She moved toward the barn, still looking for him. When she got closer, she gazed inside the barn and saw Matthew standing there talking with Annie Hershberger. She took a quick intake of breath and wondered if he hadn’t ignored her after all. Perhaps, Annie had called him into the barn to speak to him which would explain why he’d abruptly turned away.
But still, couldn’t he have acknowledged her greeting at least? She shook her head. She’d better get used to someone else being more important in Matthew’s life than she was. She shivered as a cold gust of wind rustled her kapp strings. It didn’t sit right—losing her place in Matthew’s life.
It didn’t sit right at all.
Despite her efforts, Doris wasn’t able to see Jordan before leaving the Mast farm. Evidently, his family had left before they did. At least, she would see him that evening. Not at the youth singing, for she somehow knew he wouldn’t be going. But he’d come by to take her for a drive, of that she was certain. She looked forward to it. Now that all the nastiness was over, they could make some plans.
She worked to wipe the look of anticipation from her face. Her mother would be watching her, and she didn’t fancy any more lectures right then. This was a good day, and Doris wanted to keep it that way.
Chapter Five
“You ain’t going to the singing?” her mother asked.
Doris sighed. “I might. Maybe after a walk.”
Her mother fisted her hands on her waist and faced her. “You’re not fooling me for one minute, daughter. You’re meeting Jordan this evening, ain’t so? That’s why you ain’t going to the singing.”
“I don’t know if I’m meeting Jordan or not.” Which was true. They hadn’t made any plans; she just hoped he’d be at the end of her drive to pick her up. “And I don’t always go to the singings. You know that.”
“Well, you should go. It’s a chance to see your friends and maybe make new friends.”
The implication was clear, and Doris wasn’t having it. “Mamm, how can I make new friends? No one new ever comes to Linder Creek. You know that.”
“Now, that ain’t true. We’ve had people move in now and again.”
“I s’pose you’re right,” Doris conceded. But that wasn’t really the point, anyway. The point was her mother wanted her to become involved with some other young man. “We talked about this, you know. And Jordan apologized publicly, and he’s going to meet with the bishop. It’s over, Mamm. And everything is going to be fine now.”
Her mother scowled and sank down on a kitchen chair. “I know we talked about it. And I know he confessed publicly. I was there.”
She sounded so forlorn, that Doris’s heart lurched. “Mamm, please,” she said softly. “Quit fretting.”
“You’ll understand someday,” her mother replied. “When you have kinner of your own. And then, we’ll see how you do with your fretting.”
Doris smiled. “I expect you’re right about that. And my daughter will tell me not to worry.”
“That she will.” Henrietta smiled back at her. “But you will still worry.”
Doris walked to her mother and leaned down to kiss her cheek—something she never did. She felt her mother tense with surprise. “Thank you, Mamm,” Doris whispered. “For caring about me so much.”
Henrietta looked up at her with tears welling in her eyes. Then she sniffed and gave a snort. “Ach, but I can’t be sitting about like this. I need to be getting the tea on for your dat.”
Doris laughed softly and stepped back. Her mother wasn’t one for displays of affection, but Doris was glad she’d kissed her. She truly did appreciate her mother’s concern; she just wished her mother would trust her judgement more. Doris knew Jordan Lehman, and he wasn’t going to hurt her. Doris didn’t know what her mother envisioned, but she was sure that whatever it was, it wouldn’t happen.
She left the kitchen then, going straight to the washroom to grab her cape and put on her scarf and boots. It wasn’t snowing; although, there was snow on the ground. She hoped it would snow again so they would have a white Christmas. Looking through the window in the door, Doris saw that the sky above was clear. The stars were twinkling high above the frozen ground, and the half moon was giving off a fair amount of light. She stepped outside and breathed in the frigid air.
She prayed Jordan was already there, and she wouldn’t have to wait for him too long.
But when she reached the end of her drive, Jordan wasn’t there. She took a step out into the road and craned her neck both ways. He was nowhere to be seen. She was just too early. After all, they hadn’t set a time; they hadn’t even set the date. She just knew he would come.
More than one buggy passed her, and since it was dark and she couldn’t see them well, she hoped that each one was Jordan coming for her. But she hoped in vain. After nearly thirty minutes of basically standing in one place, she was getting cold and anxious.
“Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, where are you?” she asked softly into the night air.
She leaned against the trunk of a large maple tree and waited some more. Just when she was about to give up, a buggy approached and slowed when it neared her drive. Finally.
She ran toward it, getting caught in its headlamps. She shaded her eyes, praying she wasn’t wrong this time, and that it was Jordan.
“Doris?”
“Jordan! You did come after all. I’m so glad,” she responded, scrambling into the buggy. It wasn’t much warmer in there.
“I brought a warm brick for your feet,” he told her. “It’s there on the floor in a cloth.
She adjusted her feet to take advantage of it. “Thank you, Jordan. I was worried you wouldn’t come.”
“Dat was hesitant to let me use the buggy,” he said. “I had to deliver my brothers to the youth singing first. In truth, he thinks I’m at the youth singing.”
She stared at him. “Won’t he be vexed when he finds out you didn’t go?”
“Likely.”
“Then we’d better go. I don’t want him mad at you.”
“I don’t want to go. I don’t want to have to sit there with everyone gawking at me.”
“They wouldn’t gawk at you.”
He made a funny noise in his throat. “You delude yourself, Doris. Like always.”
She felt as though he’d slapped her, and she recoiled in her seat.
“It’s true,” he went on, “and you know it. You’re always thinking the best of everything and everyone, and it just ain’t that way.”
Her nostrils flared now as annoyance surged through her. She was only trying to make him feel better—make them both feel better. Was anything wrong with that? And besides, what was the good of expecting the worst? How did that help anything?
“Maybe it is that way,” she said quietly. “Or maybe it’s you who—” She stopped short. Did she want an argument? She was finally seeing her beau and was she going to waste their precious time arguing?
“What?” he demanded. “What were you going to say?”
“Nothing.”
“That it is me who’s mistaken? I don’t think so. Everyone was staring at me this morning in service. Everyone.”
“Of course, they were, at the end—after the vote. How could you expect otherwise? But during the preaching, they weren’t.”
“Are you daft?” he asked, his voice sharp. “They were looking at me all right.”
She drew in a breath and could think of nothing to say that wouldn’t turn this into a full-blown argument. She bit her lip.
“It ain’t very pleasant to know you’re the gossip on everyone’s tongue. That most folks think your punishment should be worse. And I ain’t even a member yet. I shouldn’t have had to confess publicly at all.” He shook his head and snapped the reins, causing the buggy to go faster. “Since when does a non-baptized person get disciplined like that?”
Since they go to jail and sully everyone’s reputation, she wanted to snap back, but she didn’t. She folded her hands tightly on her lap and kept her eyes
forward.
“It ain’t right,” he said. “And now I got to go to meetings with the bishop? That ain’t right, either.”
Doris was biting her lower lip now, barely holding herself back. She’d thought Jordan would be overjoyed with how things had gone that morning. In her opinion, he’d gotten off easy, even considering he wasn’t baptized yet. Didn’t he realize how out-of-the-ordinary his situation was? Didn’t he realize the shame he’d brought to all of them?
“I can just imagine the lectures I’m going to get,” he went on. “It doesn’t bear thinking about.”
“Then don’t think about it!” The harsh words escaped her mouth before she could stop them. Honestly, but she was annoyed. He was acting like a baby, and she couldn’t stand it. What was the matter with him?
He yanked up on the reins, and the buggy shuddered to a halt. “What?” he asked.
“Nothing.”
“You think I’m wrong?” he asked. “You’re siding with them?”
The way he said them alarmed her—as if he weren’t part of their district any longer.
“I thought you were on my side,” he continued.
“So, we’re taking sides now?” she asked. “I didn’t realize.” Her tone bordered on rude, but at that point, she didn’t care. She didn’t want to listen to another minute of it. Where was his gratitude for getting off so easily? Where was the Jordan she loved so dearly? What had happened to him?
Jordan snapped the reins again, and they started down the road. He was silent for a long while. She sat and stared out the window, wanting to be anywhere but there.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said.
She let out her breath.
“I shouldn’t have gone on like that,” he went on.
She pressed a hand to her chest and paused only a moment before saying, “You’re upset, Jordan.” She forced her voice to be calm and gentle. “And you need time to adjust to being back, I s’pose.”
He shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he said again.
“It’s … it’s all right.”
He reached over and took her hand. She was breathing easier now. Maybe she had been expecting too much. She hadn’t gone through what he had. She really didn’t have any idea what he was feeling.
“Was it hard?” she asked softly. “In jail, I mean?”
In the darkness, she could feel him stiffen, and she regretted asking.
“Never mind,” she said quickly.
He turned his head toward her, and she wished it was light enough to see his eyes. Read what was in them.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I-I understand.”
They drove on in silence for a few more minutes. She kept thinking about his folks and what they would say if they knew he wasn’t at the singing. She didn’t like the deception.
But then, who was she to talk? Hadn’t she been sneaking around for months writing to him when she knew her parents didn’t approve?
“I guess I should take you back home,” he said.
“Or we could go to the singing. We’d be late, but that’s all right. And we could walk in separately, if you want.”
She heard his snort.
“Walk in separately? It’s ridiculous, Doris. Utter nonsense.”
“What do you mean?”
“All this nonsense. All these rules.”
“What do you mean?” she asked again. Was he questioning their entire way of life?
“You learn things,” he said, his voice tight. “You learn things out there.”
“In the Englisch world?” she questioned. “In jail?”
She couldn’t help it. Couldn’t help the derision in her voice.
“Jah, Doris. In the Englisch world. The real world.”
She sucked in her breath. “Jordan…”
“Ach, forget it. I shouldn’t have come for you tonight. I’m not in a good mood. I’ll take you home now.”
She swallowed past the lump of tears forming in her throat. She didn’t want to end their ride like this. But she did want to end it—and that bothered her even more. He found a place to turn the buggy around and headed back to her farm. Neither of them said anything until he pulled to a stop at the end of her drive.
“I’ll have to go pick up my brothers,” he said.
“They… They won’t be ready for a while.”
“I’ll wait for them.”
“But you’ll get awful cold.”
“You got another suggestion, Doris? Anything else you want to tell me to do?”
She flinched. She wasn’t telling him what to do. She gripped the door handle. “Nee, Jordan. I wouldn’t dare tell you what to do.”
She opened the door and jumped out onto the icy ground. She didn’t even waver. She slammed the door shut and strode away. But she heard his door slam, too, and in seconds, he’d caught up with her and grabbed her arm, whirling her around.
She glared up at him, enraged now. He stepped close, so close, there was hardly an inch between them. She kept her gaze on him, unblinking. And then he bent his head and pressed his lips to hers, hard and insistent. She was so stunned, she didn’t move. So stunned, she didn’t kiss him back. He pulled away, glared at her, and then turned and left.
She stared after him, her lips throbbing. Who was he? What had happened to him?
Tears welled in her eyes and fell down her cheeks. She turned back toward her house and made her way up the drive slowly. Her tears turned cold on her face, but she didn’t wipe them away.
Chapter Six
Jordan was furious. He slapped the reins on his horse’s rump and started down the road. He knew he should go slowly—there was ice on the road, but he didn’t care. In truth, he didn’t care about anything. Nothing made sense to him anymore. He thought he’d feel normal if he could be with Doris again. But he hadn’t. In truth, she irritated him. Irritated him something fierce. Everything she said scraped through him. Ground into his ears until he’d wanted to scream at her.
What in the world was wrong with him? He loved Doris. Or he thought he did. He wasn’t so sure anymore. He got sick of her mighty quick-like that evening. He was glad to drop her back home.
And then, what had he gone and done? Kissing her like that? What had gotten into him? She wouldn’t want to see him again after that.
Maybe that was what he was going for in the first place. He’d wanted to scare her off. Then he wouldn’t have to deal with her.
Or the bishop. He wasn’t a member of church yet. Was the bishop daft? How dare the he put that punishment on him? He had no right.
No right.
Jordan snapped the reins again. He was the one with no rights. Jordan was the one who couldn’t make any decisions on his own. He’d felt like a total fool that morning. Confessing in public. Repeating those words like he was still a schoolboy repeating after the teacher.
His horse was trotting at a good clip now, and Jordan could feel the wheels beneath him slip every now and then, but again he didn’t care.
He’d had more freedom in prison than he had here. And now his father was watching him like a hawk. He wouldn’t be able to breathe without asking permission. And once his brothers tattled on him, telling his father he hadn’t gone to the singing, that would be the end of it. He snapped the reins again.
He would go to the singing right then. Like Doris had suggested. He’d go late, but at least he could tell his dad he was there.
He set his jaw and felt his teeth grinding. He was coming to an intersection and he needed to go right to circle back to the Mast barn. He tugged the reins and Silver faltered. The buggy began to slide, and Jordan cried out.
“Whoa there! Steady, boy!” he hollered. The buggy kept sliding and Jordan clenched the reins now, trying to stabilize the vehicle. “Whoa!” he called out again.
Silver yanked on the harness, his hooves beating the frozen ground as they slid to the shoulder of the road.
“Whoa!” Jordan screamed now.
&nbs
p; With a jolt, the buggy skidded to a stop, rocking back and forth. Silver snorted and shuddered. Jordan let out his breath in a rush.
“Whoa,” he said again, his voice shaking. They had stopped. He was safe. Silver was all right. Jordan sank back, panting.
Fool, he thought. You’re a fool. You trying to kill yourself now? Kill Silver?
He didn’t move for a moment, just sucked in air. When his pounding heart slowed, he loosened his grip on the reins. After another minute, he slowly guided Silver back onto the road. The wheels slipped only slightly as they returned to the asphalt. More careful now, Jordan drove the buggy toward the Mast place.
On the way, he passed an Englisch home, completely lit up with Christmas lights that twinkled cheerily in the darkness.
* * *
Doris pasted a pleasant look on her face as she entered the house through the side door. She was sure her mother would be watching for her return, and Doris wanted to look as if nothing had gone poorly. She squared her shoulders.
But it had gone poorly. It could hardly have gone worse. What happened to the beautiful reunion she had envisioned? What happened to the Christmas spirit that usually pervaded everything this time of year, lending a spirit of peace and good will?
Doris wanted to talk to Matthew. That was what she wanted. Matthew would make things better. He always did. She bit her bottom lip. Not anymore, he didn’t. He didn’t approve of her and Jordan. Not to mention the fact that he was completely preoccupied with Annie Hershberger these days.
No. She couldn’t talk to Matthew.
Her eyes burned with unshed tears, and she renewed her efforts to look pleasant. She walked into the kitchen where a lantern still burned, but no one was there. That was odd. The house was eerily quiet without her brothers and sisters, and she couldn’t hear anything from her parents.
She walked through to the front room and stopped short, smiling. There they were—both her parents, fast asleep in their chairs. Her father’s chin was so low, his beard nearly reached the waistband of his trousers. Her mother’s mouth was slightly open, and Doris thought she could hear some gentle snoring. They looked cozy like that. So well settled in their lives together. Her breath caught. Would she ever have that? What they had?
The Punishment (Doris's Christmas Story Book 2) Page 3
