by Thorpe, Elle
“BB! How do you feel?”
Forcing myself out of my Bianca mindset, I shifted into the fake persona I’d diligently crafted for BB over the years. I smiled and let out a tinkling laugh that sounded nothing like my own. “About the award? I feel great. It was an honour to even be nominated. But, guys, we have somewhere to be, and you’re on private property. So if you’ll excuse us…”
I tried to skirt around the woman thrusting a microphone in my face, but she stepped in my way. My hackles rose.
“Not about the award. About the sex tape.” She turned to Riley. “What about you? Did you know you were being filmed?”
The blood drained from my face. All traces of BB and her fake confidence dissolved. Leaving me with nothing but Bianca and the cold, hard, fear that I hadn’t misunderstood the woman’s words.
More microphones were shoved in front of me, and cameras flashed while I groped for words.
“Excuse me?” I asked lamely.
“Wait. You don’t know?” The woman’s face took on a snake-like quality, her glee over being the one to inform us written all over it.
I shook my head. Beside me, Riley’s large frame vibrated. I glanced up at him, and his face was like thunder.
The reporter didn’t even seem to notice that Riley was moments away from exploding. She gave us a smug grin and thrust a phone at me. Horror clamped down on my throat as the images on the phone became clear. A couple, on the beach, having sex. The woman’s breasts on full display, her black formal dress hiked up and pushed aside to reveal her sex. The man in a discarded tuxedo, moving to go down on her.
My eyes filled with tears, blurring the images. Not just any woman. Not just any man. Riley and me. The video was dark, but it had to have been taken with professional equipment, as it was clear enough for the two of us to be identified. My gaze whipped from reporter to photographer, each one trying to get a reaction from me. I knew I shouldn’t. I knew I had to hold it together. Say no comment and walk off until my manager could deal with the epic mess Riley and I had created. But I couldn’t.
“How could you,” I said quietly. “Which one of you was it? This isn’t some game, you know. It’s my life!”
My knees buckled, and with crippling certainty, I knew I was going to faint. My stomach rolled, and dizziness blurred my vision as I fell. Distantly, I braced for the impact of the ground, but then strong arms caught me around the waist, and I found the strength to fight through the fog. I buried my face in his shirt, breathing in his fresh clean smell and the scent of his cologne, until I felt a car seat beneath my thighs. He slammed the door, and I shielded my face from the onslaught of camera flashes and fists banging on the windows while Riley pushed his way to the driver’s side. Then he was in and backing his jeep out of the driveway, with seemingly no care given to anyone who might be standing behind the vehicle.
I pulled out my phone and Google-searched my name. “Oh God,” I moaned when the video filled the first page of search results. I hit play, unable to look away, and stared in disbelief at the screen.
“Don’t watch it,” Riley said, manoeuvring the car through the suburban streets.
He took turn after turn, but I was oblivious to where we were. All I could do was watch the twenty-minute-long video. The moment that had been so special, so romantic, was now tarnished and dirty. And if the video wasn’t bad enough, the comments people were making were horrifying. Some made jokes. Some commented on my body. Some expressed how disgusted they were and how they’d never watch Ocean Bay again. Not one person spoke out about how wrong this was. We shouldn’t have had sex there, on the beach. That was a stupid, rookie mistake, but I’d been so caught up in the night, in winning, and in Riley that it had felt like the most natural thing in the world. We were in the wrong. But whoever had posted this all over social media had no soul.
“Shit,” Riley muttered, peering into the rearview mirror. “They’re following us.”
I couldn’t bring myself to look. All I could do was stare at the images on the screen. That moment had felt so private. So special. We’d been making love for the first time. And now it felt cheap and nasty. Ruined by some jackass who only cared about the money a video like that would make.
“God, I’m so fucking stupid. What the hell were we thinking?”
I glanced over at Riley in dismay. His mouth was set in a firm line as he increased his speed to lose our tail. He had the advantage of knowing this area well, though, since it was home. And after he’d turned down several side streets and headed back the way we’d come, he sat back in his seat, relaxing just a fraction. And I envied him. I envied him and that tiny bit of relief he’d found. Because I was desperately wondering if I’d ever feel that again. He reached across the console and found my fingers. I gripped his like he was the only thing saving me from falling. Because maybe he was. Panic, embarrassment, and anger swirled around my heart and my head, making it impossible to think clearly.
“We weren’t thinking. We were just in the moment.”
I closed my eyes. It sounded so simple. “What are we going to do?” I whispered. “We can’t go home. There’ll be another media circus at my place.”
“Shit.”
Shit indeed. We were royally screwed.
26
Riley
My skin was too tight. Every muscle in my body burned, wanting to explode free, but of course, that didn’t happen. All I was left with was the aching sensation of a hole opening up in my chest.
Shit. I drove aimlessly, rubbing Bianca’s thigh while she stared blankly at her phone, playing that damn tape over and over again. I cringed, hearing our laboured breathing, her moans, me calling her name as I came. Fire burned through me at the complete and utter invasion of privacy. We’d screwed up by having sex in public. But that didn’t give whoever the fuck had taken that video the right to film it and broadcast it to the world. I wanted to kill each and every one of those filthy photographers and reporters. Or better yet, go to their homes. Take photos of their children. Touch their belongings. Taint every damn thing they’d ever loved with the same feeling of disgust and loathing I had now. Make them see how it felt to have the woman you loved fall to pieces in the seat beside you and have no power to do anything to stop it.
I didn’t need to watch the tape, because my brain kept playing the scene over and over again anyway. Where had the pap been? Hiding in the bushes? Behind a sand dune? Had he been farther away with a telescopic lens? I hadn’t noticed a thing when we’d been on the beach. It had been so dark and quiet. I’d thought we were completely alone.
And because I’d assumed, I’d let Bianca down. A growl formed in my throat at the thought of every Tom, Dick, and Harry watching that video, all around the world, seeing my woman at her most vulnerable. Seeing every private part of her body—parts only her man should see.
That thought hit me like a fucking sledge hammer. I lifted my arm and slammed my fist down on the steering wheel. Once, twice, three times.
“Fuck!” I yelled.
I pulled over to the side of the road, sure now that we had no one following us, and shoved my way out of the car. I punched the bonnet, leaving a dent, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Pain radiated through my knuckles and up my arm, but I barely felt it. Yanking open Bianca’s door, I reached in, pulling her sobbing form from the vehicle once more. She clung to me like a koala, and I strode up the path. I hadn’t given any thought to where I was going, I just knew I needed to get her somewhere safe.
I knocked loudly on the door until the sound of footsteps came from behind the solid wood. It swung open noiselessly.
Eliza stood in the doorway. Shock filled her face first, then anger.
“You idiot,” she hissed at me. “You’re all over the news! What the hell were you thinking?”
Her gaze landed on Bianca, and for the first time, Eliza seemed to realise I wasn’t alone. Bianca’s sobbing form shook in my arms, and the look on Eliza’s face softened just a smidge before she turne
d back to me.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I lost the paparazzi then all I could think of was getting to Sadie. I just needed to know she was safe. I needed to keep them both safe,” I pleaded desperately, begging her with my eyes to understand.
“She is, but you should know. She’s seen the tape. She was the one who showed it to me.”
Something inside me shrivelled and died. As I’d driven, in between fuming over the tape and trying to comfort Bianca, my other overriding thought was getting to Sadie. Making sure she was safe was priority number one. And making sure she didn’t see that fucking tape was a close second. I should have known she’d have already seen it. She was all over social media, and by the sounds of it, so were Bianca and I.
I gave Eliza a helpless stare and clutched Bianca a little tighter. “Please, Liza. Can we come in? We’ve got nowhere else to go. There’s paps everywhere. And I need to talk to Sadie.”
Eliza hesitated for another moment, then sighed, opening the door wider. “Fine. But Jesus Christ, Riley, you’ve really fucked this up. I don’t know what the hell you’re going to say to your daughter. That’s not the sort of thing any fifteen-year-old should see.”
Didn’t I know it.
Eliza stepped aside, and I mouthed ‘thank you’ at her as I passed. She gave a curt nod and pointed to the living room, following behind me. Thick grey carpet lined the floor of the large area, and my boots sank into it when I crossed the space and deposited Bianca gently on the lounge. She pulled back from me with red-rimmed eyes, my shirt soaked from her tears. She looked over my shoulder at where Eliza stood with her arms folded across her chest, then back to me.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
And my heart fucking broke. Pure devastation tormented her features. Her shoulders slumped, and tears stained her cheeks. Eliza sighed from the doorway before turning away, her soft footsteps padding down the hall.
“Hey,” I said quietly, kneeling in front of her and taking her chin in my fingers. I forced her watery blue eyes to meet mine and let her see the determination and fire I knew burned there. “This is not your fault.”
“Everybody is going to see that tape, Riley.” Her words were slow and choked and full of self-loathing. “Everyone. It’s already all over social media.” She buried her face in her hands. “This will end my career. Elaina is the sweetheart of the show! She’s practically a nun! They’re going to fire me. And no credible studio will ever look at me again.”
Her shoulders shook with fresh sobs, and I pulled her into my arms, wishing with everything I had that that wasn’t true. I knew her career meant everything to her. It couldn’t be over.
“It’s not your fault,” I said again, kissing her tears. God, my heart was breaking, watching her in so much pain.
“Actually, it is.” A voice came from behind me. I whipped my head around to where Sadie now occupied the space that Eliza had stood in just moments earlier.
“Sadie,” I said, getting to my feet to go to her, but she held her hand out in a stop motion. I stopped. Her eyes were bloodshot, and damn if that didn’t just add another knife to my heart. I was right when I’d said this wasn’t Bianca’s fault. It was mine.
“Sadie, please.” I begged, but she shook her head.
“Everyone knows it’s you on that video, Dad! You telling the reporters that you two weren’t just friends, then the tape. Everyone knows, even if they can’t see your face. They’re all tagging me in it and asking when my dad became a porn star.”
Shame burned in my chest, and the knowledge that my actions had hurt my daughter was a pain like nothing else. I closed my eyes, wishing I could rewind time and not be so damn stupid.
“It was a private moment, Sade. Someone violated that.”
She shook her head, her body trembling. Then she hissed, “A private moment? How was that a private moment? You were on a beach for the whole world to see!” Her stare burned through me. “I hate you. You’ve ruined my life.”
She may as well have ripped my heart straight out of my chest. Nothing could have hurt me more. She was a good kid, not the type to throw those words around without meaning. And the worst thing was, I couldn’t even blame her. I hated myself more than she ever could.
27
Bianca
I closed my eyes as Riley’s daughter’s words cut through me like a knife. The pain and devastation on her young face, and the pure anguish on Riley’s, was like a blinding light. It took away every ounce of the self-pity I’d been wallowing in since we’d been surrounded on Riley’s front lawn, and in its place left nothing but worry for Riley and Sadie. I’d been a teenage girl once. I knew how they worked. This was going to damage the relationship Riley had worked so hard to build. There was no way it couldn’t. We’d ruined that in one stupid, thoughtless moment.
I stood stiffly and pulled my phone from my pocket. “I should leave. I’ll call an Uber and wait out the front.”
But Riley shook his head. “I’ll drive you to a hotel. I don’t want you going out there alone.”
I so badly wanted him to come with me, but I knew Sadie needed him more than I did. “You should stay. Try to talk to her.”
“I think she needs some space. I’ll come back first thing in the morning.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist, marvelling at how much he cared for me, even when his own world was falling apart. He was a good man. A man I didn’t deserve.
“I’ll be fine.”
“Yes, you will. But I’m still coming with you. I know my daughter, B. It’s better to give her some space.”
I nodded, although it was selfish, because the truth was, I didn’t want to be alone.
I waited in the car while he said goodbye to Eliza and told her he’d be back in the morning. Then he drove us to the nearest hotel. I kept my head down and sunglasses on while he booked us a room, then ushered me to the elevator. I prayed no one would recognise us and tip off the media.
We walked in silence to the room, but as soon as we got inside, he pulled me against him, and I went willingly, desperately needing the comfort of his arms. He held me close to his chest, and I trailed my fingers over the muscled planes of his back. I breathed in his scent, memorising it, letting it calm my aching heart. And then I tilted my head back, looked into his impossibly beautiful face, and decided to be selfish one last time.
“Kiss me,” I whispered.
His brown eyed gaze searched my face then he gently laid his lips to mine. His touch was soft, full of unspoken words, and my heart both swelled and sank simultaneously. Our lips parted, our tongues meeting and moving in unison, like we’d done so many times before. His kisses made me stronger. But I knew it wouldn’t be enough. No amount of kisses was going to undo this mess. His arm tightened around my waist, tugging me closer, walking us backwards to the bed that sat in the centre of the room.
He perched on the edge, while I stood in the gap of his legs and just stared at him. This man—so good and sweet and kind. We’d spent years trying to get our lives together, trying to find a way for the two of us to work, and finally we had. Finally, we’d both been in the right place at the right time, only to have it all ruined mere days later.
What had made me think I’d get the fairy tale ending? What had made me think that, this time, maybe fate would smile on the two of us and just let us be? But there had always been something. We’d never worked.
Maybe that was just the way it was supposed to be.
I bit my lip as tears filled my eyes. I didn’t want these thoughts. But I couldn’t stop them. The look on Sadie’s face. The pure, utter disgust she’d aimed at me, and the heartbreaking tone in her voice when she’d told Riley she hated him. I couldn’t forget it. I never would. That scene would be burned into my memory for life. There was nothing more important than the two of them repairing their relationship. I knew what it was like to grow up without a parent. I might not have lost mine completely, but my mother was
barely a shell of the woman she’d once been, so often lapsing into herself for weeks or months at a time. She was barely present, unable to live fully in a world that didn’t include my sister.
His fingers linked between mine, and I stared at them, trying to blink back my tears. A sense of déjà vu washed over me—memories from the day Eliza had turned up at Riley’s house with five-year-old Sadie at her side. I’d gazed down into that little girl’s brown eyes and known instantly she was Riley’s. There was no mistaking it. The eyes I loved on him were mirrored back at me from Sadie’s rounded face. I’d known then, the same thing I knew now.
I’d lose him.
“B. Look at me. It’ll be okay. A sex tape isn’t the end of the world. It worked out pretty well for Kim Kardashian.”
I nodded, wishing my career potentially being over was the only problem here. My phone had been ringing nonstop, my manager calling more than anyone else. But I’d ignored them all. They could wait. They could wait until morning, because tonight I didn’t care about my career. All I cared about was the man I knew I had to let go.
28
Riley
Bianca’s nimble fingers made short work of the buttons on my shirt. Each one slipped from its place as she moved her way down my chest, exposing my skin to the air. She lingered at the bottom, looking down at where her hands were clenched in the material before she pushed it back off my shoulders. The dress she’d worn for what was supposed to be a special dinner out, disappeared over her head. I waited, watching her carefully until she straddled my legs, climbing onto my lap.
