by Nisioisin
017
“Nadeko got to become a god, but no one came to the shrine over the holiday. Bor-ring. Let’s chat, gramps,” Nadeko Sengoku said, all hyped up and strangely cheery. She seemed quite pleased with herself as she held the 10,000-yen note she had removed from the offertory box.
Her method of retrieval, however, had been to reach out with the fearsome white snakes that had replaced every last hair on her head, so it wasn’t exactly heartwarming.
In fact it was terrifying.
A mass of writhing snakes replacing your hair definitely qualifies as a mysterious ailment.
Decidedly inexplicable by modern medicine.
They say humans have around a hundred thousand strands of hair on their heads, but apparently Nadeko Sengoku was above average in that regard because there had to be more than that many snakes swarming around her noggin.
Even Medusa might be turned to stone if she saw Nadeko Sengoku─and judging from the effortless way she plucked the 10,000-yen note from the offertory box, she could see through the eyes of every one of those snakes.
In which case.
How did the world appear to her?
She would have over one hundred thousand viewpoints.
On the other hand, the hair was pretty much it in terms of seeming like a serpent god (though that was plenty, what more could you ask for). Her clothes, for instance, were pretty normal.
Normal, except for the fact that it was the middle of winter.
The fact that there was snow everywhere in the middle of winter.
Her sleeveless white dress felt cold just to look at, she seemed ready to melt into the snow─ephemeral, vanishing. If only she had been wearing something a little more ophidian, at least.
She was also barefoot despite the snow.
What was the deal with her look?
She certainly didn’t come across as a god─and was that a scrunchy around her left wrist? Also white. Did she really tie back that serpentine mane with a scrunchy?
I realized belatedly that the words for “god” and “hair” are homophonous in our language: kami. Metamorphing monsters do love their puns.
There are various schools of thought as to whether gods should actually be included in that category at all, but if you ask me, there’s really not much difference insofar as they’re all on the take.
“Ten thousand yen. Ten thousand yen!”
She seemed pleased.
She probably was pleased.
But now that she was a god, what use did she have for money? And anyway, it was for the shrine’s upkeep and not meant to be pocketed.
Maybe it wasn’t the amount, and she was just excited about receiving her first offering. That would be nothing less than an insult to money, however, and would leave me no choice but to revise my earlier favorable impression.
“Thanks so much, gramps!”
Nadeko Sengoku finally turned to face me, with a carefree laugh totally unlike what I’d expected based on her parents’ description─it didn’t seem at all like that of a shy or bashful person.
They’d told me she laughed easily, but I was pretty sure she hadn’t in this way.
It was as if she’d been unchained. She was constrained by nothing and no one, by neither man nor monster.
“You’re Nadeko’s very first believer, gramps!”
“…”
Innocent or not, this was inexcusable. I won’t deny that I thought about spanking her, but not being a violent man, I just said, “Stop calling me ‘gramps.’ My name is Deishu Kaiki,” and left it at that. What a nice guy.
Well, I meant to leave it at that, but I’d blown it─Nadeko Sengoku was an indirect victim of the con I had pulled in this town. It wouldn’t be surprising if she’d heard my name somewhere─from Araragi or the Fire Sisters, for instance.
It wouldn’t be surprising if she knew my name.
In which case, it was not out of the question for this girl (who had mercilessly announced her intent to murder Araragi and Senjogahara, who had next to nothing to do with it) to fly into a rage─or so I thought.
But she cried out, “Mister Kaiki!” with a delighted look. “Mister Kaiki, Mister Deishu Kaiki! What a weird name! Nice to meetcha! Sorry for calling you ‘gramps’! Yeah, you’re definitely much too young for that! Wow, so young! Younger than Nadeko, maybe! Better call you ‘young master’ instead!”
“…”
What to make of this? Obviously, what I should make of it was that, as an indirect victim, she’d never learned my name. Yet I had a hard time believing that.
She must have heard it, must have known it.
But─she simply didn’t remember.
It wasn’t because she didn’t give a shit about me or because the events of her human existence were trivial now that she was a god─she seemed to have forgotten.
She’d forgotten the root of all evil that had driven her here.
That’s what I figured. She forgets the unforgettable like it’s nothing─and clings instead to passing memories like her friend’s older brother being nice to her when she was little.
In other words─her notion of what was important and what wasn’t had gotten screwed up.
It might seem hasty, or even dangerous, to jump to such conclusions just because she had forgotten my name, but I know them.
I know so many people like her. I don’t want to, but I do.
So many people who can’t tell what’s dear from what’s not, what’s valuable from what’s not, what’s important from what’s not, and who thus constantly mistake one for the other. The kind of people who can’t handle their own lives─without exception, they’ve been backed into an emotional corner. People who are somehow broken, you might say.
Senjogahara’s mother, for instance.
I don’t know if Nadeko Sengoku’s mind had already been like that when she was human, or if it was only after she became a god, but either way it was beyond repair─even without any prodding, she happily volunteered, “Nadeko can’t wait for it to be March! Wanna know why? Should I tell you? It’s because around then, it’ll be time to kill the person Nadeko loves!”
I guess she was so happy to have someone to talk to that she was thoughtfully offering up, on the house, her single hottest, most interesting topic.
I guess. But the sight of a girl saying it nonchalantly as if it were no big deal was totally bizarre. This is me talking here, so you know how bizarre. I also suspected I might be the only one in the world who’d cast it in those terms, though.
“They asked Nadeko to wait six months so she’s waiting, thinking being a god means listening to people’s requests. Yeah, Nadeko figured six months would go by in a snap because gods live a really long time, but it’s no different. A day is a day, six months is six months. Recently it’s been really hard waiting that long, but it’s okay, it’s okay. Gods have to keep their promises!”
“Right… It’s really important to keep your promises. You might even call it sublime,” I agreed, not meaning it at all, just to keep the conversation going. I was definitely afraid that one wrong word might set her off, but I probably would have said the same thing even without that concern.
I was feeling terribly sorry for her and couldn’t bring myself to contradict her─you can believe that. I hate to be seen in such a high-minded, hypocritical light, but just this once, it was true.
I felt sorry for a ridiculous middle-school deity who was so delighted by a visitor, or should I say a worshipper, that she wanted to please and entertain with her chatter.
I had to sympathize with her.
This is me we’re talking about, so of course that didn’t change anything─I wasn’t about to throw Senjogahara’s job out the window and give up on hoodwinking this girl. Nor did I consider doing anything to help her.
A job’s a job.
Still, what was bothering me was the discrepancy─between what I’d heard about Nadeko Sengoku up to that point, and what I was experiencing. She was supposed to be the
very picture of a timid little girl, not someone who could “entertain” people even if they were her worshippers or faithful.
Why was the girl so cheerful and sociable, as if she’d been unchained, unbound?
It was a no-brainer.
She had been unchained, unbound.
Senjogahara made it seem like I was the big bad wolf, but Nadeko Sengoku, at least, had ended up happy thanks to my con.
Very, very happy.
“But it’s weird. Why hasn’t anyone shown up? The shrine’s all redone and everything, and Nadeko figured lots of people would come.”
“Maybe there wasn’t enough publicity?” I suggested. I have a thing or two to say about business─in its illegal forms anyway. “Or maybe the service isn’t cutting it?”
“Service? You mean like sexy stuff?”
“…”
For the first time, I ignored one of her guileless questions. I was neither nice enough nor possessed of sufficient communication skills to play along with the minor-league dirty jokes of a middle schooler.
Who knows how she took my silence, though, because she continued, “Big Brother Koyomi was super happy when Nadeko was topless and wearing gym shorts!”
What the hell had that guy been getting up to? Was he a criminal, or what?
In a rare moment of righteous indignation, I thought about writing Araragi’s salvation out of my plan for duping Nadeko Sengoku, but I guess that wouldn’t fly.
“Also, he really seemed to enjoy watching Nadeko writhe in a swimsuit here at the shrine! Since Big Brother Koyomi looked happy, Nadeko was happy too!”
“Um, listen…you.” I wasn’t sure how to address someone who’d become a god, but treating her like a buddy didn’t seem right, so I went with you. “This…Big Brother Koyomi? I don’t know if Koyomi is his first name or his last name, but─” I pretended not to know who he was (it would be problematic if I did, but I also wanted to be a complete stranger to a guy who made middle school girls do such things) and asked, “You really like this Big Brother Koyomi, huh?”
Even though I was the one who’d asked it, the question set my teeth on edge.
“Yup! Nadeko loves him! That’s why Nadeko’s going to kill him! Murder him!”
“I see…”
“And his girlfriend, what’s-her-name, and his little girl slave so-and-so too!”
She talked about it quite happily. She spoke about killing her crush and his associates in a couple of months as happily as you might about an upcoming date with your sweetheart, or even more joyfully. And she wasn’t bragging, she was telling this story to entertain me, in the spirit of good service. Like she didn’t doubt I’d get as much pleasure out of it as she did.
It was ironic that a god believed in such balderdash─or ironic even without that aspect.
Plain old ironic, anyway you sliced it.
Not to mention, she didn’t even remember the names of Senjogahara and Shinobu Oshino, who were also on her hit list─the steps, connections, and reasoning were all mixed up.
And then I realized. That is, I came to a conclusion.
The girl was a fool.
She was stupid.
Irredeemably lacking in the brains department─and everyone had overlooked it all along. Everyone around her, and not just her parents, had babied her.
Koyomi Araragi─was likely no exception.
He had babied Nadeko Sengoku.
And she just let herself be spoiled.
I am by no means trying to deny my own culpability, but I think that’s why she ended up this way, a god.
I imagine any eccentricities she had, like always wearing a hat, or hiding her face behind bangs, or not being able to meet people’s eyes, had been overlooked, explained away, as cute or adorable.
All her problem behaviors─“forgiven.”
And this was the result.
Which only deepened my sympathy.
For precisely that reason, now that she’d been liberated from that environment, Nadeko Sengoku would absolutely refuse to “become human again” even if she was given the chance, I speculated.
It was pointless to speculate, though, so I asked her directly, “Listen, Your Godliness. If you could go back to being human, would you want to?”
“Nope,” came her decisive answer. Just as I expected. A kind of pre-established harmony?
“Even if becoming human again means you can be sweethearts with Big Brother Koyomi?”
“Yeah,” came her decisive answer. This was unexpected. Pre-established disharmony. The same answer even with the conditions altered. I had thought she’d waver or at least think about it for a second.
“Nadeko’s okay now with an unrequited love.”
“…”
“If your unrequited love can go on forever─that’s better than a requited love, don’t you think, Mister Kaiki?”
“Sure,” I nodded, for the sake of agreeing with her, but the fact is that I put more oomph into it than necessary.
Unrequited love. I’m not made of stone, and I’m old enough to have had some experiences of my own on that score. What’s more, maybe that unrequited love is still going strong─given that the woman in question died in a car accident.
With a dead person, unrequited love is the only option. It goes on forever, without end, regardless of what other loves you might know thereafter.
You missed out on the heartbreak.
In that sense, maybe Nadeko Sengoku’s notion wasn’t all that bankrupt─if she killed Koyomi Araragi, she could immerse herself forevermore in a happy, unrequited love.
Ignorant of heartbreak.
“Big Brother Koyomi has come to this shrine a bunch of times, hasn’t he? You don’t count him as a worshipper…a visitor?”
“Nope, because he just talks nonsense. It’s confusing so Nadeko shoos him away. Telling him he’s not getting killed until March, he can come back then. He’s so persistent, Nadeko’s started pretending not to be here.”
“And nobody else pays you a visit? Other than me and Big Brother Koyomi, no one has come here?”
“Well, there were the workmen.”
“Workmen?”
For a moment I couldn’t figure out what she was talking about, but I quickly realized she meant the carpenters who had restored the main shrine hall. I wondered where this girl was while the place was under construction. Somewhere, I suppose. Excitedly watching from the trees as they built her new home, perhaps. Hardly expecting to be neglected once they were done.
How very lonely.
The shrine hadn’t been left alone to rot─but it was still a lonely place.
“They rebuilt it so-o-o fast! Is that what they call a rush job?? They were real pros! Nadeko couldn’t believe it! And at first some people did come, but they all ran away when Nadeko appeared. How come? You’re the first one not to, Mister Kaiki, and the first one to put money in the box!”
So thank you! she said, looking ready to hug me─and wary of her embrace, I shifted my position slightly.
“If everyone runs away when they see you,” I began.
Maybe there was no need, but in addition to lies and falsehoods, another of my mouth’s specialties is voicing unwelcome truths that don’t have to be, or shouldn’t be, voiced. Which is why it’s the Mouth of Half-Truth. Always mixing them together.
“It must have something to do with your unsettling appearance. That hair is terrifying.”
“…”
She looked flabbergasted.
Her smile disappeared. Ah, maybe I’m dead, I guessed. I would put up a fight, of course, but totally unprepared as I was, my hopes of victory seemed faint. It wasn’t such a bad place to die, though, and meeting my end because of my big mouth would be fitting.
No, I’m not that stouthearted. What really went through my head: This sucks. I shouldn’t have taken this job after all, what was I thinking, if this is Senjogahara’s revenge against me, full success, she got me─yet my train of thought only made it that far.
It wasn’t that her previous smile returned to her face. The open, carefree smile she had worn before had seemed, in its own way, neither forced nor insincere, but it had still somehow felt like the “professional smile” of a god. This one, however, was different. She seemed genuinely happy.
