
“She trusts you. I don’t think she trusts herself, not yet anyway,” Clara said in her singsong voice. I rolled my eyes. I wish she wouldn’t say things like that.
I wanted to respond, tell her to mind her own business or defend myself, but my mouth was sewn shut with imaginary thread. I couldn’t explain it well enough to even try. I didn’t mean to be this way but this experience had changed me. I hoped I could get myself back. I hoped the old Rosa wasn’t completely lost. When I was talking to Clara, sometimes I could forget about it, and I could laugh, smile. She was the silliest person I had ever met, bordering on insane, but despite my best efforts I adored her.
Joseph would ask her about the baby, which she was always happy to talk about. He asked her a lot of detailed questions about how it felt to be pregnant—was she tired, was she hungry, was she in any pain? I suspected this had a lot to do with the fact that whenever he asked me anything about how I was feeling, I gave him snappy, one word answers. I didn’t like to think about the thing, let alone talk about it.
“I have a name,” she said leadingly, “Hessa if it’s a boy and Rosa if it’s a girl.”
Joseph laughed heartily. “You better hope it’s a boy then!”
I laughed without meaning to and covered my mouth.
“Have you got names, Rosa?” he asked hopefully, turning to me. Giving me that look again.
“Yes, one, but you’re not going to like it,” I replied. He just looked at me imploringly, waiting. “Leech for a boy or a girl.”
He considered it for a moment and then grinned. “Leech Sulle, has a nice ring to it.” It was disarming. If I tried to bait him, it never worked the way I expected it to.
I held my tongue. I’d let him have that one.
After three days of walking, we still hadn’t hit the railway line. According to Alexei, we were very close and needed to spread out and start searching the ground for any signs of it. It had been hundreds of years since it was last used and it was bound to be covered with dirt and plants. We were looking for anything metal sticking out of the ground. Alexei asked us to split up into teams of two; we would walk straight out from a central point for five-hundred paces and then return if we didn’t find anything. If we did find the tracks, one of us would stay where we were, while the other one went back to the meeting place to fetch the rest of the group. The central point was a neat circle of Radiata pines. We dumped our packs there and teamed up. Alexei with Apella, of course, then, before Joseph could speak, I said I would go with Deshi, making up the excuse that Clara should go with the strongest, in case she couldn’t walk back.
Deshi scowled at me. “I’m not carrying you.”
“Never expected you to,” I said as I charged off down our allocated search line.
The line we were given seemed to be uphill all the way. Deshi was puffing and panting as we pushed our way through a thicket of dead branches, intertwined with vines. He wasn’t fit like Joseph, his body not built for hard, physical challenges.
“How far have we gone?” I asked. “Is it time to turn around?”
Deshi sounded confused. “I don’t know. I thought you were counting.”
“Great,” I snorted and sat down on a log to rest for a minute.
Deshi laughed half-heartedly. “Trust me to stuff this up.” I was surprised. His attitude didn’t match that of before, when he was cocky and slightly aggressive. I eased myself off the log and stood, reaching my hand out to pull him up.
“C’mon, we’ll go another two-hundred paces and then we’ll turn around,” I said, trying to sound confident. Deshi took my hand. It was cold and sweaty.
“Thanks,” he said as I pulled his slight frame to its feet.
Deshi’s presence here with us didn’t make much sense to me. He wasn’t doing it out of guilt or some misplaced family duty. He didn’t have someone he had to save like Apella and Alexei. I wanted to trust him, but in order to do that, I had to know his motivation.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, what?” he said suspiciously, as he tried to find a foothold on the crumbly ascent.
“Why are you here?” I asked outright. I was never good at leading into things.
He was scrambling up the incline, bits of rock and rubble sliding down the hill.
“That’s a good question,” he said as he held out his hand and pulled me towards him. He pulled a little too hard and we fell sideways, landing in the dirt next to each other, nearly rolling down the hill. I lay there, waiting for an answer.
“Let’s just say, if Joseph wasn’t madly in love with you, I would very happily take your place in his affections.” I think my eyes were nearly popping out of my head. I had never heard of such a thing. Shock didn’t even cover it.
“Does…Joseph…know?” I managed to stammer. I was reeling at this information.
“Yes, but don’t worry,” he said sadly. “He has always made it clear that he considers me a friend, nothing more. He never asked me to come; I made that decision for myself.”
I felt quite sad for him. Even if it weren’t Joseph he loved, in the Woodlands his would always be a life of constant lying and unhappiness. In Pau, and I assume everywhere, one was expected to marry and produce a child. Life was hard enough without the added burden of living a lie. I understood why he left. Anything had to be better than that.
“I’m not worried,” I said, “but I’m glad to understand you better.” I knew what it was like to love someone from a distance. I guess sometimes that’s all you get.
“Maybe you’ll let me understand you better then?” he said as we pushed ourselves up to standing.
“Maybe.”
We pushed on. It was getting steeper and the vegetation was clearing. Now it was mostly crumbling dirt and orange gravel. It was very slippery and hard to negotiate. As we neared the top, we were both crawling on our hands and knees. I got to the top first and hauled Deshi’s slight body over the edge. We both stood up, dusting orange dirt off our knees and palms.
We both looked down at our feet; we were standing on large slabs of wood evenly spaced apart with two metal rails lying across them. It snaked off into the distance as far as we could see. This had to be it.
It was joyful and frightening at the same time. The tracks followed a line of trees, pines and spruces, green and towering. They leaned into the track, casting spiky shadows over it but never covering it. The track itself was in remarkable condition. It was rusty and the wood was grey and rotting, but it was not engulfed in vegetation as Alexei had expected. From our vantage point, we could see the whole world. It was foreign, ancient, and beautiful.
Deshi handed me his canteen and I took a large gulp of water. Almost immediately, I needed to go to the toilet. As I went on, I was finding more and more that this child inside me was encroaching on my physical well-being, changing things I didn’t want changed and always making life harder.
“I need to go to the toilet,” I said, embarrassed.
Deshi rolled his eyes but he was used to this after travelling with two pregnant girls for days.
“Ok, well, why don’t you stay here and do what you need to do and I’ll go back and get the others,” he chirped. He couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He was scrambling down the incline before I could even reply.
It was getting dark. I hoped Deshi wouldn’t take too long. Even though there was no one around, I felt conscious of being exposed s
o I decided I would climb down the other side, which was less steep, and offered some privacy. I skidded lightly down the other side and found a bush to crouch behind.
Just as I finished, I noticed a form moving towards me. At first I thought it must have been someone from the group but no, it was coming from the other direction and it was moving lower and faster than a person. I was fascinated, watching this fuzzy form move from tree to plant to rock, bowing its head and then moving on, getting closer and closer to where I stood. There was no noise as it approached. Its padded feet walked soundlessly across twigs and gravel. I hadn’t moved since I spotted it and tried to shift my weight, as I was standing with one leg on the incline and one on the flat ground. That small movement made it stop, still. It turned its head to the side and lowered its body, gliding softly towards me, ears back, eyes wide. Even in this cold air, I was sweating. It put its nose to the sky and sniffed, snorting the air from its nose like the smell was unpleasant. It was only a couple of meters away from me now and I could see clearly what it was.
It was a magnificent creature, standing as high as my shoulders. It was covered in a thick coat of brown-grey fur, yellowing as it reached down its long, lean legs. This was a dog. No, it was far too big. A wolf.
It was upon me now; it lowered its head to my feet and tracked its nose up to my stomach. I was as still as stone, feeling an odd sense of protectiveness about its nose nearly touching my belly. Wanting to turn to the side, so the baby was out of the way. It was so close that I could feel its hot breath on my skin. I was mesmerized by its beauty, its presence. It was majestic and powerful. It could kill me in a second, but it was all I could do to resist the ridiculous urge to run my hands through its thick fur.
Like a trap snapping shut, it whipped its head around. It sniffed the air again and cantered gracefully away from me, making its way to the crest of the incline. Standing on the tracks, our path. It howled one long note and other howls not far away joined the chorus.
Run, a voice in my head uttered urgently. Run now.
I scrambled up the graveled hill, just in time to see the creature bounding down the tracks in the opposite direction to me. I knew I had to be quick. It was a scout, soon it would reach its pack and they would be after me.
I slid down the other side on my backside, all the while screaming for Deshi. He couldn’t have been that far ahead of me, surely. Tramping through the thicket, I cut through to clearer ground, my arms and legs scratched and bleeding. I broke into the quickest run I could manage, which wasn’t very fast. All the while thinking, what if they get to them first or what if they get to me first? I was struggling to suck in breath, struggling to keep moving, but I did. I started screaming all of their names, hoping for any reply.
“Joseph, Deshi, Clara, Apella, Alexei, anyone?”
Finally someone answered. It was Joseph, sprinting in my direction. His large body barreling towards me so fast, he had to dig into the dirt to stop from knocking me over.
“What? What’s wrong? Is it the baby?” He sounded panicked. He grabbed my arms, casting an eye over the blood and scratches. They all had their packs on their backs. Deshi must have made it back and they were preparing to come meet me at the tracks.
“No!” I said, pulling away from his grasp violently with irritation. “There’s a pack of wolves nearby and I think they are hunting us or will be soon.”
“Oh,” he sighed in relief. I was confused by his reaction. We were no match for a pack of wild animals. I didn’t think we even had any weapons.
“Alexei, what do we do about wolves?” he said, with an edge to his voice I didn’t recognize—commanding and directive.
Alexei took out his reader and scanned it for some information, flicking his finger occasionally to enlarge something he was reading. “Wolves,” he said in his intellectual voice, “hunt in packs. To avoid being attacked, climb a tree. The pack will eventually lose interest and move on.”
“Right, let’s put our packs up in a tree and then up we go,” Joseph said with authority. But it was too late. As we were organizing ourselves, I could see glowing eyes hovering in what was left of the day’s light. There looked to be at least five pairs. I imagined them licking their lips and baring their teeth but all I could see was eyes. There was no sound. Everyone was still fussing around with their packs. I grabbed Alexei’s shoulder roughly and pointed towards the eyes. They would have been about four-hundred meters away. They were moving slowly and deliberately in our direction, stalking us.
Alexei grabbed Apella and hoisted her into the branches, whispering through his teeth, “Climb.” She still had a tiny pack on her back. Come to think of it, I’d never seen her take it off. Luckily, the radiata pines that surrounded our chosen meeting place were tall, strong, sturdy trees with plenty of straight, easy-to-climb branches. The only problem being, the first branches started a couple of meters off the ground. Joseph went to pick me up and push me up into the branches with Apella.
“No, help Clara,” I said. He looked at me as if he were going to argue but then went to Clara and gently raised her to the first branch. His arms flexed under her weight, but his face showed no exertion. Apella held out her hand and pulled the tiny ball of a girl into the tree. She looked ridiculous, a tiny ninth months’ pregnant girl balancing on a branch like a swollen songbird. She looked scared, but I was confident she would be safe.
Apella was looking anxiously to Alexei, beckoning with her hands for him to follow. Her selfishness never stopped surprising me. I wanted to take a rock, aim it at her porcelain face, and knock her out of the tree. Let her be devoured by these hunters. Not that they would get much of a feed from her bony body. I turned to see the eyes were closer now. I could see their padded feet silently creeping towards us, their heads low.
Alexei and Deshi both clambered up the tree, helping each other. Clara and Apella were quite far up now, and the tree was swaying under the weight of four people.
We could hear them now. They had separated and were circling our little campsite, sniffing and panting. Without asking, Joseph swept me into his arms and unceremoniously catapulted me into the tree. I couldn’t get a grip on the branch and I slipped, just hanging from the rough bark by my hands, my feet a foot off the ground.
Alexei’s voice carried down. “No. The tree won’t hold all of us.” He was aiming his whispers at Joseph. “Take her to the one over there.” He pointed across the circle to the other big pine. Joseph growled as he held his arms out for me to fall into. I let go and he caught me but I quickly wiggled out of his grasp and to my feet.
We ran to the opposite tree. Joseph was about to lift me when I stopped him. “You first,” I didn’t want to be thrown again.
“Are you joking? No!” he whispered tersely. He was angry but I knew it was the smart thing to do. The wolves were moving in, watching our little performance with hungry eyes. A black wolf had taken the lead. It was so close to the ground, it looked as though it was slithering, only a couple meters away from us. Its yellow eyes were menacing in the almost dark. A soft growl emitted from its bared teeth. We didn’t have time to argue.
“I need you to pull me up!” I shoved him. I think it took all his strength to obey me, but he did. Once in the branch, he grabbed my arm and pulled. But something was wrong. I was stuck. No, not stuck, something was pulling me backwards. Did it bite me? I felt no pain. I turned around to see the black wolf had a hold of my pant leg. It was tugging me to the ground, my toes desperately trying to find something to push off but finding only scrapings of dirt and air. Joseph eyes looked crazed with worry as he grabbed me with both arms and pulled as hard as he could, my arms straining at their sockets. Then I felt teeth sink into flesh and I screamed. For a split second, the animal paused, which was long enough for me to kick it as hard as I could with my good leg. It yelped and then it lunged. I closed my eyes. This was it. Air rushed across my face and I was flying.
When I opened them again, I was in Joseph’s arms and the wolves we
re surrounding the tree, moving in unison as if in a dance, taking turns jumping and scratching at the trunk and trying to snap at our toes.
Joseph was breathing hard. So was I. He was holding me so tight that I was starting to feel suffocated.
“Joseph,” I whispered, “I’m ok, you can let me go.” He looked at me and it registered. He loosened his hold on me, but he didn’t let go. After a few seconds, he put his large hands on either side of my waist and helped me to stand on the branch. A flicker in my chest made me pause. We needed to climb higher, just to be safely out of reach of the frenzied clawing that was taking place beneath us. I pushed up onto my toes, feeling the squelch of the sock in my left boot, which was filling with blood.
As we climbed higher, we heard them shouting from the other tree. It was Clara I could hear the clearest. “Are you all right, Rosa?” Her voice sounded high and strained. It must have been very uncomfortable for her, sitting in a tree. I hoped Deshi was looking after her.
“She’s safe,” Joseph answered for me. “What about you?”
“All good over here,” she said, adding, “Beautiful moon, don’t you think?” My eyes were starting to get sore from all the rolling I had done since I met her. She always managed to find a positive even in the worst situation possible.
Joseph chuckled. I looked up at the sky, and sure enough, there was a beautiful moon rising, casting pointed, ghostly shadows on the forest floor.
“Joseph, I’m not ok. It bit me,” I whispered.
He nodded tightly. “I know. I just didn’t want to worry her,” he confessed quietly. I was grateful that, for once, we were on the same page.
We sat together on the strongest branch we could find, that was high enough to keep us safe from the snapping jaws of the wolves below. I had said I could sit on a branch on my own, but Joseph absolutely refused to let me go and we were balancing so precariously, I couldn’t really start a fight. If I had tried to pry myself out of his arms, I was liable to fall. So I allowed him to hold me, reminding him every so often that he was squeezing a little too tight.
The Woodlands Page 15
