“Maybe. Get your drinks.” I put my hands on either side of the big circle holding the glassware.
She ignored me. “He’s smoking. Like that jaw? Could cut glass. And he’s got this badass thing about him. He’s not ripped like Dick, but I feel like he would be able to hold you up if you were about to fall off a cliff. Like forever. He’s the kind of guy that stays hard for days until you orgasm.” Henry made a kissy face at me.
I gave her a disbelieving stare and mouthed, “Oh my God,” because she was louder than she knew.
I glanced at Animal and Nix and they were both swallowing some of their drinks and clearly had been paying attention.
Nix looked like he might be blushing, but it was difficult to tell. I whispered, “I’m sorry.”
He set his drink down and shook his head once, dismissing my apology.
Animal broke the tension. “It’s okay, Becca. My boy here gets that all the time. Hell, women throw themselves off of cliffs just to get his attention.”
“You’re a dick.” Nix gave Animal a punch to the bicep.
I took the moment and started some of my more pressing tasks. It was my job to make sure we had clean glasses and that the busboys were going hard at the dirties. We never wanted a customer to have to wait for a glass to get tidied up before they ordered. Alcohol was all about impulse.
Once I was set, I wiped down the bar in a small lull, starting at the far end and slowly working my way down to Nix. Animal was now gone, and a quick scan found him on the dance floor with two girls and a third trying to jockey for position. The music was pounding and encouraging people to move. Animal could dance and he could multitask. Each girl got a bit of his attention.
Nix lifted his drink and coaster when I got close enough. I wiped under his beverage and then pulled a towel out to dry off his spot at the bar.
He set down his now empty glass.
The music changed, and a slower ballad filled the bar. I looked out at the crowd. They were all pairing up.
I pretended to not see Nix push away from the bar and adjust his jeans a little. He was headed out—no, wait, to the little half-door that sectioned out the bar.
He pushed it open. I still looked forward, even though I could feel him getting closer.
My heart was pounding. I bit my lip in anticipation because I knew what he was coming to ask. I would have to say no because I was manning the bar and I wasn’t allowed to leave it.
I caught a hint of his cologne, and then I felt his hand lightly on my forearm. He snaked it down until he could push my fingers open from the fist I hadn’t realized they were in. I let him. I felt his breath on my temple.
“Dance with me.”
I was supposed to tell him no. To tell him I was working. The words were on my tongue. The dancers went blurry for me. There was only Nix. I looked at our hands—his etched with bones—and I grasped on.
If his glance had been sizzling, his touch was straight hellfire.
“We’ll do it right here.”
The word “it” hit me between my legs.
This guy. He was wrecking me.
He used his other hand to touch my hip and turn me to face him.
“Becca, dance with me.” I looked at him then. In his face. His intense eyes went from my lips to my chest and back to my eyes.
His lips were almost too plump for a guy. I wanted to taste them. I could almost feel my pulse on my own lips, begging me to take a chance.
We started to slowly move, like that. Holding hands low with his touch on my hip. He knew how to lead, and I knew how to follow. He started whispering the lyrics to me. An old song. He slipped his hand to my lower back and pulled me even closer. Our clasped hands, he lifted. While keeping his gaze on mine, he kissed my knuckles. My lips parted and I had to remind myself to take a breath.
It seemed like there was a conversation he was dying to have. The way he looked at me felt like a buried history. A past life…something fierce.
I touched his jaw with the back of my knuckles. “You.” I squinted, trying to place him, trying to define this feeling in my chest.
I opened my hand and placed it on his cheek. “Do I know you?”
He turned his head and kissed the center of my palm instead of answering.
Our hips rocked together. I left my hand on his face like I owned it and watched as a fire raged in his eyes. He was desperate.
For me.
17
I KNOW YOU
Fenix
She wanted me. Right then. I could tell. The blush in her cheeks. How she was pressed against me even when I wasn’t pushing her to do so.
We were dancing on a rubber mat. I was trying to remember to make sure she didn’t slip. It was slick behind the bar.
Having her in my arms was so good, I thought I would have to remind my heart to beat as well.
She had her hand on my face like I meant something. Something worthy of her attention.
It was too much. All the scenes flashed in my head when I closed my eyes.
When my father stood—my mother just dead—he was yelling at her. And then this girl—this woman in front of me standing up for me when I was at my loneliest. I opened my eyes and let her see what that meant to me. Like I could use telepathy to etch an inscription in her mind.
You made me fight.
You gave me a reason to live when I had not one single reason left.
You told me he was a bad man, but you believed I was good.
I didn’t say it, but I tried to let her feel it. I watched as her eyebrows furrowed. Confusion, of course. This moment was so much bigger for me than it was for her. I was a stranger.
I’d kill for you.
Is that too much?
If there were no you, I’m pretty sure I would drive my bike right off a cliff.
She took her hand from my face and put it lightly on the center of my chest. I burned for her. She took her other hand out of my grasp and set it on my chest as well.
“I know you.”
This time it wasn’t a question. I turned my head. We were drawing a crowd. Animal was clapping and he seemed to have a harem with him that was doing the same. Henry was whooping and twirling a towel.
“Smoke break?” I offered.
She nodded and took my hand. After slipping on her mile high heels, Becca led me out from behind her bar. “You got me, H?” she tossed over her shoulder.
Henry responded quickly, “Hell yeah, baby!”
A dance song came on as Becca walked me confidently out the back door. Her favorite place. That’s where we were headed.
I checked our perimeters because no one was ruining this.
As we started out ascent, her heels made her legs insane. The male part of my brain had nothing but appreciation for this female in front of me. And she was swinging her hips like she knew what was happening.
She had to let go of my hand to grasp the handrails, and it felt like I had become unplugged. I was craving her touch, and she was right there.
Being with her was so overwhelming in the past. There was no way a woman could live up to what I did in my head to her. Who I created her to be in my imagination.
But this girl. This person. She was creating her own version of her and it was hyper real. Powerful. She was better than I imagined.
I had to be careful. I could fall too hard. Be a lot to deal with. The loss of her touch was affecting my reality, and that was a million warning signs right there.
I helped her climb onto the roof. She turned and waited for me. I hopped next to her and tried to make it look effortless because I wanted to impress her.
She took my hand again and led me to the bench. Our bench. For the second night in a row, I was alone with Becca.
After pushing on my chest gently, I sat and she sat on my lap. I exhaled.
“Too heavy? I’m sorry.” I could feel her weight shifting off of me. I wrapped my arms around her waist.
“Please don’t leave.” It was about so much more
than my lap, but I’d use that as an excuse to say it to her.
I was close to her. I racked her with my stare because I could. Because she was offering me this chance and I wasn’t going to blow it.
“Okay. As long as you’re okay.”
I leaned forward and placed my lips against her neck. Her skin was satin dipped in silk. I nuzzled behind her ear. There she smelled like the citrus from her apartment.
She giggled and I could have punched Godzilla in the dick—it made me feel so manly.
Becca leaned into my touch. Into me. I let my hand support her back, gently rubbing there.
Thank you for being brave when you were just a kid.
I couldn’t say it.
I tucked a flyaway hair behind her ear so it wouldn’t get in the way of me seeing her face.
“I like you,” she offered.
“Thank you.” I could say that much and mean it.
“Will you be here tomorrow? I mean, you can’t let that go to waste.” She motioned to my ink.
“I’ll be here tomorrow.” I touched her hand again. She slid backwards off my lap so she could sit on the bench, her legs still draped across me.
Tomorrow would be the last night I could come without getting into my past and my decision to be a monster forever.
“It’s crazy how good that makeup is staying. Not even a smudge. It’s gotta be like henna or something.” She touched my face again. I knew where her hands were going. The cheekbones. The teeth. The edges of the sockets. The temples. I leaned into her hand when she paused.
She shifted and the hem of her red dress revealed her knees. They were all sorts of colors. She must have hit the tile hard.
Because of him. Because of me. I put my hand on her shins. “I’m sorry.”
“My knees? Not your fault.”
I leaned down and kissed one and then the other.
I met her curious regard.
“Do you have the skeleton thing going on everywhere?”
It was getting real up here. I opened my arms to her. She took the bait and leaned into me. I held her.
Becca had her head on my shoulder. We looked up together. The stars were gorgeous tonight. The world could end right now, and that would be okay.
“When I was a kid, I thought if you made a wish on a star it would come true.”
“I never wished as a kid.” My hands were clasped so she was secure.
“Really? I was a sucker for that. First stars. Birthday candles. Dandelion puffs. Every chance I got.” I couldn’t see her smile, but I could feel it against my shoulder.
“What did you wish for?” Interesting. What this girl who had a normal dad, who had friends whenever she wanted them—what did she wish for?
“Depended on the day. Sometimes a kitten. Sometimes a pony. World peace when I was feeling generous. Kid stuff.”
I kissed her temple so lightly I knew she wouldn’t feel it.
“What would you wish for now?” It was a loaded question. If I could get her something, I would do it. Unlimited claw machine wins? A car? Anything.
“My mom to be healthy.” She shrugged.
I felt her pain deep in my chest. Not her mom. Jesus. “What’s going on?”
Becca pulled out of my arms and swung her legs out of my reach. “Cancer. We’re waiting on the staging. Breast.”
Her big blue eyes teared up.
It was unfair. A thing I couldn’t get her. Couldn’t fix for her. How could I be her hero if the enemy existed inside her mother?
“You know. It’s complicated. Mom’s a pain in my ass, but this is really hard. I want to just make her better.” Becca started grabbing her own hands. Helpless. “I’m sorry. I dragged you up here to make out, and now you’re hearing my sob story.”
“Mothers matter.” I didn’t reach for her, but I tried to let her know with the respect in the distance I was giving her, that as much as I wanted to make out with her, I got it. I wasn’t sure if it was coming through.
“Yeah. They define us, right?” She wiped at her eyes. “What about your family? You haven’t told me anything.”
You’re all that matters. You, my sister, Christina, and Animal. The rest of the world could go to hell.
“I’ve got a small circle of people. Lost my mom when I was young.”
Lost was such a piss-poor word for what had happened.
Destroyed maybe.
Decimated might work.
Ruined fit.
“I’m sorry. How awful for you.” Becca reached out, but then let her hand fall.
“It was a long time ago.” I gave her a smile to move the conversation on.
She wasn’t having it. “Mothers matter.”
My own words on her lips.
I acknowledged her use of the logic that I’d attempted with a bend of my head.
“I have to go back down there. Henry will be swamped, and I don’t even smoke.” She gestured to the fire escape while standing up.
My time was up. This moment hadn’t gone the way I’d hoped. I got to my feet as well.
“I wish we’d gotten to make out, but thank you for telling me stuff about you. It’s an honor.”
I gave her a little bow. I wasn’t forcing the intimacy. She had to want it.
She tucked that flyaway behind her ear. I felt like looking at her was drinking and I would always be thirsty for more.
She walked past me and then stopped.
I held my breath as I looked at her profile.
Please. Please kiss me.
As if she heard me, she turned. Becca looked from my lips to my eyes and back again.
“You’re sure?” I needed her to need it.
She barely nodded when I advanced. I held her by the back of her neck and her waist and kissed her like I’d been planning to most of my life.
~Becca~
And then kissing was art. And Nix was a master. The force in it. The passion in it. The intention in his soft lips made me believe in God and the devil.
I was stunned at first. The kiss to end all kisses made me dizzy. He made sure I was solidly standing. Both of his hands eventually cradled my face and still he kissed.
He kissed me like he was bringing my soul to life. Then he stopped. I staggered backwards and he reached out to steady me.
I covered my mouth with my hand as if I was trying to trap his kiss on my lips forever.
My pulse was crazy. My eyesight was hazy. Goosebumps had prickled all over my arms. “That…”
I stopped trying to define it, because I could still feel it.
A slow, satisfied smile was painted on his face. The skull outline was the hottest. He was terrifying and handsome and somehow forbidden looking.
He lifted an eyebrow. “More?”
I could see flashes of him in my bed, asking me that one-word question naked. Hell yes. All the more. I actually pointed to my mouth to try to make it happen faster.
This time he eased into it. Just touching my lips with his. Nipping. Until I groaned.
“Dammit.” I decided it was my turn to get what I wanted. I stepped up to him and ran my hand up his shoulder and into his hair. I fisted it. “Kiss me.”
His expression shifted to highlight the danger. Nix was giving me shivers. I swallowed.
He tilted his head one way and then the other. “You test me.”
It was not a question.
“I hope so.”
He was still not kissing me like before.
And then Nix snapped. He moved so quickly I was just along for the ride. He scooped me up like he was going to carry me across a threshold. The kissing started, and then the fire was back. The need was essential, like blood flow, maybe even air... He laid me on the bench, kneeling next to me while we kissed. He dragged his fingers from my ankle, up the outside of my leg to my stomach. There was a pause that had me wishing filthy dirty things. But the kissing was so very…
My neck, my face. The way he looked at me as if I was the only woman that had ever existed.
It was intoxicating. I needed this connection. My worries melted away. If I had been drinking, I’d have blamed this on the alcohol.
His hand trailed up to my chest, and he placed it in the center.
It was like a silent vow. I was a girl getting kissed, and then I felt like a Bible he was making a promise over.
“Becca!”
It was Clarissa. She was looking for me. Henry would have left me to my own devices for hours, but Clarissa…
“Becca! We’re dying here. Where the hell are you? You don’t even smoke.” I heard the door hinge squeak before the telltale slam let us know she had taken her search somewhere else.
“Should I get you back there?”
His voice was husky, his lids heavy.
I took a few deep breaths, settling everything he’d started inside me. “No. But I think yes is what I should say.”
He got to his feet slowly before offering me his arm. He was much stronger than he looked. This man was solid. How making out with him made me shy—I wasn’t sure. I knew I was blushing.
“Can you take off your heels for the trip down? They’re crap for mountain climbing.” He leaned down and held open his hand. I let him slid my heels off one at a time. He stood, not touching but almost examining my body.
When we finally made eye contact, he had lust in his eyes even stronger than before.
“What I could do to you.” He hissed and clucked his tongue.
I shook myself out of the trance he had me in. As I approached the fire escape stairs, I felt chills of a different type. I stopped and whipped my head around—trying to place who was watching me and from where.
“What?”
I looked over my shoulder at him. He was all business and had tightened and stilled as I had.
“Nothing. It’s just that feeling. Someone’s watching.”
Nix put his hand on my wrist. “Let’s get you inside. You need a bathroom break?”
I rubbed my hands on my arms to try to get the feeling to go away. “Thanks for remembering.”
Once we were down the stairs, Nix placed my shoes side by side so I could slip them on easily. He held the back door open for me. I looked at his face as I walked past and he was scanning the back lot over my head. A watchful gentleman.
I was falling too fast for this guy I knew so little about.
Mercy Page 11
