by Whitney G.
GILLIAN
~BLOG POST~
PRESENT DAY
THIS WILL BE THE LAST post I ever write here...I’m not sure if any of my readers ever stumbled upon this site since I’ve refused to check analytics or comments in months, but if you somehow stopped by, thank you. Thank you very much for allowing my words into your life, for reading my book, and for reading through all the blog posts that remained after publication.
Since this post will remain here, I figure it should say something poignant, or something true and heartfelt as well.
Dear You Know Who You Are,
I love you. I truly love you and have never felt for anyone else what I felt (and still feel) for you. I’m well aware that you’ll probably never speak to me again, but I want you to know that you are undoubtedly the love of my life and no other man will ever come close.
Love,
Your anomaly.
Gillian
30,806 COMMENTS POSTED
GATE C49
JAKE
New York (JFK)
I WAS IN THE MIDDLE of reading Gate C49 when a loud knock came to my door Saturday morning.
At first, I did what I normally did when I had an unexpected visitor—shrugged and ignored it.
Unfortunately, the knocks became louder and louder, and after half an hour of this asshole not getting the point, I dragged myself out of my library. I didn’t bother looking through the peephole. I had a long list of words I was going to fire off when we came face to face.
I twisted the doorknob and flung the door open, finding myself face to face with Evan. “What the fuck do you want?” I asked. “And how the hell do you people keep getting past Jeff?”
“You. Me. The Red Bar. Now.” A look of defeat was in his eyes. “We only need five minutes.”
“We?”
“Me and Dad.”
I started to slam the door, but he wedged his foot between the wood. “Five minutes and we’ll never bother you again.”
“Is that a promise?”
“Yes.” He nodded. “That’s a promise.”
“I’m not sure you know the definition of that word, so I’ll pass.” I suddenly remembered what my mother said and held back a sigh. “Move your foot away from my door. I’ll be out in ten.”
He stepped back and I managed to close the door without slamming it. I dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, grabbing my wallet off the dresser. I placed Turbulence into my jacket.
I’d read the remaining few chapters during my flight tonight.
I opened the door and found Evan leaning against the wall. “Where am I meeting you?”
“The Red Bar. I can drive if you like.”
“I don’t think so.” I hit the elevator button and the doors glided open.
“Then I’m going to ride with you there,” he said, stepping inside.
“The Red Bar is a fifteen-minute drive, Evan. You promised that I never have to hear from you after I gave you five.”
“Consider the drive a part of the fine print.”
“I’d rather not.”
“If I’m not going to be able to talk to my own flesh and blood after today, you could at least let me get every second possible.”
“Please refrain from pulling the ‘family means everything’ bullshit.” I stepped off the elevator at the parking garage level. “We both know it doesn’t.”
“Jake—”
“Get in the car,” I said, unlocking the doors. “But I meant what I said about the five minutes. Don’t talk to me on the way over.”
“Deal.”
I kept my eyes straight ahead as I drove away, unable to keep the images of Gillian and me from playing in my mind. She was invading all of my dreams now, and every now and then, I’d find something of hers in my apartment—something tucked away in her former hiding places.
“There,” my brother said, pointing to a parking spot.
I pulled over and turned off the car, more than ready to get this meeting over and done. I walked inside and spotted my father sitting in a corner booth alone.
“You promised,” Evan said, noticing that I wasn’t moving. “Give him five minutes.”
“It’s a shared five minutes,” I said. “Won’t you be coming along for the reunion, too?”
“I’ve already spoken to him.” He sighed. “I’ll be at the bar. You can give me whatever seconds are left. If there are any.” He looked at me, a bit of hurt in his eyes. “I’d really like you to know that I’m sorry about Riley. I should’ve told you what she was doing behind your back instead of siding with Dad and erasing you from our lives. And I’m sorry for ruining what we had as brothers.”
I said nothing. I just pulled out my phone and checked the time. Then I headed to my father’s table and sat down.
“It’s four thirty,” I said. “You have my attention until four thirty-four.”
“Four thirty-four?” He smiled. “Zero plus five is five isn’t it?”
“I’m deducting a minute for that terrible ass suit you’re wearing. My eyes can only take so much in one day.”
He laughed and leaned back in his chair, adjusting his cufflinks.
“Can I get you something to drink, sir?” A waitress stepped in front of me.
“I won’t be staying long enough for a drink.”
“He’ll have a Coke,” my father said. “I’ll have a double.”
“Yes, sir.” She walked away.
“Careful,” I said, looking at my watch once more. “I wouldn’t waste conversation time on drinks, if I were you.”
“I’m not wasting time at all. When you hear what I have to say, you won’t want to leave. It’s that important.”
“I wouldn’t count on that.”
The waitress set down our drinks and walked away.
My father picked up his glass and brought it to his lips, taking the slowest sip I’d ever seen.
“I wanted to talk to you because...” He hesitated. “I’m dying.”
I blinked.
He took another sip of his drink and his hands shook as he set it back down. “Are you going to say anything, Jake? Anything about what I just revealed?”
“I’m waiting to hear the part that’s going to keep me from leaving.”
“Fuck you, Jake.”
“That’s my cue.” I tossed back my Coke and stood up. “Would you like to be buried or cremated? I’m all for honoring a man’s last wish.”
“Wait.” He grabbed my sleeve. “Please. Please listen to what I have to say.” He begged.
“Without the time limit. If you don’t speak to me after today fine. Just give me today.”
“So, you still have a problem sticking to your word.” I yanked my arm away from him but sat down. “I’ll give you until my flight.”
“Fair enough.” He motioned for the waitress to refill our drinks and waited until she was out of earshot. “You knew your mother didn’t die in that plane crash and you’ve known for quite some time. You could’ve easily outed me, but you didn’t.”
“Not because I didn’t want to.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
“Because it would’ve hurt her too much,” I said. “That’s what you do when you love someone. You don’t intentionally hurt them.”
“No, not intentionally...” He sipped his drink. “You’ve also known that throughout his entire career, Evan has never flown a commercial plane and you could’ve easily outed him as well. Why not him?”
“Leverage.”
“Are you sure? Sure there’s not another “L” word you’re looking for?”
“No. “Future Ruin” is two words and it starts with an ‘F’.”
“Okay fine.” He shook his head. “I’ll make this conversation super quick. I want to give you my legacy, the airline.”
I raised my eyebrow. “You honestly think I would ever accept that from you?”
“What’s the difference between that and what you’re doing now?”
“I’m not perpetua
ting a fake image or continuing to build an empire on top of ugly lies.”
“Yet, you’re flying for me and cashing my checks.”
“Out of circumstance. I’ll be filing my resignation next week. You’re welcome.”
“I spoke to your mother about this years ago. Back when you know...” He looked genuine. “She said it was the only way she’d ever forgive me.”
“Was that before or after you designed the plane with her death date on it?” I asked. “Before or after you decided that having a wife with a brain disease was no good for your image anymore?”
“Jake, please. I’m trying here.”
“Why not Evan? He’s as despicable and morally twisted as you.”
“Exactly,” he said. “He’s just like me and we’ve already discussed why you’re the better fit.”
“Even if I was stupid enough to accept anything from you, how do you plan on explaining handing over your airline to a random stranger? You only have one son, remember?”
“I’d come clean.”
“About your first wife as well?”
“Yes.” He nodded. “I would tell everything. So, is that a yes to my offer?”
“It’s a hell no. I appreciate the offer, though. If you don’t mind, I have a flight to France in a few hours. I wish you and Evan well.”
“You said you’d honor a dying man’s wish. This is mine, Jake. This is what I want, and I also don’t want to die with you hating me.”
“You’ve lived with it all these years. Shouldn’t make that much of a difference when you’re six feet under.”
“Aren’t you going to ask me how I’m dying?” He looked more vulnerable than I’d ever seen him. “What disease it is at least?” What symptoms?”
“Doing so would imply that I cared.” I motioned for the check. “Congratulations on the success of the completed merger. I wish you nothing but the best, before you die, that is.”
“I know that goddamn book is about you,” he said, hissing. “I know that girl is referring to her relationship with you.”
“Then that makes two of us.” I spotted the waitress following my dad’s ‘Hold off on the check’ signal instead of mine.
“Your brother and me covered all the tracks. He was the one who put you two on so many similar flights.”
“Are you expecting a thank you?”
“I’m expecting some consideration. I’m covering for you in a lot of ways and I would like something in return. Would it kill you to at least consider it?”
“No. That answer will always be the same.” I stood up. “By the way, out of pure curiosity, how many people have FCEs at your airline?”
“Just you.”
“Stop bullshitting me.”
“It’s true,” he said. “Just you. A few people have ECFs, which are Executive Clearance Forms. It means they’re high up and untouchable unless they do something heinous. I think HR just assumed the FCE was the same thing.”
“And what exactly does FCE stand for?”
“Future CEO of Elite.”
I stepped away from the table and walked away. I rushed back to my car and cranked the engine, quickly speeding away.
I had the sudden urge to call Gillian and talk to her about the meeting with my father, but I suppressed it; she was still a disappointment, just like everyone else.
GATE C50
JAKE
In-flight—> France
I STARED OUT THE WINDSCREEN of the plane, unsure as to whether I was coming or going. Everything from last week to this evening had been a blur, and I needed a break. After I made my return trip on this route, I was going to request a month of personal leave.
“Captain Weston?” A low, familiar voice asked, interrupting my thoughts. “Captain Weston?”
“Yes, Ryan?”
“Um...We’re clear for takeoff, sir. We’ve been clear for three minutes. If we sit here any longer, control is going to think something is wrong.”
“Right...” I put my hand on the control, driving the plane forward—staring straight ahead. This time, there was no adrenaline rush, no release of anxiety.
I couldn’t feel anything anymore. I just sat still as the plane coasted through the clouds for hours, wishing I could somehow re-do the past few months of my life.
“Can I trust you alone for twenty minutes?” I asked him, unbuckling my seatbelt. “I need a Coke.”
“Why can’t you just ask one of the flight attendants to bring you one?”
“Yes or no, Ryan.” I rolled my eyes. “Can I fucking trust you for twenty minutes or not?”
“You can trust me.”
I couldn’t trust him. I left the cockpit and stepped into the relief pilot’s space, letting him know I was stepping away from twenty minutes. I walked straight to the galley and unlocked one of the drink cases. I pulled out the first two drawers, but there was no Coke in sight. There was everything else except Coke.
“Old habits dies hard, huh?” The sound of Miss Connors’ voice made me turn around.
“I guess so. Where is my Coke?
“With me.” She smiled and opened a different compartment, taking out two Cokes and handing them to me. “I moved them all once I realized you were going to be flying with me.”
“How mature.”
“Thank you.” She laughed and leaned against the wall. “Has anyone figured out you’re the guy in the book?”
“What book?”
“Funny.” She rolled her eyes. “Did you know that she called me ‘The Hawk’ behind my back all this time?”
“Yes. Why?”
“No reason.” She shrugged. “I actually liked that part. I could’ve done without knowing all the disgusting filthy things you two did in layover cities though. And did you really have sex in the bathroom in-flight? Please tell me she made that part up...”
An image of Gillian leaning against the door and fucking me as we flew over Paris suddenly crossed my mind.
“She made that part up,” I said.
“I knew it was true.” She winked at me and handed me another Coke. “Do you want your dinner at seven?”
“Eight is fine.”
She patted my shoulder and walked away, leaving me alone. I started to call after her to ask if she’d spoken to Gillian lately, but the plane suddenly began to shake violently and the seatbelt sign flashed on.
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.” Ryan’s voice came over the speakers and the plane swayed violently to the left. “We’re experiencing an unforeseen mechanical issue with one of our engines right now. Please return to your seats and fasten your seatbelts.”
The plane swayed to the right and the passengers’ fearful murmurs became louder with each second that passed by. Glasses from the first class cabin shattered onto the floor, and the overhead bins at the back of the plane flew open, forcing luggage to topple into the aisle.
I braced myself against the wall and made my way back to the cockpit. “What the hell is happening, Ryan?” I asked. “What mechanical issue?”
“If I knew, I would’ve said specifically what it was.” He was sitting in my seat, his hands nervously tapping the controls. “It’s the storm ahead, see? I just thought I would say mechanical issue instead of tropical storm. Sounds better to the passengers and makes them feel safer, don’t you think?”
Jesus Christ...
“Just call control and ask to climb,” I said flatly, taking his seat as the plane continued to shake.
“You should know the answer to this issue after finally passing all those simulator sessions.” I waited for him to make the call, but he simply sat there, tapping the buttons. “Ryan, call control and ask to climb.”
“I tried that right before you got here...” He swallowed. “We lost contact with them an hour ago.”
“An hour ago?”
“Yeah, I told you that. I said that and you just stared ahead, remember?”
I attempted to call control on my own, getting no signals in return
. I attempted to send off emergency notices, but it was no use.
“We’re in a stall.” His voice trembled. “Do I thrust up?”
“No. Just hold steady.” I pulled the mechanical manual from the seat. “We’ll just reset it until we’re in steadier air. As long as you didn’t already attempt to do that without me, we’ll be fine.”
“And if I did attempt to do it?” His eyes widened as the plane suddenly tilted forward, then down toward the ocean. “If I did attempt to do it, is there another plan?”
Fuck...
GATE C51
GILLIAN
New York (JFK)
I WOKE UP TO TEN MISSED calls from Meredith, five from my parents, and three from Kennedy. Turning my phone off, I figured it was just the same thing as any other day. More questions about interviews, more work that needed to be completed.
I adjusted my position in the bed and tucked a pillow under my head. I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, flipping through the channels. I skipped Lifetime, Nickelodeon, CNN, and just as I was about to give up and settle on a DVD, I stopped at NBC—gasping when I saw the headline. When I saw Jake’s employee picture.
What?
The anchor was saying “Here’s what we know so far,” and the ticker at the bottom of the screen was repeating the same lines: “Elite Airways Flight 491 Missing,” “Plane Hasn’t Had Contact with Base for Two Hours” “Two Hundred Eighty-Three Aboard.”
I vomited on the floor.
Refusing to believe the news was true, I shakily powered my phone back on.
I called Meredith first, letting her calm me down until she boarded a flight to return to New York. It was midnight when we were forced to get off the phone, but I needed to talk to someone else. Someone else to keep me sane.
I called Kennedy.
“Gillian, listen to me,” she said as soon as she picked up. “I need you to turn off your phone and your internet. Only leave the TV on.”
“What? Why?”
“Just do it.” Her voice was solemn. “I’m actually on my way over right now, so if you haven’t done it, I will.”
