by Emily Wilson
With one last look at his unconscious brothers, Aleon turns on his heel and jogs down the long hallway to find the stairs.
I’m coming, Kato. Hang in there.
LONG AFTER THEY’VE taken Slait’s body out of the cell, Kato sits and stares at the stain on the floor. He meant what he was saying — this is his fault, and he’ll carry the guilt for the rest of his life. It’s so quiet now that Kato doesn’t speak anymore. No one is listening, and even if they were, it wouldn’t do any good. He’s all but given up hope when a familiar voice startles him and he looks up into the eyes of his brother. Not one of the evil ones watching over him all these days... one of the good ones. “Aleon?” he manages to croak out, he has no idea how long it’s been since he’s had water.
Aleon reaches out his hand and lifts him to his feet. “Shadows, little brother. Really hate to say I told you so... I was actually secretly rooting for you.”
Kato doesn’t even have the strength to smile, so he doesn’t try. “Where’s Teagon?”
“Oh you know, having a little fun with Six. Zero went down with one hit but Six tried to fight, the little bastard. Teag is tying them up while they take a little nap. Are you ready to go home?”
Home. Kato nods, the thought of home making his eyes burn from more unshed tears. “Yeah... I never want to leave again.”
“I don't think you're going to be allowed to,” Aleon says with a grimace. “Azrian’s going to kick all of our asses when we get back, I just want you to be prepared for that.”
Knowing Azrian is almost within arm’s reach has Kato feeling lighter. Nothing will take the weight pushing down on his chest, but it helps, and he honestly hopes Az does kick his ass soon. At least they’d be together. “Good. I deserve it. I’m sorry I didn’t listen... you all warned me.”
Aleon stares into his eyes but doesn't comment on the fact that they're green now, which Kato can't complain about. He knows he’ll have to explain it eventually, but his heart is too heavy for Slait to lament the loss of his powers just yet.
“Let's get you out of here,” Aleon says. “Don't worry about apologizing, I'm just... well, I'm glad you're alive.” He checks out the lock on the cell, then rolls his eyes at himself and teleports inside to grab Kato then back out to Teagon.
Teag surprises them all when he pulls Kato into a hug. Kato flinches at the contact, but he can't deny how good the affection feels after his time here in the Ruins and the cruelty he’d been dealt.
“Okay.” Teag pulls back to look at him fully and offers him a forced smile. “I’ll yell at you when we’re out of here. For now, I’m just glad you’re okay.”
Kato nods his head and takes their hands, and right as Aleon is about to teleport them to Embermeadow, he lets the hope of being free wash over him. “I’m coming, Azzy.”
9 The Aftermath
Azrian stands outside and stares at the night sky. He's not even sure what he's looking for anymore — an avisim, a sign from Cettia, something else — all he knows is that whatever it is, it's eluding him. Ronan has long since gone to bed and Rhix returned to his own house with Roe, but Azrian refuses to give up. Teagon and Aleon will come through... they have to.
He sits in the cold grass and ignores the creeping chill up his spine as his hopes begin to fade, but he reminds himself that some avisim are slow. It crosses his mind to go back to that Aviary and talk to the man that chose this particular avisim when he finally sees movement — but not from the sky like he'd expected. By the trees, and not one of the three shapes he sees are avisim.
Instinct tells him to be on guard, so Azrian doesn't move a muscle until they're close enough that he can see the rough outline of Kato’s messy hair. All caution disappears as he scrambles to his feet, Kato’s name getting stuck in his throat on its desperate venture out.
The giant is running toward him, and when his face is finally close enough, Az can see how hard this time apart has been on him. “Az. I’m so sorry,” Kato rushes out as he scoops him up.
“Shadows,” he gasps, but it has nothing to do with being lifted off his feet this time. He wraps his legs around Kato’s waist and kisses him so hard he's afraid he'll hurt them both, but something tells him this is one time that neither of them care.
Kato rests their foreheads together and just falls onto his backside, squeezing Az so tightly all doubts that this is a dream disappear. “I love you; I never should have left you. It’s all my fault.” His voice breaks at the end, making Az shake his head quickly and kiss him again.
“Shut up, Kato. We both sucked, but you came back. I don't care about anything else.” He pulls back to stare into the eyes he missed so much, but what he sees there has his breath catching and his thoughts derailing. They're not golden-green anymore, they're just... green. “Jellycrai?” he whispers, confusion lacing the word. “What...?”
Shame radiates off his lover and those eyes slam shut. “He took them... they’re gone.”
Teagon clears his throat then, startling Az out of the moment. “We should have explained what Syphon’s powers were. I guess we’ve always known what he was, and the name speaks for itself, so we didn’t even think to mention it. Was he a Cogitare when he came?”
Not one part of any of that makes sense to Azrian, so he grabs onto the only thing he can. “Syphon? Yeah, he was. I thought it was just normal, but he had gray in his eyes like me. Did Cettia do this? Is this Cettia’s fault?” Beyond anything else, that particular betrayal feels like something he won't be able to get past, but Aleon shakes his head.
“Not Cettia. Inais. Think of him as the god of the dark corners of this world, of the void that exists all around us. He exists in shadows and smoke, in space and in the emptiness inside of us all,” Aleon explains.
“Gods, Ale. You sound like his promoter,” Teagon mutters. “Suffice it to say that no, this didn't have anything to do with Cettia. And Inais might've given Syph the tools to accomplish it, but this was all him. Again, sorry we didn't warn you.”
Azrian looks back down at Kato and his heart shatters so completely, he's afraid he just made more room for this mysterious Inais. “I'm so, so sorry, Kato.”
Kato hides in the crook of Azrian’s neck and his hand snakes under his shirt to pin their bodies together. He doesn’t say anything at all, and it’s so unlike Kato that Az finds himself cursing the gods as a whole. He was right — they’re vicious bastards.
Teagon stares down at his brother with pity in his eyes, and Aleon slaps his arm and angles his head toward the house. “Let’s give them a moment.”
They disappear inside long before Kato finally moves to meet Az’s gaze, but he still keeps as much of their bodies touching as possible. “Azzy...”
“Hey. I'm right here, okay? I want to throttle those two for not coming to get me first, but we’re here now.” He brushes his fingers down Kato’s cheek and smiles softly, making an effort to hold back any tears that might spill out. No matter how angry he is at Syphon or how sad he is on Kato’s behalf, he owes it to him to just be supportive. “You’re safe again.”
“I was so worried about you.” Kato kisses him again, and this time Az can feel the desperation behind it. His giant hands roam all over Az — almost as if he’s trying to make sure he’s real, that he’s solid and actually in his arms — and when he isn’t satisfied, he shoves them under Azrian’s clothes to touch his bare skin. “I’m so sorry.”
Painfully aware they're still in their front yard, Az settles against Kato’s chest and tries to steady his heart rate. “Don't be sorry. I'm sorry. Shadows, Kato... I should've gone with you. I should've never tried to stop you, no matter what the outcome was. You deserved my trust, and I didn't give it to you.”
“But you were right,” Kato whispers, despair returning to his voice. “You were right about everything and I dismissed you. You deserve my trust.”
Azrian doesn't say anything for a moment. They're both right but trying to explain that when all he wants to do is spend the next several hours t
hanking Cettia that Kato came home alive sounds exhausting... though in the end, he knows Kato needs to understand this. He leans up. “That's not the point, Kato. Yes, I think you need to trust me more, but it doesn't matter that I was right. This was really important to you and I completely ignored that. I promise, I'm gonna try really hard not to do that again.”
Tears flood in his eyes as Kato kisses him and the heat behind it builds with each second, then abruptly dissipates. “Me too,” he whispers. “I still can’t believe how cold they are, Azrian.”
Anger at Syphon for not being what Kato needed him to be makes it hard for Azrian to form words for a moment, but Aleon peeks his head out the front door and clears his throat quietly to get their attention. “Do you want us to go?”
“No,” Az says quickly. He doesn't move off of Kato just yet, but the last thing he wants is for the two of them to leave. Kato needs them, and if he's being honest, he's got some thanking to do. “Please stay. We’ll be in soon.”
He nods and ducks back inside, so Az turns his focus back to Kato. “You need rest. Will you come inside and lay down with me?”
After Kato agrees, they make their way inside the house hand in hand. His grip is tighter than normal, but Az can feel he needs the contact to stay grounded. The brothers are on the couch, but Az and Kato don’t stop to talk. Instead, Azrian leads him to the bedroom and helps him change into clean clothes, then tucks him into bed. “I had dreams of this,” Kato whispers, pulling Az’s body flush with his. “Every single day.”
“So did I. I was really scared I wasn't going to see you again,” he admits quietly. “Either by your choice or not. Do you want to talk about any of it?”
Kato’s grip tightens and his eyes slam shut like he's trying to force the memories from his mind, but slowly, he recounts the terrible ordeal he'd been through. Azrian listens as Kato’s voice steadily gets shakier, and each word out of his mouth has Azrian wishing he'd have done more to protect him.
Tears roll down Kato’s cheeks as he gets to the end. “It's my fault. I convinced him to try. I may as well have killed him myself.”
“Don't say that.” Az plants a kiss to his chest and tries to hold him a little tighter. “This is Syphon’s fault. Not yours. If you wouldn't have tried to escape, they would've killed him eventually. Probably you, too. You did what you had to do.”
This time when Kato responds, he sounds surer of himself than he has since arriving back home. “I would have deserved it. And now... I’m useless.”
Hearing those words is hard — partially because now Azrian knows how he used to sound, but mostly because he can't handle Kato thinking that about himself. He doesn't want anyone thinking that way about themselves. Carefully, he sits up to meet his eyes. “Jellycrai. You are not useless. Did you think I was useless when I didn't have my powers?”
“Of course not.” Kato cradles his chin. “With or without, you are never useless, Azzy.”
“Then why would you think you are? You still have powers, but even if you didn't, it's your heart that makes you worth something. And I think you've got a great one.”
It doesn’t seem like Kato believes him, but he refrains from arguing and places a soft kiss on his lips. “I missed you. Have I said that yet?”
“Not nearly enough,” Az responds with a soft smile. He knows this conversation is far from over — just like everything else they've got coming their way — but right now... he has a feeling Kato needs something else. They both do.
“FEEL BETTER AT ALL?” Azrian asks carefully as he slides his fingers over Kato's bare back. He's almost grateful he can't see his face anymore — he has a feeling that what they just shared was little more than a bandage on a much bigger problem, but he hopes it at least brought him some comfort.
“I do actually. I needed to feel close to you.” Kato sighs deeply and then sits up abruptly, turning to face Azrian. “Wait... did Aleon say Syph was here?”
Shadows. “Yeah, him and Tripp and some other guy paid us a little visit. Ended better for us than it did for them.”
Kato’s breathing visibly picks up and he pulls Az up to sit with him. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here to help, Azzy. Ronan had to see more violence and I said I would help protect him from that. I’m supposed to protect all of you.”
“We’re supposed to protect each other,” Az amends. “And we all failed. Axis got me back here in time to stop Ronan from being hurt, but I shouldn't have left him, or you. The point is that none of us have been perfect lately, but we’re all together now and we can do better moving forward. We have to do better.”
Everything about Kato’s face and posture says he agrees, and Azrian is relieved he doesn’t argue. “We’ll do better.” He laces their fingers together and meets his gaze. “So you’re not going to kick my ass?”
The laugh that elicits is surprising to say the least — it bursts from Azrian’s chest and fills the air around them, but once he starts... he can't seem to stop. The thought of him ever being able to kick Kato’s anything is amusing, but for that to be what Kato's worried about? “No, Jellycrai,” he says. “I don't think I could if I tried, even now.”
“You could, because I’d let you.” Kato grins and seems to feel a little better after that. “I read books on how things used to be back at Deadrun. When they would divorce in the olden times, the larger partner would have to dig a hole so their duel would be fair. The partner not in the hole would get a cloth filled with rocks to battle with.” He chuckles lightly and ghosts his fingers on Azrian’s palm. “I used to believe it was still that way in Athoze, but now I see it’s not.”
That particular scene plays out in Azrian’s mind, but even then, he doesn't think he'd be able to beat Kato if he was actually trying. “Well, I promise I won't attack you with stones.”
“Good.” Kato huffs and touches Az’s face softly. “Let me heal you... I don’t like seeing cuts on your body.”
Some small little part of Azrian worries that includes scars, but he knows better. Kato’s seen every inch of him and hasn't balked before. “It's pretty much just my hands... and the couple on my face and neck that I got while riding on Axis. He didn't exactly watch where he was going when he was whipping through the woods to get back here.”
“Still clumsy with the blade, I see.”
“Ha-ha, very funny.” As Kato’s power works its way through his system and mends the physical cuts, something else occurs to Az. “How come it doesn't hurt when you heal me? Sana’s normally suck.”
“I don’t know. I never thought about it... maybe I’m just better at it than them.” He kisses Az’s lips and then lays back down, and something tells him that Kato's not far off.
“I don't know about better at it, but you're definitely better,” Az says. “I don't think I've ever met a Sana that cares about people as much as you do.”
“I try. I used to think it was a part of being a Cogitare. It’s hard not to be empathetic when you can hear and feel everyone’s emotions. Most people turn it off. If they turn off their empathy, they don’t have to feel the pain. I never learned how, nor did I ever try.” Kato runs his hands through Azrian’s hair as he speaks. “But now, I’m not a Cogitare, and I still feel all of those things. I still care just as deeply as before. So maybe it is just who I am?”
Azrian smiles lightly and hums as he leans into Kato’s touch. “Yeah, Jellycrai. It's just who you are... and that's a good thing. A really good thing.”
SOMETIME AFTER AZRIAN falls asleep, Kato continues to lay there. Before this, all he wanted was to be home in bed with Az on his chest — and now that he’s here, he can't sleep. He can’t shut off his brain. Kato had spent years learning to drown out others, and yet he never had to learn how to drown out himself. Every time his eyes close, he hears the sound of Slait's skull cracking against the concrete, making him relive that moment over and over again. It’s a torture worse than the cell, one he can't escape.
He knows Azrian believes he's worth something. Az has a
lways been the only person to think Kato’s worth a stone, but their situations don't compare. When Azrian chose to give up his powers, not only was that his choice, but he went back to being the person he was before. He knew how to be human because he'd always been a strong, beautiful, courageous human. His powers were just tools to defeat an enemy. They never defined him.
But who is Kato without his Cogitare powers? He truly has no idea.
Eventually, exhaustion wins and Kato manages to drift off for an hour or so. He awakes just as drained as he was when he dozed off, but this time, Azrian isn’t there. “Azrian!” he yells, jumping out of bed and nearly ripping the door off the hinges when he yanks it open.
“Kitchen!” Az calls out, but meets Kato in the hallway with a concerned expression. “What's wrong?”
Relieved to see him, Kato just pulls Azrian in and holds him, breathing in his scent as he slowly relaxes. Az is here... you're home... he is safe...
“We’re okay, Jellycrai. I mean, you might not be when I tell you that Teagon’s trying to eat all the sweetbread, but—” he kisses the hollow of his throat — “we’re okay.”
“What a shadowhead,” Kato mumbles into his hair before finally pulling back. “Sorry... I panicked a little. You made sweetbread?” For the first time since getting home, Kato genuinely smiles. Eating sweetbread with Az feels so normal it actually lifts his mood.
Azrian’s eyes dance a little as he takes Kato’s hands and tugs him into the kitchen, but he lets go to walk over and attempt to shove his six-foot-three Viribus brother out of the way. “I threw you out once, Teagon... don't make me do it again.”
It's almost comical the way Teagon barely notices Az pushing him. “Wait, are you...? You're trying to move me?” He glances down and chuckles, then sidesteps far enough that Az slips and nearly faceplants. “Ooh, not quite, Az.”
Kato watches with a smile; it feels so good to be surrounded by family — real family. “He’s sturdier than he looks. I wouldn't test him, Teag.”
