by K. C. Hamby
“Get them off!” I thunder, my vocal cords straining with the pure fear exploding from my mouth. “Get them off!” Rivers flow from my eyes as terror takes over my body, no matter what I try to tell myself. “Get them off! Please!” I wail, hardly able to catch my breath.
“Baby, hold on, let me…” Ash reaches for the chains again, but I jerk away from him, even when I’m screaming at myself to let him help.
“Dinnae fuckin’ touch me!” I wail and try hitting Ash with my chained hands.
Stop it! We are safe! We are being weak. Get it together. A snarl as punctuation from my wolf.
“Edelina!” Ash growls. “You are safe!”
I pause, something clicking in my brain and telling me to stop. Ash said my name. My real name. None of the Poachers that chained me knew my real name.
It pulls me back somehow and I blink through damp vision.
It’s long enough for Ash to grab the chains and unlock them with the keys he pulls from his pocket. The shackles unclasp and he gently takes them off, throwing them down the alley as I sit, staring at my bloodied wrists; my skin houses new cuts over old scars.
“Eddie,” he whispers, but he doesn’t try to touch me.
I gaze up at him with tears still burning down my face, laced with hot coals of embarrassment and relief.
“Ash,” I rasp like a plea and reach for him.
He opens his arms and I fall into them, grabbing his shirt for dear life and sobbing into his chest, loud and fierce. He wraps himself around me and leans against the wall of the building, rocking me slowly.
“Shh, it’s okay. I’m here. You’re safe.” He kisses the top of my head and lies his cheek on my hair.
He holds me for a long time, and I pour everything out, lava erupting from a volcano after years of building pressure. It is a wee relieving, but it burns like the deep fires of Tartarus.
I made a fool of myself. I couldn’t handle my emotions. I thought I was over this; I thought I was done with the fear and put all the damage behind me.
Am I broken? Why does the terror still grip a hold of me so when I should be past it? I must seem so weak to Ash.
But you went through trauma. It’s normal to still hurt, he whispers into my mind.
I hate what I’ve gone through; what it made me into. I’m weak now. I can’t handle this pain.
I pull back from Ash and wipe my face a lot harder than needed. I’m raging at myself. But when I look up, there is nothing but concern and love in my Mate’s eyes. His thumb rubs over my cheek and I lean into the touch.
“What happened?” he asks after tenderly caressing my skin for a moment.
“I…” I try. My brows furrow as my thoughts churn painfully, seeking to work around the rust of my memory. “I dinnae. I was fine. But then I dinnae remember what I was doin’ and went outside to get air. Then I dinnae know where I was and the next thing I know, some walloper chains and yanks me down the alley. I couldnae fight. My limbs were like Jell-O as I tried to stand. I remember callin’ out to you and…then I’m wakin’ up with a clear head...” I choke and I hate myself for it. “I’m sorry, Ashy. I dinnae mean to be so weak. I dinnae know what came over me. I thought I was done with that shite. I thought I was stronger than...”
“Eddie,” Ash interrupts me with a soft voice. “You are not weak. You are the strongest person I know. You can’t expect yourself to just get over something so traumatic without side effects.” He grabs each side of my face and gazes at me with those amber eyes. “You are not broken. You are not a fool. You are not weak.”
You heard everything in my thoughts, then. It’s not a question, truly. I know I was probably screaming all of it.
Yes, whispers into my mind.
I’m sorry, I whisper back, but he is already shaking his head.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, babe. I promise.” He smiles and I let out a breath.
I want to be happy that our bond fully locked into place, but all that’s raging through my nerves is lingering shame and exhaustion.
I lick my damp lips of the salt from my tears.
“I…I think I was drugged.”
Ash’s head jerks back as his eyes widen. “Why?”
“I’ve been drugged a few times before,” I admit with a hard swallow. I hate talking about this. “The confusion, not rememberin’ what exactly happened…I dinnae drink enough to be fallin’ around like a goat’s bairn.”
“Yeah, you weren’t acting at all like yourself.” His brows furrow as he looks at the ground. “You said something about your drink being flat, but I got the same thing and mine was fine.”
My eyes move back and forth along the cement. When could I have possibly been slipped something?
A memory blinks into focus and a growl rumbles in my chest. “Raven.”
“Would she do that?”
“Wouldnae be the first time,” I murmur.
Ash snarls.
“When I was first tryin’ to get sober, I thought I could still hang around her. Raven dinnae like that I wasnae partakin’ in her activities because I could think for myself when I was sober. She couldn’t push me around.” I grit my teeth hard enough to make my jaw muscles cramp. “And then I would somehow get drunk when I hadnae drank anythin’ other than water. And I would blackout, only rememberin’ a few things every now and again. And I would always wake up in her bed.”
“You mean she…”
“Aye, I do.” I don’t want to hear that word.
Ashy’s nostrils flare when he clenches his jaw. He helps me to my feet and my legs give a wee wobble.
“She slipped ketamine into my drink. I’m sure of it,” I mutter, throwing the memory to the back of my mind again.
“Eddie!” is yelled from the end of the alley, interrupting Ash’s sure-sputtered rage.
I hate myself for flinching.
“Nina,” I breathe and try to smile.
She runs down to us, a blur with her immortal speed, and throws her arms around me. I don’t have the heart to tell her I would rather not be touched. I’m too tired, too drained.
“Are you okay?” she asks and pulls back. “I was so worried.”
I take a wee step back, but the lass notices with a flick of her eyes to my feet. “I’m nae unconscious anymore at least.”
I can’t say I’m alright. I’m not alright, but I don’t want to talk about that with anyone other than Ash.
The others walk down to us. Falen studies my face but says nothing about my state. She just pulls Nina to her, effectively giving me more space.
That’s one thing I like about the lass. She knows when to not ask questions. She understands when someone doesn’t want to talk.
“Tried to get a Poacher to tell us what the fuck was going on, but he bit down on a cyanide cocktail before we could get it out of him,” Falen tells us, a bit of wildness in her wide eyes.
“Well, we think it has something to do with Raven,” Ash says, pulling me close.
“Wait, the ‘friend’ who came out of nowhere? Do you think she drugged you? When would she have had the opportunity?” Nina asks, angry and confused, her words flying out like she’s mad at the universe. Her eyes glow as she searches my face.
“She did the ole trip and slip,” Lilith comments and pushes rogue hairs from her blood-spotted face. “Fake tripped so she could get close to Eddie’s drink and drug it. I knew she seemed clumsy for a Lupi. But it makes sense.”
“But why would she be working with the Poachers?” Corin asks, crossing his arms over his thick chest. “That doesn’t make sense.”
“It’s not impossible,” Fal growls and lifts her lip with the sound.
She’s talking about that twit, Invidia.
I look up at Ashy.
I wantae go home.
He gazes down at me and gives a small nod.
“Well, let’s head back to Olympia. I’d rather not stay here and have to deal with more problems,” he tells everyone.
They all agree, an
d we make our way to the ferry, resigned to get our instruments from the bar later. Ash calls them to be sure they don’t mind.
My body is still shaking from my episode and the marks around my wrists are aching, healing but not without pain.
Thank you, I whisper into Ash’s mind.
Anything for you, he murmurs back, squeezing me into his warm side.
Chapter 20
Nina
Fal and I stayed up late the night Eddie was drugged just talking about what happened with her. We went over what could possibly be going on with the Poachers and what we could do about it. Why they wanted to take her. Why the hell Raven would help them take her if they used to be such good friends.
We got a whole bunch of dead ends, honestly. And now it’s a week later and nothing else has happened, but I went to sleep restless last night with dreams of owning a goat named Billy who ate tin cans and pooped out bullets?
I don’t know what that was about.
I finally open my eyes and squint against the sun shining through the sheer white curtains. Little dust particles float in the light, making the air in our bedroom shiny and magical. I stretch with an obnoxious seal groan and slap my tongue over my teeth to get rid of the cottonmouth.
Yikes, my breath is horrid.
When I reach over to Fal’s side of the bed, I come up empty. The sheets are cold.
She’s been gone for a while.
I sit up and rub my eyes, wondering what I should do today since Fal’s absence most definitely means she’s on a mission.
I bet Althea could help me with the shield thing. Being able to use it whenever would be cool. And she needs to get out of her seclusion. She mostly stays in her apartment now. She’s still grieving Caden, her fallen Mate, and she’s not coping well at all.
Ever since Caden died because of that major ass, Klythios, Althea hasn’t been the same. She’s sad and lonely. I have to pry her from her apartment some days. I’ve taken her depression more than once, but I don’t think grief is something we ever get over. It lingers, forever staining the back of our minds and hearts of what was. And, just like blood if you touch it, it stains your skin.
I get dressed in a one-piece bathing suit and slide on sweats and a tie-dye shirt with cats of all types on the front and stuff my feet into my Chacos. My hair is a mess, and I don’t care enough to do anything with it other than put it in a big bun on top of my head.
The air is nice when I step outside, carrying my big fluffy towel and lounge chair. It has that early morning crispness I love. It smells new and refreshed, lingering with new possibilities.
Hmm. That would be a good line in a poem.
As I expected, Althea is already headed in the direction of the beach with her feet sinking in the sand, bright red bikini, showing off her beautiful brown skin, and all. Her intuition is very spot on and very creepy sometimes.
“Mija, I figured you needed something?” she says by way of greeting.
“Good morning to you too, Althea,” I retort, raising a brow.
She rolls her chocolate eyes and smirks with a shake of her head. “Ay, diosa mίo. Don’t be dramatic, Prophetess. I shouldn’t have to tell you how good the morning is when you can see it with your own eyes.”
I press my lips together at her now ever-present snappiness and look around at the blue sky, calm ocean, birds gliding peacefully in the humid breeze. The sand is nice and hot when my sandaled feet hit the beach. “Okay, fair enough.”
She smiles wide, pulling her pouty lips apart to reveal bright, white teeth. But it doesn’t meet her dark eyes. Her fingers comb through her thick, deep brown hair before she tosses it into a flawless ponytail.
“What do you need help with, mija?”
I open my chair, lie my towel out, and plop down on the soft fabric. As I lean back and get comfortable, Althea follows suit with her own towel and chair.
“Well, first I want to just hang out with you. Is that okay? Or do we have to be all business?”
She blinks a few times and cocks her head to the side. “I suppose that is fine. You’re really the only one I don’t mind hanging out with anymore, anyway.” She gazes at the water, thoughtful. “Everyone else is just too much sometimes.”
“I get it. I can only stand the Council in the meetings. We couldn’t be any more different. Our personalities all clash. And even outside of the meetings, I want to strangle them. Mostly Hida.”
Althea snorts and it’s quickly followed by a cackle. “She definitely has a way of being infuriating. I think she makes it her goal in life.”
We sit in silence for about half an hour, just enjoying the sun and the sounds of the sea. I could live on the beach for the rest of my very long, endless life, I think.
But I’ve also never been to the mountains. Travelling isn’t something I could afford on a writer’s salary and I was only able to visit my dad because he would buy the tickets. Before that, I was going through therapy and before that, I was dealing with Daniel and never wanted to leave my room.
I bet I would fall in love with the mountains just like I have the beach.
I wonder if Fal likes mountains.
Fal? I ask in my thoughts. Anxiety hits me from her for a second before it’s cut off.
Yes, babe?
Do you like mountains?
She is quiet for a while. I’m about to pester her some more when she finally replies. I’m not sure. I’ve never really been to them. Why?
I think we should visit some mountains sometime. See if we like them like we like the beach.
I can practically feel her smile through the bond. It’s warm and tingly on my skin. Of course. We’ll start planning as soon as you want to.
I smile to myself. God, I love her.
“We never got to experience that,” Althea whispers.
My throat closes a little when I catch a glimpse of her sorrowful face. Surely, she doesn’t mean…
“What do you mean?”
“Caden and I never experienced speaking to each other through the bond. We didn’t even know we were bonded until she…” Althea breathes hard and sits up. “Her soul reached out to me right before and the whole bond clicked in place. I…I heard her last thoughts.”
“Oh, Althea,” I breathe and sit up, grabbing her hand.
She’s shaking as small tears stream down her face slowly, but they might as well be tears weighing 1000 pounds with how heavy the grief is in their trail.
“I knew something was wrong with her immediately. There was this ache in my soul of impending doom. I ran to her and when I saw…” She swallows hard. “When I saw her on the floor, her dying, violet eyes met mine. I fell to the ground and crawled to her when she whispered through my thoughts.”
Tears slide down my cheeks now in earnest. I can’t imagine...
“She said ‘It has always been you.’ And after uttering those words in my mind…she was gone. Gone before I could even touch her.”
A sob slips between my teeth.
“I tried to heal her…I..”
“Shh, Althea,” I whisper and pull her into my embrace. She holds on to me tightly as she silently cries. “I know you did. And Caden knows you tried. And, however tragic her death was...” I pull back and look in her reddened eyes. “You were the last person she saw. You were the last thought in her mind. And I know it gave her comfort and made her feel at peace.”
Althea bites her trembling lip and nods once before wiping at her cheeks.
I wish I could take the pain from her. Grief isn’t something I think I’ll ever be able to heal, but I can at least help the depression and sadness not be so heavy on her shoulders.
“Gracias, mija,” she murmurs when I pull away some of the fog in her mind.
“Anytime,” I whisper.
Chapter 21
Falen
“Goddess, I’m going to be sick,” I grumble as Eddie tightens the constricting tie around my throat.
“I dinnae tie it that tight.”
�
��No. It’s not the tie. I’m just nervous.”
The face she makes at my admission makes me want to karate-chop her trachea.
“Ach, you and your brother both needtae learn to get a grip on your nerves. It’s all in your mind. Take control back from it.”
I decided today will be the day I will propose to Nina. I picked up my suit and her knife early this morning and I’ve been in hiding since then. I almost lost it when Nina poked into my mind earlier asking about mountains.
I booked it to Ash and Eddie’s apartment and that’s where I have been ever since. Luckily, Ash isn’t here to see me flustered and went on a mission early today. He should be back soon, but I’m not planning on staying much longer. I just need help getting into this penguin suit.
Eddie is still understandably not herself and a bit shellshocked after that shitastic night last week, but regardless, she got me into this mess, so she has to help me out of it.
Or into it.
Out of it?
She has to help me into the suit and out of the situation.
Goddess, I’m a mess.
“Now, how’s that?” Eddie asks and pushes me in front of a floor-length mirror.
I tilt my head to the side as I stare at myself. I think I may actually look…pretty good? I don’t know. I don’t really think too much about how I look typically, so this is a new sensation. The suit is all black and fits very well, showing off all the muscles in my legs without clinging like a wet napkin. The black tie is a stark contrast to the white dress shirt under the vest and jacket. Eddie had insisted, saying I needed at least one color other than black.
The fanciest clothes I’ve ever worn are my fighting leathers. And they aren’t necessarily something I would don to a fancy occasion.
Unless that fancy occasion involved an assassination.
I fix the jacket like I’ve see Hades do before and let my hair fall in waves over the fabric. I can’t help the smirk I give my reflection.
“Not bad,” I mutter.
“Not bad? That’s all you’ve gottae say?” Eddie groans and leans against the back of their beige couch, flinging her hand to gesture at the suit. “That suit is fuckin’ phenomenal and you better tell it so before you hurt its feelin’s.”
