I lifted my shoulders. “I think I have like a six-year-old jar of pepper spray somewhere in my apartment.”
“That’s not going to cut it.” He held out his hand.
I took it and unfolded myself to standing. “Cut what?”
He winked at me. “Sweetness, if you’re in with my boy, if you’re rolling with him—you need to be armed.”
Animal pulled me toward the kitchen.
“I don’t really believe in guns.” I stilled my feet.
Animal turned and faced me. “Guns aren’t Santa Claus, baby. You can’t wish them away if they’re ever pointed at you.”
“What’s Nix into?” This whole conversation was disquieting.
“Come on.” He gently tugged my arm. “He’s into you.”
Animal took me to a door and touched the number pad located next to it in a rhythm he seemed familiar with.
“Where are we going?” I had a spike of fear. How well did I know this guy?
“The basement. No worries, Becca. I’ll never hurt you. Actually, the exact opposite. As far as I’m concerned, I’d give my life for yours—if it’s ever required.”
“That’s a lot.” It was a stunning statement.
“Nix is important to me, and you’re important to him.” Animal held open the door for me.
The staircase was well illuminated. I trusted him. There was a friendship he was extending to me here and I felt intuitively that I shouldn’t turn him down.
I took the first few steps and Animal let the door close behind us. We were headed to the basement. To get armed. Whatever that entailed. It occurred to me he’d been with women last night, and I saw no sign of them this morning. Chills went up my spine.
~Fenix~
Tracking little girls was depressingly easy. I wish it were harder. This girl in particular should have her own Secret Service. She was that important.
Christina was in the center of a running track at the local park. Her mother, Katie, was jogging the wide circle of asphalt with her daughter in sight at all times.
Or at least that was what she thought. Mom was wearing earbuds—I assumed she had music playing to help her through her run.
I could’ve kidnapped Christina three times in the last ten minutes. Never mind that I’d had my eyes on them this whole time. Mom wasn’t scared enough. That was about to change.
I stepped out from behind the bleachers and stood in her path, my hands clasped in front of me. My hood was down, so I watched as the fright hit her when we made eye contact.
She immediately looked at Christina. She stopped and bent over, hands on her knees. “You.”
Mom was exhausted. If I had stolen Christina, she wouldn’t be able to put up a decent chase.
“Me,” I responded.
“You shouldn’t sneak up on people.” She stood up, her chest rising and falling with her deep breaths.
“People shouldn’t be able to sneak up on you, Katie.” I folded my arms in front of me.
“What do you mean?” She looked around, as if suddenly realizing her vulnerability.
“I could’ve shot her a hundred times and kidnapped her at least three in the last ten minutes.” I watched for her reaction.
Sheer terror and an immediate motherly response. She was angry I had proposed the death of her daughter. That was good. I didn’t trust Feybi. I needed to know who was on which side.
“What do you want?” The mom put her body between Christina and me. That was good too, because I don’t think she was even aware she was doing it.
“I want Christina safe. If you want to run, get a treadmill. You have earbuds in—eliminating one of your senses. Never mind that you have your back turned half the time you’re on this track.” I pointed at the little girl in question.
Katie turned and checked on her again. “I didn’t think.”
I took some of the accusation out of my voice. If she truly married into this situation, she wouldn’t have the innate skills of watching out for killers.
“You have to think all the time now. Differently. And I’m sorry that you do.”
She angled her body so she could see Christina while we talked. “She’s been asking for you. Her skeleton hero. Says you watch over her.”
I offered, “That’s why I’m here. Her grandfather contacted me.”
“Forget it. Forget all of it. Please leave.” Katie pointed to the parking lot beyond me.
“You don’t trust him.” I narrowed my eyes.
“No, I do not. And that means I don’t trust you.” She puffed up her chest.
“Bat Feybi is trash,” I offered. “I don’t work for him. Christina’s special, and I don’t like that she’s messed up in any of his dealings. He’s failed her as a grandfather and a man.”
“Yes.” Katie focused back on Christina.
The little girl was relaxing on the blanket, with earphones, looking at an iPad. There was a stuffed skeleton under her arm. My heart melted all over again. This sweet thing, just trying to be a kid. I wanted to give her a childhood. Something I never had.
“She’s been asking for you. I told her it was a one-time thing, but she’s having nightmares…” Katie hugged her own arms.
“She was trapped alone in a dark room. Her nightmares might just be memories.” I watched the mother’s eyes fill with tears.
“I hate him so much. I’m considering leaving my husband. Disappearing just to be sure she’s safe.” She started shaking her head as if she could picture this future.
“Don’t. He’d find you. He has no use for you. And if he found you before I did, Christina won’t have a mom anymore. You have to stay so I know where you are.”
Christina turned her head to look for her mother, scanning the whole track until she got to us.
I watched as her face got the glow little kids had when they saw their mothers. Then she saw me. Her grin was pure innocence and happiness. She stood and ran, flinging her iPad, but carrying her plush skeleton.
“You’re here!” Her gate was lopsided and Katie instantly called out for her to run careful—whatever that meant.
I took to one knee as she got close, when it was obvious she was coming in for a hug.
Her grip was surprisingly strong. I knew her back was delicate, so I concentrated on touching my head to hers instead of squeezing her.
“Are you wearing the Fart Pony?” She pulled away to ask me, touching my face like it belonged to her.
She reminded me of Becca a little. Her confidence in her space in this world was refreshing.
“Not today, lady. I was just swinging by to see you.” I should’ve worn the damn shirt. I’d go to the tattoo parlor soon and get it inked on my arm. Then I’d never disappoint her again.
“I got this guy, so I can hug you at night if it’s scary. Because you saved me.” She put her hand on my neck.
The impulse to take her was almost overwhelming. To snatch her from these adults who didn’t know enough to keep her from the open air where anyone could harm her.
I almost growled. Instead, I nodded like she wasn’t changing everything inside me.
“Can you hug him too?” Christina held out her doll. It had a tag sewn to its leg proclaiming it the Grim Reaper.
I did as I was asked. She could’ve asked for my heart and I would’ve ripped it out of my chest.
“Are the men coming to get me again?” She put her hand on my forearm.
“No, they’re not, sweetheart. I told you. I’m on this. Your job is to love Mom, learn at school, and be amazing. You’re good at all that stuff, right?” I handed her back her doll.
“I can do that and a cartwheel, but Mommy says it gives her a heart attack, so I can’t do it when she’s looking anymore.” Christina’s wide eyes made me smile as I saw Katie press her hand to her forehead in exasperation.
“I bet you can do a good one. Make sure to listen to Mommy, though,” I added because I was in the unusual position of offering advice.
“Can you come to my
tea party on Thursday? I will have Bones and a few more dolls. Mommy says I can use real tea, but not hot and cookies.” Christina brushed her hair out of her eyes.
I looked at Katie . She shrugged.
“I might. Thanks for asking. You and Mommy are headed home. Can I help you get to your car?” I stood and held out my hand. She wrapped her small one around mine.
I heard Katie muttering she wasn’t finished with her run, but she was. It was far too dangerous to be out here like sitting ducks. I’d send her a treadmill tomorrow. I helped Christina fold her blanket after we shook it out. She was busy telling me that I had to dress up for the tea party. I could wear a pretty dress or a tuxedo, because her Ken doll was going to wear a tux.
This little girl’s inability to be scared of me and my tattoos was ruining me, breaking me down. I’d killed God knows how many men in my life. I’d lost count. And I’d felt nothing. Regretted nothing. But the thought of sitting with her at a tea party was too much.
I helped her into her car seat, though she fastened her own buckle. She grabbed my head and kissed me right above my ear. “Thank you. I love you.”
The last arrow in my chest. It had fallen easily from her mouth. It pinned me to the cross I would hang from for her. I had to say it back, because she expected it, and I wanted her to live a life where everyone shared the sentiment.
“Love you too, little girl.”
I was smiling full out at her when I closed the door. I turned to Katie. “She’s your most important job. Not running. Not shopping. Nothing matters more than her and her safety so help me God—do you hear me?”
Katie was taken aback for a minute by my intensity. She thought for a moment.
“Something’s off about you. I mean, you got her from where she was, so what does that make you in my father-in-law’s world?”
It was a pointed question. A testing one. I didn’t like it. I had to trust someone, and Katie was my choice at the moment. Because my life was not fit for children. And also a part of me recognized that I couldn’t take her from her actual family.
“I’m hers. That’s all you need to know. Let me see your phone.” I held out my hand and waved at Christina with the other.
Katie passed me her phone. I punched in her security code without her having to tell me what it was. I heard her gasp.
I dialed a number to the burner phone I would keep on me. I’d hacked into it to make it damn near impossible to trace. I used the phone’s skull emoji in place of my name. “Call this. For whatever. I’ll text you on it. Tell no one. Not your husband. Never your father-in-law. Do you understand?”
She nodded. “Are you coming to tea?”
I considered her. She could set up a trap for me. It would be a risky situation even if she were on my side. I turned and looked at Christina again. She pressed the doll up against the darkened glass of the minivan.
“Maybe,” I answered out loud.
Of course, I answered in my head.
27
YOURS
Becca
Animal was comfortable with the basement, which was sort of misleading. There was another kitchen and lots of natural light. There were doors that were closed tight. I didn’t ask what was beyond them. We took a brief stop in a hall closet where there were a few shelves of generic, unisex tennis shoes. I picked out the size closest to mine and put them on. A smaller hallway led to a metal door. After entering the code for that one, we bypassed a large safe until we were finally in what had to be an indoor shooting range. The walls were covered in gray egg carton shaped foam. There was long tunnel that had a paper hanging with the silhouette of a man.
Animal pulled out two chairs and we sat. He gave me a funny, slow introduction to gun safety rules. After I could recite them back, he disappeared into the safe and returned with a handgun he called the USP. It was not loaded, and he showed me how to tell that it wasn’t. We went over stance and the rules I’d learned over again. He seemed to want to just have the gun in the room so I could get acclimated to it. I learned to keep my index finger away from the trigger until I was ready to shoot. The muzzle had to stay in safe positions—and I always had to act like it was loaded. We must’ve been talking for an hour before I had the gun in my hand and my stance correct. My giant ear protection made me reluctant to hear the actual gunshot. Animal adjusted my arms and my legs again. Then he basically hugged me from behind so he could support my hands.
Finally, it was time. He shouted I was free to squeeze the trigger when I was ready. He reminded me to keep my eyes open and I pulled the trigger.
The recoil was the first thing I registered. Despite the ear protection, it was loud. Animal took the gun from my hands and made sure it was clear before setting it down on the table. I shook out my hands.
He took his ear protection off, and I did the same. “How’d we do?”
He wasn’t looking at the target. He was looking at me.
“That’s so final. Guns seem final.” I looked at it.
“That’s a healthy attitude.” Animal watched me carefully.
“I don’t think I can have one of these at my place. I feel like I’m admitting I have something to be afraid of. I don’t want to give whoever did stuff to me that kind of power.” I sat back down in the hard chair.
He pulled his chair a little closer to me. “That’s fine, sweetness. I just needed to know you knew how to be safe around guns.”
“So, guns are a given when I’m here?” I couldn’t meet his eyes when I asked. I was fishing, but an underground shooting range brought that out in me, I guess.
I turned to the light knock on the open door.
Nix.
My stomach dropped at the sight of him. Just pure electric.
“Hey.” He leaned against the doorframe. He was wearing dark jeans and a white shirt. His hoodie was almost hanging off one shoulder.
“You were out early,” I offered like my heart wasn’t racing. Like I wasn’t watching his lips and thinking of them on mine.
“Bones, how about you take over? I was just bringing your bad bitch current with some of our tools. You feel me?” He stood.
“Thanks, Animal. You’re very patient.” I stood too.
Nix stepped to the side so Animal could get out. “Where are your honeys?”
I had wondered the same thing, but hadn’t wanted to ask.
“Please, baby. They know the rules. No one wakes up in my bed.” Animal held out his colossal fist to Nix who tapped it with his knuckles while humming.
“I got ya. Thanks for working with her.” Nix returned his considerable attention to me.
I felt underdressed and overdressed all at once. “You were gone early.”
He stepped into the room and kicked the door shut without looking at it. “I do that. Business.”
Nix walked closer and closer until his feet were on either side of mine.
I asked his chest the question that felt taboo, “What do you do for business?”
He put his knuckle under my chin until I had to look at him. The face. The ink.
“Do you want to know?” He was searching my face, gauging my reaction—I was guessing.
I was hesitant. Did I want to know? Did I kind of already know? I mean, it had to be bad. I was in a shooting range in his basement. The glimpse of the inside of the gun safe I got when Animal retrieved the USP belonged in a movie. So many guns.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to know.” He was whispering into my ear, and instead of asking for revelations I leaned closer to his mouth. “I missed you so much.”
I felt every S that came from his mouth on the skin of my neck. My nipples went hard. We both heard me swallow.
“Whatever you want, Rebecca. I’ll do it.” He moved even closer. He grabbed the soft fabric of the T-shirt I was wearing in his fist and twisted it. The motion revealed my stomach. He ran the back of his hands across the skin he’d exposed.
“Just be mine for a little longer.” I meant more than I said. I wanted
him to just be this mysterious guy who had no ties to scary things.
I watched as a smirk twitched on his face, bringing out his dimple and his white smile. “All I’ve ever been is yours.”
Rationally, somewhere I heard this with alarm bells and sirens. But irrationally, I wanted to make enough excuses for his intensity so I could stay here with him.
“Not here. Your room.”
I didn’t want to tell him that thinking of him holding a gun made me hot. That it was sexy when Animal held it, and if I saw Nix with it, I might have an orgasm without him even having to touch me. That felt wrong. I wanted his big white bed instead.
“Say no more.” He turned and opened the door, pulling me behind him by the hand. He slammed the door to the gun range shut and we were walking together, but I was obsessing over him. How hard his chest looked under his T-shirt. Watching his butt as he walked up the stairs ahead of me.
There were things I needed to do as an adult. I needed to visit my mom. She and I had things to discuss. Henry and I had to talk about stuff. I should be facing my apartment and making sure it felt like home again.
Instead, I was following this man like it was natural. He opened his door—we didn’t see Animal on the way up—well, I wasn’t looking for him either. Just Nix.
I never knew how much I needed a hand inked with bones holding mine. Until now.
He closed the door after pulling me back into his room. His bed was still a mess. I cuddled up to him and felt his arms around me.
“I don’t want this to change.” His voice was deep in his chest, his words surrounded by his heartbeat.
I knew what he meant. This time together seemed sacred. We were both old enough to know nothing lasted.
He untucked my hair from the knot I had tied it in and fanned it out over my back. He then took a bit of it and sniffed.
I chuckled at him.
“I want to remember everything about you while we’re like this—in case you change your mind.” He rubbed my hair against his cheek. “When you change your mind.” He stopped his ritual and stared into my eyes. “When you leave me, I’m scared of what I’ll become.”
Mercy Page 20
