It was exactly what I deserved. I spent the last couple of weeks acting like a victim, pouting and hiding because I couldn’t deal with my feelings. If any of my brothers or friends told me they had feelings for a woman and were trying to avoid her so they didn’t have to admit to them, I would have told them they were being a complete ass. They wouldn’t have heard the end of it until they manned up.
Which was exactly what I needed to do. Somehow, I needed to fix this with Lindsey. I needed her to understand how much I really cared about her and what an important part of my life she had become. If I didn’t figure out a way to apologize to her now and make her understand, I would lose any opportunity I might have ever had to really be with her.
Not to mention Nick would kill me. Because I knew for certain she was probably already on the phone with my brother. That was something I never took into consideration when I was coming to terms with my feelings for her. I always recognized she was my brother’s best friend and that it could get awkward. I even thought about how a messy breakup could affect our relationship because he wouldn’t know whose side to take.
What I didn’t think about was that if things went poorly between us, he could make my life a living hell.
So far, he had been diplomatic about the whole thing. There were a couple of times when he asked me what was going on or made pointed comments about not seeing me up at the bar or with Lindsey lately. A couple of times he mentioned her and asked leading questions like he was trying to get me to admit something.
I never said anything because I didn’t know what Lindsey might have said to him. Getting him involved in my relationship, or lack thereof, wasn’t something I wanted to do. It was hard enough facing my own stupidity. It was even harder thinking about having to humble myself to Lindsey and hope she would accept my apology. Throwing in my younger brother’s looks of judgment and disdain coupled with the distinct possibility when he got over being pissed at me, he would make fun of me for life wasn’t a prospect I was looking forward to.
But I would do it for Lindsey. Whatever it took, I was going to do. I might have been terrified of my feelings before and looked for excuses not to trust her or to avoid the relationship. I couldn’t do that anymore. What I felt for her every time I looked at her was far too strong to just ignore. It was worth being unsure and having to take a leap of faith. I just needed to take that leap.
Once I was ready, I headed to the florist I used to order flowers for the women in my family and our receptionist for things like birthdays and holidays. They could create something special and beautiful for Lindsey. If nothing else, I learned from my father that apology flowers are a very real thing.
Standing there among all the different types of blooms, I realized there was still so much about this woman I didn’t know. I adored her, might have even been getting close to loving her, but there were still discoveries to make about her. Things as simple as her favorite Halloween candy or Christmas traditions she still had. The only reason I knew her favorite flowers was because I’d seen Nick give them to her before. It occurred to me then that I needed to focus not on what had happened to Lindsey, but who she was now.
I had been so focused on elements of her past that really didn’t affect me, I had lost sight of what did. And that was just Lindsey. She had given me all the information I really needed to know. I had met her son and been there with her through some of her hardest moments. Of course, I would have liked to have known everything sooner or have heard it from her. But that wasn’t enough to lose my trust in her completely, or to throw away what we had. And especially what we could have.
Relying on the florist to help me put together something for Lindsey that would stand out, I made myself a vow. If she accepted my apology and took me back, I would dedicate myself to learning everything I could about her. I cherished just being able to know her and spend time with her. Now I wanted to bring that to a deeper level.
With the flowers in hand, I headed for the bar. It would be open, but it was still early enough in the day that the crowds shouldn’t have rushed in yet. That meant I would be able to steal at least a little bit of her time. All I could hope was none of my brothers were there. Or any of the crew. I didn’t mind a bit of public groveling if it would show Lindsey my sincerity. I just didn’t want them to get a front-row seat to it.
All it would take was one of them being there and the cell video would infiltrate the rest of them for the rest of my life. But what the hell. Even that couldn’t stop me. Even if I walked in there and every person I knew was sitting at the bar, it wouldn’t deter me. She was worth it.
Just like I expected, the parking lot was less than half-full when I got to the bar. At this point, it was mostly people coming in for dinner or casual after-work drinks. It would still be a couple more hours before the night crowds filtered in. I took a breath, tried to go over what I was going to say in my head one more time so I was prepared, and pushed through the doors.
Lindsey was behind the bar, her back to me as she talked to one of the cooks. Her arms flailing above her head didn’t seem like the best sign. Neither did the way the cook looked at me over Lindsey’s shoulder and raised her eyebrows. She reached out and tapped Lindsey on the shoulder to break her out of her tirade. Lindsey stopped, and the cook pointed toward me.
Lindsey whipped around as I crossed the space toward the bar. Her expression was murderous, her eyes flashing, and her jaw clenched so hard it looked painful. But the shock softened the look at least a little. Her hip popped to one side, and she crossed her arms over her chest, looking me up and down.
“You might want to be quick,” she said. “Nick is supposed to come up here in a while, and I wouldn’t want you to be offended if he knows about tonight’s dinner special before you do.”
I gave a single nod. “I deserved that.”
She stared at me for a few seconds, then let out a sigh and shook her head. “What are you doing here, Vince? I thought we said pretty much everything that needed to be said already today.”
“No,” I said. “We didn’t.” I took the flowers from behind my back and held them out to her. “At least, I didn’t. Lindsey, I am so damn sorry. That’s not enough. I know it’s not enough. But it’s what I can say right now, and I hope you can accept it. I had a moment of idiocy. A lot of moments of idiocy. But I’m done with them. Please forgive me.”
Her arms loosened slightly, but her mouth clenched more tightly, and she drew a breath in through her nose that sounded shaky and then didn’t say anything. My heart pounded painfully in my chest, and beads of sweat formed on the back of my neck. She wasn’t accepting the apology. She wasn’t even willing to acknowledge what I said or take the flowers out of my hand. I waited a few seconds longer before giving a painful, resigned nod.
Setting the flowers down on the bar, I turned and started to walk away.
36
Lindsey
I wanted to still be mad at Vince. Never mind after what he put me through and the things he said, part of me wanted to just let him walk away. I had already dealt with enough. I’d had my quota of self-centered, shortsighted men, and maybe it was time for me to just put it all behind me and move forward.
But I couldn’t. Not with Vince. There was too much there. Not to mention the precious little secret I cradled inside me. I still hadn’t told anyone. The only people who knew were the doctor, the nurse, and me. For the first time in all the years Nick and I had shared our close friendship, I hadn’t picked up the phone and called him with the news.
Not that I hadn’t talked to him that day. I had to let him know what happened at the lawyer’s office. That was why he was coming down to the bar soon. He was going up to the racing complex to help with a few things, but when he was done there, he wanted to come celebrate with me. Even though telling him I wouldn’t be able to tip back a celebratory drink with him would have been the perfect transition to revealing the big news, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t want him to know first. Not
because I didn’t intend to keep the baby, or because I wasn’t ready to tell anybody. But because my heart was still reaching out for Vince. He should be the first to know about our baby.
That was the thought that I carried with me all day. It was what kept my temper set at a boiling level. I couldn’t believe he was doing this to me. I couldn’t believe how immature and selfish he was acting. But the worst part was how much I still wanted him.
I didn’t want to. I wanted to have been able to shut off my emotions as soon as I got out of that truck. I wanted to tell myself I didn’t need him. I got along just fine without him before, and I would do it again. Even with the new baby. I would have to tell him the baby was his eventually, of course. It would be fairly obvious considering I had no intentions of putting myself into exile throughout my pregnancy. But I figured if I could handle juggling co-parenting with one man, tossing another into the mix couldn’t be that challenging.
The only thing was, I couldn’t actually make myself feel that way. I didn’t want to be without Vince. And I didn’t want to raise our child alone. I couldn’t stop my heart from longing for him. But the anger was so fresh, so intense. I didn’t know how to handle it. I still wasn’t prepared when he walked through the door to the bar and admitted he was wrong.
I still wanted to be angry. I still wanted to keep myself at a distance and not let myself fall again so I didn’t have to feel more pain. But there he was right in front of me, a bouquet of my favorite flowers interspersed with other delicate blooms sitting on the bar. And he was walking away.
He came just to apologize and ask for my forgiveness. In that moment, my heart opened, and my fear was pushed to the back of my mind. Of course I would forgive him. I could face that risk for him.
“Wait,” I said. Vince stopped and I walked out from behind the bar. I picked up the flowers and ran my finger over one of the soft pink peony blooms. “How did you know these are my favorites?”
A hint of a smile flickered across Vince’s lips. Not a full grin, but more like a breath, a sigh of relief tilting his lips up for just a second. “Nick has gotten them for you for your birthday and when you were sick. I might be an idiot, but I pay attention to things like that.”
I smiled and nodded, then leaned forward to kiss him lightly. I could have melted into the kiss forever, but the sound of clapping from behind me broke through the fog of happiness and love. Pulling away reluctantly, I looked around Vince. Standing at the door were Nick, Darren, and Colby, along with the rest of my staff. They all grinned and cheered, applauding and laughing.
When Nick and Darren gave each other a high five, I cringed and looked at Vince. He shook his head. Taking the flowers from my hand, he put them back on the bar. One arm looped around my waist, and the other came up to cup his hand at the back of my head. He dipped me back and pressed another kiss to my lips, inspiring another round of raucous cheers from our audience.
He brought me back up to my feet, and we laughed, our foreheads rested together.
“Alright,” I said to them, “that’s all for your entertainment this evening. Vince and I are going to the back to talk for a minute. Then I’ll help you heathens.”
This only created another wave of whooping and hollering. Rolling my eyes and laughing, I took the flowers from the bar and led Vince back to my office. We couldn’t stay there for long. The bar was going to fill up soon, and I was down a bartender due to a cold. Not to mention all the whispers and murmuring it would inspire if we stayed behind closed doors for long.
We got into the office, but Vince almost immediately walked out again, telling me he would be right back. He was only gone for a few moments, and when he returned, he was carrying a beer pitcher full of water. He sat it on my desk and nestled my flowers inside. I had to laugh. When he stepped back from the desk and turned to me, I closed the space between us and kissed him again.
Vince’s hands swept around my waist, and I draped my arms over his shoulders to lean into him. There was nothing urgent or rushed about the kiss. We melted into each other, breathing through the kiss and just resting into sharing the same space again. Comfort and contentment settled over me, and it was almost as if I didn’t realize how much I really missed all aspects of Vince until I had it back. It was almost like not realizing how desperately thirsty you are until that first drop of cold water hits your tongue.
I knew I missed him. I knew I longed for him and felt the emptiness of him not being a part of every day. But I was forcing myself to get by. Now that I was in his arms again, the craving was even stronger, and I didn’t want to let go.
“Thank you for the flowers,” I said when the kiss ended. “They’re beautiful.”
“I knew you love peonies, but I wanted to do something special.”
“So, they would be different from the ones Nick gives me?” I asked.
The question took some of the light and happy feeling out of the room, but I felt like it needed to be said. As good as it felt to be this way with him again, there were still things we needed to work out. We needed to talk through what happened and ensure it was totally resolved. If we just ignored it or pretended it didn’t happen, it could all explode again later.
And I knew we needed to get everything out in the open and talk through it before I could tell him about the baby. The news was right there on the tip of my tongue. The ultrasound images were folded up in my bag stuffed in the bottom drawer of my desk. I could so easily tell him. But it didn’t feel like the right moment.
We were alone in the office, but it wasn’t lost on me that his brothers and my staff were just on the other side of my door. It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if I opened the door and found that Nick and Darren had beckoned in Quentin, Merry, and Kelly. Vince’s parents might have even been there when we came out of the office. A few borrowed seconds and a very public reconciliation weren’t the right time for him to find out he was going to be a father.
It would wait.
“Lindsey, I know I already said it, but I am so sorry. I don’t even know how to tell you how sorry I am. You didn’t do anything wrong,” he said.
I took his hands and nodded. “Yes, I did.”
“No. I was being selfish and ridiculous. You didn’t have any obligation to tell me anything or to make me the first priority when you were going through something. It was just me being sensitive and defensive because I wanted to be the first person you thought of,” he said.
“You might have been being selfish and ridiculous, but so was I. Vince, I should have told you the truth from the very beginning. Especially when things started getting more serious between us. I never should have just assumed your brother would tell you or thought that was enough. You deserved more than that. You still do. But we don’t have the time to talk about it all right now.”
“I can come back after work,” he suggested, but I shook my head.
“Come tomorrow. Another couple rented out the bar for a private event, so I won’t need to be here after it’s set up,” I told him.
Vince agreed and kissed me one more time before walking out of the office. I followed him and was relieved to see him ushering his brothers out. As much as I would like to celebrate my custody victory with Nick, it was better if we did that some other time. A time when he wasn’t going to be compelled to tease me all night, and when I could tell him why I wasn’t drinking.
Until then, I needed to get through the night and the next day and look forward to my time with Vince.
37
Vince
“You’re in early,” Mom said the next morning when she found me in the kitchen brewing a cup of coffee.
She paused at the edge of the island to look at the cake sitting in the middle of it. Or, at least, what was left of it. This was not a cake crafted by Anthony. It said boxed cake mix and cans of frosting smeared by my brothers all over it. It also said a few choice words and featured a stick figure scene necessitating the removal of the majority of the top of the cake to make it acce
ptable for presentation in public. At least presentation in front of my mother.
The fact that the cake was already waiting for me when I got to the office almost two hours before I usually did was a testament to their dedication. It probably meant they’d come up with the idea the night before and came to the complex to bake the cake in the kitchen so it could be waiting for me.
“Still not my fault,” I told her, and she laughed.
“I wasn’t even going to ask about it,” she said. “Whatever this whole pastry communication system you’ve got worked out, it’s between your brothers and you. I’m just here for the leftovers.”
She walked to the refrigerator and took out a bottle of creamer.
“Aren’t you going to get a slice?” I asked.
“For breakfast?” she asked.
“You’re an adult. You can do things like eat cake for breakfast if you want to,” I said. “Besides that one is carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. It’s practically a cinnamon raisin bagel.”
The leap was pretty extreme, but she was willing to accept it, and we each cut large wedges of the cake before sitting down with our coffee.
“So,” she said after a few bites, “is now a good time for me to ask why you went on vacation and if everything is okay?”
“Things weren’t going well with Lindsey,” I admitted. “You probably already figured that out. In the end, it was my fault.”
She let out a sigh. “Vince,” she said. “Lindsey is a good girl.”
“I know, I know,” I said, holding my hands up I like I was surrendering. “She is fantastic. Which is why I went to the bar last night to grovel and tell her I messed up.”
Mom raised one eyebrow at me. “Flowers?”
I smiled. “Of course. I got her her favorite and had the florist throw in a couple of others to make it special just for her. She seems to like them.”
The Freeman Brothers: A Secret Baby Romance Collection Page 62
