by Nyssa Renay
“Vigil Voronto!” Graldo barked as he walked into the refinery. “Get your ass over here!”
I gladly dropped the shovel and stood at attention before him. He looked down at my hands, noticing my bloody fingers, and scrunched up his face.
“You’re fallin’ way behind in here. What’s the problem with you?” the shepherd growled.
“Sorry, sir. My hands keep going numb. I’m having a hard time holding onto the shovel, that’s all.”
“That’s all?”
“Yes, sir,” I lied, trying not to sound weak or make excuses.
“You sure?”
“Yes, sir.” I nodded.
Shepherd Graldo stared at me for a few moments, looking back and forth between my face and my hands, trying to decide if I was lying. “Hold out your hands!” he snapped.
My hands shook violently, no matter how hard I tried to keep them still. Graldo reached into his robes and grabbed a small canteen of water from his inner pocket. He took off the cap and poured the water over my hands. Inside my head, I screamed in agony, doing all I could to keep from passing out from the stinging pain.
“Okay,” Graldo said as he capped the canteen and shoved it back into his pocket. “Now, I get it.” He cracked a smile.
“Get what, sir?” I asked, staring up at him, thoroughly confused.
“Why you’re here.”
I still had no idea what he was getting at.
Graldo let out a chuckle. “Wish I coulda seen it…you takin’ down that weaselly ol’ bastard. Let me guess; he used his shepherd abilities on ya, did he?”
“Yes, sir, but—”
“Knew it! That piece of shit! Kid yer age with no abilities of yer own…can’t even fight fair. Here ya go,” he said, pulling out a pair of gloves like the other kids were wearing and handed them to me. “Work ends in a half of an hour,” he announced as he walked out of the refinery.
I cautiously slid my hand inside one of the gloves, feeling an instant and unexpected relief from the slimy substance inside it. I quickly put on the other one and was instantly relieved as the numbness rapidly melted away. When I turned back around, the other potentials smiled at me, seemingly now accepting me as a coworker because of Graldo’s kind offering.
I felt a sense of pride and accomplishment as I hurried back over to where I’d left my shovel and began to double my efforts to catch up the work I’d let get so far behind.
Shift over, I gathered with the others on mining duty to wait for the cart to take us back to the entrance. While I’d managed to win over the potentials I’d been working with all day, there was one person in the group who did not share their sentiments toward me. Biklish.
“Son of a bitch,” he said, approaching with several other large potentials in tow. “Would you look who it is?”
I let out a long, angry sigh. “Seriously, I’m really not in the mood for your shit right now, okay?”
“See what I mean, guys? He thinks he’s better than the rest of us.”
“No, Biklish, just you,” I replied, staring him down. “Why are you here, anyway?”
“Because I work here…that’s why!” he snarled, giving me a quick shove. “You’re only here because no one else wants you around.”
The group of potentials slowly encircled us, waiting and watching.
I let out a long sigh before blurting out, “You’re right.” Biklish’s expression turned from aggression to confusion. “I’m only here because I screwed up. You’re here because you’re too stupid to do anything else.”
I was promptly tackled and pummeled by Biklish and his friends. They took turns kicking me while I was down until the horn from the approaching commuter cart finally blared.
“See you tomorrow,” he said, laughing and egging on his buddies to do the same as they walked over to the cart in the waiting area.
I lay there, battered, beaten, and bloodied, but I didn’t care. I’d been through so much strife and torment that Biklish was nothing more than an extra nuisance to deal with while I served out my punishment.
In some regard, I knew I’d eventually get out of the Sanctified Mines, which gave me solace to know there was an end in sight. But Biklish and those like him were condemned to be on mining duty for the rest of their time at the Shepherd Academy. I almost felt sorry for them.
Biklish belonged to the Palpit sect, and from what I’d learned in my Tier I classes, there were two very different types of potentials among their ranks. The first, full of strategy, guile, and great intellect; and the other, a lesser mentality of brute force with the ability to afflict fear on those who opposed them. It was obvious to me which group Biklish belonged with.
Once my aggressors walked away to get in line for the cart, I got up and dusted off my clothes as best I could and found an open seat near the back, trying my best to ignore Biklish’s constant taunting and glaring. To be honest, I was happier about sitting down than anything else.
My body ached and stung with the cart’s every motion as it puttered along the tunnels to the mine’s entrance. When we arrived, those of us on punishment detail had to hike our way back to the dorms, while those assigned mining duty as part of their sect training boarded a shuttle bus to return back to the dorms and the chow halls much faster.
Even though I no longer had to wait until after the other potentials had finished eating like when I was on kitchen duty, I was still stuck at the very end of the line. It took so long to get back to the dorms, shower, and then arrive at the chow hall.
It wasn’t as if I was missing out on anything special. The food was still bland and cold, but what bothered me the most about my latest punishment was that I was being made to feel as if I was still thought of as a Tier I potential and not able to progress at the academy.
-38-
Two months had passed since the night of the royal dinner, and while my physical injuries were healed, my mental struggles hadn’t gone away. In fact, they’d only gotten worse as time went on. I was stuck in a stagnant way of life. No progression as a potential, no relief from Biklish’s daily harassment; not even the chance to repair my reputation with the rest of the academy.
“Have a seat, Vigil,” Graldo said as he motioned for me to sit in the old, dirty chair across from his desk.
“Yes, sir,” I answered, closing the door. It was the first time I’d been summoned to his office inside the dilapidated shack, and it came as no surprise that the inside was just as time-worn and disheveled as the outside.
“It’s time to do yer two-month review. I think it’s a bunch of bureaucratic bullshit, if you ask me,” he huffed, flipping page after page in a small binder on his desk. “What do you think?”
“About what?”
“Your review. Do you think you need one or not?”
“Not really,” I admitted.
“And why’s that?” He stopped flipping pages and squinted his face up and stared at me, waiting for my answer.
“Because it doesn’t matter,” I said indifferently. “I’m going to be here as long as they want me to be. There’s nothing I can do about it, so why bother?”
“Good point!” he said, closing the binder and tossing it onto a small pile of trash on the floor.
I couldn’t help but laugh at his response.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing,” I replied, quickly trying to compose myself. “Sorry, sir.”
He squinted his eyes, shifting slightly in his seat, and stared at me for a minute before speaking again. “You know what I don’t get about you?”
“What’s that, sir?”
“You work hard. You never complain. You’re one of the good ones. So why are ya here?”
“Because I attacked a shepherd, and this was my punishment.”
Shepherd Graldo leaned forward, his scrunched-up face eyeing me intently. “And you’re okay with that, are ya?”
“I guess…I mean…it’s not like I have a say ab
out it.”
“So, ya think it’s a fair punishment, then?”
“Fair? Not really, but I understand why I have to be here.”
“So, why are ya here?” he asked again, circling back to his original question.
“Honestly?” I wasn’t sure where he was going with his line of inquiry, but I felt as if I was being set up to condemn myself for even more punishment if I spoke my mind.
“Yep,” he nodded, staring me down.
“Because I represent everything that challenges the shepherds’ authority. They can’t have potentials questioning their actions, even when they are obviously wrong. They needed to use me as an example, so every potential remains in a constant state of fear and continues to obey them blindly. Otherwise, most of us would rebel against having to be kept here against our will. I did what I did, and am here because of it. I’m not making excuses, because given the chance, I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat.”
Graldo’s expression stayed the same and he continued to stare at me in an awkward silence. I wasn’t sure if I’d crossed the line or not, but he wanted to know the truth about how I felt, and I gave it to him as bluntly as I could.
“Sounds good! Keep up the good work, Vigil.” He smiled, motioning for me to leave his office.
I got up, still wary of his intentions for asking me such a personal question, but judging from his reaction and response, he seemed to feel the same way I did about things at the academy. Perhaps I’d found an ally after all.
***
It was the end of the afternoon shift, and everyone was waiting for the cart. As usual, Biklish and his small group of friends surrounded me to begin the ritual of my daily beating, trying to drag me down to their level.
Yet again, I got up from the ground and wiped myself off before heading to board the shuttle. I sat down on the last seat at the back of the cart. An older potential, Belcor, struck up a peculiar conversation with me. He’d been on punishment detail for over a week and had observed my daily beatings from the sidelines.
“Why do you put up with that?” he asked bluntly as the cart chugged along the tunnels.
“What do you mean?” I asked, wondering why he cared.
“That sapp! Why do you let him beat you up all the time?”
“Sapp?”
“Yeah…you know…Stupid-Ass-Palpit-Potential.”
I laughed, feeling justified that Biklish and those like him were considered by most of the other potentials to be nothing more than moronic, bullish thugs.
“Well,” I began, “it drives him absolutely nuts when I act like what he’s doing doesn’t bother me. It makes him so mad that his attempts at intimidation don’t work. I mean, it bothers me to be punched and kicked every day, but I’ve experienced far worse than what he could ever do to me.”
“Still,” Belcor said, grimacing, “It’s not right. We’re here to support each other as fellow potentials and future shepherds…to have each other’s backs, should we ever need it. What he’s doing goes against everything we, as brothers and sisters of the academy, represent.”
“Yeah, well, if he keeps his focus on me, it keeps him from bothering anyone else. And in all honesty, the Shepherd Academy has done me more harm to me than Biklish and his buddies ever could. So, I don’t see any point in bitching about it.”
“That’s a pretty morbid way to look at it,” he said solemnly, “but I see your point. I just think you need to say something…or fight back.”
“If I do, then he wins, which would only be worse for me in the long run.”
“How?”
“The shepherds here don’t care about anything but themselves. Not us…not our well-being…nothing!” I growled, trying to open his eyes to the real culprit behind our daily struggles. “At least with Biklish, I understand why he treats me like he does. He honestly hates me. But when it comes to the shepherds and the academy, there is no rhyme or reason why they treat us like they do. We’re just sheep to be herded and controlled to make their lives better, not ours.”
“Well, academy or not, I believe all potentials should look out for their fellow brothers and sisters…to rely on each other to work as a cohesive force, not as individuals or out to fulfill their own selfish agendas.”
“Good luck with that,” I scoffed, knowing what he was preaching was nothing more than the selfish rhetoric the academy had brainwashed us all to believe to maintain their oppressive hold over us.
“So, you’re saying you disagree with me?” Belcor asked, arching his eyebrow defensively.
“No, I’m not saying that at all. In fact, I agree with you, but it’s not going to make a bit of difference if no one shares your sentiment about how potentials should treat each other. It’s a nice concept, but right now, I’m being punished for doing the right thing. Nothing about this place makes any sense. I’m just trying to make it through each day until my punishment detail is over. That’s all.”
“Have it your way…I guess,” he said, nodding somberly as the shuttle cart stopped at the entrance of the mines.
I knew what he was driving at, but it seemed like everyone at the Shepherd Academy preached one thing and practiced another, and I was sick and tired of having to justify my past indiscretions. I just wanted to serve my time, get back to the regular Tier II class schedule, and find my true calling. And as always, it never happened how I imagined or hoped it would.
-39-
It had only been a week since my conversation with Belcor, and in that time, Biklish had started to lose the support of his so-called friends whenever he chose to physically harass me. At first, I thought his allies were finally getting bored with picking on me day after day and were ready to move on to another potential, but I was wrong.
I saw Biklish arguing with the other potentials in his sect as we waited for the cart at the end of the shift. Whenever Biklish started to approach me, the other potentials around him quickly grabbed him and pulled him back into the group. Finally, Biklish managed to break free and make his way over to me, pushing me down. As always, I slowly got back up, staring Biklish in the eye, waiting for the next assault.
“Biklish! Cut the shit!” the voice of one of my former attackers called out. “You’re going to get us into trouble, too!”
I could see the anger on Biklish’s face, which was even worse than usual. “Had to go whining to your friends about me, huh?”
I let out a frustrated sigh. “I have no absolutely no idea what you’re talking about, Biklish.”
“Yeah right!” he snapped, giving me another shove.
“I’m serious!” I slowly got back to my feet and stood face to face with him.
“One way or another, I’m gonna get you back for this,” he growled.
“Back for what?” I snarled, inching closer to him. I’d finally had enough.
“For getting me in trouble with my laureate.”
“And how the hell is that my fault? You’re the one who acts like an asshole every day. It’s been six years since I attacked you with that shovel, and you still won’t let it go, no matter how many times you beat me up.”
“Well…you shouldn’t have told on me,” he replied, growing more stubborn by the moment. “That’s all I’m saying.”
“Seriously?” I snapped. “Look around you! Everyone can see what you’re doing. Did you honestly think no one was ever going to say anything? How stupid are you?”
His face turned an even darker shade of red. “Don’t call me stupid,” he howled, grabbing me by the collar with both hands and jerking me furiously back and forth, shoving me to the ground.
I shook my head dismissively and calmly got back to my feet. “You just don’t get it, do you? This place doesn’t give a shit about you. This place doesn’t give a shit about me, either…none of us. Look where we are! We’re a bunch of kids working our asses off. For what?”
“How should I know?” Biklish argued, confusion spreading over his face.
“Well, I’m definitely not going to lift a finger to help you.”
“That’s fine. I’m not asking you to, but do it for them,” I said, pointing to the small group of Palpit potentials he’d been arguing with. “Everything you do in this place doesn’t just affect you; it affects them as well. You need to think about that before you lash out at me or anyone else.”
I knew a part of him understood, even believed what I was saying, but I could tell there was no way he was going to appear weak in front of his friends.
“Whatever,” Biklish said, giving me a final shove before walking away to rejoin his friends.
As the horn from the cart signaled its arrival, I noticed Shepherd Graldo staring at me from the other side of the cave. He offered me a quick nod before disappearing into the shadows.
In the months that followed, Biklish barely looked in my direction, and I was perfectly fine with that. I’d always felt guilty about the shovel incident and how I’d taken it too far, but I knew it was finally time to let it go for good, and I hoped Biklish did as well.
***
After six months of working in the Sanctified Mines for Shepherd Graldo, I could honestly say I hadn’t learned anything useful to further my role as a Necra sect potential. Almost every day, he found an excuse to single me out and pull me aside, stressing how important my work in the mines was to everyone at the academy and beyond its walls. It was as if he’d finally found someone to impart his wisdom to. The only thing was, I didn’t care about any of it. I found the entire process to be incredibly boring, and each day felt longer than the last. Not only was the back-breaking work burning me out physically, but Graldo’s constant tutelage wore me out mentally as well. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could take it.
