by Ashton Johns
“You just loved Elizabeth more. Yeah, you said.”
Obviously stressed, his eyes closed as he rubbed his temple, a habit I knew I had, too.
“Mom never called you, so why didn’t you call and check on her if you cared about her so much?” I asked, causing him to look up at me.
“I don’t know, Kade, but I swear if I’d known, I would have helped you both out.” His voice started to break as he pushed closer to the desk. “If I’d known about you and the sort of life you were living, I would have come and found you. I wish to God that I’d taken the time to call her or drop around.”
A tear rolled down his tanned skin, and as he wiped it away, I noticed that we had the same hands—big with long fingers. Studying him carefully, I could see now the similarities between us. I had my mom’s coloring and mouth, but I had his eyes and nose. Even our eyebrows were the same. Shit, maybe he went to the same salon as I did!
“What happens now?” I asked, reaching down for Brody, who was sleeping, evidently totally unfazed by the revelations.
Mr. King looked up at me and smiled.
“I’d like you to meet Elizabeth and your brother and sister. That’s if you’d be willing.”
“They know about me?” I asked incredulously, expecting to be his dirty little secret.
“Oh course. In fact, Claudia, my youngest, she’s sixteen. She’s been watching the show avidly and is beyond excited that you’re her brother. Noah simply said, ‘That’s sick, he can help take some of the ladies off my hands’.”
I sniggered at that. Noah sounded pretty cool.
“Yes,” Mr. King said with a grin. “Noah is kind of laid back.”
“What about your wife? What does she think about all of this?”
He smiled warmly and looked at the other photograph for a little longer this time. “She’s excited to meet you and is pretty desperate to mother you. If you don’t mind, of course.”
My heart faltered a little at the thought of someone other than my mom mothering me, but I had to admit it would be nice.
“No, I don’t mind, but I guess you’ll want to do some sort of DNA test?” I asked.
Mr. King tilted his head and frowned. “No, I know that you’re my son. You look like me, you’re the image of Noah, and Shelby was your mom, so no DNA will be needed.”
Wow, that was pretty trusting of him, but I supposed there was no denying that the three of us looked alike.
“About your mom…” he started tentatively. “Did she suffer much? I found out that she died of cancer when you were only six.”
“She was ill for a long time, but we didn’t know it was cancer until she died. We didn’t have money for doctors, so she just tried to carry on through the pain. It was ovarian cancer and according to what my mom’s friend told me, when I was older, the doctors said she’d had it for a while, but the symptoms didn’t show themselves until it was too late.”
Mr. King let out a long, shuddering breath and swiped at his cheek.
“I am so sorry, Kade. It must have been so hard for you to lose your mom and then end up in the system. I wish…” As he leaned forward and gripped hold of the desk, a huge sob escaped from his broad chest as his shoulders shook.
I pushed up from my chair and went to his side, placing a hand on his back. As soon as I touched him, my heart slammed around, and I had to swallow past a huge ball in my throat. This was my father, and I was touching him. My flesh and blood and he actually seemed like a good guy.
“Hey,” I said. “It’s okay. I was fine. Nothing bad happened to me.”
His head snapped up and he stared at me with red-rimmed eyes, glistening with tears. “You should not have had to live in those places, Kade, and you should not have ended up on the streets.”
“What’s done is done. We can’t change that. Maybe that’s the path I was meant to be on.”
With that, he pushed up from his chair and pulled me into his large frame, crushing me into a hug.
“I’m so sorry, son,” he whispered. “So damn sorry.”
It was then that I let my own tears fall. I was no longer alone. I had a brother, a sister, a woman who wanted to mother me, and a father who wanted me. People who would care about me, people who would want me to be safe. I had a family.
Now all I had to do was get Daisy, too.
Forty-Three
Kade Sutton
“How did it go with the wicked witch of the west?” Clint asked when we were eating take out later on that evening. Like a lot of other people who worked for them, like Daisy, he knew Meredith Hennessey was evil personified but needed the regular income.
“I got my money. I played a good hand. I don’t think she’ll fuck me over again, but who knows? I didn’t see Daisy,” I told him, unable to hide the sadness I felt.
“No one has,” he confirmed, dipping an egg roll in some sickly-sweet sauce. “Dropped off the face of the planet it would seem.”
Brody was sitting on the floor. He’d chomped his way through a few tins of dog food that Clint had picked up along with fresh bread and milk.
“So, what’s your next move, Kade?”
That was the million-dollar question.
Before, I was just a guy without a permanent place of residence and a big check in my pants pocket. My original plan was to cash the money, lay low until the furor of the show had died down, and then hunt Daisy out and spend my days begging for forgiveness.
Now, I was a son with a dad, a stepmom and two half siblings. I had a family who were excited about letting me be part of their world and I didn’t know what to do with that.
So, along with a big ass check in one pants pocket, I had a business card with my dad’s cell number and a twenty-four-hour driver service in the other. And believe me, that weighed just as heavily as a bucket load of green.
“Hey, earth to Kade.” He laughed, snapping his fingers in front of my face, trying to gain my attention. “What’s going on in that pretty head?”
“I can trust you, right?”
His eyes darkened at my insult. “Of course, you can. I’m here, aren’t I?”
I mumbled an apology and Clint raised his eyes to the heavens, pleading with someone to remove my stupid self from in front of him.
I dropped my fork, half spun and laden with noodles, back in the takeout container. “I met my dad today,” I told him nervously, watching as his brow furrowed with confusion, followed by his mouth dropping open to reveal half eaten kung pao chicken.
Chewing quickly at super speed, he swallowed.
“I thought you were little orphan Annie, or rather Andrew?”
“Me too, but because my life isn’t crazy enough right now, it seems the guy who released sperm inside my mom still exists and found me.”
“Eww TMI, Man. I intend to finish this food. I have a figure to maintain. Okay, so back up, you say he is your father, Kade?” he said in a Darth Vader impression.
I gave a short laugh and rolled my eyes. “He seems to think so, and I believe him. I just don’t know what to do about it.”
Clint picked his fork back up and loaded it up with so much food it was a wonder it all made it the short distance to his mouth, and that was before he had the challenge of wrestling it all in through his lips. I picked up another egg roll and thought about it, too.
All the time I spent in the system, I was desperate for a long-lost aunt or family member to turn up. It was only when I moved in with Bernadette that longing dulled just a little. It never truly went away but the older I got, the less important that fantasy seemed. When my maturity kicked in, my belief in fairytales died and I placed that dream on the back burner for good. By the time I lost Bernadette, I’d just accepted the realization that I was never going to be rescued and loved. I had to do that myself. I allowed Cory and his mom to temporarily soak up some of the longing, but when I played such a pivotal part in Cory’s death, I believed I didn’t deserve to be saved.
I’d been shoveling food into my mouth while
thinking all this through and it finally hit me. I no longer thought of myself as totally to blame for Cory’s death. I just happened to be a part of the circumstances that led up to it. People make bad decisions all the time; it’s how you learn from those decisions that defines the path your life takes. Forgiveness can happen, even if you give it to yourself. It doesn’t mean you forget and make the same mistakes again.
“What’s working in your head?”
“Just had a big fucking light bulb moment, that’s what.”
It would be stupid of me to walk away from the prospect of a family without getting to know them. I didn’t want this to be another bad decision I was part of and more than that, I didn’t want to make it through fear and without all the facts. There were thousands of kids, just like my younger self, who were praying for a second chance at family life, and I owed it to all of them, and the lost little boy I once was, to give it a chance.
“Can I borrow your cell?” I asked him and watched as he wiped his hands clean and fished it out his pants before handing it over. “I’ll give you some privacy.”
When the door clicked shut, I took a deep breath and dialed the number that I’d already memorized. The cell shook against my ear as I willed my nerves to settle. How could I speak to her when all I wanted to do was puke? Seconds later my gut wrenched when a disconnected tone rang out.
I was too late, she hated me, and I deserved it.
“Fuck,” I cursed as I threw Clint’s cell onto the table. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
Grabbing my hair, I paced the room, hating myself more with each single step. I wanted her with everything I had. I wanted to give her the good, the sunshine and the best of me, but I’d fucked it all up. Anger poured through my veins as I contemplated what the hell I could do, when I remembered the business card in my back pocket. I took it out and ran my finger across his name; Nicholas King.
“You wanted to make it up to me ‘dad’,” I mumbled, “so, let’s see what you can do.”
Forty-Four
Kade Sutton
“Hello? I was wondering if I could speak to Jess-” Dammit, I scanned the piece of paper in front of me looking for her surname. “Uh Plant. Jess Plant.”
“You one o’ them damn reporters? I keep telling you idiots, stop calling my girl!”
Maybe this was a crazy idea, but since I’d failed at getting hold of Daisy, I figured I could try Jess, and let’s face it, Clint would be less than impressed if I’d made no progress with my plan. I felt I owed it to him as well as the others to get on with my amends.
“No. No, I’m not a reporter,” I threw back quickly praying the crotchety old goat on the end of the line didn’t hang up on me.
“Well, she ain’t talking to no one.”
I was about to give up on this, and call an uber to drive me over there, which was the last thing I wanted to do. I figured her place was probably under siege by the paparazzi. I’d done that to her.
Made her a laughingstock.
“Please it’s…” Well, might as well just jump straight in. “Ma’am, it’s Kade here.”
“Nice try. They’ve all claimed to be that cocksucker. Goodbye.”
“Wait! I can prove it!”
She delayed the inevitable dead air I was expecting momentarily. “How?”
“She has a mole that looks like a four-leaf clover on her right thigh.”
The old lady went quiet, before she exploded. “You… you… cocksucker!” She’d already called me that but seeing as her head was probably bright red with steam coming from her ears,” I thought it best not to remind her of it.
“Grandma! What have I told you about answering the phone?”
The moment I heard her voice I knew this was the only chance I was going to get. “Jess! Jess! It’s me Kade. Talk to me,” I bellowed down the phone now wondering whether the steam from grandma’s ears had protected her hearing from my shouting, if not, she was probably deaf now as well.
“Please,” Jess’ voice came quietly down the line. “Please stop calling, my grandma is old and does not need the stress.”
“It’s me Jess, please I need to talk to you.” She went quiet and I figured she was considering ending the call. “I know you know it’s me, please let me explain.”
For a heartbeat or two there was silence between us, until I heard, “You do not deserve it.”
Thank fuck. She’s recognized my voice. “I know, I deserve so much less. But I need to anyway. Can you get out of your house? This is really important, and I can’t leave things like this.”
“Give me an address, or am I coming to 75th and Cardboard Street?” she asked sarcastically.
I sighed with relief that she was going to give me the chance. “I deserved that,” I breathed, and gave her Clint’s address, hoping like fuck that she made it passed the dogs waiting outside her house and they didn’t follow her here.
Two hours later then Clint’s doorbell rang, and Brody barked.
I hesitated before I opened the door wondering whether she'd be breathing fire and out for blood, or reasonable like the Jess I’d come to know in the mansion.
“Hey,” I began with trepidation, “come in.”
“You’ve ten minutes.”
“Please, just hear what I have to say and then you’re free to leave.” I threw an arm out and ushered her towards the kitchen.
“Thought you were homeless.”
“I am.”
“Then what’s this?” She looked around and looked back at me.
“Crashing with a friend until I can figure out my next move.”
We both went quiet and regarded each other. She looked so much like Daisy that it was another punch to the gut that I’d fucked everything up. Jess didn’t look like she’d slept much at all, there were faint blue lines under her eyes marring her porcelain complexion and I figured she’d shed many a tear over the embarrassment I’d caused her.
“You had something you wanted to say?”
I crashed out of my reverie not looking forward to this one bit.
“Jess, I am so sorry. I had no idea it was going to go down like that.”
Her eyes widened in shock and then turned straight to a squint when the words I’d said registered. “So, you didn’t know you were homeless, stringing us all along and living a lie? You forget that?”
“Well, no, but-”
“Exactly, you knew what you were doing when you went in there, you just didn’t think about any of the consequences.”
I was on the verge of balling her out, but I held it together.
If only she knew. If only she knew that I did nothing but think about the consequences. I’d hurt so many people in the fucked up, pointless process and the fact that I went in there to help Daisy out seemed a million miles away from where this all began.
“I can promise you I did think of the consequences, please sit down so we can talk.”
Jess hesitated, looked around the kitchen, before striding to the table and sitting down. Hopefully with her ass on a seat she’d be less inclined to run or storm off and I stood a chance of making amends.
“I did it for Daisy.”
At my words her brow furrowed.
“I couldn’t risk telling you while we were in there.”
She looked to the ceiling, possibly for divine intervention and then looked back at me. “But I told you so much, I thought we were friends. I thought we had some level of trust.”
“We did, but the production crew had a habit of putting in camera’s while I was with the girls and I got caught out with that once.” Jess’ face paled, and I knew she wondered if it was the very first night, where we awkwardly kissed, so I set her straight. “It was the night Daisy and I… had… you know.”
“You actually did the deed in the house?” Now she really looked surprised.
“Yeah, but I don’t want to talk about it. That’s between me and Daisy.”
“Okay, and to be honest I don’t want the details either thanks. So, ba
ck to you doing all of this for Daisy. I don’t understand. Were you homeless or was that a lie too?”
“No,” I stressed. “I was, fuck, probably still am, Kade the homeless guy. My corner is outside Daisy’s office, she worked for the TV network. Her bitch of a boss decided I could make her an award winner and as much as I didn’t want to, I knew she’d make Daisy’s life hell if I didn’t. You see, Daisy has been so kind to me and Brody. She’s been the only friend we’ve had for a while and I’ve disappointed so many people in my life, I figured, if I could just do this for her, if I could give back to someone then maybe me living on the streets has been good for someone.”
“Kade,” she whispered.
I couldn’t deal with her sympathy for being a homeless person now, we’d become friends in the mansion, and she liked me for me, not because she pitied my circumstance.
“That bitch Hennessey, the network manager, was pulling the strings all along and has fucked us all over. I had no idea it would come out like that.”
“But you knew it was going to come out,” she replied, sounding more than a little exasperated with me. “It had to.”
“Well, yeah, but,” I hesitated. This was going to sound really weak. “I kept forcing it to the back of my mind. Being in there was hard enough, the thought of all the deceit had me shitting bricks, so I just avoided thinking about it. I swear I never knew they were going to fuck you over at the end.”
“Was Daisy the reason you couldn’t… didn’t want to be with me?”
I looked her square in the eye. “The only reason at first and then I valued you as a friend too much to jeopardize that. I kinda forced her in that hell hole with me.”
I watched as Jess’ face turned horrified for a brief second until the penny dropped. “All of it makes so much sense now. She didn’t fit in, didn’t want to fit in and couldn’t deal with you getting close to anyone else. She got evicted thinking we’d been together.”
As much as it warmed places deep inside me to hear that Daisy was jealous, they were quickly lanced away by the reminder that I’d treated her so poorly at the end.
