by Thorpe, Elle
“I really want you to come. You wanted to date...I’m asking you on a date.” Her eyebrows drew together. “God, I feel like I’m asking you to the year ten formal dance. I’m so nervous I want to throw up.”
My lips pulled up at the edges a little, but shit. This was suddenly getting real. Every moment of Bianca’s life was so public. Mine was anything but. I lived alone, apart from when Sadie was here. I had a steady job at a construction site. I was practically a hermit compared to her. “There’ll be a lot of people there, won’t there? Cameras and reporters?”
I hadn’t done a very good job of dealing with either last time.
She hesitated, then nodded. “I want to be honest. It’ll make the media at the hospital the other day look like child’s play.” She dropped my hand and stepped back. “You don’t have to say yes. I know…I know my life is a lot for anyone to take on.” She studied me for a long moment. “You know what, I’m sorry. This is too much, too soon. I don’t know what I was thinking. There’s a guy from another show that can be my date—”
“No.” The words shot from my mouth before I even considered what I was saying. I’d had to sit at home and watch her do these red-carpet events for years, always on the arm of some guy so good-looking it made even me want to drop to my knees in front of them. I couldn’t count the nights I’d watched some TV jerk put his hands on her bare back or her neck, or the times I’d seen his arm graze her breast. I’d sat in my living room, watching them on the TV, unable to drag my gaze away with frustration coursing through my veins. But all those other times I’d been powerless to stop it.
This time wasn’t like those other times.
“I’ll go,” I said, taking her hand and kissing her palm. Fuck, I was an idiot. Of course I’d go, if that was what she wanted. “I’ll bring my autograph book.”
She let out a little squeal of delight and launched herself at me. I wrapped my arms around her waist and inhaled her scent the way I’d wanted to since she’d first appeared in my driveway. Then prayed to God I wouldn’t screw it up.
16
Riley
I knocked on Eliza and Simon’s door at exactly seven p.m., then shoved my hands deep in my pockets while I waited for someone to open it. I tapped my boot against their doormat, trying to fight off the nerves that rolled in my gut. There had to be something wrong. Eliza and I might have been on good terms, but they never just invited me over for dinner. And we’d never had a ‘family’ meeting.
The door opened, and Sadie’s new stepdad filled the frame. We were similar heights and builds, but he was fair, with sandy-blond hair and light skin, while I was dark and tanned from spending all day outside. He stuck his hand out for me to shake, and I took it. He was a nice guy. We’d met on numerous occasions over the years, at Sadie’s birthdays and school events, and I liked him. He loved Sadie and her mum, and that was good enough for me.
“Hey, come in. Eliza’s down in the kitchen.”
I nodded and followed behind him. “Where’s Sadie?”
“She’s at Imogen’s,” Eliza called as the hall opened up into their spacious kitchen and dining area.
I hovered on the spot awkwardly, not really knowing why I was here if Sadie wasn’t.
Eliza waved towards the dining room table. “Go sit.”
I nodded curtly and moved to pull back one of the wooden chairs. I sat uncomfortably, but that had nothing to do with the hard seat. Simon dropped into the chair across from me, and Eliza the chair next to him. I suddenly felt like I was at a job interview.
“Why am I here?” I blurted, then hoped it didn’t sound rude. “I mean, Sadie isn’t even here, and the three of us don’t really just hang out so…”
Eliza folded her hands on the table. “We have a proposition for you.”
“Okay…” They were making me so damn nervous my palms were sweating. I wished she’d just spit out whatever was going on. I picked up the jug of water sitting on the table and poured myself a glass, trying not to let them see my hand shaking. I took a sip.
“We want to have a threesome. With you.”
The glass slipped from my fingers and bounced on the wooden table, sloshing water everywhere. “Shit!” I scrambled to pick it up, grabbing for a napkin to clean up the spill while avoiding Eliza’s eyes. A threesome? That was why they’d asked me over here and gotten rid of Sadie for the night? What the hell was I supposed to say? The last thing I wanted to do was have a threesome with my ex and her new husband. Had they lost their freaking minds?
“Eliza,” Simon warned, his tone exasperated.
I snapped my head up to see Eliza wiping tears from the corners of her eyes.
“Riley, chill. I’m joking. I couldn’t help it. You looked so serious. You should see your face.” She broke off into peals of laughter, and I scowled. But as I settled back into my chair and folded my arms across my chest, I realised I didn’t feel nervous anymore. So at least there was that.
“Why am I really here then?”
She sobered. “Simon’s been offered a job. In Bathurst. We’re moving.”
My heart sank. Bathurst was almost three hours away. “What about Sadie?” I pushed back my chair and stood. “Come on, Eliza, that’s not fair. You can’t just up and take my daughter away from me without so much as a discussion.” She’d done that once before, when she found out she was pregnant and didn’t tell me. I’d eventually forgiven her for that, but I wasn’t about to stand by and lose another five years of my daughter’s life. “No.”
She sighed and pointed to the chair I’d abandoned. “Calm your farm. Sit down. This, right now, is the discussion. I said we’re moving. I didn’t say anything about Sadie.”
“What the hell does that mean? She lives with you all but two days a fortnight.”
“And that’s what we need to discuss. We’ve already spoken to her about it. And…well, let’s just say she wasn’t very happy about the idea of moving to the country, away from all her friends. I’d expected that. And truthfully, this is a very big opportunity for Simon, and I’ll find work there, but there’s less out there for Sadie. Less options for university and for an eventual job. She’d be limited.”
My mind was ticking over a hundred miles a minute. I thought I knew where they were going with this, but I needed them to spell it out for me because I didn’t dare hope.
“Sadie wants to come live with you, full time. And although the thought of living away from her kills me, I can understand. And I want this life for her. I want her to have options. She’s settled and happy, and I don’t want to disrupt that. We need to go, but she doesn’t. Not if you agree for her to live with you full time.”
My mouth dropped open, but I abruptly shut it as a grin spread across my face. And then I jumped from my chair, strode around the table, and pulled Eliza into a bear hug.
“Oof,” she grunted, pushing at my chest. “Get off, you lug.” But she was laughing. “So I guess that’s a yes?”
I gave her a look. “Of course it’s a yes. She can move in tonight.” I couldn’t stop grinning. It felt like Christmas day and my birthday all rolled into one. I hated saying goodbye to Sadie after my weekends with her. Now I wouldn’t have to. “This is the best news ever.”
Eliza rolled her eyes. “Geez, Riley, thanks. Glad you’re so keen to get rid of us.”
“You know what I mean.”
She nodded. “I know. Now listen, she’s excited about living with you, but I still get her at least once a month. We’ll meet halfway for me to pick her up until she can drive. And you have to make sure she FaceTimes me every day. And don’t let her go all emo teenager. And watch her with that kid, Nathan.”
I scrunched up my face. “Jamison and Elodie’s kid?” Nathan was Elodie’s son with her first husband. I knew Nathan and Sadie went to school together, but I’d never realised they were even friends.
She nodded. “She has a crush on him. Haven’t you noticed?”
I shook my head, and she patted me on the back.
“Welcome to the world of full-time parenting a teenage girl, Riley. You’re going to love it.”
* * *
My jeep spluttered into the driveway of Sadie’s friend Imogen’s house, but I was too high to let it worry me. A guy from my worksite had done a patch-up job on the engine and got it going again, but he’d warned me it wouldn’t last. I made a mental note to talk to the bank about getting a car loan. Sadie would need to be driven to all her after school activities and to friends’ houses, and it wouldn’t be long before she’d be driving, too. She wasn’t driving the jeep. I’d find a way to make the repayments on something newer. Something safer for her. Something that didn’t need to be clutch started once a week.
I beeped the horn then got out of the car to lean against the bonnet while I waited for Sadie to come down. I waved to Imogen’s mother who’d peeked out from behind the curtains to see who was making a racket in her driveway. She waved back when she recognised me and let the curtain fall back. Eventually, the front door of the two-storey house flew open, and then there she was, running towards me, her long hair flying out behind her.
She skidded to a stop a few feet away. “Did Mum talk to you?”
I nodded, trying to keep a poker face. “Mmmm hmmmm.”
Her eyes went big. “And?”
“What do you mean and? And of course, I said yes.”
She let out a squeal and launched herself into my arms. I laughed and hugged her back, lifting her off her feet. When I put her back down, though, I frowned at her. “You didn’t really think I’d say no, did you?”
She shrugged as she tugged her school bag up on her shoulder and made her way to the passenger side of the jeep. I followed suit and got in the driver’s side. I shoved the key in the ignition while she buckled herself in and frowned when the engine struggled to turn over.
“Dad, this car is a hunk of junk,” Sadie announced.
I glanced over at her. “I know. But don’t change the subject. I’m concerned that you even considered the idea that I wouldn’t say yes to you living with me full time.”
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be dramatic. I just thought you might not want me cramping your style. You know. With the ladies.” She wriggled her eyebrows.
I coughed to hide my surprise, then recovered enough to say, “You’re the most important lady in my life, kiddo.”
She smiled, but I realised it wasn’t one hundred percent the truth. I suddenly wanted to tell her about Bianca. Because Bianca was important to me, too. Very important. Was it too soon to tell Sadie about her? But no, I had to, didn’t I? If I was going to be Bianca’s Logies date, I had to tell Sadie now. She and her friends all loved that stuff, they’d be watching for sure. And if Bianca was up for the gold, then there was a good chance my ugly mug would be on screen at some point. My mouth went dry.
“Sadie, I need to talk to you about something.”
She twisted in her seat, and I navigated the jeep around a corner before I continued. God, how did I talk to a fifteen-year-old about this? I never brought home women. There were no women, other than Bianca. I didn’t date. And even when I tried, the one date I had gone on had ended up with me taking Bianca home.
“Got a girlfriend I don’t know about, Dad?” she asked with a knowing smirk.
My face grew hot. How the hell did she—
“Ha! You so do! Who is she?”
“Uh, her name’s Bianca, but she’s not my girlfriend. She’s just—”
“Your fuck buddy?”
“Sadie!” I said sharply. Jesus! “Don’t let your mother hear you talk like that. Actually, just—don’t talk like that.”
She rolled her eyes again.
“Bianca and I are just seeing each other. I don’t know where it’s going yet.”
“But you looooove her,” Sadie replied in a singsong voice. Goddammit. How did I end up being the one who was embarrassed in this conversation? Shouldn’t it have been the other way around?
“I don’t love her.”
Lies, a voice in my head shouted.
Seemed I wasn’t doing a very good job about convincing Sadie either. She just laughed at me. “Sure you don’t, Dad. It’s written all over your face. So what does she do? What’s she like? When do I get to meet her?” Sadie shot out questions on rapid fire while I tried to keep up.
“Uh, well, you’ve actually already met her. When you were a kid. It’s been a long time, though, you might not remember.”
She scrunched up her face, then shrugged.
“Didn’t think so. She’s an actress.”
Her eyes lit up. “Really? Can she introduce me to Chris Hemsworth?”
I ignored that last bit, because my daughter wanting to meet a man old enough to be her father was disturbing. “Really. She’s on that show you like, Ocean Bay? She plays Elaina.”
There was a long silence where Sadie’s mouth dropped open, then a screech that made me jump so bad I had to yank the wheel back to avoid crashing into the gutter.
“You’re dating BB James?” she screamed, practically blowing out my eardrum. She bounced up and down on the seat, waving her arms around and grabbed at my shirt until I batted her hands away. “OMG, you’re in love with BB James. She’s going to be my step mum, and we’re going to live in a mansion and—”
“Whoa. None of that is happening. Slow your roll, kiddo.” Then I gave her a side grin. “I am going to be her date to the Logies, though.”
I couldn’t help but laugh as new screams of excitement echoed around the car. Well, at least I didn’t have to worry about her hating my girlfriend.
Girlfriend. Damn, I liked the way that sounded. I wanted that. So much. I knew asking Bianca to make this thing between us official was totally jumping the gun, but I wanted it. I wanted her. Maybe, after the Logies, if that all went well, I could ask her. Warmth curled around me at the thought. Yeah, I was going to do it. I’d make things official with Bianca and I’d have my daughter living with me full time.
The two dreams I’d silently harboured for years would both come true. And I’d be the luckiest son of a bitch alive.
17
Bianca
The rhythmic thumping of my feet as they hit the tarred road soothed my frayed nerves. Which was the whole reason I’d decided to run in the first place. I needed the ache in my lungs and the burn in my muscles to distract me from the butterflies that swarmed in my stomach.
The Logies were mere hours away, and Tangie had sent me over a jam-packed schedule for the day, including an interview, a facial, hair, and makeup. They’d all be descending on my apartment any time now, but I found my feet taking me farther and farther away from all of that. And instead I made a turn I didn’t take as often as I should.
I pushed myself harder, flying by the rows of headstones and neatly manicured lawns. A tiny stream trickled nearby, and I slowed my pace once I passed it, searching for the right memorial garden.
Disgust for myself rose. I should know where her garden was. It should be ingrained in my memory.
I hunched over, peering at each plaque until I finally found the one I was looking for. There was a bunch of flowers, slightly wilted, sitting in a plastic disposable cemetery vase. My father had to have left them. It was only him, my mother, and I who knew about this garden, and my mother couldn’t leave the house. Not even to put flowers on her own daughter’s grave.
Her remains weren’t beneath the dirt here. They lay in a grave across the other side of the world, but when my parents had first moved to Australia, when my mother had been…better, they’d wanted a place they could go to remember my sister.
There wasn’t a soul around at this early hour of the morning, but I sat quietly next to the rocks that marked the boundaries of the garden and trailed my fingers over the nameplate. Brittany Ann James the golden-plated letters spelt out. Much loved daughter of Sam and Trish James, big sister to Bianca. Always loved, always missed.
I sighed. “Hey, sis,” I said softly. “I’m sorry I
haven’t visited in a while. Doesn’t mean I don’t think of you all the time.” And I did. I’d been a child when my sister had died but I still remembered so much about her. Her photos lined the halls of my parents’ house, a shrine of sorts to the child they’d lost. Brittany had been my idol as a kid. Four years older than me and brighter than sunshine. I still missed her, every day. I still wondered what it would have been like to grow up with her, and where we’d be now and how different my life might have turned out. How different my mother’s life might have been.
“The Logies are tonight,” I said with a small smile. “I’m up for the gold. I bet you would have won ten of these by now if you were still here.”
That wasn’t really true, though. If she’d still been here, I doubted we would have ever moved from LA. Maybe we would have been winning Oscars instead.
My sister had been an amazing child actress. I sometimes watched old episodes of the TV show we’d been on as kids, and was blown away by the talent I hadn’t recognised in her at the time. I’d been too young to know a star when I saw one. She’d just been the older sister I desperately wanted to be like. Now, there was no doubt in my mind that she would have been great. But she’d never had the chance.
I sat there for a long time, with just my memories for company. I didn’t try to stop them as they washed over me. Some were happy—the times we’d spent riding our bikes around the neighbourhood, like regular kids, and the Christmas mornings where we’d worn matching pyjamas and ripped paper off presents together. But they were shadowed by the memories of the night she’d died. The screams. The blood. The sirens. Time had dulled the pain, but they were memories I couldn’t forget. I didn’t want to. Not even the bad ones, because forgetting meant forgetting her.
