by Nyssa Renay
“Most?”
“The more tragic or influential moments in their lives will remain with you forever. It’s one of the burdens of being a Necra shepherd, but also an honor to have shared their lives as they pass on to Ein’s realm. Remember that.”
“I will.” I nodded.
I grasped my shepherd staff tightly and closed my eyes, concentrating on creating the archway to connect me to the vessel. The words of Wraith flowed from me as my staff began to glow, vibrating and conducting my energy and focusing outward to whomever it was, wherever they were. From the base of the staff, a purple light snaked its way across the floor and shot up to form an archway, the center of which began to circle and swirl with a greenish-white light. I was instantly bombarded with emotion, and I knew who my dying subject was. I could feel him.
“I’m so sorry, Vigil,” Diabelle said quietly. She could feel it, too.
“It’s my father!” I cried out.
Everything my father was going through now and everything he’d gone through in all his life all came rushing through me in overpowering waves. I felt his joy when Linna and I were born. I felt his sorrow when my mother and sister died. I felt his despair when I was taken from him and brought to the academy. I felt everything—every heartbeat and every teardrop he’d shed in sadness and in anger at all that had happened. Now, he was close to death, and I would be the one to escort him to the afterlife.
“You have to go to him,” Diabelle said compassionately. “Be brave. Serve Necra well.”
“I can’t…it’s my own father.” I fought to maintain my calm to keep myself from drowning in my father’s emotions.
“You must, before it’s too late. I know this is difficult for your first time, but it’ll get easier, I swear,” Diabelle said in soothing tones. “You should go now, before he passes alone.”
“All right,” I said apprehensively, tears trickling down my face from the raw emotions washing over me.
“Good luck, Snowflake,” she said kindly.
I grasped the staff with all my might, leaning on it for strength as I stepped into the archway and let my body pass into the light.
-91-
The archway brought me back to Quelstren, to the front steps of the house I knew as a child, and in a certain way, back in time. While the setting and the smells and the memories remained the same, time and decay had taken their toll.
Everything was in shambles now. The house was weathered and rundown. It was a shadow of its former beautiful but humble self. Some of the windows were broken and hastily boarded up, the hinges on the front door were rusty and neglected, and the wooden planks on our front porch creaked and threatened to buckle as I walked across them. I stood there nervously, almost afraid to go inside.
I could feel my father’s pain. I could sense his suffering. As I crossed the threshold of the front door, I knew instantly where he was, but it really didn’t surprise me to find him sitting there in my mother’s chair.
He was older now, but not unrecognizable. His face was marked with deep-set wrinkles and his hair was nothing more than fine gray wisps that clung to the back of my mother’s chair with static electricity. He was covered in a thick blue quilt that was worn and tattered from both age and use. The closer I got to him, the more easily I heard his raspy breathing. He wasn’t taking in full breaths, and there was effort in his lungs. He coughed a few times—his eyes were closed and sleepy—and when he shifted in the chair and groaned in pain, I found it hard not to reach for him to help any way I could.
“If you’re here for me, just take me now and get it over with,” he said with his eyes still shut. He let out another deep cough and inhaled a thin, raspy breath. His face was flushed, and he was sweating heavily. Something wasn’t right. This wasn’t a natural death. This was too early. “You gonna just sit there and be quiet, or are you gonna get on with it?”
“I…um…” I couldn’t think of the right thing to say. I concentrated to remember my training, but being there, staring at the face of my dying father, I was drawing a complete blank. “…hello…I…”
With a labored burst of energy, my father ripped off the quilt and shot up from the chair. “You people have taken everything from me! The least you could do is to make my death swift!” he growled as he stood face to face with me. My father was furious and tired as he stared into my eyes, but then something inside him seemed to register. His expression changed from anger to joy, and his eyes welled up with the dignified tears of a very proud man. “Vigil?”
“Hi, Dad.” I forced a somber smile.
“Ein be praised! It is you!” He threw his weak arms around my neck and immediately collapsed into my body.
“Easy! Easy now, Dad!” I said as I gently placed him back down in the chair. I could feel death on him, sneaking around him like a predator. I knelt before him. His face was overjoyed to see me as he smiled and laughed for a few minutes, touching my cheeks and my hair as if he didn’t believe I was truly there.
“I thought…I thought you were somebody else,” he said weakly. “Oh, Vigil, I’ve missed you so much!”
“I’ve missed you, too, Dad,” I replied. I was nervous now because I could feel his death creeping closer. I didn’t want to see this. I didn’t want to be a part of this. “How long have you been sick?”
“Two weeks. Fell off the roof in a rainstorm trying to patch up one of the bigger holes before it got any worse. It was my fault for letting it get that bad. I should have fixed it sooner.” He moved to the side and pointed to his shirt. I lifted up the dirty piece of clothing enough to see his misshapen ribcage. Two, maybe three ribs had been broken in the fall. I felt a tightness in my chest and realized he had caught pneumonia in the rain as well. He didn’t have long.
“Oh, Dad, I’m so sorry.” I held his hand as I spoke.
“Sorry for what? You didn’t do anything wrong! Always remember that.” He smiled. “I’ve missed you, but I’m very, very proud of you. My son, the shepherd!”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“What are you going to do now that you’re a shepherd? You’re not going to fight in that war I keep hearing about, are you? Ein save me, I don’t think I could deal with that, too,” he rambled on. “What are you doing here?”
I wished we had more time together, but while I had almost two thousand years left to live, my father’s time was rapidly running out.
“I…Dad…” I didn’t want to waste these moments talking about the war; it would only cause more stress as he passed. I told him the truth. “I serve the goddess Necra, Dad…and…I-I’m here for you,” I said somberly, squeezing his fingers and feeling tremendously guilty.
His face fell, but he didn’t look afraid. He nodded, accepting the fate that I was sent here to deliver. “Oh…okay…yes, I understand,” he said as he patted the back of my fingers with his free hand. “But before I go, I need you to go into the kitchen and pull back the rug.”
“But, Dad—”
“Please, Vigil. It’s important. Under the rug, you’ll see a small door. There’s a compartment beneath the kitchen with a box in it. Bring it to me…before we run out of time.”
I did as he instructed, ripping back the rug in the kitchen to reveal a door that I never knew existed. Lifting the door, I saw a small space beneath the floor that was about three feet by three feet. There, in the center, covered with grains of dried-up dirt, was a little red box with black trim. Quickly, I freed the box from the compartment and gave it to my father.
“This belongs to you, Vigil,” he said as he opened the box, revealing a little pyramid-shaped blackbrass pendant. “You need to take it with you. Shepherd Machoji gave this to you on your birthday when you were just a little boy, and I hid it to protect it. Take it now. It’s yours.” He shoved the necklace toward me, his hand shaking.
“Thanks, Dad,” I said politely. I quickly took the necklace and threw it around my head, letting it fall down against my neck. I couldn’t have ca
red less about the trinket. All I wanted to do was help my father pass peacefully, and that time was almost upon us.
He groaned with pain as he let the box fall from his lap and land on the floor. I could feel my father’s heartbeat starting to slow. I didn’t want to watch this. I couldn’t bear to see the last member of my family die right in front of me, just as my mother and sister had, but I knew it was my responsibility as a Necra shepherd and a son.
My father began to tremble. I leaned over him, placing my hand on his head as Shepherd Diabelle had taught me. I could feel the sparks of life in his brain beginning to shut down one by one. I could feel his body losing its battle.
“At least I’ll get to see them again, Vigil,” he whispered as his heartbeat slowed.
“That’s right, Dad. I’m sure they’re waiting for you.” My lips trembled, and my eyes watered.
“I did the best I could, Vigil. You know that, right?”
“I know you did,” I said proudly.
“I’m sorry…sorry I couldn’t give you more,” he panted, the words only a sigh.
“Just rest now, Dad. Let it come for you. I won’t leave your side. I-I promise.” My voice cracked, and I couldn’t control my sobbing. Everything my father had ever experienced in his life was now joined with my soul. I felt the final beats of his heart as it faded…three more…two more…one more….
“I love you, son.”
“I love you too, Dad,” I whispered through my tears.
He was gone.
-92-
I cried over his body, bawling like a child. Everybody I’d ever loved was gone now, and I couldn’t stand it anymore. But as I forced myself to speak the necessary words of Wraith, my father’s body became surrounded by that same beautiful ruddy-purple haze I’d seen with the yellow bird I’d accidentally killed when I was young. As the haze vanished, a beautiful emerald-green energy drifted up from his body like elegant smoke and reshaped itself into the ghostly image of my father, only now he appeared younger and visibly much healthier.
He touched his ribs, poking at the side of his ghostly body. Then my father looked at me, smiling bigger than I’d ever seen him smile. He jumped up and down, stretching and bending his body, amazed all the pain and agony was finally gone. He hugged me tightly. I could feel his gratitude radiating from him like heat.
The window to the afterlife began to open just above us. I recognized that same churning light from my training with Diabelle, but what I wasn’t prepared for was the sight of two forms coming down through the window, wafting down before us like snow.
They were beings of pure greenish-white light. One was tall and slender and the other was small and delicate. I squinted against the intensity of their blindingly beautiful light, and I had no idea who or what they were until the little one spoke.
Vigil! Daddy! she shouted happily. My heart stopped—I recognized that voice instantly. It was Linna.
Hello, my love, my mother said calmly as my father released me from his grasp and scooped up the pair of them in a mighty hug.
He motioned for me to join them, and I wrapped my arms around them all. This was the first time I’d been with my entire family since I was a child. The missing parts of my soul had been put right again as I hugged my family tighter. I felt complete.
“Take me with you,” I begged my mother. Duty be damned. I didn’t want to be apart from my parents and my sister ever again, but my mother wouldn’t hear of it.
Vigil, she said as she pulled me away from my father and Linna. You can’t come with us yet, but you will.
“When?”
That’s Ein’s will, not mine. He still needs you here. She smiled sadly.
“I don’t want to stay,” I argued. “There’s nothing left for me here anymore.”
The choice isn’t yours to make, sweetheart. There’s still so much that needs to be done here, and I know you’ll make us proud, my mother insisted. Don’t worry, Vigil. We’ll see you again.
“Is that a promise?” I asked, hopeful.
It’s already destined to happen, she said softly. It’s been promised since the day you were born. Now, go and help all you can. There are darker times yet to come, and you’ll be needed by many. Go and be brave, sweetheart. And know that we all love you so very much.
Love you, Vigil! Linna said kindly.
The angelic forms of my mother and sister began to dissipate and float toward the window to the afterlife. Their bright wispy green and white streaks were absorbed into the window as gently and calmly as they had appeared. My father looked up at the window. He seemed nervous.
“Go, Dad. Go be with them.” I nodded. “You’ve earned it.”
He proudly smiled at me and crouched down on the floor like a cat ready to pounce. Then, with one big swoop, my father’s ghostly form sprang into the air, vanishing into the light of the afterlife. He was gone, escorted to the next plain of existence.
I only had one more responsibility left to accomplish in this passing. I clung tightly to my staff and closed my eyes to listen for the right words to speak. “We’nistapio e’ cotiara dominichi contraxet,” I chanted as the window snapped shut with a little popping sound, and I was left alone in the silence of the still, small house.
I buried my father’s remains in the garden next to the graves of Linna and my mother. I couldn’t help but worry about the darker days to come that my mother had spoken of—I didn’t know how things could get any worse for me than they were right now.
“Congratulations, Shepherd Voronto,” Machoji said as he appeared from around the corner of the back of my family’s home. “You did well tonight.”
“Thank you.” I forced a smile and stood to greet him.
“And I see you’ve regained the present I gave you for your birthday,” he noted.
“Yeah, my father gave it to me before he passed. He said he protected it for me,” I replied absently as I reached down, finally getting a good look at the pendant.
It was a polished blackbrass pyramid with etched scrolls and symbols, surrounded by a shinier piece of blackbrass that wrapped around it like a snake strangling its prey. While I now recognized the various small chips of hallowed stones embedded in the pendant to be representations of the sects of the Children of Ein, the symbols and scrolls were still a mystery to me.
I held up the pendant, pointing to it. “Do you know what these symbols are?” I asked, hoping for a straight answer for once.
“They’re not important right now,” Machoji said reassuringly, sidestepping the issue at hand, as usual. “When you need to know something, you’ll know it. What’s important is that you have it back, and I want you to keep it close to you always, no matter what. Understand?” His face was stern as he stared me down, making sure I didn’t question his motives for not telling me.
I gave in, nodding. Even though I was now a shepherd like him, Machoji still had more than a millennium of experience and knowledge, which still deserved to be respected and admired, no matter how I felt about him.
“Good,” he stated. “Now then, you and I have been asked to spend the Festival of Ein with the royal family before you leave, and I can’t think of a better way to spend our birthdays,” he said sarcastically. “And at first light the morning after, you’ll receive your initial orders for deployment, which seems like a great belated birthday present to me.” Machoji let out a long, heavy sigh. “It’ll be a good chance for at least one of us to get away from all this shit.”
We began the long trek back to the Divine Mountain for the royal family’s Festival Eve celebrations. However, nothing would ever compare to the fond memories and wonderful nights that I’d spent with my family in the home I now left behind…forever.
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