by Kaylee Ryan
She is.
She’s all I see.
She’s all I ever want.
Today is going to suck. She’ll be there, with our friends and family, and I can’t hold her, touch her, kiss her. Fuck me, it’s going to be torture. I check my phone one more time, just making sure that I didn’t get called into work. Wishful thinking on my part. Grabbing my keys, I know I can’t put off leaving any longer. I head out the door.
Collins and Tabby left over an hour ago. I wanted us to ride together, but she refused. I get it, but it would have been nice to have some time with her before we got there, to sneak in a kiss or two. Did I mention that last night she stayed at her place? Something about girls’ night with her and Tabby. I didn’t fight it, but I admit I did pout a little. Fuck if I care who knows. I want her with me all the damn time. I don’t care if that makes me a pussy.
Pulling up to my parents’ place, the drive is full, so I park in the yard beside the garage. Taking a deep breath, I then slowly exhale. This day is bound to test my patience. Climbing out of my SUV, I head around back. I find Mom and Dad on the back deck, Dad with a beer in his hand and Mom with her signature cranberry and vodka. However, I know that it’s strictly cranberry at this point in the day. She never indulges until the food has been eaten and put away. My mother is always putting others before herself.
“’Bout time you got here,” Dad says as I join him and Mom on the deck. He pulls me into a hug, but it’s short-lived before Mom is tugging on my arm and pulling me into her embrace as well.
“We’ve not seen much of you these last few weeks,” she scolds.
“I know, I’m sorry. Residency is keeping me busy. Long days, six days a week.” I feel guilty that I’ve not been to see them, but I’m telling the truth about the long days. I just leave out that after each and every one of those long ass days, there is nothing I want more than to curl up with Collins on the couch and decompress. Okay, and kiss… lots of kissing.
As I pull back from Mom’s embrace, I hear, “Oh, Grady, it’s so good to see you.”
Turning, I see Roger and Monica Ward, also known as my girlfriend and best friend’s parents standing behind me. “How have you been?” I ask, leaning down to give Monica a hug.
“Oh, we’re fine.” She waves me off. “So good to have you home.”
Monica always has been like a second mother to me. One day she will be. That’s if I can convince Collins to spend the rest of her life with me. I know that’s what I want. I’ve told her as much. I’m just not sure she’s there yet.
“Grady,” Roger says, shaking my hand. “Damn proud of you, son. Both of you boys have done us proud.” He says it as if I’m his son.
That’s how close our families are. Hence, the hesitation from Collins to tell them about us. I’d like to believe they love us both enough that if we’re happy, they’re happy, at least when it comes to our parents. I honestly have no idea how Caleb is going to react. When we were younger, I was the one helping him keep our friends from Collins. It started out as a duty, a code of honor if you will, to my best friend. Then, as time went on, it was for purely selfish reasons. I didn’t want anyone to have her but me.
“Thank you.”
“Caleb and the guys are over at our place,” Monica informs me.
“I’m headed that way.” I drop a kiss on Mom’s, then Monica’s, cheek and head next door. Jogging down the steps, I have to make myself slow down as I make my way to the Ward’s backyard.
“It’s about time you got here!” Bryce yells out.
Raising my hand in the air, I flip him off, causing everyone to laugh. When I reach the patio table, I take the only seat left, which is between Alec and Bryce. Collins is next to Bryce, Tabby next to Collins. Emily is sitting on Caleb’s lap. “What’s going on?” I ask the group. I don’t make eye contact with my girl, not yet. That would be too obvious, right? Tabby is the only one here that knows about us.
“We’re trying to get these two to go for a swim with us,” Alec says, pointing to Collins and then Tabby.
Fuck me. With all of the scenarios that have run through my mind about today, none of them included watching her parade around in a bikini, hell even a one piece. Damn it. “Yeah?” I manage to croak out.
“We’re wearing them down.” Bryce laughs, putting his arm around Collins’s shoulders and pulling her into him.
I ball my fists at my sides. I’m ready to stand to tell him to get his paws off my girl when she removes his arm and scoots away from him. She catches my eye from across the table and gives me a slight head nod, letting me know she’s okay. Of course, she’s okay, but I still don’t like his hands on her.
“Easy, tiger.” Tabby leans into me and whispers.
“Right,” I scoff.
“She only has eyes for you,” she says even lower to be sure no one can hear us.
“What are you two whispering about over there?” Collins asks.
My head pops up and what I find makes me extremely happy. She’s glaring at us, and jealousy is written all over her. I know I shouldn’t be happy about that. I should hope that she keeps herself in check because of who we’re with, but I couldn’t give a fuck less. I’m ready to stand up and kiss the hell out of her. Brother be damned.
“Actually,” Collins says, standing from her chair, “I’m ready to cool off. Let me go change.”
“I’ll come with you.” Tabby is up and out of her seat followed by Emily.
“Me, too,” Emily says.
My eyes follow the three of them until they disappear into the house. I’m not worried about Caleb because I know his eyes are following his fiancée, too.
“Dude!” Caleb says, pulling all of our attention. “That’s my little sister.”
I’m ready to defend myself to tell him that I need her to breathe when I realize he’s not looking at me. He’s looking at Bryce.
“She’s hot, Ward.” He shrugs unapologetically.
“She’s off limits to you.”
“Come on, man. She’s old enough to make her own decisions.”
“She is, but not with you. You think I want her to be another notch on your bedpost. She’s not a plaything, Bryce.”
“Everyone enjoys sex,” Bryce counters.
“Just leave it alone, Bryce,” Alec says. “Is it really worth fighting with him over, not to mention this guy.” He points at me. “They’ve both been protective of her all her life.”
“Why is that?” Bryce asks, wearing a smirk.
He thinks he knows, and he might, but I’ll never admit it to him, not when he’s baiting me. Collins would never forgive me. “She’s his little sister. I’m his best friend.”
“What am I?”
“You have to respect his wishes to keep best friend status.” I’m being a dick, but I can’t seem to find it in me to care. He put his hands on her.
“Enough!” Collins yells from beside us. We were all too focused on our intense conversation to realize that they were already back outside. “I’ll date or have sex with whoever I want. You,” she points to Caleb, “and you,” she points to me, “have zero say so in the matter.” She turns to face Bryce. “As for you, it’s not happening. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever, so you’re wasting your time.” With that, she walks off toward the pool, Emily and Tabby trailing behind her.
I want to be mad that she says I have no say so. I know that I do, because I’m her fucking boyfriend, but she can’t tell them that. She has to keep up appearances. Right? Fuck! I wish I could pull her away and talk to her. Hold her close and kiss those soft lips of hers just so I know that we’re okay. That although she’s angry, she’s still mine. I fucking hate this secrecy bullshit.
The guys and I stay on the deck, shooting the shit. Eventually, the tension eases away, and we’re once again just four friends catching up. I keep my eyes on her as much as I can. When it’s time to eat, I make it a point to sit in a seat that would put her in my direct line of sight. That way when I look at her, it’s be
cause she’s there, not because I can’t keep my eyes off her.
The girls head back to the pool while the four of us guys play corn hole. That’s how we spend the majority of the afternoon until Alec and Bryce have to leave. They both work for our local fire department and are helping set off the fireworks display later this evening.
“Stay safe, boys,” Mom tells them as they say their goodbyes.
“How about a game of chicken?” Tabby suggests. “I’ll be the judge.”
“Why do we need a judge?” Caleb asks. “Whoever falls off first, loses.”
“I have to make sure the two of you don’t cheat.” She points her finger at him, and we all laugh.
“Me?” He slaps his hand to his chest in mock horror.
“Yes, you. Now get in the pool.”
Caleb salutes her and wades into the water. Pulling my T-shirt over my head, I toss it into a chair and follow behind him. “Ladies, mount up.” Caleb grins, diving underwater and swimming toward Emily. She shrieks when he reaches her and pulls her under with him.
“Hey, baby.” I’m standing behind her, so close I can feel the heat from her body.
She turns to face me, a smile on her lips. “You ready for this, Carmichael?”
“Let’s see.” My index finger traces her belly. From the way we’re standing, no one can see that I’m touching her. “Am I ready to have those sexy legs wrapped around my head? That’s a hell fucking yes.”
She throws her head back and laughs. I want to lick the column of her throat. Instead, I settle for the feel of her smooth skin beneath my fingertips. “Tell me you’re mine.” I step a little closer, too close for where we are, but I need her to feel what being this close to her does to me. When my hard length presses against her belly, exactly where my hand was tracing just seconds before, she sucks in a breath.
“Nothing’s changed.”
“Then I do have a say so in who you have sex with?”
She sighs. “You know you do. I didn’t know what else to say.”
“You did good, baby. Put us in our place, but I’m just making sure my place is still with you.”
“Until you decide otherwise, yes.”
“So, forever then?”
Her eyes light up as they bore into mine. “You really want that?”
“You, Collins, I really want you. Forever doesn’t seem long enough.”
“You two done planning your attack? We’re not getting any younger,” Caleb calls.
Immediately, we step away from each other. Collins turns to face them. I’m glad she’s standing in front of me to block the view of how she affects me. Sure, I’m underwater and the chances of them noticing are unlikely, but it’s a risk she wouldn’t want to take. Of that I’m certain.
“Oh, we’re ready,” she taunts.
“Mount up.” He sniggers before dipping underwater and emerging with Emily on his shoulders. I do the same. When I stand back to my full height, Collins reaches down and pushes my wet hair out of my eyes. Tabby counts us off, and the girls shriek with enjoyment as they battle it out, trying to knock the other off. Caleb and I are laughing our asses off, trying to stay upright.
“Come on, ladies!” Tabby shouts. Collins and Emily are laughing hysterically and the next thing I know, they’re both falling backward into the pool. “You cheated,” Tabby scolds.
My girl sputters up from the water, a smile lighting up her face. “We were too evenly matched. It never would have ended,” she says.
Tabby just shakes her head. “I’ve failed you.” She pretends to be offended.
“Oh, hush.” Collins waves her off, still smiling.
“We’re going to go change,” Caleb tells us. From the look on his face and the way he can’t keep his hands off her, I’d say they are going for more than that. “It’s about time to head out for the fireworks.”
“I guess we should change, too,” Collins says to me.
“Yeah. These shorts are hybrid, they dry fast, and my shirt is dry.”
“Well, I need to go change for sure.”
“You riding with me?”
“Sure, Tabby and I will ride with you.”
“Um, count me out. I’m meeting Holden. He just got off work about thirty minutes ago.”
“Is he meeting you to watch the fireworks?” I ask her.
“Nope.” She’s grinning like a fool.
“Go.” Collins laughs. “Call me if you need me.”
“Later,” Tabby calls over her shoulder.
“Wait, didn’t you ride with Tabby?”
“I did.”
“So, how are you getting home?”
She peers up at me. “I was hoping this guy I’m seeing would drive me.”
“Oh, so you’re seeing someone?”
“Uh-huh. He’s a great guy. Smart as hell, sexy, too.”
“Does he know you’re mine?”
“I don’t know. Do you know that you’re mine?”
“Yes. A thousand times yes.” We’re still standing in the middle of the pool. “I want to kiss you so fucking bad right now.” My hand gives her hip a gentle squeeze.
Even though the sun has gone down, I can still make out the sparkle in her blue eyes. “Come here.” She motions me closer. “Bend down.” I do as she asks, and she places her lips next to my ear. “I love you.” Before I can even respond, she’s turning and swimming away from me. I want to chase after her, grab her around the waist, and throw her over my shoulder. Instead, I watch her go. Not taking my eyes off her until she disappears into the house. This night isn’t turning out so bad after all.
Grady ended up driving us to the fireworks. Our parents and most of the party goers stayed behind, but we’ve always gone to see the show. You’re never too old for fireworks. It was hard to not reach for his hand while he was driving, but it could be worse, right? I mean, at least we’re getting to spend time together.
“Is it just me or does the show get smaller each year?” Caleb asks from the back seat.
“I think we’re just getting older. The magic of the moment is not what it once used to be.”
“When I was a kid, I loved it,” Emily chimes in. “It’s not that I don’t enjoy it now, but I think Collins is right. When you’re younger, it’s almost magical. Standing with your boyfriend under the shower, snuggling close.” She laughs when Caleb growls.
“Enough about that,” he grumbles.
“Face it, big brother, we’re getting older.”
“Speaking of, have you talked to your girl tonight, Grady?” Caleb asks.
“Yep.” That’s all he gives him.
“You should have her stop by later.”
“She’s busy with family.”
“Let’s call her, so we can all say hello,” Caleb suggests.
Grady doesn’t lose his cool. “You did hear me when I told you I was in love with her, right?” he asks, glancing in the rearview mirror. “Why in the hell would I let her talk to you before I know she’s all mine?” he counters.
“He’s got you there,” Emily jokes.
“Collins, have you met her?” my brother asks. “I mean, you live next door to the guy you’ve had to have run into her?”
“Not yet. But we don’t run into each other that often. Our shifts are out of sync. Hell, I hardly see Tabby.”
“But you all obviously ride share,” he points out.
“Yeah, but we were headed to the same place at the same time. Grady was leaving his apartment at the same time I left mine. The stars must have been aligned or something.”
“What’s with the third degree?” Emily asks. “He’ll let us meet her when he’s ready.”
“What about you, Collins?” Caleb turns the heat on me.
“There’s a guy,” I tell him, following Grady’s lead and not wanting to add even more lies to the mix.
“Who?”
“Just a guy I’ve been out with a couple of times.”
“I want to meet him. Make sure he’s good enough for you
.”
“Hey!” Emily scolds him. “Turn it down a notch, will you? She’s an adult, and so is Grady, why are you suddenly so interested in their love lives?”
“She’s my little sister and he’s my best friend. It’s my job to be in the know.”
Emily laughs. “Yeah, it’s really not. You need to stay out of it. We will meet the people in their lives when they’re ready for us to meet them.”
“Really? What if it was one of your sisters?”
“Samantha is dating someone,” she tells him. “Some guy she met at a coffee shop.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks her.
“I didn’t realize I was supposed to.”
“They’re going to be my sisters. I need to check this guy out,” he tells her.
“Caleb, I love you, but you’re too damn nosey.”
“Agreed,” Grady and I say at the same time. The four of us burst into laughter.
When we get back to the house, the party is still in full swing, not that I expected anything different. Caleb and Emily get stopped by my aunt asking about wedding plans. I keep walking. Grady’s parents have a small pond at the back of their lot, and that’s where I’m headed. Just to get away from it all for a few minutes. To get away from him and the pull he has toward me. The night is clear, and there seems to be a million stars in the sky. The further I get from the house, the more they become prominent in the night sky. Looking ahead with just the light of the moon, I see it, the scene of the crime also known as the camper. The one where my relationship with Grady took a turn. If you had asked me three months ago, I would have said for the worse, but now I’m starting to realize that we just weren’t ready. We were both so young and were enrolled in colleges states away. I’d like to believe that things are working out as they should.
We’re together now.
It’s still hard for me to believe, but every time he kisses me, sends me a text telling me he loves me, my heart melts and in my mind, I know he’s not just saving face. He’s putting in way too much effort to just be worried about the fallout from my brother. In fact, I believe him when he says he doesn’t care how it turns out as long as we’re together. I know he would be crushed to lose Caleb. I also know losing me is not a risk he’s willing to take to keep that from happening.
