by Ward Maia
“Yes,” Ellis said, the sorrow of knowing he’d never see Rudá again making his heart ache.
Silence descended between them as the waitress brought out their order and each of them focused on their food for a bit.
“Have you spoken to our parents since you’ve come back?” Julia sipped her tea.
“Yes, I spoke to Mom yesterday. She’s excited about the gala.” Ellis wasn’t sure excited was the right word, since Isabel Campos rarely externalized her emotions.
“She has been talking nonstop about it.”
He thought he heard something bitter in his sister’s voice but wasn’t sure. Like their mother, his sister was also a master at hiding her emotions.
“Don’t you get tired of it?” Ellis blurted out, leaning forward.
“Of what?” she asked, quirking a brow.
“All the… the fake shit. All the galas and the ridiculous pearls you have to wear. That asshole you married because dad told you it would be beneficial to the family. Like it was a fucking business transaction. Don’t you get tired of it?” he asked, waving his arms around, his voice rising the more agitated he got.
“I would appreciate it if you kept your voice down when insulting my husband,” she said in a cold voice, her blue eyes staring daggers at him. “And what would you have me do if I said yes? Should I give up my trust fund like you did? Should I go and live in the streets, taste the freedom of the masses?” She scoffed and shook her head.
“You act like those are the only options, poverty or our fucked-up family. They’re not! There’s an entire world out there for you, for us.” Ellis knew he sounded like an idyllic youth. He couldn’t help it. The idea that maybe his aunt would be proud to hear him now warmed a small part of his heart.
“Listen to yourself.” Julia shook her head in disbelief. “You sound like that same stupid eighteen-year-old boy I had to scrape off of the street.” She spat the last words, making Ellis flinch back.
“Why did you do it?” Ellis asked before he could think better of it.
“Do what?” Julia asked angrily, frowning.
“Why did you come after me that summer, when I was living in the streets?” he asked.
Julia took a deep breath and looked away. More of her facade cracked and she looked vulnerable for a moment. Then she cleared her throat, and when she looked back, the cool mask of indifference Ellis was very familiar with slipped back into place.
“You’re my brother,” she said without any emotion, as if she was reciting the weather forecast. “Our family is stronger together.”
Julia nodded at her own words and sipped her tea. Ellis’s heart broke a bit for her. He knew then that she’d never break free from the shackles that came with carrying around the Campos name. Because she didn’t want to.
“Thank you,” Ellis said. Julia’s eyes widened slightly, clearly surprised by the words. “For coming for me. Thank you for being there.”
Ellis got up, pulled out his wallet, and threw some money on the table. He walked around the table and pressed a kiss to his sister’s forehead.
“Thanks, sis,” he breathed into her sweet-scented hair.
He walked away from the table and was almost to the door when she called him.
“Ellis.”
He looked back and saw his sister had turned on the chair and faced the door. She hesitated and then smiled politely at him. “You need a haircut.”
Her words were curt but not unkind. Ellis smiled sadly at her and nodded. Then he pushed the door open and stepped into the darkening streets.
ELLIS STARED at the picture Rudá had taken of the two of them in bed. A soft smile played on his lips he didn’t bother trying to suppress. He traced the curve of Rudá’s shoulder with his thumb.
God, what he wouldn’t give to actually touch Rudá’s skin right now. His fingers still held the memory, but it was fading from his mind. That more than anything made him want to scream in frustration. He wished he could save those moments stored away in the recesses of his mind so he could rewatch them, again and again.
He raised his head once the screen went dark and found his assistant watching him.
“I’m worried about you, boss.” Pedro came to stand in front of Ellis’s desk.
“I’m fine, Pedro,” Ellis said, the lie leaving his mouth automatically.
“Bullshit.” Pedro raised an eyebrow at Ellis.
“Excuse me?” Ellis asked, his tone cold and harsh.
Pedro waved his hand in the air. “Drop the act, boss. You have dark circles under your eyes, your hair is reaching Rapunzel lengths, and you canceled on Antonio.”
“I moved his meeting to further down the month.” Ellis shrugged.
“Um, I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to reschedule a meeting with one of the senior partners in the firm you work in,” Pedro said in an incredulous voice.
Three weeks ago Ellis would have agreed with him. He’d jump at Antonio’s command, hoping to expedite his promotion. Now? Now it all seemed somewhat pointless. What was he really working toward? What was the end goal?
All his life had been measured in increments. A deadline to reach. One year before turning eighteen and gaining his freedom. Then four months for the internship to end. Then a year until he graduated from law school. Always another increment. Always another deadline.
How long would the next increment be? Three years until his promotion? Four? What came after that? What would the next increment be? And when he reached that, what came after?
Ellis didn’t know. He didn’t even know if he wanted to. It all just seemed… pointless.
Ellis sighed and rubbed his temple, resting his elbows on his desk.
“I think you’re depressed,” Pedro said softly.
He wanted to laugh at his assistant and reassure him that everything was fine. Even if it wasn’t. But Ellis couldn’t bring himself to lie anymore.
“If you want to talk, I’m here. You know that, right, boss?” Pedro said, an expectant look in his eyes.
Ellis managed a small smile, the first genuine one to cross his face in weeks. Pedro was a good man and Ellis’s closest friend.
“I know, Pedro. I know,” Ellis assured him, nodding.
“Well, while you gather your thoughts and look for a kick-ass gift to give me for being an awesome human being, I should probably warn you that the former Mrs. da Silva wants you to draw up her prenup agreement,” Pedro recited, reading off the Post-it notes Ellis hadn’t noticed him carrying.
Ellis groaned and shook his head. “I can’t deal with her today. Maybe tomorrow,” he said, digging his fingers into his scalp, feeling an oncoming headache. “Any more messages?”
“Yes, but there’s something more pressing you should probably address,” Pedro said. “There’s someone here to see you. He said you’re friends and said you’d want to see him, even though he doesn’t have an appointment.”
Ellis fought the urge to hide under his desk. If he could just curl up in his bed and hide from the world for a few days—maybe even a few weeks—he’d be happy.
“Name?” Ellis asked, even though he had an inkling it was probably someone who fancied themselves in Ellis’s favor or wanted to get in his favor.
No, thank you.
“Um, I don’t know if I can pronounce this…. Mr. Aca-Acata… usi, uasi? Point is, there’s a guy here with a complicated name to see you. Do you want me to send him away?”
“Acatauassú?” Ellis asked, heart pounding.
“Huh.” Pedro looked back at the Post-it. “Maybe, not su— Hey, are you okay?”
Pedro rushed around Ellis’s desk and grabbed his shoulders, spinning Ellis to face him. Which maybe wasn’t the best idea since Ellis already felt like his office was spinning.
“Where?” Ellis asked, his throat suddenly dry.
“Where what? Maybe you should sit—”
“Where is he?” Ellis grabbed Pedro’s arms and shook him.
“Reception. I left him there wit
h—Ellis, wait!” Pedro said as he hurried after Ellis.
Ellis took long strides out of his office toward the reception area. He could barely hear Pedro calling his name as he hurried to catch up with him over the blood rushing in his ears.
He rounded the corner, cursing the long hallway, and froze in front of the waiting area. It was separated from the entryway by a glass door, furnished with comfortable couches and the usual assortment of magazines.
There, in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows, stood a man. He had his back turned toward the door, and even though Ellis couldn’t see his eyes, he pictured his gaze running over the buildings surrounding Ellis’s firm.
Rudá was there. Standing not five feet from him. Separated only by a glass door. Ellis swallowed and tried to force his feet to move, but they refused to obey him. He just stood there, staring wide-eyed at Rudá. He wore a simple black button-down shirt and faded jeans. His boots looked clean, but not new. Ellis half expected to see his customary hat resting on one of the sofas.
As if sensing the presence of someone behind him, Rudá turned, and his eyes found Ellis almost immediately. A slow smile spread over his face, dimple and all.
Ellis felt something unwind inside of him. He let out a long breath that felt like he’d been holding in for weeks, ever since leaving the farm. He was vaguely aware of Pedro saying something behind him and of the other curious eyes that studied him. Nothing aside from the man in front of him mattered.
With shaking hands and swallowing convulsively around the lump in his throat, Ellis pushed the glass door open and stepped inside the reception area.
The artificial lavender scent hit him first, but as Rudá stepped closer to him, the unmistakable smell of coffee surrounded Ellis. It was so achingly familiar he felt the prickle of tears behind his eyelids. He blinked several times and cleared his throat.
“So,” Ellis said awkwardly.
“So,” Rudá said, his eyes twinkling.
There was a beat of silence as the awkwardness around them grew.
“You’re, um, here,” Ellis said and cringed internally.
“I am.” Rudá crossed his arms in front of his chest.
Ellis huffed out a breath. “You’re not gonna make it easy for me, are you?”
“I’m not.” Rudá’s grin widened.
Ellis sighed and smiled back at him. “I missed you,” he admitted, blushing.
Rudá’s eyes softened, and he stepped closer to Ellis, uncrossing his arms and touching Ellis’s forearm.
“I know,” Rudá murmured, his thumb rubbing circles against Ellis’s skin.
Ellis rolled his eyes and Rudá chuckled. He stepped closer and Ellis’s breath hitched.
“Could you be less of a jerk?” Ellis asked, his voice rougher than he anticipated.
“I could. But, thing is, I just came into some land,” he said, smiling at Ellis. “This guy I know gave me a coffee farm.”
Ellis blushed and looked away. “Yeah, he was an asshole anyway and had no right to that farm.”
“Wrong. I mean, I’m not giving it back, it’s in my name and everything, but that asshole is welcome to come home with me,” Rudá said.
Ellis’s head snapped up, and he searched Rudá’s face. The familiar dimple and laugh lines were there. And those dark eyes staring back at him made him remember lazy afternoons walking around the farm and hot, sweaty nights under the covers.
“What?” Ellis murmured, trying to squash the hope blooming in his chest.
“Come home,” Rudá said softly, tugging on Ellis’s arm gently, as if he wanted to pull him away from this place and back to the farm that very instant.
“I-I can’t…,” Ellis said, even though he really wanted to.
“Come home,” Rudá said again, stepping closer, their chests brushing together with every breath they took.
The heat rolling off Rudá’s body made Ellis shiver as he was held captive by his dark eyes.
“This isn’t your place.” Rudá tilted his head to the side without breaking eye contact. “So come home with me.”
Home. Ellis chuckled and shook his head. “You’re absolutely crazy.”
Rudá shrugged, his smile never faltering. “You like it.”
“I might be having a change of heart about that right now.” Ellis smiled.
“So, are you ready to leave this tacky office?” Rudá’s eyes swept the reception area and did a double take as they passed over the glass door. “Um, I think we have an audience.”
Ellis followed his gaze and blushed. Pedro, along with other people he worked with, stood on the other side of the glass door. Pedro held two thumbs up to Ellis, making him blush harder.
He turned back to Rudá and cleared his throat. “Just-just ignore them.”
Rudá chuckled. “We could always leave.”
“Do you really want me? To come back, I mean?” Ellis blurted out.
“Yes, I really do. I like having my sheets smell like you. Plus, I really like the way you say my name when we—” Ellis covered Rudá’s mouth, sure he was turning a different shade with all the embarrassment.
“Please, don’t,” Ellis said, feeling even more embarrassed.
“Will you come home, then?” Rudá asked.
“You’re a persistent bastard,” Ellis said, not trying to disguise the fondness in his voice.
“Yes, it’s because I love you,” Rudá said, so matter-of-factly that it took Ellis a minute to actually grasp what he’d just said.
Ellis’s eyes widened in surprise, and his heart did its best to beat out of his chest. He opened his mouth to say something and closed it again, words failing.
Then again, he didn’t really need complicated words, did he? He only needed three.
“I love you too.” Well, maybe four.
Rudá’s smile got so big Ellis worried it might jump off his face.
“Can we go home now?” Rudá asked, his voice filled with so much longing Ellis thought he might melt into a puddle right then and there.
He took a deep breath. Then another. Could he do this? Was he actually considering moving to another state? Just packing up and leaving everything behind?
He looked at Rudá. When he thought of him, he didn’t think in terms of increments. He didn’t wonder about what came after. He just wanted to enjoy the moments he could have with him. Excitement bubbled up inside of him. It had been a while since he’d felt that way.
Home. He had a place for the word now. Who knew the front door to his home would be four hundred miles away from where he lived?
“Okay,” Ellis said before he changed his mind. “Let’s go home.”
Rudá pulled him into a kiss, with no finesse and filled with urgency and uncertainty. Ellis kissed him back, letting his senses be filled with Rudá’s smell and the way his body felt pressed against his.
He didn’t even mind the squeal Ellis suspected belonged to Pedro that came from the other side of the door. He ignored everything else.
Rudá. He was here. He was with Ellis. And they were going home.
Epilogue
A few weeks later
ELLIS BRUSHED the dry leaves from the headstone and pulled up the stray weeds that had grown in the few days since he last visited.
His aunt’s grave stood as it always had. Underneath a shady tree, with a bunch of grumpy birds chirping the day away and endless green hills surrounding it.
He stood from where he was crouching and scanned the horizon. He wasn’t looking for anything in particular; he just liked to see the fields with the coffee stalks and the house from up here.
A chirp—or a warble, he still wasn’t sure what to call it—drew his attention. He looked back down to the headstone, but there was nothing there. He heard it again, coming from one of the trees. Ellis squinted until his eyes landed on an insect on the bark of the tree directly in front of him.
It was a cicada with translucent blue wings.
He narrowed his eyes at it and it chirped, star
tling Ellis, almost as if it could feel his glare. The hair on the back of his neck stood up as he remembered Rudá’s words about the souls coming back as enchanted animals.
He rolled his eyes at himself and shook his head, dispelling the thought. In a way, it was good to know that the cicada had found its way outside and no longer haunted his mornings.
“See you in a few days, Auntie,” he murmured, tapping the headstone three times—a habit he picked up from Rudá.
He turned and walked toward the car at the foot of the hill. The cicada’s chirp followed him all the way, and he couldn’t help the smile that tugged on his lips.
He pulled away and drove back to the house. He was still getting used to traveling the internal roads of the farm and sometimes got lost—much to Rudá’s amusement.
Ellis parked the car and walked up the steps toward the porch, a smile on his face. It was an expression he was used to having constantly now. Moving to the farm had been the best decision he’d ever made. He was still working hard, trying to learn the ropes and help Rudá run everything smoothly. The view from outside his office—which was his aunt’s former office—didn’t hurt.
Having Rudá in his bed every night—and every morning—also didn’t hurt.
His parents had been angry and promised that if he left, he should never bother coming back. His family disowned him, but he was finally free. And right before he left his parents’ mansion after delivering the news that he was moving to his aunt’s farm—which now belonged to Rudá—his sister wrapped her arms tightly around him and told him she would miss him. Ellis kissed her hair and told her she was welcome to visit him anytime.
Ellis walked into the kitchen and smiled at Dona Nenna standing over the stove stirring a large pot. And Seu Jorge, standing very close to her.
Ellis bit back a chuckle but cleared his throat. Seu Jorge, with his fashionable mustache, turned and nodded at Ellis. Dona Nenna waved and spouted her usual rapid-fire Borun, still stirring her pot. If Ellis didn’t know her, he would think it was a normal response, but he could tell she was flustered.
“Coffee?” he asked, moving toward her and biting back a smile.
