I was shot days ago, but I died in that moment.
***
The hospital was a horrible place to recover. If there was no rest for the wicked, then I was the devil. I tried to get Henry to bring Nix back to my room, but she kept putting me off. Once I was able to use the bathroom and encouraged to walk, I tried to find his room on my own. Luckily, a man tattooed as a skeleton was a great hint to give people. When I found his room, it was empty. He didn’t come to see me. I mean, surely he was going to drop by? I made sure he was okay via Henry, but she wasn’t getting a response from Animal anymore.
My mother kept pushing Quinn on me. And he was very nice. He was able to take care of the questioning at my bedside and assured me what I had done was self-defense. They had even more evidence that Nix’s father was a horrible person all around. Nix’s disappearance prevented his interview. And with him, Animal seemed to vanish into thin air.
I got better every day until all I had was a new, smoky rasp to my voice. I went back to my apartment despite the fact my mother had gotten my landlord to let me break my lease. On Thursday, I returned with my mother to the hospital to hear the results of her tests. Henry was in the waiting room, as she had promised. Alton was there too, and I respected him a little more because of it. My mother was so worried about me, that the test results seemed secondary. But it was very real for me when we sat together in the doctor’s chairs. Of course, he had to comment on my bruising. I was wearing a scarf, but my face was still marked. I told him I was in a car accident because it was easier. And then he got on with it.
“Stage 1. There’s some spreading to lymph nodes and one small tumor.”
We hugged. The doctor was patient with us. We asked a million questions and my mom and I took turns holding the iPad that recorded the man’s every word. He recommended a schedule for treatment that was very typical, but seemed overwhelming as we tried to digest it all. Mom would have both chemotherapy and radiation. Then she would have surgery to remove the cancer cells and tumor. She would take even more tests to make sure they got it all. Then, assuming good results, she would start on the process of reconstruction.
The doctor seemed determined that Mom would beat it all. He gave us some great, uplifting numbers that eased our minds a little. Breast cancer caught early was very treatable, and Mom’s tumor was small enough that he said the word “confident” a bunch.
When we came into the waiting room, I enveloped Henry and Alton hugged Mom. I heard his response to her hushed whisper with, “And if you have no hair? You’ll be even prettier. Nothing in the way of that gorgeous face.”
Henry and I gave each other a look. This was good news. At least Mom had a guy who wasn’t a jerk hole.
I looked at the floor when I realized I couldn’t share the information with Nix. When I looked back up, I caught my mother’s eye and forced a smile. Today was her day.
39
TEA PARTY
Fenix
I texted Ember. She had Wi-Fi in the family cabin, and I was grateful. I asked if we could FaceTime. She agreed so eagerly, with so many explanation points that I crumbled inside a little.
She was in what appeared to be a closet with the light on when our feed connected.
“Hey, bro!” Her smile was blinding. The shadows that the odd lighting tossed on her skin made her look older. More like mom. In still pictures—the kind I dealt with most when stalking—Ember had looked very much like herself. But this animated version—let’s just say I was very glad my father was dead.
“Are you okay? Why are you in a closet?” I propped my phone on my desk. I’d been home for about an hour. I was closing out my loose ends. I had something I needed to do to ensure that my girls were safe, but it required me to be out of contact.
“Aunt Dorothy’s visiting with some of her knitting club. I hide in here and listen to music when I’m sick of them asking me questions. She’s cool with it. Though I haven’t told her about you.” Ember’s face flashed with the excitement of her new secret. Her new family. I felt the same way—but had to dampen the reunion.
“How’s the cabin treating you?” I had many things to talk to her about. History to fill her in on. I wanted to tell her about Mom. Just little stories of the nice stuff. Of how much Mom loved her. Of how just being in Mom’s stomach gave her the courage to try to get away from my father…but now was not the time. The time might never come, and that made my throat dry up.
“Sucks. I want out. There isn’t even cable. Thank God for the Wi-Fi. I would lose my mind otherwise.”
I wondered if all teens were this energetic and vivid. Ember was in constant motion, messing with her hair, blowing bubbles with her gum, checking out her image in the FaceTime screen, and fixing her makeup.
“When are you coming to get me? I’m serious. I want to live with you. Does that big guy live with you?” The screen jumped around while she repositioned herself.
“Animal. And sometimes. I need to talk to you about something, and I don’t have a ton of time to do it. Okay?” I wanted her to focus.
“Okay.” She looked at me through the video.
“I’ve got to go do a job, and I won’t be able to reach you for a while. But Animal…”
Ember was still looking at me, but her whole open demeanor closed as if it was a door. She had been looking at me with hope and expectation. Now she had the icy glare of a kid who was used to disappointment. I recognized the expression well because I’d mastered it at that same age.
“Got it.” The effervescent personality was gone.
I was an out. Like the cop, Merck that saved me—she thought I was that moment in her lifetime. Shit, I was a goddamn thug tatted on every damn inch of his skin. I bet I looked like a slice of heaven to a slightly rebellious girl who had been waiting for a savior.
“I’m sorry.” I sighed.
“Save it. It didn’t mean anything. I’m fine.” The video panned to the side, taking her out of the frame. I heard a sniffle and it felt like someone was peeling off the skin on my heart.
I’d met her, given her hope, and then ripped it out from under her.
“Ember.”
“Are we done?” Still the video was of a jacket sleeve and a wall.
“Animal’s a contact for you. I’m in stuff that’ll require you to be heads-up. Trust your gut—if something feels wrong, it probably is. Can you hear me?” I tapped my fingertips on the desk.
Then her face was in the frame. “I’ve gotten along all this time on my own. I don’t need your advice. Or your friends.”
“I’m going to text you his contact info. It’d be best if you didn’t talk about us meeting. You think Finn and Jet will be able to do that?” I grabbed a pen from the holder and started to twirl it.
It occurred to me that I’d connected with every single girl who was tatted on my broken heart and I’d damaged almost all of them.
Ember tilted her head so that her hair covered half of her face. “Don’t talk to me like you know me. Like a brother would. You know how many times I imagined meeting you again? I remember when you came to my house when I was five. I would wrap myself a gift under the tree every Christmas and pretend you’d gotten a present for me.”
I started to unbutton my shirt. I wanted to show her the tattoo there. Let her know I was more than a deadbeat, fly-by-night jackass, but I realized that her anger was a good thing. It’d be better if she hated me. For what I had to do next.
My hands stilled. “Enjoy your concert. Be safe.”
She didn’t look at me again. “Sure. Go do that important thing, Fenix.”
The screen went black. I sat at my desk holding my head for a few minutes before I could stand. Animal was waiting with his disapproval etched on his face. He didn’t agree with my plan, but my suit was pressed. Animal drove me. My left arm was good, but not strong enough for driving.
I was planning on keeping up my physical therapy when Animal and I got to where we were going.
“This is a horrible id
ea. Shit. We know that Feybi knew about your last visit with this little girl. And you say this has been planned for a while.”
“The last time I talked to her she asked me to the tea party.” I straightened my collar in the mirror embedded in the visor of the blue minivan.
“And this is my least favorite of all the cars you own. I feel like we should be going to Aldi and then soccer practice.” Animal was disgusted with the minivan.
“It’s the best one for this job.” I wasn’t sure how long a tea party took and told Animal as much. “I’ll text you later. Blow out of town and I’ll be in touch.”
Animal was shaking his head, but he let me out a few doors down from Christina’s house. He blew me a kiss and I gave him the middle finger.
There was that small slice of time between Christina’s camp program and when her father came home. I was carrying a bouquet of sunflowers and a bag of Hershey’s Kisses.
I walked up to the front steps, and I knew that I was likely on camera. I rang the bell and waited. Eventually, Katie answered the door. She stood still for a few beats, clearly making a decision.
“Did you get the treadmill? Did they set it up?” I shifted the Kisses to my left hand, afraid that my body heat was melting them.
“I did. She’s had the party set up since yesterday. Even slept in her party dress.” The mother had a rueful smile.
“May I come in?” I pointed to the space behind her.
“My father-in-law has this place wired. That’s how he knew you’d visited. It was all Christina could talk about.” She stepped backwards.
“Feybi and I want the same thing. Christina safe.” I looked around the entryway to see if I could spot the cameras.
“I’m just saying he might know you’re here right now.” The mother turned and walked up the stairs behind her.
“I’m counting on it.” I waited as she turned and gave me a confused look. I encouraged her to continue walking with my hand gesture.
I knew what Feybi wanted. I knew what I needed to do. Those things happened to be in the same lane.
“Last time we talked, you weren’t a fan of his.” She got to the top of the stairs.
“I’m still not. Your daughter’s one of my top priorities. Just know that.” I held out my arm and my suit jacket inched up enough on my arm to show off the My Little Pony tattoo.
I watched the realization reach her eyes. She was going through some options. I was upfront. There was clearly something wrong with me, but she was trying to figure out if it worked in her daughter’s favor.
She led me to Christina’s door and knocked lightly. “You have a visitor.”
Christina ran to the door and grabbed my hand like she wasn’t the least bit surprised to see me. She started her conversation as if we’d been in the middle of it for hours.
“Ken has been telling lies, but you can sit next to him. I still have the tea.” She pointed to the small chair next to her kid-sized table. I looked at the Ken doll and sized him up.
“You lying again, Ken? I’ll tell you, Christina. You can never trust a guy with that type of haircut.” I held out the flowers and candy to her.
“I love these. Mommy, can I have a few before dinner?”
Katie nodded once.
“Mommy, you want to sit? You can use my desk chair.”
Soon enough, we were having a full-fledged tea party with dolls. Christina put on her favorite music, which seemed to be from the latest Disney animation movie. I ate my cookies with too much gusto and was chastised accordingly. I started doing voices for the big teddy bear that wasn’t at the party, and eventually, Christina dragged him over so he could be a part of the festivities.
Christina made a habit of putting her hand on my shoulder when she filled my tea. She had no fear.
The doorbell rang and I watched the mother’s face drop. The visitors were unexpected for her. But I knew they were coming. I stood and thanked Christina for the party, but told her that was my ride.
She understood. I showed her my Twinkle Fairy Fart tattoo, and she thought it was great. She snuggled me while the bell rang again. I watched as Katie tensed up.
I pointed to Katie and told Christina to stay with Mommy. I could see there were questions that she wanted answers too.
Christina launched another invite to me for next Thursday. I took to my knee and shook my head. “Listen, pretty lady. I’m going to be gone for a little while, but you’re never alone. You’ve got Bones.” I pointed to her doll. “And your mom.”
The doorbell sounded again, and then there was a firm knocking. Christina pouted and I felt it in the center of my chest.
I patted her shoulder before turning to leave. I heard her soft crying and her mother comforting her.
I had to physically force myself to walk down the stairs. The pounding increased and I pulled the door open just as the man on the other side had tried to kick it in. He tumbled onto the floor, hitting the stonework there hard.
Feybi’s men, as I anticipated.
The tallest one opened his coat enough to show me his gun. “Boss wants to see you. Now.”
“By all means. Let’s go.” I walked through the door and only turned when I heard Christina shout. She ran out onto the lawn and I was on guard. She held her stuffed skeleton out to me. “You keep him. I don’t want you to be alone. And he’s just like you.”
I took Bones and tucked him under my arm. She held out her arms to me and I lifted her carefully. She wrapped her arms around my neck and whispered, “Don’t go forever. Just do a little while. We’re friends.”
I closed my eyes as her acceptance poured over me like holy water. This little girl. She was so incredibly special.
“Listen. I’ll make sure there’s always a way to contact me. Okay? We’ll write to each other.” I set her back on her feet. “But I want you to keep Bones. ’Cause then every time you hug him, it’s like I get a hug too.” I held him out.
Christina took her doll back and gave him a long serious hug. “You felt that?”
I touched my heart. “Yeah, it works.”
Her mother picked her up and walked backwards while Christina waved, all the while hugging Bones.
I smiled at her and waved.
When I turned my back on her, I could feel the connection snap. I needed to be a murderer now. No more warm fuzzies. I got into the passenger side of the black SUV that was the first in the convoy that had been sent to pick me up.
Feybi wanted me? He was going to get me. On my terms.
***
Studying the satellite maps of Feybi’s compound had been a smart idea. I knew where I was headed, at least a little. I could feel Animal blowing up my phone via text messages in my pocket.
I took off my tux jacket and lay it next to me. I undid my bow tie and let it hang untied. I would be patted down once I was there. Actually, the asshats that picked me up should’ve done it already.
But they didn’t. We were on a horse farm that had been converted years ago to house this old dickhead and all his “employees”. All the outbuildings housed his men, his money, or his weapons.
The convoy rolled up to the main house and the smarter fuckers were there, and they asked if I’d been searched. The foot soldiers that had been sent to get me instantly started blaming one another for the mistake. I put my hands behind my head and waited.
The one with a few glimmers of intelligence did the honors. After an extremely thorough pat-down, I was directed to follow into the house.
“I’m Trigger and I’m in charge of watching you. Don’t think of doing anything fancy, because I guarantee that I can anticipate all of your shit.” He pointed to a pair of thick doors off the entryway.
I ignored him and walked into the room. Feybi was sitting in a high-back leather chair and had four other men with him. He was in his custom white pants and black shirt with a gold chain.
“Mercy. Nice of you to show. You’re all dressed up. You have a nice time?”
I gave him a frigi
d stare.
“Look at that, boys. He’s got a huge set on him, right? Here in my house, in my home he’s looking at me like that. Trigger, teach him some manners.” Feybi made a show of lighting a cigar.
I turned my scrutiny to Trigger. The man raised his hand in an effort to backhand me. I jabbed forward and popped him in the throat. I stepped back instead of decimating him.
Trigger gagged and then tried again. I ducked just enough for his intended blow to miss me entirely. Normally, I would’ve laid him flat by now, but I grabbed his arm and steadied him instead.
Trigger yanked his arm hard and lost his balance. He faltered again. I watched as Feybi debated his next response.
“I hope you have somebody better than this guy to keep me in check.”
Trigger went for another punch. I caught his hand and slapped him across the face like we were two Frenchmen about to duel.
“Don’t make me kill this guy.” I hit Trigger on the side of the neck and watched him slide to the floor in a particularly boneless way.
“Out. Everybody out.” Feybi waved his lit cigar at the men around his chair. “Take that sack of skin with you.” He pointed to the unconscious Trigger.
I watched as the men vacated the room dragging the body and then the door closed. I wasn’t stupid enough to think that we were completely alone.
“You visit my granddaughter.” He jabbed in my direction with his cigar. I walked close and snatched his lit poison. I stuck my tongue out and used it to extinguish the drug, watching his face go from amazement back to displeased in a flash.
I tossed the butt onto the floor at his feet. “You might want to make sure we’re truly alone, if you want to talk about her. For your own protection.” I pointed to the cameras I could easily see.
“You’re a bossy little bitch.” Feybi snapped twice. A man came out from behind a bookcase. “Get out. Shut down surveillance for now.”
The thin man walked past me. Once Feybi had deemed enough time had passed to do as he asked, he told me, “Say what you will, Mercy.”
“I know you had something to do with Christina’s kidnapping. You arranged it somehow.” I watched the mock indignation. “Don’t pretend. You want me on your payroll? You want to be able to use what I can do?”
Mercy Page 30
