by Robyn Carr
They had long, meaningful talks about everything from philosophy to great books; they had read many of the same authors. Thanks to digital publishing, they would often download each other’s recommendations so they could discuss more of the great books they loved. They talked about religion, politics, travel and even the possibility of space aliens. They told each other about their friends, family, people they worked with or people they had known who left an impression.
One day they drove down to San Francisco. Jack agreed to check on Lady and the pups, let her out a few times, and to feed Tux. He took Otis home with him for the night, much to the joy of Jack’s kids and the annoyance of his border collie, Ralph. The purpose of the trip to San Francisco was to visit some of the galleries that Landry liked to work with. Some of his finer glass creations were on display and Kaylee was bursting with pride. They had a nice dinner at Fisherman’s Wharf and stayed overnight at a lovely hotel. Kaylee was a little nervous that they might run into Laura but Landry said, “It’s a very big city. And besides, it doesn’t matter if we do.”
They only stayed the one night, both anxious to get back to their pets.
Kaylee told her closest friends about Landry, about his art, his tenderness, his dogs, his kindness and his passion for her. She told Michelle and Janette and her aunt, Beth. No one seemed concerned that this could be a bad idea. In fact, everyone was thrilled to hear some joy in her voice for the first time in so long.
She even told her mom, though of course her mom had no reply. She wished her mom could meet him, get to know him, love him as Kaylee did. The feeling she got when she communicated with Meredith was that her mom would be so relieved to know that Kaylee had someone special in her life, someone to love. Someone to take a little of the weight of her grief off her back. It had been quite a while since she’d had a boyfriend.
She ran into Mel at the bar and Mel said, “You look so great. Have you been getting a little extra sunshine on your cheeks? Did you get a new haircut or something?”
“No change that I’m aware of, but I’m feeling great. Maybe it’s just time. Maybe I’m finally learning to live with losing my mom. I still miss her like mad. Nothing has changed there. But lately I’ve been spending a lot of time with Landry. We’ve become pretty close and it’s making me happy.”
“Maybe that’s what’s glowing on your pretty cheeks,” Mel said. “I don’t know if you heard this through the grapevine, but Jack is my second husband. I was widowed when my first husband was killed. He stumbled into a robbery in progress and was shot. It was a terrible ordeal. I came to Virgin River for a fresh start, too.”
“I’m sorry, Mel. That must have been so horrible.”
“Very hard, but it’s a process. I wish I had some advice on how to survive the grieving process, but all I can say is, there’s no shortcut. You just have to plow through it. One suggestion is to just weather the year of the firsts without your loved one—first birthday, first anniversary, first holidays, etc.”
“I’m working on that,” Kaylee said.
“Like I said, there’s no shortcut. But are you coming to the Halloween party?”
“Yes! And thankfully that’s not a memorable holiday that my mom and I shared. There should be no dark clouds hanging over the day.”
“Then it could be total fun. It’s supposed to be a chilly, sunny day.”
On that Saturday, Landry and Kaylee arrived in town at about three and had to park all the way down at the edge of town, there were so many cars and trucks lining the road. They walked to the picnic area behind the bar and it looked as if the entire town was there. People were camped out at the picnic tables, in lawn chairs, on blankets and just standing around in clusters or leaning against trees. Kaylee had made a big platter of chicken wings and Landry’s contribution was a large bowl of fruit and nuts mixed up with Cool Whip. Once they added their contributions to the table, they held hands. That was how they were linked as Landry began to introduce Kaylee to people she didn’t already know.
Paul Haggerty introduced them to his wife Vanessa and their five children. “I’m glad I ran into you, Kaylee. You should give Bonnie and Gerald a call. They’re planning to come up in a week or two to check out the house. It’s nearly finished. I figured you’d want to see them.”
“I can’t wait to see them, and the house!”
Landry had a beer in one hand and passed a cup of wine to Kaylee so he could shake hands with Paul. “I’m going to drive over and take a look, too, if you don’t mind.”
“You’re always welcome. It turned out just right,” Paul said proudly.
They made the rounds, visited with the minister and his wife. Kaylee met Luke and Shelby Riordan, of course she already knew Colin and Jillian, and another brother was visiting so she was introduced to Sean. “How many of you are there?”
“Five Riordan boys—Patrick and Aiden are missing. When we all get together you can hear the noise shake the rooftops.”
“It’s a good thing Colin lives in a very big house,” Shelby said. “It gets to be quite a crowd.”
Kaylee visited with Jack, Preacher, Paige and Mike Valenzuela and was introduced to Brie, Jack’s sister. Then she found her way to the table Mel occupied with some other women. There were pony rides for the children, a big inflated bounce house for the smaller kids and all kinds of games taking place around the grounds. A lot of the kids and several adults were wearing costumes; Jillian was wearing a very inventive witch costume complete with shoes with curled up toes and a blacked out tooth. And the food! She looked at the long table covered with dishes that seemed to go on forever. “This is food porn,” she said to Landry.
They stayed for several hours, visited with most of the town, ate themselves silly, and Kaylee hated to see it ever end. But the temperature dropped as the sun was going down and Landry whispered in her ear, “I think you should come home with me and we should light the fire.”
“That sounds perfect,” she said. “Maybe I should go to my house first and take a shower.”
“Kaylee, I have a perfectly good shower. It’s big enough for two.”
* * *
“My life is wonderful,” Kaylee told Janette. “I almost feel guilty for being so happy.”
“Please don’t,” Janette said. “You know if your mother is watching, all she wants for you is that you feel happy and fulfilled. Remember that she was. Till the last day, she was happy all the time, even in the hardest times. She had some major struggles with the company, but she was positive and grateful for every day. Just be thankful that you were blessed with such a fantastic mother and role model.”
“Yes, I know. Sometimes losing her is so hard I forget to remember how lucky I was to have had her as a mother,” she said.
“That was one of many things that stood out about Meredith,” Janette said. “She always said the cure for the blues is gratitude. It works.”
* * *
“I have some good news and some bad news,” Kaylee said to Landry. He was just lighting the fire in his living room and she was sitting on the couch. He looked over his shoulder at her and lifted a brow. “The good news is I’m going to finish my book in four weeks.”
“Good for you,” he said.
“The bad news is, I’m going to have to get serious and hit it hard. I’m going to work at my house every day for at least six to eight hours a day until I can send it in. This book has been like a monkey on my back for over a year. I can’t separate it from losing my mother so I have to finish it and send it away. And until I can get my writing back, a part of me is missing.”
“That’s not bad news, Kaylee. I’m glad you’re going for it. If you wanted to give it up, I guess I’d understand, but I’m glad you want it back. It’s who you are.”
“Have you ever had trouble with your sculptures?” she asked. “Like when your dad passed away?”
“It was hard to concentr
ate then, for a little while. I can’t remember how long it took for me to feel like myself again. But I’ll tell you when I really choked. When I realized Laura was probably gone for good, I was disoriented. That’s when I decided to move back here and concentrate on the one thing I had some control over—my work. It wasn’t quick, either. And I spent a lot of time building the little house rather than being creative. But it all came back.”
“Even with Laura’s visits distracting you?”
“She didn’t visit that often, but sometimes she’d call and ask me when my next visit to the city would be and she’d meet me there for a couple of days. I insisted on separate rooms and separate checks and so those visits were less frequent. Her visits to Virgin River were rare unless she needed something. Laura didn’t have that big an impact on my work. If I was upset about her absence, working helped. If I was upset about her presence, working helped. So I know how you feel. We need it; it defines us. Just tell me what I can do to help. Except don’t tell me I have to ignore you 24/7. I won’t be good at that.”
“I will use you for my reward,” she said, grinning.
They had not yet said those three magic words, but Kaylee felt them. She wasn’t holding out, she was just getting comfortable. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say after that. Let me stay here forever? No, that wasn’t what she wanted. Come to Newport Beach with me? She didn’t feel ready for that, plus he admitted he didn’t like Southern California. How about I see you every couple of months? Oh, what was the point? That’s what he’d had with Laura. That didn’t sound like real love, it sounded like an inconvenient convenience.
“Did I mention I have a house in Newport Beach?” she asked him.
“Twenty or so times,” he said.
“It’s very nice,” she said. “My mother had admired it for years, like twenty or so years. When her business started doing well the one thing she wanted was a house that would hold her tight, make her feel safe and comfortable till her last day. She didn’t expect to be only sixty when that day came, but that’s what it was. It has a large patio and backyard and pool. It has a view of the ocean, too bright at sunset so she put up custom outdoor shades. It’s on a hill in a very nice neighborhood. It’s not a huge house, but the rooms are generous. It was all hers, that was the important thing. It’s beautiful and comfortable. Have you ever been to Newport Beach?”
“Can’t say that I have,” he said. Then with a curl of his lip he added, “I have some pretty negative impressions of my few visits to LA.”
She remembered his telling of his feelings for LA, the place Laura wanted to be and didn’t want him to join her there.
“I don’t think I’m a Southern California kind of guy,” he said.
She was glad she hadn’t said, “But I love you! We should be together somewhere!”
“Let me take you to bed, Kaylee Sloan, and see if we can work up some book ideas when I rock you to sleep.”
Which was as good an idea as any.
* * *
For a few days, Kaylee stuck to a very rigid schedule. She did take her walk with Otis, spent some time with Lady and the puppies, and took her laptop to Jack’s, but when she saw that she’d only written a page the whole hour and a half she was at Jack’s, she hustled back home. She worked as hard as possible but still was doing more rewriting than writing. She had wanted to have thirty pages after three days but she had nine. She redoubled her efforts.
Her book about Caroline and Landon, however, was growing. They had fallen in love and fallen in bed and it was delicious. That book made her heart sing; poor Caroline had been a lonely widow in need of a fresh start when she found Landon and her world was suddenly twirling. It was certainly reflective of Kaylee’s experience, but she had learned it was also very like Mel’s and Vanessa Haggerty’s. She learned from Mel that Vanessa had been pregnant with her first child when her marine husband was killed in action, and Vanessa ended up marrying his best friend. Whew. And now they had five children.
Her autobiographical fiction was getting more fulfilling by the day and she wondered if she’d ever be brave enough to show it to anyone. She wasn’t very confident of her ability in this women’s fiction genre. But even though she was struggling, she knew what she was doing in suspense. She was surprised to find herself finally closing in on the end and called her editor.
“Simone, it’s Kaylee,” she said. “Are you in the middle of something?”
“Everything can wait for you! How are you? I think about you all the time!”
She used to talk to her editor at least every other week. They had a great rapport and had become friends. Kaylee had worked with her for eight years now and Simone was not her first editor.
“I’m in good shape, actually. I’m going to be sending you this manuscript before Christmas.”
“So your getaway is paying off?”
“I love it here,” she said. “In a perfect world I’d have a house in Newport and one up here, in the mountains.” And she told Simone about the weather, the leaves, the giant trees, the Halloween party, the people she’d met and had developed friendships with like Mel, Jilly, Jack and Preacher. And eventually she told her about Landry. Before she knew it, they’d talked for an hour. “And there’s this other thing,” she said. “While I was having trouble getting into the book, I dabbled around a little bit on a different story. I was just doing it as an exercise, something to get me moving. And now that I’ve written quite a bit of it just for fun, I kind of like it.”
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
“You know what I’d rather do?” Kaylee said. “I’d rather just send it to you. I think it’s a romance, not a genre I know that much about. But you know romance and women’s fiction very well. Maybe you could take a look and tell me what’s missing.”
“I’d be happy to.”
“I’ll concentrate on finishing the suspense as a priority. Am I still on the schedule for next fall?”
“Of course,” Simone said. “But you know you have time if you need it. I don’t want you to feel pressured. We can drop you out and put you back in a few months later, depending on how slammed we are. Kaylee, I don’t want you to worry—you have a publisher and when a good writer has an emergency, we don’t kick them when they’re down. We’re here to work with you.”
“You’ve been so good that way. Please know how much I appreciate your patience and understanding.”
“As long as you know how much we love publishing you.”
* * *
Kaylee put in a tough week but produced forty pages that she liked, and the protagonist was getting closer to discovering that it was her photographer’s jealous brother who was murdering models. But she was exhausted. At the end of a hard writing day her neck and shoulders ached. Sometimes Landry would give her a nice shoulder rub in the evening and revive her spirits.
They were sitting in front of his TV, the fire roaring against the cold night, when her phone rang. She looked at it and declined the call.
“I don’t mean to be nosy, but you’ve done that a lot lately,” he said.
“It’s my father,” she said. “I really don’t feel like dealing with him now.”
“Do you know why he’s calling?” Landry asked.
“Yes. He’s hoping we can get together sometime around the holidays. You know how I feel about the holidays.”
“Like you wish they weren’t happening,” he said.
“Exactly. I know there’s no avoiding them but I really don’t want to try to add Howie to that stress.”
Landry frowned. “Did he do something really traumatic that makes you want to avoid him at all costs?”
“He did absolutely nothing. Nothing at all,” she said. “Can we just not talk about him?”
He gave her silky hair a soft stroke. “We won’t talk about it if you don’t want to, but I’m here for you if you do.
I’m a good listener. And I care.”
“I know, that’s very sweet.”
“Because I love you, Kaylee.”
She felt the tears begin to gather in her eyes. Then they spilled over and there was a catch in her voice when she said, “I love you, too.”
“I’m no expert, but shouldn’t that make us happy?”
“It does make me happy, but what about us? I came here to get away and try to ignore the whole Christmas thing, but then there’s you and you live here and I live there and what’s going to happen to us? I’m supposed to go home after Christmas. I want to be in my mother’s house again but you don’t like Southern California and I can’t stay here, this isn’t my home. I have a home. You have a home! What am I supposed to do? We haven’t talked about—”
“Kaylee, you can do whatever you want to do. I know the landlord here. I can fix it for you to stay. Or go and come back. Literally anything that works for you.”
“That’s just it,” she said. “I don’t know what will work. I can’t stay, I can’t go. I can’t ask you to come to Newport, we’re not ready for that kind of commitment. I can’t stay here much longer, I don’t have my things around me. I’m only sure of one thing and it’s huge. I want my mom to not have died!”
He pulled her close and held her for a moment. “I know,” he said. “It’s going to be all right. Just stick to your original plan. Get your book done and get through Christmas. Everything will look better on the other side.”
“It would break my mother’s heart to think I’m dreading Christmas. She always worked so hard to make it nice for me.”
“I think she would understand, and I understand.”
