“That’s more than fine by me,” Mama Draughn said. “Harlowe, come over here just one second.” She pulled my elbow just before I followed Tennessee and Omie through the door. “I can see you’ve fallen for her, and all the reasons why, because I have too. But this business with her daddy has me worried about the kind of man he is.”
“Is there something you’re not telling me?”
“Nothing that would help you for the knowing of it right now. You already seen enough to recognize some things.”
“Yes, ma’am. But if there was—”
“Hush,” she said. “Just keep your wits about you, that’s all I’m saying.” She walked out onto the porch to see everyone off and left me to wonder what she’d already heard.
Chapter 23
MAMA PUT OUT HER cigarette when we walked into the trailer. From the looks of her tight curls and fresh clothes, she’d taken the long bath Mama Draughn suggested.
“Thought you’d be back long ago,” she said.
“Takes each pie at least an hour to bake,” I answered. “We brought you one. Did you have dinner yet?”
“I picked a little at some things. Happy to pull some food together for y’all, though.”
“That’s okay, I’ll do it.” I didn’t want her to go to any trouble on account of Tennessee and Omie that she could later complain about. “Tell me what you think of the pie, first, though.”
“If neither of you mind, I should probably give Omie a bath now, and then take a shower myself?” Tennessee said.
“Of course,” Mama said. “Use anything you need in the bathroom.”
“At this point I think just a little soap and water will do wonders,” Tennessee said.
“There’s plenty of shampoo too. Help yourself.” Mama glanced at the plate I set in front of her, and then the pie beside it. “Have to admit, that’s fine-looking,” she said. “You’ve always been good at making anything you set your mind to.”
“Tennessee should get the credit for this one,” I said. “Turns out there’s a lot more to baking than I would have thought.”
She picked up the fork and I watched her take a bite, waiting for her response. First she looked like she was concentrating real hard on a thought, but then her eyebrows lifted and she couldn’t hide the smile. “Oh,” she said, and took another bite.
“Good, isn’t it?” I grabbed a fork myself and dipped into the center of the pan. “I think people would buy it.”
“Can’t think of anything I’d change about it.”
“The crust isn’t quite as flaky as Mama Draughn’s, but it’s almost. Nervous first-timer hands, I guess. We might have worked it just a little too much.”
“Tastes just as good to me as anything she’s ever made.”
When Mama leaned over her plate to take another bite, her collarbones jumped at me from the edge of her T-shirt. I knew she’d lost a little weight, but I was shocked to notice how fast it was coming off of her. “Don’t stop at one piece,” I said. “We’ve had plenty to eat, and will be making plenty more.”
“Going all the way to market sounds like a lot of trouble.”
“It was my idea, and I think it’s a good one. It’d be nice if you could hope for the best.”
She took another cigarette from the pack. “You call your daddy about the mines yet? You’ll be out of school before you know it.”
“Not yet. He ask you to talk to me?”
She shook her head and blew smoke. “No. But as we’ve all said, what else are you gonna do?”
There were so many different things I wanted to say to her just then. But more than anything, I felt like she was giving up on me and saying that I might as well do the same.
Omie ran into the kitchen and slid across the linoleum squares in his pajama feet.
“All clean!” he shouted. “Tensee said she out in a minute.”
I smiled at the way he said her name. “I’m guessing I already know the answer, but I’ll ask ya anyway. Got any room left for dinner after all that pie you ate today?”
He looked up at the ceiling and put a finger under his chin like he was thinking hard, then nodded his head up and down, giggling. “Uh-huh!” Then he rubbed his belly, sticking out in his almost-too-small Bugs Bunny pajamas.
“I’ll hook you up, then.” I took the ham out of the fridge, and then sliced a tomato and two pieces of the homemade bread. I hadn’t seen Omie turn down anything yet, and hoped it was a dinner Tennessee would approve of. As soon as I set it in front of him, he chomped down on the sandwich and smiled. Half the ham was hanging out of his mouth when Tennessee walked into the kitchen with her long wet hair combed, her tan skin a little shiny and pink from the shower. “Sandwich?” I asked her.
“Just some ham and tomato would be great, thank you. I’m still pretty full from all the tasting we did.”
“Me too,” I said, feeling the sugar crash coming on.
“I just tasted some myself,” Mama said to Tennessee. “Better than anything I’ve ever made.”
“Well. Not much can go wrong when you have Mama Draughn standing beside you every step of the way. It might be another thing when we try to do it on our own.”
“We just need a little more practice,” I said, and noticed that Mama looked bored with us talking about it all. “And a business plan. I’ll work on that part.”
“I see Mr. D again?” Omie asked, and then added, “Don’t poke bees,” and I laughed hard because I knew exactly what he was talking about.
“I said the same thing after he told me that story,” I said. “And I’ve never gotten stung because of it.” I knocked our old cheap cedar table with my knuckles and thought how much better the cherry one I was working on would be.
Mama yawned, and when she felt my eyes on her, covered her mouth. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I know it’s early, but I guess I’m still pretty tired from last night.”
“We had you up too late,” Tennessee said. “You’ve been so generous to have us here.”
“Both of you are real sweet. You heard anything from the hospital at all?”
Tennessee shook her head. “Guess I’ll call tomorrow if I don’t hear something by then.”
“That’s a good idea,” Mama said. “I’m sure he’s doing fine and that he can’t wait to see the two of you.”
Tennessee forced a smile, but then chewed the inside of her cheek nervously.
“Bet y’all are pretty worn out, after all that cooking,” Mama said. “Probably best if we all turn in early tonight.”
Omie yawned as if it only took mention of sleep to flip his switch.
“Walk back with me, Harlowe, got something I want to show you,” Mama said.
“Go on. I’ll be there in just a minute,” I said.
She looked at me for a couple of seconds like she was waiting for me to change my mind until she gave up and walked down the hall by herself.
“I’ll clean up in here,” Tennessee said.
“Come see me in my room after he falls asleep,” I whispered to her.
Omie’s eyelids started to drop.
“Okay, I’ll try,” she said.
Mama’s door was open when I got to it. “Come in.” She rubbed the back of her neck and grimaced, then laid both of her hands up on my shoulders.
“What is it?” I asked when she didn’t say anything.
“Guessing you’ve noticed your daddy hasn’t been round much.”
I nodded, waiting for her to say more.
“Thing is, we’re running a little low. I don’t want you to worry too much or anything, but just thought that you should know. Just in case you end up making some money at the market, or—”
“What about the check?”
She took her hands off my shoulders and dropped her eyes to the ground. “I never said I was perfect.”
“I’m not paying for your pills. You better talk to Daddy about that.”
“I can’t. You know he won’t understand.” She wiped the tears spilling
onto her dark circles and displayed a look that was desperate and worn.
“How much is left?” I asked.
“Just under a hundred.”
“And how much are you paying?”
She scratched the back of her head and looked away from me again.
“You can’t pick and choose what you want to tell me, Mama.”
“Thirty apiece.”
I stared at her for a second, then closed my eyes and breathed in through my nose. It took effort for me not to blow up at the stupidity of what she’d said. “And who do you get them from?” I asked as calmly as I could.
“I don’t know exactly, and that’s the truth. Betsy’s been taking care of that part so I don’t have to get out. I just give her the money.”
“Damn it, Mama. What about everything you went through last time?”
“It won’t be that bad this time. I just need to get through the next month or so, start my exercises again. Muscles just seize up and there’s nothing I can do to make them stop.”
“I don’t know what else to say. You know how I feel about it, but that’s not stopping you any.”
“I’m just asking for a little understanding and a little more time,” she said. “Give me a hug?” Her eyes filled again and her hands dropped loose to her sides.
I walked closer to her and put my arms around her shoulders, partly sorry, but mostly beyond angry at how she was acting like she didn’t have any choice in the matter. I know she felt me tense when I thought about all the things I could do to try to forget what happened to Nate. But there wouldn’t be anyone left with any sense at all if I did. I let go of her and took a few steps back. “If you want my help while you’re quitting, I’ll do what I can, like Nate did. But I can’t help you hurt yourself.”
She wiped her face again and took a jagged breath through the crying, her shoulders inching toward her ears like she wished they would hide her face. “Just a little more time,” she said again.
“I don’t want to find you the way I found Moore last night,” I said.
She looked at me like a kid that’s been scolded. I hated sounding like the parent that done it. The order of things was all messed up. I told her goodnight and as soon as I closed her door, texted Daddy to ask when I could meet him at work. He was the one that should be having those talks with her, not me.
In my room, I lay down and closed my eyes to try to calm down. Things couldn’t be the same everywhere else as they were in Strickland. I’d seen reality shows of rich kids in Hollywood and New York, with their perfect white teeth and brand-name everything. I knew there wasn’t much reality in any of those shows, but there had to be someplace in between, where everything wasn’t either a sad country song or a commercial for the perfect life. I felt like the worst person for thinking it, but I was jealous that Nate found a way out. I didn’t want to die, but there were times it seemed that might be the only ticket away from everything. I’d never heard of anyone really leaving Strickland behind. Most everyone ended up like June one way or the other—making up stories for the folks back home but living the same sorry truth over and over. I heard my bedroom door open and then saw Tennessee walk through it.
“Hey.” I patted the mattress next to me and scooted over for her to slide in the bottom bunk. “He’s asleep?”
“Yeah. Right away. Makes me feel a little better knowing the other night didn’t stick with him as much as it did me.”
“He’s gonna be okay,” I said. “Both of you are.”
“It can’t keep happening,” she said.
“I know.”
She turned on her side to face me, and I propped myself on my elbow to see her better. Her hair was still damp from the shower and the skin on her cheeks and nose was a little freckled. I brushed away the hair that fell across her forehead and kissed her. I felt the same as I had in the tent with her before we heard Omie scream. As soon as our lips touched, I wanted more of her. I slid my hands to her hips and pulled her on top of me. She held the back of my head and brought my face even closer to hers, though that was barely possible. I wanted to get up and lock the door, but as soon as I was about to, she stopped and said, “I should go.”
“I’m sure Mama’s fast asleep by now,” I said.
“I can’t risk having her mad at me,” she said. “You can’t either.”
I sat up and touched the back of my head where her fingers had been before. “You’re right. But this is about to drive me crazy. I need some time alone with you.”
“I know, I want it too,” she said. “We’ll find it soon.”
She stood and walked to the door but I wouldn’t let go of her hand until she turned around to give me one more kiss. After she left, I couldn’t stop thinking about the way her tongue felt in my mouth and how incredible it would be when I finally could feel all of her. I lay for a while and waited for thoughts of her to take me into sleep. Instead, they kept me wide awake so I dove into them as deep as I could, and relieved my mind and body of the tension. At least for the night.
Chapter 24
I HEARD THEIR VOICES and the clink of forks on plates in the kitchen. Before I went to the shower, I pulled the dirty sheet off the bed and threw it in the back of the closet.
Plates of Mama Draughn’s food and two smiling faces waited for me at the table. Though Mama looked as worried as she had the night before. Tennessee passed me the fried ham and finished eating a corner of toast. “There’s still pie left too,” she said.
“That’s a miracle. I better get a slice before you know who—” I turned to Omie and he laughed at my wide eyes.
Mama sipped her black coffee, but ate nothing. “You were just like that when you were his age,” she said.
“It’s comforting to me that your appetite seems to have evened out,” Tennessee said. “Sometimes I worry his will keep growing and growing even after he’s older. He’s never been chubby, but I keep thinking it’ll either catch up with him or we won’t be able to afford to feed him.”
“He might get chubby for a little,” Mama said. “Harlowe went through one of those phases.”
“Mama,” I said, and shot her an embarrassed look, which at least made her smile.
Tennessee covered a burst of laughter and then Omie joined her too.
“Hey, I need you to stick up for me, Omie!” I said. “You can’t let them all gang up on me, now.”
“I place with Tensee!” He held a cup of Kool-Aid in both hands and lifted it to his mouth. A blue smile remained after he set the cup down.
I’d already been around him enough to notice how he lifted everyone’s spirits automatically, same as a cute puppy or a song that’s easy to sing along to. I envied Tennessee having someone who looked up to her so much. I was sure Omie felt about her the same way I always had Nate.
But as soon as the front door swung open, the mood at the table changed. Daddy barged into the room with all of his usual noise, plus some extra.
“Brought grocery money for two of you, not four,” he said. “What are Moore’s kids doing here?” He didn’t say hello or even look at them, but stared at Mama, then at me.
“Eating breakfast,” Mama said. “Would you like to stay and have some too, like civilized folk do?”
“They’re not a part of this family, and neither of you have a right to step into their business.”
“So you know about what happened, then?” I asked, thinking it was probably Tennessee’s question too, and how I needed to talk to him about Mama.
“I know their daddy’s on sick leave, and this girl’s old enough to take care of herself and the little one at home. It’s not like the two of you need any more to handle.”
“Maybe if you were around more to help—” Mama said.
“Shhh.” I stopped her. “There’s something I’d like to talk with you about, Daddy. Maybe we can find some time tomorrow. Did you get my text?”
“Thought it was about the money. We’ll see. Unlike the rest of you, I’m under a heap of work. C
all me, same as everyone else has to, and we’ll set something up. Can’t say exactly when, right now.”
“He’s starting to think about the mines.” Mama opened her mouth again and I wished she hadn’t.
I started to tell her to stop before she said anything to make things worse for us, but then realized it might help Daddy meet with me sooner. “It’s true,” I said. “I’d like to come up there and have a look around.”
“Well, I’m glad to finally hear that much,” Daddy said, and set some cash next to Mama’s ashtray. “Up to you how you spend it, but I’d be careful about feeding more mouths than need be,” he told her.
She wouldn’t look him in the eye but folded the money and tucked it into her palm.
“As for you,” he said to me. “Folks are watching. Don’t think I need to remind you of that.”
“No, you don’t,” I said. “But if you’d like to explain what you mean to everyone else, that’s fine by me.” I was starting to see that he was not much more than a coward.
He pointed his finger at me and opened his mouth, but then looked at Tennessee and Omie and stopped himself and left without saying anything more.
“The way things have been going, we won’t see him around here for a week or two now,” I told Tennessee. “Don’t let his talk bother you too much.”
Mama counted the money in her hand and looked upset, which I took to mean that he’d given her even less.
“I want you to know that I haven’t forgotten, and I’ll call the hospital today,” Tennessee said to Mama.
“I guess you’ve seen now why I’m on edge about it all,” Mama said.
“Yes,” Tennessee said. “And I don’t want us to be any kind of a burden to you.”
“You’re not a burden,” I jumped in, before Mama could say anything. “Hey, Omie,” I said with a lot of expression because I didn’t want his light to fade in all of the adult talk. “I was thinking yesterday that you were so good while we baked all day, maybe we should do something you’d like today. How’s that sound?”
He nodded with enthusiasm and I raised an eyebrow to Tennessee to make sure she was okay with me saying more. She smiled and also looked relieved.
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