by Thorpe, Elle
Riley navigated his way out of the parking garage and onto the city streets. I watched through the window while trees, buildings, and people blurred by, my eyes not focussing well with the overwhelming exhaustion that was threatening to consume me.
I was verging on sleep when I recognised where we were. “Wait! Riley, stop.”
“Huh?” he asked but pulled over on the side of the road anyway. “What’s wrong? Is it the baby?”
“No, no.” I pointed to the graveyard we were about to pass. “There’s an entrance gate just up there. Can we stop for a moment? I…” I sighed. “I just need to stop. Please.”
I hadn’t been to my sister’s grave in almost half a year. No matter how tired I was, I couldn’t just drive past.
Riley must have seen something in my eyes, because he just nodded, put his indicator on, and navigated back onto the road. He took the turn off into the cemetery, then I guided him through the maze of streets to the memorial area. He didn’t question me as we got out of the car. He just jogged around from his side, linked his fingers through mine, and followed me to my sister’s garden.
It hadn’t changed in the months I’d been gone. Fresh flowers still sat in the vase by her name plaque, telling me Dad had made his weekly visit in the last day or two. It was neatly kept, no weeds growing around the edges. I knelt in front of the rocks that lined the edges and put my hand on the soil. My other hand came to my belly instinctively.
This baby would have made my sister an aunt. Would that have made her happy? Would she have had children of her own by now? Cousins for my child? I still remembered the way she’d always babied me. Even when I’d been six and she’d been ten, she’d been quite the little mother. Mostly bossing me around, but she’d been my confidante, too. When Mum had gotten too wrapped up in our careers, yelling at me when I couldn’t remember my lines and storming off in frustration, it had been Brittany who had hugged me and told me to ignore her. It had been Brittany who had made a game of remembering my lines.
Yes, I decided with certainty. She would have been so excited about this baby. And she would have been an amazing aunt.
A tear dripped down my face, and I brushed it away, but another followed straight after. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t hold them back. It was so unfair. She should have been here. And now I was having a baby. I was bringing a child into the world that had killed my sister. I clutched my belly tighter. This baby would be photographed and stalked and tormented from the day he or she was born. It wasn’t right. I’d never intended for this to happen.
The tears fell fast and hard, and when a sob escaped, Riley gathered me up in his arms and held me. He didn’t say a word. He just held me and let me cry. I knew I was overly emotional from the long plane ride and probably from baby hormones. My sister had been gone for so long, I shouldn’t suddenly be feeling the loss so keenly. But exhaustion mixed with fear for my unborn child gripped me like a vice, and it was a long time before I could get myself together.
I wiped my face, sniffing back the last of my tears, and looked up at Riley through watery eyes. “I had a sister.”
He nodded, and then he led me to a nearby park bench and pulled me down on his lap. I rested my head on his shoulder and breathed in his scent until I didn’t feel like crying anymore.
“She was killed in a car accident. A bad one. When she was ten.”
“How old were you?”
“Six. I was in the car, too.”
His arms around me tightened.
“Did you know I was a child actress?”
He shook his head, and I smiled.
“I guess you never Googled me then, huh?”
He shrugged, then a hint of red stained his cheeks. “I did, but I was really only looking for photos of you.”
“For your spank bank,” I said knowingly, and we both laughed. It felt good. Laughing made it easier to tell him the rest of the story without breaking down again. I got off his lap and sat beside him, twisting so we faced each other.
“My sister and I were cast as siblings on a popular American TV show for kids. Kind of like the early Hannah Montana, I guess. I was only four when we got the roles. My role wasn’t very big. I was really just a recurring extra who had the occasional line. But my sister was the lead. And she was amazing. She made that show. She was cute as hell and could deliver a one-liner like a seasoned pro.”
I sucked in a deep breath of fresh air and let it settle in my lungs before I continued. “Mum managed us. She’d been an actress in her time but never had more than a few small roles. Nothing that ever set her apart from the dozens of other starlets looking for work in LA. But Brittany had something she didn’t. Maybe I did, too. I don’t know.”
He kissed the top of my head. “You do have something, B. I’d bet my life you had it back then, too.”
I shrugged. “Maybe. But Mum became obsessed with our careers. Especially Brittany. She was the ultimate stage mum. Pushing us into every media opportunity possible.”
I bit my lip, thinking of the woman holed up in her little house, unable to leave because of the damage the outside world had done to her. Guilt filled me. “Don’t get me wrong,” I added quickly, not wanting Riley to get a skewed idea of who my mother was. “She was a good mum. She loved us. She tucked us in at night and sang silly songs in the car. She often chose the manager hat over the mum hat, but it came from a place of love. I truly believe that.
“The night Brittany died, we’d been doing a press thing for the show. There were people everywhere. Too many. Someone had tipped off the tabloids, and they’d spilled it to the public. The event was already over capacity, but people were climbing over railings, and there wasn’t enough security to keep up. I don’t remember it all. I just remember being pushed and shoved by a crowd, and holding my sister’s hand tight, scared I’d get lost, until someone picked me up and shoved me into a car. Mum got in the driver’s seat and took off, yelling at us to put our seat belts on.”
Glimpses of dark roads and headlights flashed through my head, and I had to blink the images away, because the unease they stirred in my gut still made me feel sick.
“Dad later told me that Mum had been desperate to get my sister and I away. She was afraid we’d be hurt, so she’d pulled the plug on the event. But the tabloids had been relentless. They’d been pissed they’d been denied access to the story and they’d chased our car. Mum took a corner too fast in an attempt to get away. The car rolled.”
“Jesus,” Riley said softly.
“We landed upside down at the bottom of a short embankment. I had my seat belt on. So when I came to, I was upside down, but basically unhurt. But all I remember after that is the screams. My mother’s screams. And then screams from the ambulance and police.”
I twisted my hands in my lap. Still, even after all these years, it was difficult to say the words. “Brittany didn’t have her seat belt on. She was thrown from the car. Pronounced dead on arrival.”
Bile rose in my throat. “I don’t want that for our baby, Riley. I never thought I’d have kids. I love my job. If I could have stayed away from acting, I would have. But it’s always called me. I’m not happy doing anything else. But I never planned on bringing a baby into this!”
My voice cracked again, and Riley ran his hand up and down my back in long, slow strokes while I fought to control the rising panic.
He grasped my chin between his fingers and tilted it up, so I was forced to look at him. “That’s not going to happen to our baby. I promise you that.”
He said the words so fiercely and with such promise that every inch of me desperately wanted to believe him. But none of us could predict the future.
“You can’t know that, though.”
“Maybe not. But what I do know is we don’t have to make the same mistakes your mother did.”
“I have to give up acting,” I said.
He shook his head. “And do what? You love acting, Bianca. It’s part of you. You can’t give it up.”
He ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know yet. I didn’t lose my sister, but I still have all the same fears you do. I fear for you every day that you aren’t with me. But that’s also no way to live a life, so I’ve learned to keep it in check. And now that’s what you’re going to have to do. What we’ll do. Together.”
“You really feel that way about me?” How had I missed that? I knew he hated the paparazzi but I’d always assumed it was because he didn’t want his face in the magazines. I’d never even considered it was because he was worried for my safety.
He nodded. “I’d kill any one of those bastards if they hurt you, B. And I’ll do the same thing for our baby. We’ll take all the precautions. Get alarms, a bodyguard. I’ll stay home with him so we can keep his life as private as possible. I don’t know, but we won’t make the same mistakes your parents did.”
The fear and panic lessened a little as I realised I wasn’t in this alone. My fears were shared, and that made the burden a little easier to carry.
His gaze burned into mine. “Do you trust me?”
Without hesitation, I answered, “Yes.” And I meant it with every inch of my soul. I’d never trusted anyone more.
36
Bianca
Sadie was on one of her week-long trips to her mother’s place, and when Riley insisted I stay with him, I didn’t protest. There was nowhere else I wanted to be than in his bed. We barely left it. We’d slept, our limbs entwined, only to wake up, fumbling for each other in the dim light and making up for all the time we’d lost. We’d ordered food in between marathon rounds of sex and spent hours soaking together in Riley’s old clawfoot tub. We didn’t talk anymore about our worries over the baby. We just enjoyed each other, and this precious window we had where time seemed to stand still. But the clock had ticked on, and the honeymoon period we’d been blissing out on had to come to an end.
Sadie was due back any minute now, and I was still here.
“Are you sure this is the way you want to tell her, Riley?” I scrubbed a hand over my face for the umpteenth time that day, my stomach sinking at the thought of Sadie walking into her home and finding me here with her dad.
But Riley just kissed my cheek. “I told you, we don’t have to say anything about the baby just yet. But she has to know we’re together. You’re important to me, and I’m not going to hide you like you’re some mistress I’m sneaking around with on the side. I love you.”
I gave him a weak smile, still convinced this was going to go horribly wrong, but I wasn’t the girl’s parent. It wasn’t my place to decide what was best for her. If this was how Riley wanted to officially introduce me to his daughter, then this was how it would go down. But my gut churned with warning anyway.
Outside, a horn honked twice, and I stiffened, anticipating the moment Sadie would throw the door open and find me standing here like a chump. A freaked out, nervous-about-meeting-a-teenager, pregnant chump.
“Dad! You here?” Sadie called, waltzing in and dumping her backpack by the door.
Riley squeezed my hand. “Yes.”
Sadie looked up, a grin on her face when she saw her dad. Then she noticed me, and I watched as her eyes travelled along our bodies, to where our hands were joined. The smile fell from her face.
“What is she doing here?”
Sadie’s ice-laced voice froze my heart. I hadn’t expected her to run up and hug me, of course. But the outright hostility in her voice was painful. I hadn’t even officially met the girl, and she already hated my guts. I had no grand illusions of her loving her father’s new girlfriend, but I wanted to at least be friends. Though I knew the odds of that ever happening were slim, especially after all she’d been through with our sex-tape scandal.
Riley ignored her tone and instead smiled brightly. “She’s here because we’re together. For good this time.” He put his arm around me, tugging me closer.
I went, but it felt forced.
Sadie’s eyes narrowed. She was roughly the same height and a similar build to me, but the look in her eyes was withering.
“What do you mean you’re together? Dad! How dumb are you?”
Riley stiffened at my side. “Sadie…” he warned.
But Sadie was far from done. She whirled on me. “You need to leave. You dragged him into a sex scandal that’s only just died down, then you ran off to hide on a movie set while he was left here to pick up the pieces with a broken heart. Though why he even cared you left, I can’t understand.” She shook her head like she was completely disgusted.
And the worst part was, I knew where she was coming from. I was disgusted about the way I’d run off as well. My stomach ached at the thought Riley had been nursing a broken heart all these months.
Sadie turned back to her father, seemingly determined to tell us exactly what she thought of the entire situation. “Don’t you care what everyone is going to say? She’s been sleeping around Hollywood, getting herself knocked up by some jerk half her age, and now you’re just going to take her back?”
Her gaze shot to my belly, and I fought the urge to cover it. Riley was so stiff beside me, I was surprised he hadn’t snapped.
“You’re just going to have some other man’s sloppy seconds?” Sadie threw out the barb, and I felt it as keenly as if it had actually sliced my skin. Even though she was fifteen and angry and I knew she was just lashing out, it hurt.
Riley exploded. “Enough!” he roared.
Sadie’s gaze snapped back to him in shock. Even I looked up at him in surprise. Riley and I had had some epic arguments over the years, but I’d never heard him raise his voice like that, and evidently, neither had Sadie.
“Riley,” I said in a low voice, putting a calming hand on his shoulder as if he were a skittish horse. “It’s okay.”
“It absolutely is not okay,” he said in a lower voice but one that still shook with anger. He took two steps towards Sadie, who was now silent. “You listen to me and listen to me good. You and I are a team and we always will be. But you won’t speak to me, or anyone for that matter, like that. We brought you up better. I love her, and you’re going to have to accept that.”
Sadie’s jaw clenched. “You love a woman who is having a baby with another man? You’re an idiot. You think she loves you back?”
Riley practically vibrated with anger. “You’re grounded,” he spat out.
Sadie’s mouth dropped open. I cringed. This wasn’t going to help anything.
“Riley—”
“And for your information, Sadie, the baby is mine.”
The silence that fell over the room was deafening.
“What!” Sadie choked out, her eyes filling with angry tears as she stared at Riley and me in horror.
I groaned. So much for easing Sadie into all this and not dumping it on her.
“You heard me. The baby is mine. And you’re going to have a baby brother or sister.”
Sadie shook her head. “I’m not.”
“Oh yes you are.” Riley retorted. “In fact, we’re going for an ultrasound this afternoon. And you’re coming.”
Both Sadie and I gaped at him. Having a snarling teenager with us the first time we saw the baby was not exactly how I’d envisioned our appointment going. But when Sadie looked to me, I just bit my lip. I couldn’t protest. I did want her to be involved…just not when she was being completely hostile.
“Argh! I hate you!” Sadie screamed and stormed up the stairs, slamming her bedroom door at the top.
I jumped as the sound echoed through the house.
Riley sank down into a chair and ran his fingers through his hair. “Well, that didn’t go well.”
I almost laughed. That was the understatement of the year.
37
Riley
I hate you.
Logically, ever since I’d found out I was a dad, I’d known that at some point, Sadie would tell me she hated me. But after getting to fifteen and it not happening, I’d kind
of stopped bracing myself for it. As the ‘part time’ parent, I’d fallen into the ‘fun’ parent role. Eliza had always had to deal with the discipline and the hard stuff, while I’d spent my weekends with Sadie taking her to amusement parks and the beach. And Sadie was a great kid. She’d always been so mature for her age, she’d never really given either of us much to discipline her over. She got good marks at school, because she enjoyed it. She seemed to like boys, if I went by the posters adorning her walls, but she wasn’t one for sneaking off to parties. She was a good, nice kid. So hearing her say she hated me wasn’t something I could just brush off. And I’d heard it twice in the last six months. It wasn’t any easier the second time around. If anything, it was worse.
“Hey,” Bianca said quietly from beside me on the lounge. “You okay?”
Her small hand ran over my biceps and up over my shoulder to squeeze the back of my neck gently. I leant into her touch, because it felt so damn good, and then, feeling hollow, I laid down, placing my head on her lap and kissing her bump. I closed my eyes as her fingers trailed through my hair.
“She didn’t mean it.”
“I know. But it still sucks. That wasn’t how I imagined telling her would go.”
To her credit, Bianca didn’t say ‘I told you so’. I knew she’d had reservations about her being here when I told Sadie, but I was so sick of everything being a mess. I’d just wanted it all out in the open and for everyone to be happy and getting along. I hadn’t meant to tell Sadie about the baby. I certainly hadn’t meant to ground her, then force her to come to the ultrasound with us.
I sighed. “I’m sorry, B. I can’t go back on what I said about her coming to the ultrasound. She won’t respect me if I just go back on my word.”
Bianca made a small sound of affirmation, then said, “It’s fine. Maybe it will help her feel like a part of this whole thing. I want her to be there. I’d rather she be there willingly, of course, but this baby will be a big part of her life, too. Maybe this will help her focus on the good that has come from this disaster.”
