Faux Ho Ho

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Faux Ho Ho Page 10

by Nathan Burgoine


  “Yes!” Dino bellowed, flipping his paper over.

  “That’s not even a Christmas movie,” Charlotte said.

  “It’s totally a Christmas movie,” Geoff said. “I’m calling it for the bride and groom, because it’s their wedding, so they get an extra point, and that way we can all leave this room and have a nap or something before we have to be back for the rehearsal dinner in, God, less than an hour.”

  “Hey,” Craig said.

  “Love you, bro,” Geoff said.

  Anne cheered for this, while Charlotte shook her head. “But it’s not a Christmas movie.”

  Everyone started leaving. Silas waved to Anne, who pushed her rollator out the door, Nelson at her side. Craig laughed with his brother, and Micah was already gone. His parents cornered Elisha just outside, and Silas wondered if maybe he needed to step in again. Likely his mother was back on about the bloody photographer, but as he watched, Craig left his brother and joined Elisha taking her by the elbow and saying something to his parents before leading her away.

  True love is checking in.

  “Come here, Mr. Tiebreaker,” Dino said, slinging an arm around Silas’s neck and tugging him in. Dino kissed him, a celebratory kiss complete with a little growl. When he pulled back after, Silas had to grip the back of his chair for a second, but he grinned. Fuck it. They’d earned that kiss.

  “Winning isn’t everything,” Silas said, leaning in. “But the most important thing is we totally beat—Oh, Manny. Hi.” Silas almost slipped out of Dino’s arm but caught himself. Instead, he put a hand on Dino’s wrist, holding him in place.

  His brother regarded them both, and his awful smile returned.

  “I need to talk to you,” Manny said.

  “Okay,” Silas said, not letting go of Dino’s wrist. “Fire away.”

  Manny took a moment to look around first, which didn’t bode well. The room had emptied, though Silas could still hear Charlotte bemoaning Die Hard’s status as a Christmas movie to Trish outside. He wasn’t sure why Manny wanted privacy, but it passed muster and he nodded to himself before pulling out his phone. A few taps later, he glanced up at them.

  “Before I start, is there anything you might want to tell my brother, Dino?”

  Silas frowned. He squeezed Dino’s wrist, offering up pre-emptive comfort. He’d been on the receiving end of whatever came after Manny’s shit-eating grins more than once. They never ended well.

  “Not sure I follow, Manny,” Dino said, matching Manny’s falsely cheerful tone.

  Manny shook his head, such a sham of a display of sorrow Silas rolled his eyes.

  “Out with it, Manny,” he said, surprising himself.

  Manny held up his phone. The screen showed Dino, shirtless and shiny with sweat, dancing with a handsome black man, also shirtless and shiny. He looked closer. The tattoo across the lean pectoral made it click.

  “That’s Shaun,” Silas said, not quite following.

  “Read what he wrote.” Manny dripped smugness.

  Silas looked back at the picture, which, okay, was really hot. Shaun had taken it, obviously, and he and Dino exuded fun and sensuality, touching each other comfortably. Silas looked at the text below. If I go missing, this dude here was last to see me alive. Okay, so what? Then he noticed the hashtags. #Thirsty #BySeeMeIMeanDoMe

  Silas swallowed. “Manny…” he started, but Manny held up his hand.

  “There are more. Next morning, this…Shaun, is it? Brags about how he got breakfast to go after…relations, Silas. My investigator didn’t have to work hard. Mother said you’d been together since April. This was June.” Manny took a moment to stare at Dino, who didn’t look away. “He’s using you.”

  Silas couldn’t help laughing. “For what?”

  “Silas.” Manny shook his head. “You’ll inherit a lot of money someday.”

  Silas stopped laughing. “Are you serious? They’ll never leave me anything. Wait. You hired someone to investigate him?”

  Manny went back to his phone. “There’s more, Silas.” He moved one finger across the screen, that same damn grin on his face.

  “I don’t want to see it.” Silas’s voice caught, and he rubbed a hand against the center of his chest.

  “Well, you have to,” Manny said.

  Dino slid his arm free, and Silas looked at him, panicking. This was it. They’d have to tell the truth. To fucking Manny. The white noise returned, and he didn’t even know where to start. Fuck.

  Dino met his gaze. His brown eyes softened.

  “I’ll go,” he said to Manny.

  “What?” The word escaped Silas by shock alone.

  Manny, on the other hand, didn’t seem surprised. If anything, his tone grew more smug. “Perhaps best. A family emergency. We don’t have to tell anyone here what happened.”

  Silas looked between the two large men, barely following. “No, no, that’s not— You’re not… You’d never… I mean, we’re not—” He choked on the words.

  “Hey,” Dino said. “Little Man. It’s okay. I’ll go.”

  Manny blew out a breath. “Please don’t make a scene, Silas. I’d hate to have to explain.”

  Silas glared at him, the flare of anger surprising himself. “Right. You’d hate it.” When he turned back to Dino, though, he’d already made it halfway down the hall.

  Silas jogged after him, ignoring another muttered “Jesus Christ,” from his brother. He barely slid into the elevator before the doors closed.

  “You can’t go.”

  “I have to.” Dino stabbed the button. “Fucking photos. I should have thought about my feeds. You heard him. If I stick around, he’ll tell everyone.”

  “That you’re some kind of gold digging gigolo?” Silas threw his hands in the air. “It’s not true!”

  “I don’t care what they think, Little Man,” Dino said. “I never have to see them again. But this is important to you, and I…” Dino cleared his throat, glancing down. “You? You I care about. If the only way you get through this wedding without them dumping on you is for me to take the fall, fine. I’m down with that. This was all my idea anyway.”

  “No.”

  “Yes, it was,” Dino said.

  That’s not what I meant. I meant don’t go. But even as Silas thought it, he knew it wouldn’t work. No scenario led to him walking back into that room with Dino and everything okay. No explanation would pass, no story they could spin, nothing. Manny wouldn’t let it fly, no matter what Silas did.

  Well, except maybe one thing.

  Tell the truth.

  Silas closed his eyes, misery dragging at his whole body. He wanted to curl up in a ball somewhere and go to sleep.

  “Hey,” Dino said. “Look at me.”

  Silas opened his eyes.

  “You got this. Tell me you got this, Little Man.”

  Silas blinked back tears. “I got this.”

  Dino leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. It felt final. The doors opened. Dino stepped out.

  The doors closed again. ‘

  Chapter Fifteen—October

  “You’re not coming to the Hallowe’en party?” Felix said, holding one hand to his chest. He gasped and shook his head. “It’s Pride Brunch all over again.”

  Felix sported black wizard robes over a white shirt with a blue and silver tie, matched by the crest over his chest. He also had a wand at the ready, which he pointed at Silas.

  “Dial down the drama, Ravenclaw. I’ll be there,” Silas said. “I’m just going to be a bit late. We’re taking Dino’s nieces and nephews trick or treating through the Village and the Glebe and some City Hall thing. We’ll meet up with Fiona and Jenn and their kids, and once all the wee people are spun up into sugar overdrive, we’ll hand them back over to other adults and meet up with you guys.”

  “You’re giving up an opportunity to wear a costume to hang out with children?” Felix shook his head. “Are you aiming for sainthood or something?”

  “Ha-ha. I’m wearing a costu
me, thank you very much,” Silas said. “Costumes are kind of a thing with Dino and me.”

  Felix blinked.

  “That came out wrong.” Silas shook his head. “There’s context. Anyway. I’ll be there, I’ll just be a bit late.”

  “Explain the context,” Felix said. “Now.”

  “It’s nothing,” Silas said, feeling his face burn.

  “You’re blushing. It’s not nothing. Come on, spill.”

  “Not on your life, Felix.”

  Felix pouted for a second but shook his head. “Okay. Text me when you’re—”

  Dino’s bedroom door opened, and a barbarian stepped out. A large X of studded faux leather crossed over Dino’s broad chest, leaving his thickly muscled arms bare. His thighs and calves were similarly on display, with only a rather short pair of fur-trimmed shorts and matching boots. Dino casually swung a large foamcore “wooden” club in the air out in front of him, then rested it on his shoulder.

  Felix goggled.

  “Oh my God,” Silas said, understanding the sentiment. If anyone could pull off barbarian, Dino could. “That’s freaking perfect. And if I may say so, Bobby grew up good.”

  “Flatterer. You need to get into your robes,” Dino said. “We should set out soon.”

  “Right,” Silas said. He nudged Felix. “I’ll see you later.”

  “Uh-huh,” Felix said distantly. “Nice look, He-Man.”

  “I’m Bobby, not He-Man,” Dino said.

  “It’s from the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon,” Silas said over his shoulder as he went into his own bedroom. He didn’t take long to change into his long green robes and floppy hat, but he had trouble buckling the fiddly sash and pouch around his waist. Once he got it, though, he took a few minutes to put in his rarely worn contacts then put on the large, fake nerd glasses and checked himself out in his mirror.

  His costume glasses didn’t look much different than his real ones.

  “That probably says something you don’t want to consider too closely,” he said to his reflection.

  It wasn’t a huge surprise to find Felix still there when he came back into the living room.

  “There’s an unaired final episode. You can find the script online,” Dino said.

  “I’ll look it up,” Felix said. He turned and looked at Silas. “Hey there, Mr. Wizard.”

  “Presto,” Silas corrected, pulling off his hat. He held it out in front of him and circled his right hand over the top, clicking the little hidden stud with his left hand. The LED lights inside glowed a weak purple. “Magical hat, you know what’d be dandy? A great night out and lots of candy!” The timer raised the light to a bright purple glow for a few seconds, then blinked out after flashing twice. He’d worked on it all month to get it right, and given the way the other two were fishmouthing, the effect had apparently been worth the effort.

  “That’s awesome,” Dino said.

  “See you later,” Silas said again, nodding at Felix.

  Felix blinked. “Oh. Right.” He let himself out.

  “In case you missed it, Felix has a crush,” Silas said.

  “It’d never work,” Dino said. “Dungeons and Dragons with Harry Potter? We’d need a whole Coffee Shop AU or something.”

  “And that’s another Venn Diagram Update,” Silas said.

  “Ooh, what did I do now?”

  “Big, Burly Jock overlapping with Fanfic Knowledge.”

  “You know it.” Dino swung his club again. “Ready?”

  “Let’s go get the little people,” Silas said. “I’m ready for all the fun.”

  * * *

  The various niblings swarmed around Dino and Silas the moment they arrived, and Dino’s parents made a big deal out of their costumes, though his stepfather shook his head and tutted at Dino’s mostly exposed arms and legs.

  “I suppose you couldn’t find a costume with pants?”

  “Don’t get too cold,” his mother said. Then she eyed Silas. “Did you have dinner yet?”

  “We ate.” Even odds Chiara put aside something for both of them, just in case. The amount of food she’d put on Silas’s plate at Thanksgiving had been daunting, but he’d gladly eaten every bite. He hadn’t recognized everything—the Papadimitriou Thanksgiving included way more dishes than the traditional turkey and stuffing—but it all tasted amazing.

  His apple cake had been a big hit, too.

  “Can you talk him out of the beard, maybe?” she said.

  “I thought you didn’t want me to be cold,” Dino said, stroking the beard in question. “The beard keeps me warm.”

  “Scarves do that. And scarves can be removed.”

  “She’s not wrong,” Silas said.

  Dino put a hand to his chest. “And now you’re turning on me, too?”

  “Jealousy,” Silas said. “I couldn’t grow a beard if I tried for two years.”

  “Are you Presto?” A.J. tugged at one of Silas’s long green sleeves. Dino no doubt showed the cartoon to all his niblings. Over the last month, A.J. had quickly become Silas’s favorite of Dino’s little nieces and nephews. Currently, A.J. looked amazing as Iron Man, complete with a red and gold helmet mask.

  “I am,” Silas said, and then, because he felt like showing off again, he pulled off his hat and did the LED trick again, complete with rhyme.

  A.J.’s eyes lit up. “That’s so cool! How does it work?”

  Silas showed all the kids the LEDs he’d stitched inside the rim of the hat, and by the time he finished explaining, he’d somehow promised he’d help them all do something with LED lights for their costumes next year.

  Kids. The world’s best negotiators.

  “He is way cooler than your last boyfriend,” A.J. said, his voice cutting through the cross chatter of the room and aimed squarely at Dino.

  “I know,” Dino said, shrugging a shoulder when Silas caught his eye. “Everyone ready?”

  They were.

  “We’ll be back in a couple of hours,” Dino said, kissing his mother goodbye.

  By the time they’d finished in the Village and were making their way down to City Hall, something seemed off with A.J. He’d been as excited as the other kids when they’d started out, but he’d gone from wildly hyper to strangely quiet after just a few houses. He wasn’t his usual silly self, and had fallen back to the last of the line of the kids walking between Dino in the lead and Silas at the rear.

  When A.J. stopped walking and lifted his mask, Silas knelt down beside him.

  “You okay?” Silas said.

  A.J. opened his mouth and puked a stream of vomit right at Silas’s chest.

  A.J. took a single, shaky breath, then burst into tears.

  “Oh.” The scent of the warm vomit soaking into Silas’s chest hit, and he managed to choke back a gag. “So that’s a no.”

  Dino turned. The rest of the kids all started speaking at once. Two covered their mouths, making little choked noises of their own.

  “I’m sorry!” A.J. said, crying all the harder.

  “It’s okay,” Silas said. “Dude, it’s okay.” He squeezed A.J.’s shoulder. “Hey, buddy.”

  A.J. finally looked up, eyes still spilling tears. “I don’t feel so good.”

  “No kidding. Do you need to throw up again?” Please say no.

  “I don’t think so.” He grimaced. “My mouth tastes bad.”

  Dino handed him a bottle of water. “Just take a sip, okay? Don’t gulp.”

  A.J. nodded, clearly miserable. “I’m sorry,” he said again.

  “You don’t have to apologize,” Silas said. He looked down at himself and had to swallow. So very much vomit. Brightly colored, too. Someone had gotten into the Hallowe’en spirit early. Or at least the candy stash.

  “Let’s take them home,” Dino said.

  A chorus of frustrated kid voices rose in response. A.J. took another sip of water, his eyes wet again.

  “Can you hold my hat for a second?” Silas said, handing it to Dino. He undid the belt and p
ouch—thankfully the vomit stream missed the hidden buckle—then he gingerly gathered the robes, rolling them up and off over his head as carefully as he could. The shirt he wore underneath was damp, but without all the chewed bits of candy corn, licorice, and chocolate chunks, it wasn’t so bad. And his jeans were mostly dry. He looked at the balled up robes. Now what?

  “Do you want my plastic bag?” Kat offered. The oldest of the niblings, she held up her bag of candy she’d gathered in the Village. The rest of the kids had little plastic pumpkins.

  “Thank you,” Silas said. She took off her twin curly horned Maleficent headpiece, dumped all her candy into it, and then handed him the plastic bag. Smart girl.

  He stuffed the robes in the bag.

  “Okay,” Silas said. “I take A.J. back to our place, and you guys go on ahead. I’ll call your sister. We’ll be there when you’re done and you can take him home, and none of the rest of you miss out on candy, though—” Silas eyed the rest of the kids, raising his voice. “—I think you should all agree to share some of what you get with A.J., okay? And you’re going to be really, really good for Uncle Dino, right?”

  The niblings agreed in solemn unison. With candy on the line, stakes were high.

  Dino bit his lip. “You sure?”

  “I got this. A.J. can take a bath, I’ll have a shower, and we’ll hit the couch with a blanket, a bowl, and some ginger ale. Go.”

  Silas carried A.J. most of the way back to the apartment, and by the time they both cleaned up, A.J. looked ready to drop. He didn’t have a fever, though, and his color had returned. Silas called Dino’s sister, and she offered to drop everything, but Olivia was at the other end of the city having a rare child-free night out with her husband.

  “Don’t. We can handle it,” Silas said. “Really. I’m pretty sure this is an unsupervised candy overdose. I’m guessing your mom’ll find her stash seriously raided. Dino will be back soon with the whole gang, and he’ll get the rest of the kids back to your mom’s. He and I can watch out for A.J. He can just as easy sleep it off here instead of there. Lord knows it’ll be quieter here.”

  Olivia laughed. “That’s the truth.” She paused. “Are you sure?”

 

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