by Wolf, Alex
“What happened? With my father?” I ask Donavan.
“He’s still inside.” Donavan nods his head back toward the hallway. “I did a little digging. He has a long rap sheet, so I’m pretty sure he’s going to be charged as a class X, which makes him a habitual criminal. He’s probably looking at life.”
“Good.” I breathe a sigh of relief. Doesn’t sound like he’ll be getting out of there any time soon. My mind immediately returns to Mary.
I need to think of a way to win her back. It has to be the best display of remorse of all time. She deserves it after putting up with me, but more than that, she deserves it because she’s worth it.
Dexter stands up, as if he can read my mind, and makes a show of cracking his knuckles. “I suppose you’ll be needing my services. Everyone always does.”
I shake my head and smirk at him. “Sit down, amateur hour. I’ve been performing my entire life.” I turn to Donavan as soon as the idea hits me. It’s perfect, exactly what I need to do. “Payton’s dedication still this weekend?”
He nods, but his eyes widen the second he hears the question. “Umm, yeah, why?”
“No worries. Just do exactly what I tell you.”
I might’ve lost sight of some things, had a few setbacks. But, I’m back on track now. I’ve been given purpose again, and that purpose involves one person—Mary Patrick. She’s mine. There’s absolutely nothing standing between me and what I want now.
I will have her.
Mary Patrick
It’s been two days since Rick was released from jail and I haven’t seen him. When I bring him up around the Collins brothers, they all just tell me to give him a little time, and act like nothing is wrong. Easy for them to say.
I didn’t do any of it so I could see him, or for an apology. I’m sure he does have a lot going through his mind right now.
I’m sure it’s hard for him to face me. Maybe he doesn’t know what to do, or what to say. Maybe he’s embarrassed or ashamed. I should give him some time.
It still hurts knowing he’s out there somewhere, doing something. I don’t want to be selfish, but I wonder if he thinks about me as much as I think about him. Does he still feel the same way about me? Or does he want nothing to do with me now?
I hate my brain.
Pastor Jeremiah walks up, and I realize I’ve stopped arranging the flowers for the service tomorrow. I’m just staring off into space.
“Ready for tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow?” I turn back to him, oblivious. It’s so unlike me. I’m usually so on the ball with everything, anticipating everyone else’s needs, but I have no clue what he’s talking about.
“Yeah, aren’t your bosses going to be here?”
Everything comes back to me at once. “Payton’s dedication,” I mumble to myself out loud. I forgot tomorrow was her christening. I didn’t have to do anything for it. Rick, I mean, Dominic, scheduled everything for them and handled all the details.
It was back when he was still pretending to be a good little church boy, fawning over me, making sure I heard him from across the room as he recited whatever Bible verse he’d discovered in one of his books. Even the way he looked at me then, knowing he was full of it, but still never breaking character. I even miss that side of him.
It hurts. There’s a void, a giant hole in my chest, and I have to find something to fill it if he’s not going to.
“You okay, Mary? Have you heard from Rick?”
I forget nobody else knows that’s not his name. It’s not my place to tell them anything, and I just shake my head. “No, he stopped talking to me.”
Pastor Jeremiah saunters over and sits down on a bench next to me, then pats next to him with a shaky hand. “Have a seat.”
I can’t even argue with him. I can’t tell him I don’t want to talk about it, because I do. Setting down one of the planters, I head over and plunk myself down next to him.
Pastor Jeremiah says, “Yeah, I miss him too. It’s not the same without him here.”
“I’m just worried about him. Underneath all the jokes and the goofiness, he’s a good man. He just refuses to see it.”
“Mary?” He turns to face me.
“Yeah?”
“I know you care about him, more than I can probably imagine. But sometimes people have to find themselves, find their truth, on their own. And it hurts, and we want to help them along, but you can’t rush a flower to bloom. You can’t make a fruit ripen faster than it wants to. It’s just not the way of nature.”
I nod, trying not to tear up. “I know.” Hearing Jeremiah’s words of wisdom is sometimes tough, but I’ll feel better afterward.
“I think there’s something else you need to prepare yourself for too.”
My heart pinches a little harder. “What’s that?”
He exhales a long sigh. “Your purpose for Rick. What God intended for you to do in his life. Maybe it was for you two to be together. But maybe it was just to lead him to God. It’s not always up to us whether we receive more than that, as hard as it is to hear.”
I gulp. It’s so painful to think that purpose is for anything other than to be with Dominic, marry him, have children with him. I want those things so bad, and the thought of it not happening terrifies me. It sucks every ounce of hope from my soul, but if that’s what I’m supposed to be, that’s what I’ll have to be. It isn’t up to me. “I don’t want to be selfish, but I hoped it was more than that. I wanted that for him, but I wanted more with him too.”
Jeremiah smiles right at me. “That being said, I always knew Rick was only here for you. He was in this building, reading the word of God, for Mary Patrick. Not the right reason to read God’s word, but it is what it is. And I watched him slowly change over those months. Some could say he changed just to impress you or get whatever he wanted from you, but I don’t think so. I think he changed because of you. So, it is possible that was your purpose for him.” He pauses and gives me that same smile the brothers at work keep flashing at me. Like they know something I don’t. “But I wouldn’t write him off just yet.” He shrugs. “You never know. It’s very cliché to say the Lord works in mysterious ways, but I can tell you it wouldn’t be a cliché if it weren’t true.” He lays a hand on my shoulder to push himself up, then pats my back a few times and walks away.
I sit there for a long moment, staring at the stained-glass windows, around at the pews. It’s so empty. So lifeless. This place used to be vibrant, alive, when Dominic would smile at me from across the room. I miss my chest heating up, just when our eyes would meet. I miss feeling alive, electric even, when his fingers would graze my skin, or we’d bump up against each other.
I miss his arms wrapped around me more than anything. I miss that safety I felt in his arms.
I just miss—him.
Still, I just don’t know if I can take him back after all this. I get why he tried to do what he did, but it was stupid. Very stupid. He’s been through so much, and psychologically, there is a lot he needs to work through. But he hurt me, bad. We were a team, or at least we were supposed to be.
I don’t know what I’ll do, even if he does try to talk to me. If he wants to rekindle things, he’d better say some compelling things to me, because right now I don’t know what decision I’ll make.
Mary Patrick
It’s Sunday morning at church. The place is packed as usual. I look around. I have so many memories over the past year and a half or so, when I first moved to Chicago and stumbled my way in here.
It’s crazy how you can wander down a street in a city or town, and just walk into a place, or meet someone randomly, and it changes your life.
The memories with Dominic flood in. They’re painful.
I don’t want to find a new church because I love this place so much, and I’ve been praying about it for a long time, but it physically hurts when I’m here now. I can’t focus on God. I can’t focus on anything. Everywhere I look, I see Dominic.
The Collins brothers a
nd their wives and fiancées all walk in, along with Cole Miller and Harlow Collins, and the grandparents and a man I think is Harlow’s father. Paisley’s father walks next to her and Donavan. But, most importantly of all, Delaney and Payton are in their little carriers too. How do babies just make you forget about everything else for a split-second when you see them? Later, I’ll probably eat my feelings via a gallon of Ben and Jerry’s, thinking about a scenario where Dominic and I had a family together, but not right now.
I bypass all the adults and go straight for the little ones. They’re both asleep, so I don’t disturb them. I just look at little Payton and ask, “Are you ready for your big day?”
I stand up and lock eyes with Donavan and Paisley. “Are you guys ready for this?”
Paisley nods and smiles. “Yeah, we are. Thank you so much for you and Ri…” She stops herself. “Sorry, just thank you for everything you’ve done to set this up for us.”
Not going to lie, it stings a little, but I try not to show it. “No problem at all. I love the baby dedications. We’re honored you wanted to do it here.” A lot of churches are weird about wanting the family to be members of the church to do these types of things, but that’s the exact opposite of the way Jeremiah runs this place. It’s one of the reasons I love it here so much, and I’m not sure I’ll ever find another church like it if I end up leaving.
Decker glances around nervously, like he might get hit with lightning at any moment. It’s nice to see him look nervous for once. The brothers always strut around like nothing in the entire world can faze them. The humility is nice in a weird way, eases a little of the anxiety.
“Well, come on.” I wave them forward. “Saved seats up front for the whole family. And don’t hesitate to get up and take pictures during everything, whatever you want. It won’t bother anyone, it’s totally normal.”
Once we get to the front, I usher them all in, Donavan and Paisley last. It’s so they’ll be on the end of the aisle and they can get up with Payton when it’s time and not trip over the rest of the family.
Donavan takes a seat, and Paisley reaches out for my forearm. “You sure you’re okay?”
I nod, and plaster on a fake smile. It has to be completely obvious I’m not, but it’s what you do in these situations. What else can you do? “Yeah.”
“Mary?” She leans in a little.
“I will be.”
“Okay. If you need anything—well, you know.”
“I’ll reach out, but don’t worry about me right now. Please, just enjoy this moment with your family. It’s a beautiful thing.”
“Thank you.” She gives me a hug, then takes a seat.
I move to the row behind them, in the seat next to the aisle, so I can help them out when it’s time to get up, if they need it.
The music starts and Pastor Jeremiah walks down to the front of the church and faces the congregation. The service proceeds normally. We sing the worship songs, and Jeremiah delivers the message. Some of the brothers shift uncomfortably during the ceremony, and I grin. I don’t know if any of the words are sinking in, but good for them for coming. I love how close-knit their family is, even if they are as dysfunctional as anyone else, despite their wealth and success. It humanizes them in a way that bleeds over to how I see them in the workplace as well. It makes work more tolerable, knowing how fallible they are, to know they’re capable of making mistakes too.
All the gossip and family theatrics seem petty and unprofessional at times, but secretly, I kind of enjoy it. It makes the office environment real and not artificial.
This is the third Sunday of every month, when we do the dedications and baptisms. I always look forward to it. There’s something spiritual about a baptism that can’t really be captured in any other way. It’s always a unique experience. The symbolism is powerful with every person who emerges from the water. Right when they come out it always moves me, shifts my foundation a little, reminds me God is alive and is at work in people.
Sometimes, I think maybe that’s what I need right now. Something to set me on a new path. A separation from recent events to get me back in the right lane. I don’t regret falling for Rick, and if I had a chance to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change anything. I’m a different person now that he came into my life, but he showed me my true potential for happiness, and Jeremiah was right, partially. Maybe I came into Rick’s life to alter his path, but he altered mine as well. Now, I know what my heart is capable of, and if I take anything away from us being together, it’s that I have a huge capacity for love to share with others—with the world.
Pastor Jeremiah announces the dedication, and calls Donavan and Paisley to bring Payton up in front of the church. I stand up in case they need any help. Donavan pulls her from the carrier, and the look of pure love on his face, on Paisley’s face—it melts my heart. That child is their whole world. It’s like a little bubble around them, and all the focus is on Payton, the way it should be.
Her tiny little finger wraps around his thumb, and he cradles his baby, but not just her. His arms wrap around her innocence, and Paisley brushes her hand on Payton’s cheek as Pastor Jeremiah dedicates her to the Lord. It’s beautiful.
I glance over at the rest of the Collins family, all smiling from ear-to-ear, even Harlow. They all nod as Pastor Jeremiah calls for them to protect and nurture her, as Christ did for the church. Cole gets up and walks around the group, snapping pictures and video with his phone.
When it’s finished, they bring her back to the pews, and a new energy has been breathed into their family. I rest a hand on Paisley’s shoulder, and she smothers it with hers.
Jeremiah walks up and disappears behind the back wall for a moment with three church members. After a few minutes, he appears in a robe and steps down the three steps into the tank of water. The three steps represent the holy trinity. The sound of sloshing water fills the sanctuary, and he faces the congregation and discusses the meaning of baptism.
One by one, he reaches his hand out and leads someone in. After each baptism, the church applauds, and they step out of the water.
I love watching each of their soaking-wet faces. It stirs something deep inside me every time I see it. For the first time in a while, I feel God’s presence again. It pounds me in the chest, because the last time I felt anything close to this was with Dominic. A lot of people would disagree with some of our actions, but it doesn’t matter. I know what I felt. I lived it. The connection with Dominic was like nothing I’ve ever experienced, not just on a physical level, but in the depths of my soul, beyond our biological bodies. He’s the only man I’ve ever loved, and I know people think I’ll move on, I’ll find that with someone new, but I don’t see how it’s possible. I know in my heart he’s the man God meant for me. I just know it.
Once the third church member is baptized, and they step out of the tank, pastor Jeremiah turns to the crowd. He starts his usual remarks to end the service.
I realize my hand hasn’t left Paisley’s shoulder, but I can’t seem to remove it. I think my body just longs for a connection right now. Once I move my hand, I’ll be alone again, and the world will be empty, my heart will be hollow.
“I’d like to thank everyone for coming to be in the house of the Lord this Sunday—”
“Wait!”
The shout comes from the back of the church and the voice echoes off the rafters, crystal-clear as it lands in my ears.
My entire body stiffens, and my fingers dig into Paisley’s shoulder before I can stop myself. I would know that voice anywhere in the world. My breaths grow shallow, and my heart has never pounded the way it is right now. Paisley’s fingers squeeze around my hand, matching the grip I have on her, as the entire church whips their head around to see who just hollered from the back of the room.
I get dizzy, disoriented, and it’s so intense I can’t look back. I just can’t. I think I might pass out if I do. I don’t know if I can look at him right now. My eyes close and I don’t know if I can open them
again.
Footsteps.
Commanding ones.
I don’t have to see him. I can hear the confidence in them as he struts up the aisle, and even though I can’t physically see him, it’s all crystal-clear in my mind. I can feel every reaction on his face, every movement he makes, right there in my mind. I see him, in 3d high definition.
I finally open my eyes once he’s halfway to us, but still can’t bring myself to look at him, so I glance up to Pastor Jeremiah. He’s still in the tank, above the crowd, and a smile stretches across his face as his eyes follow Dominic down below.
When the footsteps reach my ears, and he’s just a few feet away from me, I still can’t look at him.
Dominic walks past me. I feel his eyes on the back of my head as he goes by, warming my entire body from the inside out. That strange tingling shoots through my limbs, and goosebumps pebble up and down my arms. The tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention and butterflies swarm my stomach.
He doesn’t stop when he passes, just keeps marching up to the front and right up the steps to the stage. I stare at his back. He’s dressed in a suit. He stops in front of the baptismal font and looks up at Jeremiah. “I would like to be baptized, if that’s okay with the church.”
The confidence in his voice nearly does me in. There’s a finality in his words, as if he’s thought the weight of this decision through. Part of me wants to run up the steps and strangle him and ask why he hasn’t thought about us like this? Why hasn’t he come after me the way he is with his faith? Why is he letting me suffer, night after night?
I try to push it down inside because it’s a beautiful thing what he’s about to do. It should be celebrated. But I can’t help what my heart feels. My face heats up and an anger I didn’t know I had courses through my veins. Why doesn’t he want me the way he wants this? It’s almost too much to take.
Suddenly, I just want out of the room. I want to be anywhere but here. I want away from it all, but I force myself to stay. Paisley must sense my reaction, because her hand tightens on mine even more, in a comforting way, urging me to stay seated.
