"It was not your fault!" I sit down on the bed, looking for his eyes.
"I have been drinking, the blame is mine alone." Her big blue eyes are full of tears, shaking his head several times against to deny my words.
"Not true, we should not ... we should not leave this room, that bastard would ..." I get up in one click, blocking the flow of his words. I put my sneakers, I take my ipod and just at their door I turn to her.
"I just need to make a run," He knows me, knows how to react to things, how I isolate myself from the world and then be able to deal, his silence that I leave behind me is the only answer I need.
As soon as opening the door of the largest fixed-student
clock hanging down the driveway to one of the wrought-iron street lamps.
It's three in the afternoon past, today is Sunday, so I have no work, and it is fortunate, because I would not be able to survive the day. Put the earphones and start my play list. I start walking at a brisk pace, but I can not help but to take a run, chasing the musical notes that spread in my head.
Through the pain every time we tread on the soil, the sun kisses my face, the sea breeze invest my body, I'm free, I repeat to myself continuing to always push harder because it is only the physical pain to occupy my thoughts.
I stop exhausted with trembling hands that cling to the white wooden fence, which runs along the entire waterfront. I close my eyes, lulled by the Dusk Till Dawn notes while abandoned in a dark corner all that haunts me, leaving him behind, behind me, in the wake of my race.
Pinned my gaze towards the horizon, an imaginary line that we strive to see, but we could never be seen in its full form.
When I go back to the Hill I am exhausted within the room and I lock the door.
"What are you doing here?" Scottie is sitting in the chair at my desk.
"I just came to see how you were doing."
He stiffen instantly, Tia peeping from the bathroom portrays her lips forming a straight line.
"You've called you?" I point a finger, I never did, I never had reason to accuse her of something in all this long time that encompasses our friendship, but not now.
"I just want you are well and that ..." I kick the sneakers and start to undress as if my brother is not in this room.
"Arie ...", try to get my attention. I hate it when he calls me with the nickname he used when we were still children who could shake hands with the promise that all would be well.
"Take off from Scottie balls, I'm fine, I do not need you, indeed, you know the news?" As if I stumble, I take off my shorts and hill hands on hips, "I do not need any of you!" Grind teeth to stop myself, my nails look my best friend, the only person that I thought I ever would happen.
"Car ..." I raise my hand, because I'm tired of listening to it, the apology, words are just stupid words that are dispersed in the air like smoke streams and lock myself in the bathroom, alone with the noise they do my thoughts.
After the shower I'm happy that there's no one waiting for me in the room, I start to take the notes he left me Logan, I keep his calligraphy for a second too long, maybe I should call him to thank him.
I grab the phone still buried in the bag and rest
staring at that number that I know belongs to him but I forced myself not to want to save, then select the delete option, and the gate his call from the register.
"I just have to study almost reproach," to myself, and that's what I do for the entire evening, I lock myself in the various textbooks, I get lost in the rows that will build my future and all this time the repurchase period control of myself, of my emotions, I guess.
I'm still awake when Tia is part, does not look well, not that I can say something better than mine.
"Now we can talk?" I turn the chair over to her.
"Okay, let's talk, tell him to continue to go out with Scottie and Blaze, what the hell are you planning?" Her mouth opened and closed soundlessly.
"You see, as I imagined, do not like to talk about it. Neither do I want to talk about a piece of shit was trying to rape me or what they say about me in Stanley, of why it was easier to run than face ", I am almost out of breath when I stop talking, her cheeks they are streaked with tears.
"I'm so sorry," she sobs. They stare at the floor, looking for a way out that I can not find.
"Me too." I'm sincere, I hate to argue with her, but despite being my best friend, you will never understand what I went through, and what I will continue to go. It sits at the foot of my bed, laying her hand in mine I hold in a desperate act, we say nothing, would not make sense at this time.
"I still do not believe it," she chirps Tia holding his cup of Starbucks coffee as we head to the campus for our first day of classes.
The storm yesterday has disappeared from my head, now there is room only for the moment I've been waiting throughout adolescence.
"It's a beautiful day." He is always here in Los Angeles, but today the sun seems to reflect its light differently. They are so absorbed in my thoughts that I did not realize that Tia ran to the car parks, I lift my head and see Blaze that greets. It slowed down the pace without realizing it, Logan down from his Escalade wearing a white polo, blacks torn jeans and tennis shoes.
The aviator sunglasses hiding his eyes. Tia turns to me, I know I can not avoid it forever, so I decided to increase the pace, and when they are close enough he is to turn his back to walk along the Campus buildings.
"Hello Blaze." My voice does not betray the way I feel, with parched throat that seems to have become just a dry like a desert. It blames the anxiety for the first day in the great UCLA, but I know that this is not bring me so, but only the person who has now stopped near the entrance and chatting animatedly with a group of boys.
"Hello Carrie, ready to start?" I smile to Blaze which has not appointed an evening in Playa del Rei, and he spared to ask me how I am. "Yes, I am more than ready." And it's true, I studied a lot and does not scare the fact that I must divide myself between study and work. This week I gave myself sick at the Night Club, but I need that money, so Friday will be better than me introduce myself.
Brad was clear, it can find another one when he wants. "See you for lunch?" I ask Tia tells me yes right away, and let us meet at the table of his department, where she will study acting.
"There you see Blaze." He greets me back and I go back to that input where my only problem seems to have taken root in front of the door. I stare at him straight in the face, I do not know if I'm looking under the frame of his glasses, but I'm not going to show weakness, the next step, and its colony almost around me in a hug. I hold my breath to still maintain a slightly its sweet scent.
"Carrie" I turn unleashing my best smile. "Yup?"
Logan raises glasses showing his gaze, coming into my without asking permission.
"I wanted to know ..." We come interrupted by a peroxide blonde who spreads almost on top.
"Hey JJ, I present your friend?" He does not take much to remember her face, I have not seen that only the local, is the same girl who was almost naked halfway down the stairs of Logan home, when as a silly me I was made without notice to apologize. "Bettany, please," warns Logan scoccandole look.
He shrugged, rolling his finger a long lock of blond hair.
"What am I doing wrong? I just want to know the people who frequent. "I sketch a smile. "You miss nothing quiet, and then I'll just read my name affixed to the uniform I wear to Danny's."
It covers her mouth opening wide his eyes with a mock amazement. The bitch knows very well where I work.
"You work really there?" I continue to smile, the money to cover her body does not interest me, as I am not interested empty people like her.
"Oh, yes, I servant concoction of green apple and cucumber orders ever. I'll try to be careful that no one spits in the next time, you know us Waiter, certain attitudes of losers bitches full of themselves do not like. "
Now his eyes are literally coming out of their sockets.
Advance one ste
p toward me in a threatening manner, and I do the same to her. Logan tries to take her by the arm, but she shakes him off immediately.
"I do not know who you're dealing Carrie Murphy, and I do not know how they can admit some trash in a campus like this, I'll have to talk to the dean." He raises his voice to attract the attention of those present along the corridor, her lips painted scarlet folds into a smile of challenge.
"You know, Bettany, right? I do not give to him," I do not expect you to answer me, so, "let us know how it was after him will have sucked, I think it's the only way to make you listen to a man." I turn my back and I go leaving her petrified. I just walked in the door and I have already made an enemy, indeed, seen the many sharp glances that I receive while I try to get to my classroom, it will not be the only one that I have.
It does not matter to me, his money does not make me a better person, you can afford to treat me badly in public.
"I want to stop!" Logan's hand closes just around my wrist, withdraws immediately as if scottassi.
"What do you want? You've taken because I have offended your girlfriend? "He contracts the sculpted jaw.
"She's not my girlfriend." I watch his hands clench into fists, and only then known bandage door, without thinking I'll take it in mine, trying to escape from my touch, but I look at him straight in the eye.
"I've had it my fault?" The blue of her eyes changing shades in a blink of an eye, I see the dark blue that stands in his eyes, as if about to engulf them both in a deep sea made up of silences that scream veiled words from the most hidden thoughts, the secret of our souls, the shadows that chase each other in the middle of the night.
Pulls the plug before replying: "No, my fault." It is as if trying to hold back, I feel the
heat of his body wrap, corrermi on the skin that becomes almost red-hot and for a moment, I find myself staring at him, unable to say a word.
"Be careful, Carrie, here we are not ..." we confused furrowed his brow, shook his head sottraendomi his eyes.
"Let it go, but be careful" He goes next to leave.
"Logan" He stops, our arms touching, and electricity explodes between us, like a storm that comes to life only at the edge of a horizon that you can not achieve.
"Thanks," she murmurs.
His footsteps move away in the deafening silence with which leaves me. I do not understand what's happening to me, but I turn to watch him disappear among the other students. I swallow hard, and go to the classroom of my course with Professor Monthgomery, I still get lost in these huge halls, I'm about to turn the corner when a laugh makes me stop in my tracks.
"Do not laugh Bet, stables away!" I lean just beyond the wall and see that Logan speaks animatedly with Bettany.
"I do not take orders from you, you should know, I just say the word and I'll go through hell."
He grabs her by the wrists, locking it against the wall, that vision stomach tightens in a vise.
"What do you want?" He asks one millimeter from his face.
"You!" Her mouth lands on his, that pushes almost violently by the hips, both disappearing behind the door of the bathroom behind them.
Rest stops, his heart took to corrermi fast in his chest, not realizing that I'm holding my breath, breathed Carrie, it's OK, you're here where you've always wanted.
Coming in from the nails in the palms of your hands and go to my class. The bathroom door opens wide soon after as soon as they are facing, I turn Bettany you adjust the skirt along the semi discoveries thighs, Logan the collar of pole system.
Our eyes collide only a few seconds, trying to say something, but Bettany clings to his muscular biceps with that smile usually bitchy.
"Come on JJ." He bows his head, averting his eyes from mine and with her goes away without looking back. Is his silence screaming in my head, and I wish it were not so. I wish you were not my wall crumbling, but that's what's going on, that's what made those blue eyes, but do not allow it.
He is all from which I have to keep me away if I want to survive myself.
8
It's like drowning
Logan
His eyes, the color of burnt caramel, torments me for the first hour of Philosophy. The classroom is full of my classmates, but for me, at this moment it is as if it were deserted, empty, like the feeling of a chasm that is opening in his chest.
Shit. I curse against myself, his voice, his profile, the way that retains the full lips forming a thin line, high cheekbones, and her voice, warm, scratchy implode in my head crashing every cell of my body.
It can not be, is not this real, I do not know yet ... and yet in those eyes, in that armor that touches his body there is something that drives me more towards her. I rub his mouth with the back of his hand to the memory of Bettany's lips against mine. A kiss had never disgusted me, until now, when I think I could have taste its mouth, which may emit sound if only I could touch her, like the warmth of his body would wind my.
I shake my head, trying with all his strength to set aside those thoughts that have plagued me for minutes, hours, days, this is surreal as my body desires, but it is not just the attraction to suck the air around me it is something more.
Shit I have to stop. I try to pay attention to the explanation of my teacher, of Descartes, the will to assess the "how" of a question and not just his "why." And this is to nail me to the chair, how it is that I find myself in this situation? I do not need it, that already bears his name engraved almost burned into my head. At the end of the lesson, I'm relieved to leave the classroom, with the hope that all the flurry of thoughts that swirl almost threatening, can be closed in there, in those four walls.
Esco and through one of the many corridors of the Campus, the large arches stand on gardens that flank the structure, the sun is scorching, reflects the shadows of the trees on the turf, makes crystals sparkle like the water of one of the fountains that tower to center between the two buildings of UCLA. I walk the area with long strides, I feel almost in the field, suspended, with the ball in hand waiting for one of Corner backs come to marcarmi close to placate with his three hundred pounds of weight, all the screaming stage a fucking touchdown I can not score ... not with her.
Only when they slam into something, or rather someone as hard as a rock, I realize that I completely lost in a game that took my mind to play alone.
"Friend okay?" Blaze watches me frowning, cast out his hands in his jeans pockets he is meeting his gaze.
"Yes, why?" My tone is quiet, I can not talk to him about what's happening to me, I do not understand it, I just know I have to keep away from someone like her, capable even of being able to set fire to the rain.
"There are rumors that you and Beth have given us in the bathrooms, before class." Bile I jump in my throat, the stomach contracts and feel the muscles tense, because I have no memory of what my hands have touched, or where my mouth is laid, I have only the memory of those eyes that spoke to me, asking for something that I could not understand, or maybe I did not want to understand.
"So?"
Blaze crosses her arms over her chest, resting the weight of his body against the column behind him, shrugs before he spoke again: "So it's weird, that's all. In short, since the last time it seemed to me that I had closed with her. "
He's right, I had no intention of even he did not come in the way, but I know it can be subtle Bet.
Nor will struggle to taunt Carrie, though she seems strong, does not intimidate by any one, nor
She thought to her secret, the same throbbing in my head, the same for which I have to stay away. I do not know what happened to his city, but my world can not collide with her, even if it seems almost inevitable.
"I've thought, was there, as usual, ready and willing." I run a hand through his hair, and I hold my breath, my eyes traveling fast towards Carrie that makes its way among the students, smiles, board of more neck to see it better.
At a certain point it stops, continuing to laugh, she covers her mouth with one hand, and the view is co
mpletely free to see Drew Davis converse animatedly with her.
Blaze intrigued turns over his shoulder, back when his eyes on me the sound of her voice comes like a punch in the stomach: "Maybe he has a weakness for Lacrosse captains»
I step back a pace, hit, those words almost make me wince, that did not I even realize that I am traveling marching toward them. Carrie is back, but he, Drew, I see you coming and how.
Straighten your back, I am inclined his head slightly to the side.
'JJ' exclaims, perhaps as surprised as me to see me slingshot on him like I was ready to tread on a punch in the face.
"Brooke was looking for you." I stopped in front of him, frapponendomi each other.
His breathing is almost hot on my shoulders, his eyes pierce me and I try to keep a straight face, let slip these sensations never felt as if they were many streams of water.
"Brooke?" He repeats Drew just snapping his head back as if I had hit. They advance a step.
"Yes, Brooke, your girlfriend." His face is contracted, my eyes are launching a clear warning: stay away from the air we breathe Carrie.
I know Drew from the first year of university, in fact, being on the third I do not understand what he's doing with her, as he met her, and because she was laughing? I believe that he had never seen her smile like this, lungs dilate looking for the same breath that every question always creeps deeper into my head.
"Thanks," is preparing to say little banquet, and then lean toward Carrie to greet her. His voice who answered echoes in the head. I turn over my shoulder to meet his gaze, I say nothing, do not emit a breath, I walk away cleaving students who walk unmolested along the Campus.
As soon as you turn the corner pesto his fist against the wall. "Damn, what the hell is taking me?"
I do not even notice the peeling on the hand, I just feel the adrenaline that comes over me and flows thick and silent in his veins at the thought of the same hand that hit that son of a bitch who tried to harm her. I wondered all night what would happen if I was not there, if I had not heard it, and if I had not arrived in time.
My Bet Is You Page 9
