In a freaking wheelchair.
How was I going to do this without Skye? Jasper needed her too. I had seen the note clutched in his fist and I knew what had triggered his stroke, sent him over the edge. How could I have been so fucking selfish?
~~~
Chapter 35
3 months later...
Skye
Anticipation coursed through me as I stood in a secluded spot at one corner of the vast gallery known as Roskos.
Jasper's art surrounded me from all directions, his photographs proudly on display, showcasing his talent to the max. Both colourful and black and white pictures adorned the stark white gallery walls. Patrons stood milling about admiring the art and talking amongst themselves. The elite Italians of Milan.
It was a Thursday night, balmy and dark outside, cool and brightly lit in the gallery. I ached to leave and let the darkness out there envelope me once more, afraid of being spotted by either Jasper or Cole. I hadn't seen them but I knew they must be around and that knowledge filled me with a deep yearning and dread at the same time.
In the first few weeks since I had left, Cole had tried to get in touch with me in a dozen different ways to apologise for hurting me and for not being more understanding of what I had been suffering but I hadn't responded even though it hurt like hell to ignore him. It needed to be done. The three of us could never be happy together. Jasper had been there first and they had been doing perfectly fine without me for years. They would get there again. It would just take time.
The unusual thing was, neither of them had been active on their social media over the past three months. The only updates had been on Jasper's Instagram regarding the approaching gallery exhibition which had been postponed from its original date by a couple of months.
It was for the best. They were clearly moving on and allowing me to do the same.
I turned a corner slowly, my eyes searching for any signs of them so that I could duck back quickly in the shadows. My lips parted as I saw the photograph right in front of me. In monochromatic colours.
I smiled. It was me. Tangled up between white cotton sheets while lying on my stomach, my hair in disarray and my bottom covered while the rest of my naked back was brought to life under Jasper's skilled photography. My profile was half in shadows and half exposed but nobody could identify it was me. At the risk of sounding vain, I had to admit the piece was beautiful.
Sensual and lovingly captured.
"I love you, Jasper," I whispered and then...I felt it. That prickling awareness that only came from being watched intently. And it only happened to me whenever his eyes were on me.
I tried to ignore it. I tried to simply turn around and leave but the pull was too strong.
With my breath catching, I glanced down the passage and saw him. I saw them both. Cole was talking to one of the guests animatedly as they studied a photograph and he looked so well and handsome. Happy.
Jasper...oh God, Jasper.
My eyes widened in horror as I took in the wheelchair and his figure seated in it as though the man was carved from stone. So still. So cold.
I couldn't breathe. I couldn't process it. No. What...? Why was he-? What the fuck happened and why didn't they at least let me know? I hadn't spoken to Cole but I had read every one of his messages like someone hell bent on inflicting torture upon herself.
"Jasper," I gasped and my feet moved towards him of their own accord. With each hurried step, I felt his stare boring into me. As though he was drinking me in. As though he believed I would disappear if he blinked.
When I reached him, I knelt automatically and took his large, cool hands in my own, gripping them tight. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks and my throat felt so constricted. Shit. Not the crying again. I needed to say something. Ask him what happened. Why couldn't I speak?
All I could do was bury my head in his lap and sob. I didn't even care that I was making a spectacle. Why wasn't he saying anything? Did he hate me?
I felt a pair of hands on my shoulders and then a warm, steady presence settled beside me. One of those hands moved to my hair and stroked softly.
"Skye," he sighed my name and I looked up at Cole. My lover. My sweetheart. How had I survived all these weeks without him?
"It's alright," he soothed and gave me a small smile. "It's alright."
I shook my head and kept on crying because I could not take his kindness right now on top of feeling so vulnerable. I didn't deserve it after the way I had deserted him for the second time and left him to suffer. Left them both to suffer.
"How did this happen?" I finally managed to ask Cole and he drew my head to his shoulder, allowing me to take comfort from him. I inhaled his all too familiar scent and hated myself for hurting him.
"He's going to be fine. Don't worry. Just breathe," he whispered, his arms coming around me strong and sure as we both knelt at Jasper's feet, oblivious to the people around us.
~~~
Cole
"She's not staying here," Jasper told me firmly when I joined him in our bedroom later that night.
"Shut up, Wells," I said lightly and started to turn down the sheets and do the million other things I needed to do before I crashed for the night.
"I mean it, Cole. What does she even want? What, she feels bad all of a sudden now that she knows I'm-" He broke off and ran a hand roughly through his blonde hair. "Where has she been all this time? She can't just leave and then show up whenever the hell she wants. That's not how relationships work."
I sighed and rolled my eyes. Skye was in the kitchen making herself something to drink. I had given her the option to spend the night here or to go home if she wanted. The thought of letting her go after not seeing her for months had my gut tightening in protest but I couldn't just force her to remain here out of the blue.
She had received a shock. All this time, I had deliberately chosen to keep her in the dark about Jasper's condition. I had not wanted to burden her with that and I didn't want it to be the reason she returned home. Turns out, she wanted to stay for that very reason now. Ironic.
But we had had a long talk after she followed us here from the gallery. I had filled her in regarding the past three months, there had been apologies uttered and tears shed. I was willing to give this another shot and so was she. The hard part would be to convince the asshole who was sitting there glaring at me like he was going to eat me alive.
I felt an unexpected surge of arousal at that thought. Fuck. I turned around before he noticed and fiddled with the dresser drawer.
Jasper and I had not had sex since the day he had suffered from the stroke. The doctors said it was not a permanent damage. That through therapy and willpower, he could regain normal motor functions. He just had to try, get with the program and stuff. But he glowered at the nurse I had hired to look after him when I was at work every time it was suggested that he try the numerous exercises meant for Jasper to get out of his funk.
I was pretty sure my boyfriend was just depressed and lacked the motivation to resume his normal activities. Maybe he also felt kind of useless. Jasper was an alpha male through and though. He hated not being in control. He hated feeling helpless. It made him grumpy and bad-tempered.
I stuck with him through it all even when he had one of his mood swings and yelled at me like I was a child when I offered to do a simple task for him if he struggled. It was not easy but damn, I loved him and wanted him to get better. I didn't mind the lack of sex. Not really. I could jerk off when it got too much for me to handle. But...sometimes, I would wake up in the night and feel his body heat next to mine and misery would overwhelm me because I could sense he was awake but he never touched me. He never tried to initiate anything remotely sexual and did not respond when I made the first move either.
That only worried me further because Jasper never made excuses when it came to sex. It was right up there with food and photography on his list of priorities. At least it had been.
"Sawyer," he suddenly snapped and I blew out
a breath and looked at him gravely.
"What?"
His dark eyes narrowed at me. "She's got you distracted already, huh? I can't believe you're this stupid. I mean, this is the second time she has dumped your ass and you're still choosing to forgive her. What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Can we please just talk about this tomorrow?" I spoke wearily.
I was tired. The show had taken hours to organise. Jasper had wanted to cancel it in one of his sour moods but he had been so excited for it before the stroke, I couldn't let him do that. I postponed the event to buy us more time, took over his contacts and made sure today was a success. He finally went along with it when he noticed me taking leave from work to get things ready for his show with the help of the gallery owner and one of Jasper's freelance assistants.
I was so proud of him. So happy to show off his talent. A lot of people had shown interest and bought the photos. All I wanted to do for now was to get some much needed sleep. Why couldn't he see that? Why didn't he care anymore that I ran myself ragged trying to make sure he was okay?
"We can sleep once you tell her to leave," Jasper maintained stubbornly. "I don't want her here, Cole. She doesn't deserve you."
"For fuck's sake, man, just stop okay. Stop bitching about her," I snapped at him and sat down hard on the bed, frustration running through my very veins.
"He's right, you know," Skye's voice said from the doorway. "I don't deserve you. You're too forgiving."
I bit my bottom lip, feeling like I was going to go crazy any second now and refused to look at anyone. Instead, I chose a spot on the floor and stared at it like my life depended on it. God, why did this have to be so hard?
Jasper was not entirely wrong. Skye could leave again and I would be helpless and heartbroken. Again. I couldn't count on her to be there for me no matter what. And I couldn't let Jasper get attached to her again if he was just going to face losing her someday. Look what had happened to him...
But I still loved Skye Madison. And I wanted her back.
"Get out of here, little girl," I heard Jasper growl from behind me. "You're not needed here anymore. We're doing just fine without you."
No, we're not. You miss her as much as I do! I wanted to scream but I just tightened my fists on the sheets. My head was starting to hurt.
She came to stand in front of me and I felt compelled to look up at her. Her beautiful blue eyes softened with compassion as she studied my expression and she smiled her soft smile before moving to bury her fingers in my hair and pulling my head forward gently so that my forehead rested against her tummy.
I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes. God, I needed this. I needed to be held so bad. I just needed to stop moving and thinking for a minute and just be. She stroked my hair and my face with her fingers and then bent to drop a kiss on my cheek.
"Get some rest, okay. Ignore Grumpy over here. I can handle his bitterness. I guess I kind of deserve it," she said, directing a serious look at Jasper. Then she glanced at me uncertainly. "I'll come back tomorrow, if that's okay."
Jasper scoffed. "Jesus, what part of 'you're not needed here' do you not understand?" he bit out rudely.
I clasped Skye's hand in mine and gave her a pained look. "Don't go," I whispered. "Please. Wear my clothes. Sleep here with me."
She appeared torn as she stood there and glanced between Jasper and I. Hell, I knew I was pushing it but I didn't want to think rationally. I didn't care anymore. I just knew I wanted her close.
"If she's sleeping here, I'm not going to," Jasper stated gruffly.
"Like hell you aren't," I growled this time and stood up abruptly to walk over to him and push his wheelchair to his side of the bed. "Ready? Here we go."
I pulled him up a little from his perch and slid him onto the bed before pushing the wheelchair away. He sat there and glared at me and I tried not to get angry with him for being so stubborn regarding this.
"Go to sleep, Jasper," I finally said and kissed him on the mouth. Then I went to Skye and placed my hands on her shoulders. "Please don't mind him. He's just...struggling. I want you to stay, baby."
She looked up at me with a disbelieving expression. "You are too good for me," she whispered. We both rolled our eyes and smiled silly smiles when Jasper snorted at her remark.
"I love you so much," she said and hugged me tight. "Please, please forgive me."
I rubbed her back and rocked a little on the spot with her, feeling happy in a long time. "I'm sorry too." My ignorance had resulted in so much damage and I was determined to make it up to these two. Starting now. "Let's just get some sleep. We'll worry about the asshole tomorrow," I said in a conversational tone.
She nodded into my chest. "Mmm. I have plans for him. Don't worry. He doesn't scare me. He never has."
"I can fucking hear you," Jasper grated and I let out a sigh.
"Come on. Get changed. Come to bed," I said and minutes later, she was lying next to me, cuddling, making me feel so warm and loved. A lightness spread across my chest and over my whole body and for the first time in weeks, I went to sleep with a smile on my face.
~~~
Skye
I woke up with the sunlight streaming in through the windows above the bed and Cole's soft breaths brushing the tendrils of hair on my forehead.
One of his strong arms circled my waist and I brushed my fingers over his downy forearm and sighed. My legs clad only in his boxer shorts were tangled up in his. Bliss and desire filtered through all the dozen other emotions I was experiencing currently and I nuzzled his shoulder with my nose for a few seconds, feeling him stir and grow semi-hard against me.
I smiled but stopped touching him. Jasper was right next to us and he was not in the right frame of mind to witness a full on morning sex romp under the sheets between me and Cole. I felt the urge to giggle. Cole had filled me in on Jasper's 'problem' amongst other things last night in the living room. The way he stubbornly refused to get it up for Cole even though my lover was pretty sure his boyfriend was more than capable of having sex. Maybe the sight of me and Cole getting it on would be just the thing to nudge him out of his self-imposed celibacy.
I moved slowly to raise my upper body so I could glance over at the stubborn man beside us. It surprised me to see him wide awake and staring at the ceiling with his arms folded behind his head and that permanent frown on his face.
His gaze slid sideways towards me and I felt myself blushing for some reason. Jasper might claim to hate me and want to see me disappear but his eyes said something else. The same something else they had said last night at the gallery when we had first looked at each other after so long. He wanted me. Not just wanted but craved. Like a drug that was not good for you but you couldn't stay without. Like you would rather let it destroy you than give it up.
Or maybe that was just how I felt.
"Hi," I said in a breathy voice as we looked at each other. I tried not to drool over his broad bare chest and thick thighs clad only in his shorts. When had he removed his clothes?
He said nothing and I tried a tentative smile. "Do you...um...do you need anything?" I asked softly.
Jasper's lips curved in a mocking way. "Yeah. I do."
Oh, hell. That Gerard Butler morning voice. How I had missed it.
My heartbeats raced. I was talking to him. After what felt like a whole decade of separation. Here we were face to face, in bed of all places and we were talking.
"What is it?" I asked, already getting out of bed, careful not to wake Cole and then making my way over to Jasper's side
Again, he remained quiet and I swallowed. My throat felt dry, my body tense. Slowly, gingerly, I reached out a hand to touch his chest.
Jasper's hand shot out at once and grabbed my wrist, his gaze clouding with anger. "I need you to leave," he hissed at me, squeezing my wrist. "Just get the hell away from me, Madison." He shoved my hand away and turned on his side so that his back was to me before closing his eyes.
His expression remained thun
derous and I stared at him as I rubbed my wrist. So he hated me now. He really hated me. Because I had left. But he had to have known what it was doing to me, the pain of living under the same roof as him and not being able to give him any of the love I felt for him.
Bowing my head, I quietly slipped out of the room. Cole may be too forgiving but I could not expect the same from Jasper. It was hoping for too much.
~~~
Chapter 36
Jasper
Francesco, my nurse looked at me expectantly after urging me to try out one of the many hand exercises which were supposed to improve my coordination. He was part Irish and part Italian. The shock of bright red curls on top of his head always made my eyes sore.
"Jasper," he said with the kind of patience fit for a saint. "Try placing just one marble in the jar."
I tried not to roll my eyes. Marbles. Jesus. What was I, four? I hated these exercises they made me do. The stroke had weakened my right arm and leg but physical therapy three times a week had brought me back to my natural strength. However, I could not explain how hopeless it felt to even try and do normal things.
No matter how much these people who aspired to help me talked to me with positive encouragement, I could not shake the depression and reach for that motivation that would help me lead a regular life once more.
I had cancelled so many projects. It all seemed pointless. Part of me did blame Cole for being the reason Skye had left. Because he had expected her to be happy without me. And another part of me blamed her too because she hurt me more than I realised I was capable of hurting when she just decided to give up on both of us.
Who could you even trust anymore? Cole got more and more frustrated with me even though I tried not to let my temporary disability hinder his life. He was being there for me in every way possible. But he needed things from me I could not bring myself to give right now.
Three's A Crowd Page 21
